Posts

Hard to Breathe

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Some days it's all a caregiver can do to just keep breathing. I tease a lot about trying to remember to breathe and keeping that a top priority. But sometimes it really does feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Of course, there are many blessings that go with caregiving, but some days they are harder to find than others. No matter what our caregiving story - it's filled with difficulties. I try to keep a positive attitude but that's a fight at times. This morning, in an attempt to protect my sanity I decided to start trying to journal again. I am glad I did as I hadn't made an entry since June. (I used to write in my journal everyday BC.) I found this poem I had penned. I hope you get a little something out of it. Who am I to catch the King's gaze? To know...     He sees    He Knows    He hears The deepest sighs from the place where no words live The part of me that carries it all... with nothing left to give. The part of me where no...

The Purpose of the Press

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Caregivers are not the only ones in the press of life. I've been watching the horrific stories emerging out of the raging fires in California. My prayers have been many for those who are suffering during this time. Suffering has a unique impact on us, no matter what the source. It lets us know what's really inside. In James chapter 1, it says to count it all joy   when you encounter trials and tribulations. JOY?  To be totally honest, joy isn't the first emotion I usually feel when things get tough. Joy may eventually come - but certainly not at the onset of trials and tribulations. As a caregiver, we live  in a rough spot. Nothing is easy. Literally everything can feel like a struggle. Life has a way of pressing, pressing, and pressing in on us until it's a struggle some days to just breathe. But as life presses in on us - no matter what the struggle, it presses out what is really inside. When life turns up the heat, we find out how much we really trust Him, h...

Broken Pieces Tell A Beautiful Story

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This weekend I used some respite days for Chris and got out for the weekend. We took my grandson to Fort Worth for his birthday. While we were in Cowtown Saturday afternoon, we stopped by one of our favorite little shops. It has a variety of teas and teapots. We were standing around admiring the beautiful shapes, colors, and designs when my grandson tried to remove the lid from this little green leafy pot. The lid fell to the floor and shattered into several pieces. It was a sickening sound and of course, my daughter immediately told the store manager that she would purchase it. Even though we liked it, we didn't plan on buying it. Once we got it home, Ronella glued the lid together and sat it on the shelf with some of our decorative teapots. When I saw the repaired container, I thought you can't even tell it's broken from here.  I let my imagination run away a bit as I thought of this pot's story. It sat in the store - beautiful, but unpurchased. Even though many...

A Little Behind

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Please forgive my absence. If anyone understands, I know it's my fellow caregivers. I know you understand the more than busy  mode we live in. Each day brings with it a long must-do list and an even longer still-need-to-do-when-there-is-time list. In the busy-ness of caregiving and fulfilling all our responsibilities we often feel overwhelmed. It's not always anything anyone can help with, and sometimes we can't even list it... it just hangs there overshadowing our days. The feelings of never getting done and simply surviving leave us looking for a satisfaction that may or may not ever be found. Somehow in the midst of the hectic life we learn to call normal , we learn what can be let go and what cannot. It's easy to feel like our time is stolen from us as we get wrapped up in our daily tasks Maybe it's just me, but no matter how much I do  get done, I still feel behind. Attempts to sort through and find the important  things to get done leave you with a list of...

Safe and Secure with No Alarm... Leaning

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Yesterday, I had scheduled the piano movers to move my aunt's piano into her assisted living apartment. She was so excited! She's been there for a couple of weeks now and has had access to a central piano, but missed having one close by that she could play whenever she wanted. As soon as the movers were gone, I asked her to try it out. She sat and played for some time. Tears welled up from pure joy at having her piano back. She's finally home. As I watched her frail, trembling hands run across the keys, I became absorbed in the moment. She's still playing after all these years. Her fingers may not be as nimble as they once were, but she can still tickle the ivory with style and pizzaz. She never lacks for a song to play - there's always one near the surface of her heart. It was a moment I didn't want to miss. There was just something special about it. It seemed like I was r\witnessing the reunion of two old friends. At 86 there's no doubt she's i...

One Step at a Time

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As the 10th anniversary of Chris' wreck nears, I have tons of thoughts. There are no easy days, but some days are less difficult than others. Here I am 10 years out celebrating Chris standing or sitting alone. I really thought I'd be celebrating his marriage or births of grandchildren. These thoughts can weigh heavily on my heart. Sometimes, I have to stay away from Facebook because it's overwhelming. I've been in one of those times  lately. What do we do when we are disappointed with life, ourselves, or our situations? Many of the things I dreamed of doing are not likely to ever happen. Everything got placed on hold nearly 10 years ago. How do you move on? The simplest answer is one step at a time. That's a daily thing. Sometimes, it's a moment by moment thing - just doing what needs to be done in the moment. This morning in my personal devotions, I found myself hanging out in Isaiah 50. I have quoted verse 4 for years -  The Lord has given me His words o...

Hand Tattoos

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Do you ever feel like God put you here on this planet to sort everything out and then He just walked away? Caregiver's lives are not in sync with the rest of the world and we can feel separated and alone even in a crowd. Caregiving adds a new dynamic to life, doesn't it? It's one that can't really be described. It's draining and rewarding. Tiring and energizing. Emotions run along all extremes much of the time and many battle with depression, grief and other issues. I have to say that recently I have asked God if He remembered where He left me. Now my heart knows He didn't really leave me. I mean, really - where would He go? He's everywhere - He can't physically leave us. But for those who struggle with abandonment issues, it can certainly feel like it. Evidently, someone else has had similar feelings because in verse 14 of Isaiah 49, it says Jerusalem says, "the Lord has deserted us, the Lord has forgotten us."   But at the thought of ab...