Here we are, making it day after day. One day we just look up and realize it's been years on this caregiving journey. We didn't plan for it. Didn't count on it. Had no expectation of it, but here we are, just relying on God from moment to moment to make it through each day. (Enter: big sigh.)
I don't even have the imaginative capacity to imagine what life might have been like without the hard left onto the caregiving road. I'd like to think I would have trusted God anyway. I'd like to think I'd have held onto Him and His promises with a grip just as tight. If nothing else, caregiving has taught me how much I need Him and how grateful I am that He chooses to walk the road with me instead of just waiting for me at the end.
I really don't have a contingency plan. There isn't any other hope, direction, or goal outside of trusting Him for each breath. And I'm not looking for one, either. I am so content that He's got me no matter what. I know I can run to Him with all my stuff in tow, and I will not be turned away. Nothing is too big, too bad, or too boring for Him to help me deal with. I remind myself that I have no contingency plan - I'll just continue to trust Him. But then, I remember that He doesn't have a contingency plan either!
Since God doesn't have another plan, He will continue to carry, shield, comfort, and care for us. He's not looking for a second job. His grace is enough, and He doesn't need to call in any backup. He is the one consistency in a caregiver's world of crazy-all-over-the-place emotions and thoughts. And He's not going anywhere. I love that, don't you? I need that, do you?
Today, I'll remind myself that I haven't been crazy enough to run God off yet. (Smile) As crazy and goofy as my life and mind are - He has no backup plan. He is the plan! I'll lean into His heart a little more today and listen for it to beat for me. I'll trust that He's got this day taken care of for me, and I'll remind myself that He had today prepared for me while I was still in my yesterday. He wants to meet with my heart today. I intend to let Him do just that. Will you join me?
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