I'm so glad that God stays consistent even in my inconsistencies. As caregivers, we have a lot of emotions to work through every day. Add to that the responsibilities, ADLs, and other aspects of caring for our loved ones, and we can become a mess real quick. Maybe it's just me?
It seems like just about the time I get settled into a working schedule, something happens. Either we spend a few days in the hospital, or one of any other scenarios that interrupt our well-oiled patterns occurs. On any given day, there are a multitude of disruptors poised to bring us down, it seems. That may be a bit dramatic - but I know you knwo what I mean!
Sometimes, I feel like a two-year old toddler who vacilletes betweeen needing to be held and carried, and being independent. I'm so glad that God gets me no matter where I am emotionally. He is there for my super-pouty days, when I throw a grown-up fit, and when I just need to sit quietly and let Him cuddle my heart in His.
As a parent, I've sat and watched my small child throw a fit when they didn't get their way. There are times I feel like God is doing that with me. Lol. He sits and patiently waits for me to kick, cry, and scream because life certainly didn't "go my way"! But when I'm done, He picks me up just the same and makes sure I keep moving, even if it means He has to carry me aways.
But He is also right there in those sweet moments when I approach Him like a small child approaches a parent or other adult they love and trust. I picture myself as a tiny little girl with my security blanket dragging behind me as I lift my weak, small arms up to Daddy-God and say, "Carry me."
Either way - He's got me and it brings tears to my eyes when I realize how "there" He is for me today and everyday.
Today, I will be thankful that whether I'm in a fit-throwing mode or needing to be hugged - God's got me either way. I'll remind myself that the fit-throwing isn't productive, but that He is still right there waiting for me to settle myself and come to Him. Man I love that about God. My meditations will be on how He doesn't cast me away, lock me out, or shun me just because I don't quite have it all together in a moment. I'll turn my thoughts to how patiently He waits for me to get myself together so that I can let Him carry me. And today - is a carrying day that I can trust Him to get me through. Will you be joining me?