Separated
One of the things caregivers have to deal with is feeling separated. We can feel separated from family and friends, our job, and just a "normal" lifestyle since ours is so different than the norm. Our lives don't revolve around regular things like our jobs, hobbies, or family. Instead, everything, literally everything, revolves around our loved ones and what is best for them! It's "okay" since it's our choice. But we can feel so separated from life in general that it wears on our souls.
Separated. That's the term I thought of as I was reading Nehemiah this morning. He was the cupbearer for King in Persia during the time that the Jews were in exile. In Chapter 1, he asks how the Jews who had escaped captivity and survived were doing. He also asked how the holy city, his beloved Jerusalem, was faring. When the messenger stated that the wall around Jerusalem had been broken down and its gates burned, Nehemiah was overcome with grief.
In verse 4, Nehemiah fell down and wept—and I'm pretty sure it was one of those ugly cries that we don't like sharing with anyone! The second thing Nehemiah did to process his deep grief was to mourn—for days! Then, he added fasting and praying before God to the emotional mix. I mean, he was pouring it all out there before God. He purposed to go rebuild the walls of Jerusalem during his grieving process.
We may not have too many of these times in our lives when we are totally overcome with grief like Nehemiah. It took him quite a few days to get himself together. His city was broken, and he felt he needed to go rebuild the walls. He was separated from the land and people he loved. I think these first few verses demonstrate how much he loved and cared for his people and his city. But he was in Persia, and he couldn't hop on the next flight to erase the distance between them.
Feeling separated from someone, someplace, or really anything we love is a miserable feeling. But Nehemiah sucked it all up and petitioned the king to let him go back to Jerusalem. He was so full of passion for the City of God that he risked everything.
I think what moved me most was the outpouring of all his emotions the moment he heard of the destruction. And secondly, his action - rather than inaction. He could have just sat there and cried and asked the messenger to "keep him updated." His heart dragged him and nagged him to go and do something. He didn't let the distance or separation from his homeland stop him from trying.
We will see Nehemiah taking time to pray through the book. He is always turning to God and asking, "What do You think, God?" He petitioned God over and over - he asked for favor, for direction, for provision, and for strength in a difficult time. He didn't mean to, but he emerged as a great leader in that day.
I think that's how I want to be. Sure, there are those moments where, as caregivers, we break down. We cry. (UGLY cry too!) We feel separated and there's not really too much we can do about it, most of the time. But we can run to God with our questions, feelings, emotions, and needs. He will not turn us away - EVER! Instead, He meets us right where we are every single time. We are never separated from God.
Today, I'll remind myself that He is in my here. He is less than a whisper away and He hears the thoughts, prayers, feelings, and emotions that never get expressed as words. I love that about God. He gets us - every single minute part of us! He understood Nehemiah's brokenness, and He gets ours too. He understands our grief and pain and never stays away because of them. I will turn my thoughts to His grace and mercy once again today, and I will embrace all that He has for me because even though my world has changed and I am separated - He will never change, and He is always right here. I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?
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21 Days
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