It can be difficult to answer some of the simplest questions like How are you? The easiest answer is I'm okay. But a lot of people don't really like that answer. What are we supposed to say? I'm sure they do not want a rundown of what our day really looks like. We could say: tired, frustrated, exhausted, too busy to breathe, hurried, emotionally drained... you get the idea. So we opt for a simple I'm okay and just leave it there. It's okay to be "okay".
Okay is an in-between term that lies somewhere between really good and horribly bad. Maybe it actually signifies a balance in our lives for the moment. It's actually a fair answer to a very difficult question. We can also use it when we just really are not sure how we are doing for the moment. What caregiver has time to check to see if they are okay or not? Sometimes when I get up I might consider my energy level and assess how I feel; but we don't have time to think about if we are okay or not - we have to get going there is so much to get done and really how we feel is irrelevant.
I think of the story in 2 Kings 4 where the prophet had prayed and blessed the Shunammite woman with a son. When he died she went right out to find the prophet. Elisha's servant ran ahead and asked how she and her family was. Even though her son had just died, she said, "It is well." In today's vernacular that would be about the same as It's okay. Yet her son had just died, so was she lying or was it a statement of faith? Sometimes just saying I'm okay takes great faith.
By the time the woman got to the prophet her true feelings were displayed. She fell at his feet and he recognized the anguish in her soul. Then she spoke from the pain she was bearing. Are you ever worried that someone will "push the wrong button" and you'll just spill your guts? That someone will hit just the right nerve and you'll start saying what you really think and feel? We can stay guarded all we want but sometimes there is a deep pain or grief that remains unspoken. I'm okay really is the best answer sometimes.
It doesn't mean you are lying or weak of faith. It means you are holding on for one more day. To say I'm okay also means you are not acknowledging defeat but are pushing forward and continuing to move in a positive direction no matter what the circumstances look like. It's not a negative statement at all; but rather an acceptance of yes I can do this. It might be the most positive statement filled with all the faith in your heart.
Today I will meditate on the fact that I'm okay. I will think about how God has my back and how together we can handle anything life and caregiving brings. My thoughts will be on how God pours His strength in me so I can care for another; and today I will think about how He has not left me alone on this journey. My meditation will be on the truth that He equips me for the journey and because of His strength, grace and mercy in me - It really is okay. And that's a good place to be. Will you join me?
Daily Bread
As a general rule I am a planner. I'm pretty flexible inside my "plan" but I like to have everything organized, thought out and well planned. At the same time, I can get by with some fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants days. The one thing about caregiving is that a schedule can mean absolutely nothing. Everyday stands (or falls) on its own. Joni Erikson Tada is someone I've followed for many years now. I read her book about how she was injured and became a quadriplegic in her teens. She says the thing about having a disability is that it's so daily. There isn't a day off - ever. Caregiving is the same.
We don't have weekends, holidays or days off. Even though I try to get out of town two or three times a year just to have a break I'm on call and never really "off" even though I get somewhat of a break from daily tasks. Caregiving is a constant - ever moving, never ending, never done job.
As I am getting in bed at night my thoughts are combing back over the day's activities and turning toward tomorrow's. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep I thought of how daily caregiving is and I prayed for strength for another day. I thought of Lamentations 3:22-23 that tells us His mercies and lovingkindness are new every morning. I thought about how I was going to need a fresh dose upon rising this morning!
Jesus taught His disciples to pray give us this day our daily bread. And while God was leading the Children of Israel across the desert to the Promised Land, He provided them just enough manna for each day.
So today I have to say that I trust Him to carry me and provide for me just what I need for today. Tomorrow is to be planned for but not worried about. Today He will give me the mercy, grace, peace and sustenance to make it to tomorrow. And then He will do it again!
It's the day-to-day struggles that can get us down if we do not stay focused on Him. That constant grinding of daily activities can wear us down. So today I will focus just on today and His provision for it. I will meditate on His fresh mercies this morning and trust Him to see me through until I face another day tomorrow. My thoughts will be on His sustaining grace and how He alone can make each day new. I will trust Him for strength for today. Will you join me?
We don't have weekends, holidays or days off. Even though I try to get out of town two or three times a year just to have a break I'm on call and never really "off" even though I get somewhat of a break from daily tasks. Caregiving is a constant - ever moving, never ending, never done job.
