Yesterday, we had planned on going to church at my Uncle's church. I was all geared up and ready. I laid out our clothes and got things ready to make Sunday morning go as smoothly as possible. But my early morning check-in on Chris revealed a temperature a little over 101. Ugh. Even though it came down to around 99 quickly with some liquids and a fan, it's not like we can take any chances. Making plans can be one of the most difficult parts of caregiving, especially if your loved one is medically fragile. Chris has been on a good run, but he's had a worsening cough over the last week. So, I wasn't too surprised by a spiked fever. But, we had plans!    For me, formerly Miss Punctual, Miss Never a No-Show, this is so difficult. It's been one of the hardest parts of caregiving, and I still don't deal with it well after 17+ years. I am tempted to just stop making plans. LOL. But I know when I make plans that they have to be tentative. As caregivers, this may be ju...

 I am trying to spend more time getting things organized so that I can be more productive as the new year begins. I'll still be doing this blog and my weekday morning "Peace Out!" Facebook lives. But I want to do more. This year, I offered a few online classes and hope to do that again this year, but that also means I need to write more, and I want to do that, too. I'm tired just thinking about it. LOL. In my quest to figure out some things around the house, I started feeling overwhelmed. Well, that's certainly not new to caregiving. It's pretty much an everyday thing. Sometimes it hangs around, too. As I thought about all I needed to get done and how much I had shifted out yet another day, I thought, tomorrow will be different. It was hopeful and doubtful at the same time. Of course, my next thought was, sure, it'll be different, but how? Will the bottom fall out? New clients? Lost clients? LOL - my mind was off the chain with ideas of how tomorrow might ...

 Have you ever been in a group and felt like you were still alone? I think it kind of goes along with caregiving. Then there are times when you get to a venue only to realize it's not accessible. Or worse, you're not even invited  because the event was scheduled at an inaccessible venue. Even when we can get out and be with people, we can still experience social isolation.  It's real. It's deep. Recently, I was out and about, and even though I was in a crowd, I felt very alone. Isolated. Different. Noticeable, and not in a good way. Little things that aren't a big deal at home seemed to become huge. Like my son drooling on himself, or having to adjust him in the chair. Standing him for a second to get the pad right under him, or just getting him in and out of the car. Sigh. Simple caregiving tasks can separate us from mainstream society. But they shouldn't. As I was thinking about some of these things and how alone we can feel even when we are with others, I rea...

 I hate being late. I'll leave 2 hours early to sit and wait an hour to get into an event before I'm 5 minutes late! But caregiving has changed that a little bit. Too many potential bumps in the road that have forced me to come to grips with running late.  Even at home, I always feel I'm behind. I get up in the morning to stuff I just didn't get to yesterday. Then, in the evening, I go to bed with a whole list of things I didn't get done. It's exhausting to just never be caught up. It doesn't matter how I plan, how diligently I manage time, or how big my want-to, sigh. I'm always behind. You'd think I'd get used to it, but no! I still let it eat my lunch from time to time. One thing I have done is to curb the negative self-talk and speak more kindly to myself. Do you do that? I remind myself of the load I'm carrying. Caregiving is no joke! And it's not an easy job, no matter what. No matter how hard I've tried or how much I've neg...

 One of my favorite speakers of late is Lisa Harper. She is so smart, engaging, and witty in her delivery. I love her books and her videos. She seems to be down to earth, down here with us real people. Yesterday, after Chris watched his teaching video (we do this almost every morning), the next one that played was Lisa Harper. I just left it on.  As she began to share, something she said sparked a mental reel. That's my best description for it. She was talking about trusting God and how He's carried us through so much already. Whenever she said it, it was like this mini-quick reel played in my mind. I thought about my divorce and the fears I faced, starting with no job and two little kiddos to raise alone. Then, as a single parent, I returned to school to complete my bachelor's degree in Education.  Images of the mystery illness I had in 1996-7 ran through my mind. I thought about how God carried me through that. In just a matter of a few seconds, these and so many other...

 I'm spending a lot of time in Psalm 119 as I am finishing up another devotional. There are so many verses that stand out to me, but I stopped to read verse 107 over and over. The psalmist says, I am severely afflicted , give me life according to Your word! I really wondered what was going on at the time for David to use the phrase "severely afflicted," but obviously, it was something big to him.  It made me think back over life, and the times I felt I was severely afflicted. Caregiving is definitely one of those seasons. Most days are okay. We make adjustments. We learn our new normal , which is a far cry from what it used to be. We mourn over the loss of our BC (before caregiving) lives. We suck it up and learn to give it to Him so we don't get sucked into the emotional abyss. But it's still difficult.  I think I like the two extremes in this verse. Maybe that's what caught my attention. David says he felt severely afflicted, but he's also asking God to ...

  I've decided there are just some things that come with caregiving. Things that are frustrating... like able-bodied people taking handicap parking spots. It's also frustrating to see everyone use the access buttoned door to go in and out of a building that has two other doors... but they want to use the button - lol. Does it really make it that much easier for them  to get in and out? I think not. Just frustrating. Today, when I got home from Chris's workout at the 34 Project, the delivery driver had set his supplies on the ramp. Now, there is a whole patio there, but they had to put it on the ramp - I'm sure somehow it was easier for them than using just a little common sense and putting it to one side.  First, I got so mad. I just don't get it! Then I decided to flip the script. I made a purposeful choice. I will not think about their stupidity or carelessness (however you want to classify that!); instead, I will be thankful that all of his supplies for this mont...