For caregivers, having a moment here or there to just sit and breathe can be few and far between. We are pretty much on-call 24/7, even if we care for our loved ones long distance. There isn't a time we can just slip away and not be available because we never know when a call may come. Sometimes, it's a small decision. Other times, it can be critical. So, it's important to be on duty and vigilant all the time.
For those who provide around-the-clock up-close-and-personal care for loved ones, it's difficult to find a moment to ourselves, even when we live in a caregiver's cave! But sometimes, the universe aligns just right, and a caregiver gets to sit with a cup of coffee or sip on their tea and take a breath. Even though it's rare, when it does happen, I find myself allowing a long, deep sigh to escape.
It's involuntary, meaning I didn't plan for it. It just happens. The deep sigh is an emotional response that is healthy, actually. It's part of the body's "emergency response" system and signals that you are still alive, and it's okay.
This morning, I found this verse in Psalm 38 that says, Lord, all y desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You. (NKJV) When I read it, I just camped there in my thoughts for a while. How could God be that close? This little phrase lets me know that He is so aware of me - so connected to my emotions that He knows when I don't even have words, and all my emotions come out in a huge, deep sigh.
He's so close that He gets every thought, feeling, emotion, and expression that caused the sigh to develop. And while the sigh signals my sympathetic nervous system that all is okay in the world at least for a moment, God is there for the crazy barrage of thoughts that may follow the sigh. He gets our questions. He understands our emotions, even if we don't! He feels every part of that sigh for us and has the balm to heal our unseen wounds. Man, He is good!
Today, I'll remind myself that God is so close He can feel my feelings, hear my sighs, and wipe my unseen or unexpressed tears. I'll be thankful that God is not afraid to get close to us, even if we feel like a mess. He walks right into our caregiver's cave and makes Himself at home. He is comfortable with the caregiver. He is comfortable with me. Today, I'll say that out loud - God is comfortable with me. And I will rest in this truth as I trust Him to walk one more day with me. Will you join me?
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