As I am getting in bed at night my thoughts are combing back over the day's activities and turning toward tomorrow's. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep I thought of how daily caregiving is and I prayed for strength for another day. I thought of Lamentations 3:22-23 that tells us His mercies and lovingkindness are new every morning. I thought about how I was going to need a fresh dose upon rising this morning!
Jesus taught His disciples to pray give us this day our daily bread. And while God was leading the Children of Israel across the desert to the Promised Land, He provided them just enough manna for each day.
So today I have to say that I trust Him to carry me and provide for me just what I need for today. Tomorrow is to be planned for but not worried about. Today He will give me the mercy, grace, peace and sustenance to make it to tomorrow. And then He will do it again!
It's the day-to-day struggles that can get us down if we do not stay focused on Him. That constant grinding of daily activities can wear us down. So today I will focus just on today and His provision for it. I will meditate on His fresh mercies this morning and trust Him to see me through until I face another day tomorrow. My thoughts will be on His sustaining grace and how He alone can make each day new. I will trust Him for strength for today. Will you join me?
What a Wait!
I've never been very good at awaiting no matter what the situation. From doctor's offices to DMVs to standing in line at WalMart - I just don't do well. It may be that my mind is going a hundred miles an hour, or it could be that I finally have time to think of all the things I could be doing instead. Whatever it is about my makeup waiting just doesn't fit me well.
We've talked a lot in our devotions about waiting on God and maybe I have seen just a tiny bit of improvement since I've become a caregiver. We have some great examples of men and women of faith who waited on God patiently; and some who waited not-so-patiently too. Abraham and Sarah waited for years for God to fulfill His promise; and Joseph waited many years for his dream to come true. When we read the scriptures we can cover several chapters in a matter of minutes and it can be easy to forget that years passed between one chapter and the next.
Last night I was reading in Daniel. I love his story and how he remained faithful to the Lord even though he was in a tough physical situation. We can read this entire book in just a few minutes but we are talking 70 years from the first chapter to the last. That's a lifetime of waiting.
In chapter 9 of Daniel, we find him looking back over the prophecies that were given by Jeremiah. Daniel had most likely read and reread these prophecies during his captivity and he recalled that God promised it would only last 70 years; and it had been 70 years. That's a long time to keep the faith and to continue to trust God through daily adversity. As caregivers, our journeys are not always super smooth or pleasant but most of us have not been in our situation for 70 years.
So Daniel realizes that the 70 years are complete according to the Word of the Lord and he sets himself in prayer. Toward the end of the ninth chapter, he prays this:
We've talked a lot in our devotions about waiting on God and maybe I have seen just a tiny bit of improvement since I've become a caregiver. We have some great examples of men and women of faith who waited on God patiently; and some who waited not-so-patiently too. Abraham and Sarah waited for years for God to fulfill His promise; and Joseph waited many years for his dream to come true. When we read the scriptures we can cover several chapters in a matter of minutes and it can be easy to forget that years passed between one chapter and the next.
Last night I was reading in Daniel. I love his story and how he remained faithful to the Lord even though he was in a tough physical situation. We can read this entire book in just a few minutes but we are talking 70 years from the first chapter to the last. That's a lifetime of waiting.
In chapter 9 of Daniel, we find him looking back over the prophecies that were given by Jeremiah. Daniel had most likely read and reread these prophecies during his captivity and he recalled that God promised it would only last 70 years; and it had been 70 years. That's a long time to keep the faith and to continue to trust God through daily adversity. As caregivers, our journeys are not always super smooth or pleasant but most of us have not been in our situation for 70 years.
So Daniel realizes that the 70 years are complete according to the Word of the Lord and he sets himself in prayer. Toward the end of the ninth chapter, he prays this:
Our God listen to the prayer of Your servant,
and to his supplications
For Your sake, O Lord
Let Your face shine on Your desolate sanctuary.
O my God,
Incline Your ear and hear!
Open Your eyes and see our desolations...
Caregiving can be a lonely place and sometimes, like Daniel, we just need God to hear and to see us. Our challenge is remaining faithful during the trials of day-to-day living. It can be difficult to be patient. And while there are some pleasant days - each day can be filled with hard work that leaves us exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally at the end of the day.
Today as we take care of our loved one, let us meditate on simply remaining faithful in our walk with God and meditating on the truth that He has not left us to walk it alone.
