Do you ever have people compliment you by telling you how strong you are? Occassionally, it happens to me. I try to be gracious and thank them for their kind words. But inside, I feel oh so weak.As survivors and overcomes of the many obstacles of life, we may look strong. We may also catch some flack for being so independent. But when people don't show up for us, and that happens a lot for caregivers, we learn to kick into survival mode and I can do it myself mode, right? Then they say - you are so strong. I'm like, yeah, right - it's because I have to be.
Experience Speaks Loudly
One time early on in my caregiving journey, I had two routes for my son's future treatment. I called together those who I thought were going to be helpful in his care, as I needed some input. After I explained the options, they both just shrugged their shoulders and said basically, "it's on you, so do what you feel best." I was deflated and disappointed. I trudged forward.
Isn't that what we do a lot? We keep putting one foot in front of the other relying on God to be there for each step. No wonder David said in Psalm 119:105, Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. We may not be all that strong, but we are strong enough to wait for Him to illuminate our paths so we can take one more step. Sometimes, it seems like God is our only helper (not that that is all bad), because no one else is there for us.
But then... there's grace.
We can count on His grace to carry us through each day on the days we just can't take it and the days we think we've got it all handled. He's always there to help us along the caregiving path. I can say with no reservation that it is His strength that carries me from one day into the next. He's always provided, even when it seemed there was literally no way to make it. He's always lit my path, even when it was so dark I couldn't see. And on those days when I think surely my soul is going to take it's last breath, He is right there to carry, console, comfort, and care for my soul. Man, He's good isn't He?
Being weak is not a bad thing when you land in the hands of the God of creation.Feeling dazed and confused is not to be feared when God's wisdom is just a prayer away. Being on the proverbial edge is not so bad when you know you're going to fall into the hands of an alert God who is paying attention to every single detail of your life.
Just for Today.
Today, I'll remind myself that God is right here - no matter where my "here" is. I'll comfort my soul by assuring myself that He's got me. He won't let me fall or fail. I'll meditate on His eternal presence in my life - and remind myself that He is here by choice, not because I am strong, but because I am weak. I will rejoice knowing that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)So, I'll just be content and set back and watch Him flex His muscles as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?