The Stare

 

Chris at the 45th Infantry museum

Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has time for that? But there are times during extreme burnout when I feel like I could sit, stare at the wall, and drink coffee all day long. I'm tired of strategizing about my day. I'm totally over all the mundane tasks that have to be done over and over again - but never get "done." My brain is fried trying to figure out which job to invest my time in and who is actually going to pay me on time. I am pretty sure I cannot do one more load of laundry or make one more meal. I'm fried and the stare has overtaken me and my brain. Lol. I really hope you cannot relate!

As caregivers, we have so much on our plates. Yes, I said "plates" because we have more than one full plate to manage and deal with every single day. Caregiving is usually just the biggest plate that's piled high. There's our finances, work, self-care (whatever that is), and our other fill-in-the-blank plates that are piled high, too - because it's different for each of us. 

What's a caregiver to do - except sit for the three minutes we have and stare at the wall? 

It doesn't take us long, as there's always something pressing that has to be done. 

How do we handle it? The constant pressure. The constant "need." The every day, day after day. 

For me - it means bringing it all back to God over and over again. He's quite used to me dumping it all on His lap while I stare at the wall and take another sip of coffee. I often write it all out in my journal, too. That's a nice strategy because it gives me a safe place to process emotions and thoughts. I usually end my rant with a prayer. One that becomes my declaration for the day. I will trust You for one more day, Lord. 

One of the best things though, is that I can totally be honest about my feelings with God. I mean, let's be real - it's not like He doesn't know! Lol. I learned that it was okay to say just about anything by reading the psalms. David and the other psalmists called it like they saw it. They said it like they meant it. And they all ended up trusting God no matter what, too. We are in good company!

This morning, I read Psalm 46 again to remind myself that God is present in my situation. I also needed it to remind me that He will answer the deepest cries of my heart. He's a safe place to pour our hearts out to. Then, it's up to us to learn how to wait for Him. Wait for His grace to carry us through. Wait for His mercies that were refreshed for us this morning. Wait for Him to carry us as needed. All He is waiting for is for us to trust Him with everything. He gets us.

Today, I will remind myself that God is present, as the psalm says. My situation doesn't scare Him away, and He has no intention of avoiding it. I'll think about how He is in it for the long haul and I will not be abandoned on the way - He doesn't have anything more important to do than to walk with me through today. That's an awesome thought that will be my meditation today as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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