I've Been Robbed!

 Loss is just part of being a caregiver, no matter what. I remember as my mom and my aunt were in mental decline in their last few years, I missed who they had been so much. As a culture, we've not been taught well how to handle those kinds of emotions. Living grief is the term for ongoing grief that is not buried and processed. But when you lose a loved one to dementia, Alzheimer's, or a brain injury, and you are still caring for who they are - you grieve over who they were. It doesn't go away. It can't be processed. It just is.

Personally, I have days where it's not too bad. But then other days the grief is stifling and breath-suckingly heavy. That's when it is easy to feel like you've been robbed of life itself - but you're still having to walk it out day by day. When we live on that edge, it's easy for smaller things to derail us emotionally. What seems like "simple" things to others can lead to huge blowups because we're already stretched beyond our natural emotions, thinking processes, and even faith.

This is one reason why I love Psalm 31 so much! David is in a cave. He has been anointed king, but not yet crowned. The promise is real but not realized. In just two verses (v. 12-13) he pours out these emotional bags:

• I am forgotten like a dead man, out of mind
• I am a broken vessel
• I hear the slander of many
• Fear is on every side
• They want to take away my life (suck the life right out of me!)

But then in verse 14, David says, BUT I will trust in You O Lord. And that is where the caregiver lives. We live on the edge of brokenness (sometimes in the depths of it). We feel life's slander and oppression surrounding us many times. There are TONS of things to fear every single day. BUT. We can also roll all those emotions over into the lap of our big, big God and choose to trust Him. 

The emotions. The feelings. The fears. They are all real. But we can still trust God, just like David did sitting in the back of this cave. We ALWAYS have a choice. We can choose to trust God no matter how ragged it feels or how rugged life looks - and He will ALWAYS meet us in the back of our caregiving cave.

Today, I may feel like I am sitting in the back of a dark, oppressive, dank emotional cave - BUT I'll remind myself that God is right there with me. He didn't choose to stand outside to watch and wait for me to come out. He crawled up in that cave with me. Maybe He's just sitting there. Maybe He's holding my heart in His. I may or may not be able to hear the songs of deliverance He surrounds me with. But He is there. I will declare with David today - I will trust in You, O Lord. Will you join me?

__________________________________________________

Paperback, Kindle, or eBook

BOOK OF THE WEEK

31 Days in Psalm 31

• What’s it like to spend 31 days in a cave with God?
•  What was David thinking about during some of his hardest trials?
• Do you ever feel like life is a cave?

31 Days in Psalm 31 is a devotional that spends 31 days in the cave. Explore your thoughts and emotions and learn how you can give them to God over and over again. Trust Him more!

Download the eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Publications

Kindle & Print: My Amazon Bookstore