The Abandoned Soul
Does it ever feel like everyone has abandoned you? It seems that they adjust to your new caregiving "normal" and then just go on with their lives, and you are not a part of it. Sometimes, not often, I get a little help, but I feel like my son was abandoned. His friends all got to go on with their lives - and they should have, but he's left alone and only dances through their memories from time to time.
These are some of the things running through my mind yesterday as we met with yet another therapist who doesn't see my son as worth their time. I should be used to it by now, right? In those moments, I feel abandoned and weak. As I was driving away, tears filling my eyes, I glanced at him through the rearview mirror. I thought he's still my son. He doesn't look, act, or move like he used to, and I miss that! But he's still in there, and I refuse to give up.
In that moment, it was like I got a sense that God looks at us that way sometimes too. When life leaves us crippled emotionally and drained physically. He looks at us with so much love and compassion and says, she (or he) is still mine. People may walk in and out of our lives, but God continues to tend to our abandoned souls.
I know you understand how complicated emotions, living grief, and crazy thoughts can be! And God sees each and every one, and still chooses to stick around! He knows who we were BC (before caregiving). He really does get us. Those crazy emotions and unbridled thoughts don't scare Him away for even one second. Instead, He gently swoops up each tear before it escapes and treasures it - as if it is a silent plea for help. He quietly and carefully tends to the abandoned soul bringing peace, comfort, direction, grace, and love.
Today, I will remind myself that He can carry it all for me. I'll roll every concern, no matter how big or how small, over into His lap. I'll let God take care of them for me today; I have a lot to do anyway! :-)
My thoughts will be on how His grace is sufficient for this day - and I will refuse to worry about tomorrow as I trust Him for just one more day - will you join me?
Our circumstances may be different (we are dealing with terminal cancer), but the feeling of abandonment is the same. Thanks for your encouraging words today. Blessings to you and your son today. You are never alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of your circumstances. Thankfully, God is faithful and no situations are off-limits to His grace. Thank you for your kind words. And thanks for reading! Prayers and gentle cyber hugs to you.
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