Starting Over

 

There have been several times in my life when I have found myself in a position to have to start over. In 1993, when I found myself in a divorce situation, I had to scrape things together and start over. I began with very little, but God always provided. As a single parent headed back to school, it was a scary place. But God did not fail me. He helped me take every step to true freedom and took care of me all along the way.

Once my kids were grown, I retired from teaching and went into "full-time" ministry. It wasn't all I had hyped it up to be. Lol. A young couple asked me to stay with them as their way of supporting the ministry, while I began to work full-time as a volunteer at the church, managing many of the outreaches, writing, and publishing resources. But when the husband was deployed, the wife asked me to move out. I had nowhere to go. I ended up living upstairs in the church with very little substance. (I was a monk before it was cool.. lol jk)

In a few months, I left what little I had, stored a couple of items with my parents, and headed to Chicago, and started planning for Africa. It was a major shift! But my plans were disrupted by Chris' wreck. I lived in hospitals and nursing homes with him (a whole other story for another day). Then I stayed with total strangers here in Oklahoma while he was in a local nursing home. I had to get an apartment before they would accept him for inpatient therapy at Valir. I had nothing. The first few nights, I slept on the floor with the quilt someone had given me while we were living in the ICU waiting area for the first three weeks of this journey.

God filled that little apartment up. A loving church and friends kept bringing stuff! I had everything I needed.

There's more to the story, but I'll save it for my book. (smile/shrug)

The point I'm trying to make is that starting over is not all bad. I think caregiving days are a series of starting overs repeated all day long...every day. It seems like a constant, cyclical state of never having enough and watching God fill us back up. Over and over...all day long. Isn't it great that our emptiness doesn't deter or delay Him? He's not put off that we keep starting over. In fact, He meets us right there in those moments.

When we can't see, aren't we still reaching for Him?

When we feel lost, aren't we still seeking Him?

When we feel overwhelmed, aren't we still relying on Him?

He meets us in the vicious cycle of caregiving. He whispers, I'm still here. When we are the emptiest, He fills us up! I love that God is not afraid of my emptiness. My fears. My doubts. My periodic confusion with life. He doesn't keep His distance; instead, He moves in closer so we know He's there. He helps us start over again and again and again - as long as it takes.

Today, I will remind myself that God doesn't get tired of this crazy cycle. He loves that we are still reaching for Him. He meets us right where we are and never forces us to move, especially when life is paralyzing. I'm going to take a deep breath today and listen for Him. Look for His gentle touch in the middle of a not-so-gentle situation. He is right here, and He's not going anywhere. I believe I can trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

P.S. I DO see every comment- they are on the blog post after they are approved. And I always respond, too. I don't know if you see the response or not - go check your comments! :-)

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BOOK OF THE WEEK: 31 Days in Psalm 31 What was David thinking about during some of his hardest trials? 31 Days in Psalm 31 is a devotional that spends 31 days with God in the cave.