For some reason, this week has been rougher emotionally. It seems I was just cruising along, and BAM! I got hit with all sorts of stuff from many different sides. I gifted the rest of my son's percussion equipment to a young, local drummer who is just starting out. I felt like I was giving a piece of my son away. But I convinced myself it was better for the bag of goodies to be used than to just sit in the closet for another 15 years.
Then, yesterday, I came across a video on FaceBook. When Chris had the wreck, he was in a relationship with a wonderful young lady. While I have no ill feelings toward her for moving ahead with her life, it stung as I watched her wedding video. I had a break-down moment and an ugly cry. I am happy that she is happy, but my emotions got the better of me as my son has been forgotten.
For the caregiver, it can feel like the world has moved on and we've been forgotten. The alone-ness is deep, long, and dark sometimes. Friends seem to have moved far away emotionally (perhaps because they did). Maybe they are afraid we'll ask for the help they mindlessly offered. Family can be distant too, and relationships shallow, leaving us feeling like we have a shell of a life. I have to say, this week, I have felt forgotten.
As is my custom, I ran to the word for comfort and solutions. To my surprise, God doesn't tell us to "suck it up, buttercup." Instead, He comforts our souls. He gets us. He gets the pain, the alone-ness, and every other aspect of our caregiving journey. Then, He reminds us that we are unforgettable to Him. I found two scriptures to encourage myself with.
- Psalm 27:10 - When my father and my mother (sister, brother, stranger, and friend) forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.
- Isaiah 49:15 - Can a woman forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet, I will not forget you.