Have you ever felt like God can't hear you? Do you ever think that He has looked away or isn't paying attention? It was this thinking that David shared in Psalm 13 that made me feel like I wasn't the only one that ever felt that way.  I had read Psalm 13 many times and even sang versions of it as a church worship leader. But when I hit the dark night of the soul , it began to ring louder in my soul. David was in despair as he cried out How long will You look the other way? If nothing else, I realized that God didn't strike David dead for asking it and that He let it be included in the Bible. David expresses some of the things we think, but are indirectly told we can't ask.  David wasn't afraid to speak his mind. To ask hard questions like, How long will You forget me? Forever? How long will You look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Those are some very s...

  Do we really understand who God is? Do we know all He has done for us? I've taken a look or two through the first couple of chapters of Ephesians lately, and there are tons of things He's done for us and provided for us. I wonder if we miss some of it sometimes. That doesn't mean it's not ours. It doesn't mean we don't have it. We just may not reap the benefit of some things because we don't know it belongs to us. Have you ever had a long-lost relative? One you either didn't know you had, or for whatever reason, you were separated early on? Just because you don't know them, doesn't mean you are not related. God has provided for us in so many ways, we miss some things, though, because we simply do not know we can tap into them. This is where my mind went as I continued in Psalm 9 this morning. Verse 10 says, those who know Your name, will trust You. For You have not forsaken those who seek You.  When we know Him - we will trust Him. When we cont...

I hate that feeling I have when I wake up in the morning to all the things I didn't get to yesterday. Sometimes it's a sink of dirty dishes, laundry I forgot to switch out, postponing ministry emails, or a long list of job-related tasks. Sigh. It makes me tired before I even get started on my day. Anyone else ever feel that way?  Sometimes, it feels like things pile up and pile up, until I'm sure I'm going to be swept away in the aftermath. But no. That would be a little relief. I'm sure it'd all still be waiting here when I return with my arm in a sling and foot in a boot. LOL. I may be exaggerating a little, but only a little! Simply put - caregiving can be overwhelming on the best days. But we just keep putting one foot in front of another. Can I say this, though? Our enemy isn't our dirty house, piles of laundry, or the dishes starting to mold in the sink. It can feel that way, though. Our enemies are many. Doubt. Fear. Hopelessness. Aloneness. Social is...

 Why do we try to plan our days? It does help keep us a little more on the side of sanity, at least for me it does. But there are those times when the unexpected changes our day. Our days, our lives can change on a dime. I type this as I sit here in the ER with Chris, who suddenly became ill after doing so well and absolutely no signs of sickness.  What do we do when these things happen? Of course, we turn to prayer. We choose to trust God for the outcome, no matter what it looks like. I have no doubt this will be a positive outcome and that God will carry us through another time.  As you know, taking a loved one to the ER is stressful. You never know if you'll get a good doc or a bad doc. Tons of questions, especially when you are not sure what is going on with your loved one. Will the dr dismiss my concerns? Will they listen to me? So many questions... The doctor this morning listened to me and did not dismiss my concerns. He seemed to run all the right tests (not the r...

 This morning, I was reading in Joshua. Deuteronomy ended with Moses's death. As the book of Joshua opens, Joshua had to be in a state of mourning. He'd walked and worked with Moses (his mentor) for over 40 years. It had to be a huge loss to Joshua. God comes and tells him that Moses is gone and it's time for Joshua (who was not a young man anymore) to carry on the promise God made to take His children to the Promised Land.  I found the charge God gives Joshua very interesting. There were no burning bushes like Moses had. No fire fell out of heaven. Josh didn't even get a rumble of thunder, Lol. His call was simple - carry on the mission.  What stood out to me today was that three times in verses 6 through 9, God told Gideon to be strong and courageous  three times. Not once, even though that might have been enough. But God said it three times.  I think He must have wanted to emphasize it. Perhaps Joshua was really scared. I would have been! I mean, seriously, J...

  Yesterday, we had planned on going to church at my Uncle's church. I was all geared up and ready. I laid out our clothes and got things ready to make Sunday morning go as smoothly as possible. But my early morning check-in on Chris revealed a temperature a little over 101. Ugh. Even though it came down to around 99 quickly with some liquids and a fan, it's not like we can take any chances. Making plans can be one of the most difficult parts of caregiving, especially if your loved one is medically fragile. Chris has been on a good run, but he's had a worsening cough over the last week. So, I wasn't too surprised by a spiked fever. But, we had plans!    For me, formerly Miss Punctual, Miss Never a No-Show, this is so difficult. It's been one of the hardest parts of caregiving, and I still don't deal with it well after 17+ years. I am tempted to just stop making plans. LOL. But I know when I make plans that they have to be tentative. As caregivers, this may be ju...

 I am trying to spend more time getting things organized so that I can be more productive as the new year begins. I'll still be doing this blog and my weekday morning "Peace Out!" Facebook lives. But I want to do more. This year, I offered a few online classes and hope to do that again this year, but that also means I need to write more, and I want to do that, too. I'm tired just thinking about it. LOL. In my quest to figure out some things around the house, I started feeling overwhelmed. Well, that's certainly not new to caregiving. It's pretty much an everyday thing. Sometimes it hangs around, too. As I thought about all I needed to get done and how much I had shifted out yet another day, I thought, tomorrow will be different. It was hopeful and doubtful at the same time. Of course, my next thought was, sure, it'll be different, but how? Will the bottom fall out? New clients? Lost clients? LOL - my mind was off the chain with ideas of how tomorrow might ...