Always Fresh

 One of the things about caregiving is that it's never done. It's not a job where you can clock out and go home to your "real" life and leave work behind. It's very soul-consuming. It's all the time. That is why caregiver burnout is such a real problem. Even if you get something that looks like time away, you're still on call and ready if needed. The wound is always fresh, somehow.

I stood in my son's bedroom door this morning, watching him breathe and sleep. Parents just do that, right? He looked so peaceful and was resting well. Then I had this deluge of thoughts go through my head. Why him? Why did this have to happen and strip away all that he was?  

I recall sitting across the table from my daddy and him asking some of the same things when my mom had slipped further into dementia. With tears in his eyes, he asked me, Why your mom? She was so sweet. She never hurt anyone and helped so many people. I had no answer, of course. Just shared a few tears and a mumbled, I don't know.

The fact that the "wound" is always fresh is why I use the term, "living grief." It's still grief, such as when a loved one dies. But in this case there is no funeral or burial to walk away from to find time to heal. It's an everyday, all day thing we must figure out how to deal with. It's just always in our faces, whether it is watching our loved ones slowly slip away through health issues or dementia or if we lost who a person was due to an accident or stroke, etc. 

So, how do we deal with the "always fresh" aspect of caregiving? I honestly don't have a set-in-stone answer. We all deal with grief in different ways, plus, our situations differ vastly. I do know a couple of things. One, we just keep bringing it to Him over and over again. He never gets tired and never tells us He has already talked to us about it. He doesn't even get tired of us bringing ourselves to Him, even if we do it a hundred times a day or more.

Secondly, we have to give ourselves some grace. It's okay to know your limits - they are not "bad." Our situations are difficult, overwhelming, and tiresome at best. But God has sufficient grace. That means He extends His grace as far as we need it to make it through the day. Then, we have to talk nice to ourselves and give ourselves some grace to match His! Talk to yourself positively - tell yourself that God loves you, He's with you and He'll help you carry the load. It's too easy to turn the anger and grief back on ourselves. It's natural, normal - but unhealthy. 

Today, I'll remind myself that God's grace is really enough for me and that He can help me give myself some grace too. I'll also remind myself that it is okay, acceptable, and admirable to take the same things to Him over and over again. It's actually a statement of trust to keep brining Him my "stuff." My heart will be set on trusting Him with all that may happen today. My intention and declaration is that He is still my God - in good times, bad times, difficult times, and easier times, and today He is still my God. While my wounds are always fresh - so are His grace and His renewed mercies! That's what I will set my mind on today as I trust Him with one more day. Will you join me?

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Affirmations for Caregivers

I wrote Affirmations for Caregivers because it was what I needed to hear! This 31-day journal includes 31 scripturally based affirmations. Each day, the affirmation is followed by a short writing prompt and a verse or two to read. I also have videos on YouTube that coincide with each day's affirmation.