This will be my meditation today - will you join me?
Some Things Never Change
It took me awhile to learn that it was okay to grieve the life I lost when I became a caregiver. Of course, it's not healthy to park there emotionally, but it is okay to grieve over what was lost. I think at first I felt guilty for grieving, like maybe I didn't want to be my son's caregiver if I was sorry over what I had before his accident. Once I grieved, cried and got it out of my system though, I was able to move on and be a better caregiver by giving my full attention to his needs.
There are a lot of things that change as we transition into the role of caregiver. For some there are a few schedule changes but for others it is an entire lifestyle change. In my situation I lost the freedom to come and go as I wanted to, the spontaneity of life no longer existed. I had to gather all my stuff and my son's stuff up into one location which took quite a long time. I physically moved twice after his wreck to try and provide better care and to make sure he was close to family.
For a long time I felt the loss of my "former" life; but now it seems so far away. Contentment did not come over night. Yes, I know Paul said that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in but it was a rather sharp learning curve for me! My whole world changed that morning I got that phone call, plans were on hold and all my possessions left behind. But this morning I am reminding myself of some of the things that never changed in my life.
In Jeremiah 31:3, God tells the prophet that He has loved with an everlasting love. His love for us does not change when we face adversity. His care for us is not moved by life's hard knocks. The psalmist said that God is a very present help in time of need. (Psalm 46:1) His presence and His love are just two things that will never change. Our whole world can be turned upside down and inside out - but He will be constant in His love, His mercy, His grace and His ever abiding presence in our lives.
He won't leave us to walk it alone. I look at it this way. My son needs my full attention and care. He became an adult, left home and was about to finish college and in an instant became like a baby again. I did not walk away from him when life got tough. In the same way, God will not abandon us just because life no longer looks ideal. He is ever present, ever helping, ever sustaining us by His love. Some things never change. And for this I am thankful.
Today I will meditate on His ever abiding presence and never ending love. I am going to let that carry me through today. I will purposefully think about the mercy He continues to extend to me on this caregiving journey; and I will rest as I trust in Him. Will you join me?
There are a lot of things that change as we transition into the role of caregiver. For some there are a few schedule changes but for others it is an entire lifestyle change. In my situation I lost the freedom to come and go as I wanted to, the spontaneity of life no longer existed. I had to gather all my stuff and my son's stuff up into one location which took quite a long time. I physically moved twice after his wreck to try and provide better care and to make sure he was close to family.
For a long time I felt the loss of my "former" life; but now it seems so far away. Contentment did not come over night. Yes, I know Paul said that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in but it was a rather sharp learning curve for me! My whole world changed that morning I got that phone call, plans were on hold and all my possessions left behind. But this morning I am reminding myself of some of the things that never changed in my life.
In Jeremiah 31:3, God tells the prophet that He has loved with an everlasting love. His love for us does not change when we face adversity. His care for us is not moved by life's hard knocks. The psalmist said that God is a very present help in time of need. (Psalm 46:1) His presence and His love are just two things that will never change. Our whole world can be turned upside down and inside out - but He will be constant in His love, His mercy, His grace and His ever abiding presence in our lives.
He won't leave us to walk it alone. I look at it this way. My son needs my full attention and care. He became an adult, left home and was about to finish college and in an instant became like a baby again. I did not walk away from him when life got tough. In the same way, God will not abandon us just because life no longer looks ideal. He is ever present, ever helping, ever sustaining us by His love. Some things never change. And for this I am thankful.
Today I will meditate on His ever abiding presence and never ending love. I am going to let that carry me through today. I will purposefully think about the mercy He continues to extend to me on this caregiving journey; and I will rest as I trust in Him. Will you join me?
Quick Change of Clothes
I don't know about you but lately my days seem overly busy and downright crazy at times. It can be so easy to get carried away in the details of caring for another. And try making one simple change to something as basic as a meal plan, changing a supply order or going with a new company for an aide and a snowball effect of crazy events can begin. There's a reason we can feel like we have too many irons in the fire. We do. But they are all necessary in order to take care of ourselves and our loved ones.
Caregivers have days where we are just tired. It does not change the long list of chores we have to accomplish for the day, but we can be tired before we even begin.
