Say What?

Chris giving me "the Look"

 I've spent a lot of time in Psalm 119 lately as I'm working on part two of the Command Your Morning devotional. This psalm has always been one of my favorites, as I see how open and honest David is with his feelings and emotions. I also love how David loves the word and expresses his adoration for anything God has to say on any matter.

This week, I was working on verses 81 to 88, when I noticed something. David was pouring out his heart before God. Even though his final conclusions on every matter is to hope in the word, he states how he really feels. For example:

  • My soul faints (v.81)
  • My eyes fail (v. 82)
  • Help me! (v. 86)
But I also love how he keeps coming back to the word and declaring how he is going to continue trusting God. If you think about it, isn't that what we do every single day? 

We pray for relief. We ask for patience, wisdom, and strength. But we keep coming back to God over and over again. I laugh now, but there have been some moments on this caregiving journey that I was so angry with God for allowing this to happen. I'd cry out to Him and tell Him that since He wasn't listening anyway - I just wasn't going to pray anymore.

The longest that has ever lasted was just an hour or so. It doesn't take long in the caregiver's day until we are running back to Him - even when we don't want to. LOL. There'd always be something that came up like Chris would start running a fever, or something would break like the AC or heater, or something. Sometimes, my first response was to take it to Him in prayer. Infuriating when you're trying to ignore God. Not that that is advised or profitable in any way. 

But I do know that He gets our frustration with life. He understands when we are on overload or our emotions are running over out of the cup...and all over the floor. He has no condemnation at all, just understanding and grace!

Today, I'll remind myself that God gets me. And that He gets all of me - even the rough edges. He's not going to throw up His hands and walk away. He will remain faithful and constant in a world that is regularly fluid and we never know what to expect. I will do my best to calm my emotions and feelings so I can get quiet enough to hear His heartbeat once again. Then, I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?


Cover of my book 31 Days in Psalm 31

Check out one of my best-selling books - 31 Days in Psalm 31. It's a devotional taken from Psalm 31 (obviously!) - a time when David was hiding in a cave from Saul - even though he'd been anointed the next king. The social isolation of caregiving can certainly make it feel like we live in a cave but God is there with us. And that's what this 31-day devotional is all about, exploring and discovering God in the caves of life. You can get the eBook from my shop at Buy Me A Coffee. Or the print and kindle versions are available in my Amazon Shop.


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