On His Mind
One of the things caregivers deal with almost across the board is social isolation. Even if we can get out and about, it's not like before. It took me a while to realize that I was feeling so cut off from normal socialization. Some caregivers have family or friends who help, and some do not. It can definitely be a lonely walk. I was so social before that being alone all the time and caring for a nonverbal adult wore me down quickly. Combine that with very little to zero help, and it's a slippery emotional slope for sure!
Add to the emotional mix people judging us for not asking for help and not being available if we finally do - and we can be a mess!
But this morning, I found the verse I needed to hear for the day. It's Psalm 39:17. The New Living Translation says it this way: As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord is thinking about me right now. That jumped off the page and went straight for the heart, then my brain ran away with it. Right now? Is God really that present? That up-close-and-personal? Does He see me waking up at 4 AM with my brain running like crazy? Did He see me lose it yesterday over the smallest things? Does He really understand my pain? I have questions! And the answer to all of them is yes!
God sees us right where we are and unlike the world, He moves in closer. He is near the brokenhearted, right? The nearness of God is my good... I've got scriptures! I find it comforting to think that God doesn't see me as "broken" or damaged goods. He sees me as His child, as part of Him. He moves in closer and stays there. In fact, He is thinking about me right now. I am on His mind.
I love that God is so in tune with my heart that He hears and feels the smallest changes. He knows the ebbs and flows of my emotions, my heart, and my busy brain. Yet He chooses to stay! He is willing to just walk with me on this journey, unlike many people. I had a "friend" tell me that God told her to "watch" us. At least she's obeyed Him - and watched from a distance since then. I don't know what He wants her to see - but she's watching, as long as I post it on Facebook. Lol.
A few weeks ago, I had someone tell me, and I quote! I drive right by your apartments every day, and I pray for you and Chris. While I'm thankful for the prayer, my mind goes, you don't ever think about stopping and saying hi? lol Social isolation is real - but God gets us. He sees when we feel abandoned by life and people. He knows when we are sitting up at night all alone. God even understands the deep-seated feelings of aloneness and the dark, lonely road of caregiving. We are on His mind, and He is mindful of us. Instead of moving away because life got ugly, He moves in closer. In fact, He wants to help us! Imagine that. (Sorry for the sarcasm, but help is hard to find!)
Today, I will meditate on how God is thinking about me in each now. He doesn't just drive by and hope we are okay. He sits with us. Cries with us. And He sees everything about caregiving that continues to wear us down day after day, night after long night...yet He remains. I'm on His mind constantly and forever. I will trust that He is right here with me and He hasn't and won't abandon me or look the other way. I have the attention of the Creator. I'll let that sink in today as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?
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Affirmations for Caregivers
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