Why Can't It Be Both?

 Everything is complicated. Caregivers don't get to enjoy a "normal" life. When we do get to do "normal" things, it takes so much more effort than most give us credit for. It's okay. They really don't get it. Most don't understand the extra effort we put into daily things that others take for granted. Simple things like buying groceries, cooking, and running to the bank can be complicated at best. Impossible at worst. If we are fortunate, we have some people who can help us get all those done. Thank God for Instacart! :-)

The struggle is real. But so is hope. Sometimes it seems like these two things are mutually exclusive. But this morning, as I was searching for answers myself, I discovered something I hadn't seen before in a familiar psalm.

I know we talk about Psalm 13 a lot, but my Bible fell open to it, and I read it one more time. 

David starts Psalm 13 with gut-level honesty about how he feels. He is asking God where He is. David is wondering how long he'll experience sorrow, grief, and anguish in his soul. If you've read my blog much, you know I love this raw honesty. It's this psalm that allowed me to feel the pain of caregiving and let me know it's okay to share those deepest, heartfelt sorrows with the Lord. 

It's a level of intimacy I never knew before. We can't often share what we are really thinking or feeling with others. It's quite freeing to be able to put it in the Lord's hands, knowing He's not going to get mad or fry us down to our toenails for pouring out the depths of our hearts before Him.

After David pours out his heart, he makes his declaration. This is a great habit of his that I try to model. In verse 5, David says, But I will trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me. Wait. What?

Talk about conversational whiplash! 

He started just 5 short verses ago with sorrow and grief. Now David shifted to how good God has been? What in the world?

Then it hit me - why can't it be both?

Yes. Caregivers deal with some level of grief and sorrow. But God can be good at the same time.

We know He has rescued us time and time again. Caregivers understand how He carries us as needed and how He really is the keeper of our souls. While we live with some type of sorrow and grief, it doesn't take away from the goodness of God. It's His goodness that keeps us (mostly) sane. It's His care of our souls that keeps us from going under for the last time. 

In the middle of the dark night of our souls, God is still good.

Today, I will remind myself that circumstances don't change the kingdom of God. My meditations will be on how solid the kingdom and our King are. He's the rock we can stand on, and we know it's not going to shift because life took a hard left turn. While I may feel so wishy-washy, I will remember that God is not. My thoughts will be on how, when I feel swallowed by sorrow, He doesn't move away - instead, He moves in closer. Close enough that I can feel His breath slowly putting life back into my soul. I believe I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?