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Showing posts from January, 2017

2-Way Psalm

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This morning I was reading in Psalm 91. It's been a favorite of mine for years even though I can't grasp it's full meaning. We see the psalmist talking about staying in the shelter and the shadow of the Almighty. And then he goes directly into his own declaration. I have a vivid imagination, and I'm a writer. So these two verses illicit quite the scene in my mind's eye. As a writer, an inspiring thought goes through my mind and I grab pen and paper to try and capture it. You never know where a thought will lead you - to a devotion, a song, a book! My active imagination sees David in full armor, of course, as he has a thought and runs to "jot down" these words of inspiration: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. And then I see him set back and let those words sink into his heart as he meditates on them for a few seconds only to jump up and boldly declare: I will say to the Lord, "My r...

Oh for Grace to Trust Him More

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My thoughts are all over the place this morning and I'm trying to reel them back in and keep them balanced. I'm sure I'm the only one who ever has to do that, right? Cargiving is not for the weak of heart, that's for sure! But today it's not having the heart to carry on - it's the battlefield of the mind that is the problem. In my heart, there's no question. The stamina is there and no choices need to be made at this point. But my head has to deal with the day-to-day struggles of caregiving. There are so many things going on around me right now that just set me off the edge with tons of questions. Some are simple, like why? I wonder why this ever had to happen. Why my son was ripped away. Why my shattered heart can't heal. Why the grief doesn't go away. Why my life was boxed up and seemingly put on hold. I've said before it's not the actual caregiving that is the difficult part, it's the heart issues, the living grief and the beat...

3 Simple Words

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During my devotions this morning I got a phrase stuck in my head. I as reading 1 Corinthians 1:9 and it starts with 3 simple words: God is Faithful. I spent a few minutes letting those words sink in. I look back over my brief 56 years and think about all the times BC (before caregiving) and during that He has proven His faithfulness. This phrase is used twice by Paul in this book. Here are the two verses where he uses this exact phrase: God is faithful, through whom you were called  into fellowship with His son, Jesus Christ our Lord.... There has no temptation taken you but such as man can bear; but God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted above what you are able; but with the temptation will also make a way of escape  that you may be able to endure it. It's those 3 simple words that stick out to me. In the second verse above it's interesting also that He didn't promise a way out of our temptations and struggles - but enables us to endure ...

Making a List - Checking it Twice

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This morning I continued reading in 1 Peter. I've been meditating on how what He has given us is eternal and wanted to continue that thought. A caregiver's life or even each day canWe  be topsy turvy with things changing on a dime, some days everything is uncertain. This makes it difficult to make plans with family, activities or any thing like that. You never know what a day will bring - we kinda learn to go with the flow and adjust as you go. I think the constant change in a caregiver's life, day, hour and second is why I'm finding these un-change-ables so intriguing. So this morning I made a short list from 1 Peter 2: 9. Here are four things that will not change for us as believers no matter what picture life paints: We are a chosen race We are a royal priesthood We are a holy nation We are His possession... For me, looking at how drastically my life changed with that phone call over 8 years ago - it gives me something solid to stand on just knowing ...

Beyond the Reach of Change

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For some reason, the last few days have been particularly difficult for me. Memories flooding my mind of the way my son was BC (before the crash) just kept flowing. Sometimes I have to stay off social media to protect myself from seeing what his friends are doing. I'm happy for them, but he got cheated out of life. I'm still learning new strategies to combat depression and other crazy emotions that go along with caregiving. One of them was of course, getting back to writing my devotions down here. And that's why we are here! :-) Yesterday I made a few decisions about work and projects that gave me quite the energy boost. I sorted through the things on my plate and am removing all non-essentials. I found that when I took control  rather than feeling like I was underneath the load of it all - my energy, perspective and emotions took a huge swing in a positive position. This morning, when I woke up and reached for my Bible I was thinking I needed to read something abou...

Are you Engaged Yet?

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As a caregiver it can be easy to feel sort of "cut off" from the rest of the world. Our lives usually look much different than the status quo. And even though I can get out and about more now, there was a time I referred to my life in the cave. The social isolation can be one of the most difficult side roads of caregiving. It doesn't seem to happen overnight, but slowly. One day you look up and realize not only has your world changed, but your people groups have too. Sadly, in many cases there are few people, if any, who can stand to walk alongside the caregiver. We may not get invited to social events. If we do get invites, it can be difficult or even impossible to attend. Sometimes, for me, just the thought of trying to manage my schedule so it coordinates with Chris' needs, get him dressed, fed at the right time, and loaded in the van is too overwhelming to even attempt going out. This drives the stake further in and separates me from things I used to enjoy d...

Superhero to Zero

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There are days when I feel like Superwoman. I get adequate hours in at work, a lot accomplished on my writing, my devotions done, goals met for Chris, housework done and maybe even get us out for a nice run. And then there are days I do not. I'm sure I'm the only caregiver who has days where I worry a lot about what I need  to get done, spend time wringing my hands, drinking coffee and staring at the wall. I'm all spaced out - I'm on overload and breathing is enough work for the day! (Am I alone?) Of course, there are also plenty of days in between where I get tasks completed, but not near what I had hoped. Those days I have to encourage myself and reaffirm the things I did  get done and just let the rest go. That's where my thoughts were when I realized - I'm not Superwoman. Not only do I not have the body build for that role, I simply can't do more than what is humanly possible. I can't do more than what is cargiving-ly possible either! I hav...

Unplugged

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If anyone understands me I know it's you, my fellow caregivers. And thankfully, we are a forgiving bunch. I know I've been MIA for quite awhile but I'm refocused and ready to go again. I found myself totally overwhelmed by everything and just had to unplug for a bit. I'm all plugged in now and we're good. Of course, caregivers can't unplug  like others can as there are some things that simply cannot be let go. Even if we "take a break" there are some things that can't be ignored. I can cut back on my work, rearrange my daily schedule, simplify my daily processes like cooking and cleaning - but caregiving can't be "cut back" on. Each day is about the same whether we're feeling it or not. We don't get to just break from bathing, feeding, dressing, or exercising our loved one just because we're on overload. Add to that complicated situation those things that may seem simple to others like aides that don't show up ...