I've blamed it on old age since I just had another birthday, but lately, I find myself talking to myself a whole lot more than usual. Maybe it's because caregiving has me spending so much time alone. Funny, though, I'm not alone - but my son is still non-verbal, so he doesn't answer me. I talk to the poor guy all the time when I'm not talking to myself. Lol.
This morning, I found myself puttering about the kitchen, talking. Then, to make it worse, I asked myself, who you talking to? Lol. I tried to keep my thoughts silent after that "discussion." I thought for a few moments about the loneliness that is so common to caregiving. We don't always have people who understand or those who are willing to get out of their comfort zones to visit our discomfort zone. Somebody's gotta talk to us - even if it's ourselves, right?
If we don't stay focused on the right things, loneliness can essentially chip away at our souls.
As I turned my thoughts to just this morning's tasks, I thought, I think I'm scriptural. See, for the last few days, I've had this song on my mind. I hear it rolling over and over in my head, just the phrase, Awake my soul, sing His praise aloud! That's actually a scripture! The psalmist said in Psalm 57:8, Wake up my soul! Wake up, O Harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn with my song. (NLT) In Psalm 146:1, David says, Praise the Lord, I tell myself! (NLT) And we know the story of Ziklag, where David encouraged himself in the Lord.
Sometimes, we are all we've got, and we have to encourage ourselves in the Lord. We have to remind ourselves that He still holds our breath. We can encourage ourselves, or we can discourage ourselves. How we talk to ourselves dictates which way our thoughts, emotions, and attitudes will go. So, talking to ourselves is not a bad thing at all.
Today, I will speak to my soul, and I will tell myself to arise and praise God for His mercy endures forever, even through caregiving. I'll remind myself that He's still got me in His hand. He is still the keeper of my soul. He still captures my tears and feels my pain. I'll tell myself that God is the healer of my wounded soul, and I can trust Him. So, I'll trust Him to carry me through one more day. Will you join me?