I wonder how many prayers a caregiver prays in a day. Have you thought about that much? I don't guess I have thought about it much until today. As I was leaning over my son's bed, trying to trim the fingernails on his contractured hands, I prayed. It's definitely not the first time, and certainly won't be the last time I prayed for a miracle for his hands. I wondered how many times I had prayed already.
The obvious frustration is in the praying without answers, of course. How many times have I prayed that he would speak again, walk again, or be able to move his hands again? I honestly don't know the answer to that question, but I would imagine that God does. Yet, there has been no answer. Of course, I rejoice in the progress Chris has made, especially in this last year. I continue to pray.
As I was rolling all of this around in my little brain this morning, I couldn't help but notice that I didn't get the answer I wanted. What do we do when God doesn't answer at all, or at least He doesn't provide the answer we wanted. I was quiet for a moment before realizing that I would just continue to trust Him for each day. Not getting the answer I wanted doesn't change my pursuit or need for God.
Whether God answers or not, my heart will continue to bombard heaven with prayers. I know that He gives me strength when I am weak, lifts me up when I am down, and carries me as needed through these difficult caregiving days. I don't have the time to worry too much about the prayers that go unanswered because I am just going to keep trusting Him. Is there a better option? Is there any other option? No.
My heart is resolved, then, to just continue trusting Him for each day that comes at me. I'll trust Him for and in each breath I breathe. I'll trust Him when it's easier just as much as when it's harder. That's really what it all comes down to, isn't it? Can we just simply trust Him for all the no-matter-whats?
Today, I'll remind myself that my trust is in God alone. I'll remind myself that He is still the keeper and watcher of my soul. My meditations will be on the things I know that He has done and how He is what gets me through each day. I will trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?