It can be easy to get caught up in the world of caregiving and forget about ourselves. We sort of wear this caregiver's mantle because we need to. We can be that take-charge-kind-of-person it takes to get things done. Who else is going to do it, right?
This morning when I arose I thought about how tired I was before the day even got started. In my daily devotions, I found myself in Isaiah 61. There were several phrases that caught my eye today.
Caregivers have days where we are just tired. It does not change the long list of chores we have to accomplish for the day, but we can be tired before we even begin.
It can be easy to get caught up in the world of caregiving and forget about ourselves. We sort of wear this caregiver's mantle because we need to. We can be that take-charge-kind-of-person it takes to get things done. Who else is going to do it, right?
This morning when I arose I thought about how tired I was before the day even got started. In my daily devotions, I found myself in Isaiah 61. There were several phrases that caught my eye today.
comfort all who mourn
giving a garland instead of ashes
oil of gladness instead of mourning
mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting
I paused and thought about just these phrases in the first three verses. Honestly, I wondered if I could have some insteads. Garlands, gladness and praise sounds good to me! My thoughts sort of landed on that last one, a mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
We are the same person we were before we became a caregiver; but it's important to remember that before we are a caregiver, we are a child of God. Today, I decided to take off my caregiver mantle for a little bit and put on a mantle of praise.
It's as easy as it is difficult to praise God. If you don't know where or how to begin, just think about the things He's done and tell Him "good job!" Even in our crazy lives there is something to be thankful for - I like to start there. Just take a moment or two to express your thanks to Him. It will change your perspective and lighten your heart.
Today I will meditate on Him and His great works in my life and in the lives of others. I will intentionally find ways to praise and thank God. My thoughts will be on His greatness rather than my weakness. I will imagine I have on a mantle of praise today. Will you join me?
Can You Hear Me Now?
One thing that can upset an already jam-packed day is for your loved one to become ill. Most caregiver's schedules are already tight enough without having to take care of the additional issues that arise from an illness, no matter how brief. This week, my son has been ill and to add to the complications, we had been in a situation recently which demanded we change doctors. This meant that I was dealing with a doctor who does not know my son's medical history and does not know me.
I called and spoke to the nurse several times only to basically be blown off as she finally said, "Why don't you just take him where you normally take him." (Yes, that just happened!) I was not happy about that at all and my first thought was, If I'm going to do what I was doing before, why did I change?
What they don't understand is how complicated some of the simplest life tasks can be in a caregiving situation. I have to make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance and my son is sick and declining. But as caregivers we tend to just suck it up and get it done, don't we? I took Chris back to the clinic that I preferred to begin with only to find out he was in worse shape than I even thought. I reported it back to the new doctor before I even left the premises because he needed chest x-rays. They decided since he was doing so poorly, they would send the doc out after all. I'm like really?
So the doctor comes out and totally confirms what I learned at the clinic and what I'd been saying all along. Don't you hate it when you feel like no one's listening? Perhaps these types of situations are why I like the story of Hagar from Genesis 16. The situation wasn't perfect, and there were unacceptable behaviors all around. But Hagar found herself in distress. This is when the angel of the Lord came to her and told her she was pregnant and to name the boy Ishmael which means God hears.
It's only a few chapters later where we see Hagar and Ishmael in another bind. Chapter 21:17 says God heard the boy crying. Once again "God heard." Yesterday I had a sense of satisfaction knowing that now the doctor was listening. We can rest assured that God hears us too. But He doesn't make us jump through lots of hoops before He takes time to listen.
He hears more than just our cries. He hears beyond our words - and connects with our hearts. He hears our emotional plea, our deepest thoughts, joys and fears.David expresses this best in Psalm 139:3 You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Today I will meditate on the fact that God is purposefully listening to my heart. When my thoughts run rampant today I will remember that He hears them, and I will reel them in and allow His peace to reign in my heart and mind. I will take time today to listen for His heart too. Will you join me?
I called and spoke to the nurse several times only to basically be blown off as she finally said, "Why don't you just take him where you normally take him." (Yes, that just happened!) I was not happy about that at all and my first thought was, If I'm going to do what I was doing before, why did I change?
What they don't understand is how complicated some of the simplest life tasks can be in a caregiving situation. I have to make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance and my son is sick and declining. But as caregivers we tend to just suck it up and get it done, don't we? I took Chris back to the clinic that I preferred to begin with only to find out he was in worse shape than I even thought. I reported it back to the new doctor before I even left the premises because he needed chest x-rays. They decided since he was doing so poorly, they would send the doc out after all. I'm like really?
So the doctor comes out and totally confirms what I learned at the clinic and what I'd been saying all along. Don't you hate it when you feel like no one's listening? Perhaps these types of situations are why I like the story of Hagar from Genesis 16. The situation wasn't perfect, and there were unacceptable behaviors all around. But Hagar found herself in distress. This is when the angel of the Lord came to her and told her she was pregnant and to name the boy Ishmael which means God hears.
It's only a few chapters later where we see Hagar and Ishmael in another bind. Chapter 21:17 says God heard the boy crying. Once again "God heard." Yesterday I had a sense of satisfaction knowing that now the doctor was listening. We can rest assured that God hears us too. But He doesn't make us jump through lots of hoops before He takes time to listen.
He hears more than just our cries. He hears beyond our words - and connects with our hearts. He hears our emotional plea, our deepest thoughts, joys and fears.David expresses this best in Psalm 139:3 You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Today I will meditate on the fact that God is purposefully listening to my heart. When my thoughts run rampant today I will remember that He hears them, and I will reel them in and allow His peace to reign in my heart and mind. I will take time today to listen for His heart too. Will you join me?
Why Can't Life have a "Pause" Button?
Caregiving is not an easy task period; and any given day can bring numerous surprises both good and bad. You just never know how a day is going to go. You never know when you are going to run out of steam, or when you'll have a burst of energy. People can surprise you by not showing up, or they can surprise you with an unexpected text asking if you need any help. The emotions can be all over the place for a variety of reasons.
In the midst of caregiving - life continues for everyone else and life itself doesn't take a break. As a caregiver, we deal with our personal situation plus all the "normal" stuff life throws at you. We get sick, we read cutoff notices, vehicles break down, friends are diagnosed with serious conditions, and family members pass away. Caregiving doesn't give us a break from life - life continues just as it would if we were not in the role of caregiving. Sometimes, I would like to find a huge pause button for life. Can't it stop for just a little bit and let me catch my breath?
Between the rest of life and caregiving it can feel like we never get to come up for air sometimes. But God has our backs. I think of Psalm 18:28 in these tough moments. For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness. He can bring hope and light into any situation.
In this same psalm, David mentions more than once that God girds him with strength. I envision it as if God wraps His strength all around him. Maybe I see it that way because that's what I feel I need when life and caregiving collide. A little bit of His strength goes a long ways - and a little bit of His light brightens a large area. The darker the room - the more impact a little light can have.
In this verse, David speaks of God's light twice - he notes that God lights his lamp; and God shines His light into the darkness.
Today I will reflect on His light while I'm looking for the "pause" button. Even though we may feel overwhelmed, He will bring light into the situation. My meditation today will be on His strength in me and I will allow Him to carry me through this day. I will purposefully look for His light as I journey through today. Will you join me?
In the midst of caregiving - life continues for everyone else and life itself doesn't take a break. As a caregiver, we deal with our personal situation plus all the "normal" stuff life throws at you. We get sick, we read cutoff notices, vehicles break down, friends are diagnosed with serious conditions, and family members pass away. Caregiving doesn't give us a break from life - life continues just as it would if we were not in the role of caregiving. Sometimes, I would like to find a huge pause button for life. Can't it stop for just a little bit and let me catch my breath?
Between the rest of life and caregiving it can feel like we never get to come up for air sometimes. But God has our backs. I think of Psalm 18:28 in these tough moments. For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness. He can bring hope and light into any situation.
In this same psalm, David mentions more than once that God girds him with strength. I envision it as if God wraps His strength all around him. Maybe I see it that way because that's what I feel I need when life and caregiving collide. A little bit of His strength goes a long ways - and a little bit of His light brightens a large area. The darker the room - the more impact a little light can have.
In this verse, David speaks of God's light twice - he notes that God lights his lamp; and God shines His light into the darkness.
Today I will reflect on His light while I'm looking for the "pause" button. Even though we may feel overwhelmed, He will bring light into the situation. My meditation today will be on His strength in me and I will allow Him to carry me through this day. I will purposefully look for His light as I journey through today. Will you join me?
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