Daily Devotions for Caregivers

I've never been very good at awaiting no matter what the situation. From doctor's offices to DMVs to standing in line at WalMart - I just don't do well. It may be that my mind is going a hundred miles an hour, or it could be that I finally have time to think of all the things I could  be doing instead. Whatever it is about my makeup waiting just doesn't fit me well. We've talked a lot in our devotions about waiting on God and maybe I have seen just a tiny bit of improvement since I've become a caregiver. We have some great examples of men and women of faith who waited on God patiently; and some who waited not-so-patiently too. Abraham and Sarah waited for years for God to fulfill His promise; and Joseph waited many years for his dream to come true. When we read the scriptures we can cover several chapters in a matter of minutes and it can be easy to forget that years passed between one chapter and the next. Last night I was reading in Daniel. I love his stor...

It took me awhile to learn that it was okay to grieve the life I lost when I became a caregiver. Of course, it's not healthy to park there emotionally, but it is okay to grieve over what was lost. I think at first I felt guilty for grieving, like maybe I didn't want  to be my son's caregiver if I was sorry over what I had before his accident. Once I grieved, cried and got it out of my system though, I was able to move on and be a better caregiver by giving my full attention to his needs. There are a lot of things that change as we transition into the role of caregiver. For some there are a few schedule changes but for others it is an entire lifestyle change. In my situation I lost the freedom to come and go as I wanted to, the spontaneity of life no longer existed. I had to gather all my stuff and my son's stuff up into one location which took quite a long time. I physically moved twice after his wreck to try and provide better care and to make sure he was close to fa...

I don't know about you but lately my days seem overly busy and downright crazy at times. It can be so easy to get carried away in the details of caring for another. And try making one simple  change to something as basic as a meal plan, changing a supply order or going with a new company for an aide and a snowball effect of crazy events can begin. There's a reason we can feel like we have too many irons in the fire.  We do. But they are all necessary in order to take care of ourselves and our loved ones. Caregivers have days where we are just tired. It does not change the long list of chores we have to accomplish for the day, but we can be tired before we even begin. It can be easy to get caught up in the world of caregiving and forget about ourselves. We sort of wear this caregiver's mantle because we need to. We can be that take-charge-kind-of-person it takes to get things done. Who else is going to do it, right? This morning when I arose I thought about how tired I...

One thing that can upset an already jam-packed day is for your loved one to become ill. Most caregiver's schedules are already tight enough without having to take care of the additional issues that arise from an illness, no matter how brief. This week, my son has been ill and to add to the complications, we had been in a situation recently which demanded we change doctors. This meant that I was dealing with a doctor who does not know my son's medical history and does not know me. I called and spoke to the nurse several times only to basically be blown off as she finally said, "Why don't you just take him where you normally take him." (Yes, that just happened!) I was not happy about that at all and my first thought was, If I'm going to do what I was doing before, why did I change?  What they don't understand is how complicated some of the simplest life tasks can be in a caregiving situation. I have to make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance and my so...

Caregiving is not an easy task period; and any given day can bring numerous surprises both good and bad. You just never know how a day is going to go. You never know when you are going to run out of steam, or when you'll have a burst of energy. People can surprise you by not showing up, or they can surprise you with an unexpected text asking if you need any help. The emotions can be all over the place for a variety of reasons. In the midst of caregiving - life continues for everyone else and life itself doesn't take a break. As a caregiver, we deal with our personal situation plus all the "normal" stuff life throws at you. We get sick, we read cutoff notices, vehicles break down, friends are diagnosed with serious conditions, and family members pass away. Caregiving doesn't give us a break  from life - life continues just as it would if we were not in the role of caregiving. Sometimes, I would like to find a huge pause  button for life. Can't it stop for jus...

I enjoy reading the last few chapters of Job where God takes over the conversation. In chapters 38 to 41, God takes the time to describe creation from His point of view. There are many questions that God asks of Job during this passage and we all know He isn't looking for "information." He already knows the answer - He is measuring Job's response. In Job 38:12, God asks Job if he's ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to arise in the east.  Then in verse 19, God asks, where does the light come from and where does the darkness go?   Put this with Psalm 104:19 where it says the sun knows where to set; and you have a full day orchestrated by God. The sun never "rises" and forgets which way to go. It is so designed and set in place by God. He started it in Genesis and nothing has been able to interrupt the process. Except for that one time on Joshua's behalf where God caused the sun to stand still. Day and night continue the way G...

If there is one thing I have learned since I became a caregiver it is to be open and honest with my feelings. I learned that God is big enough to handle my "real" feelings - there's no need to "protect" Him. People I had more difficulty with because you're never sure how someone is going to take what you say and how it's going to affect them. Over and over I've had people tell me that they appreciate the openness and transparency with which I write. But it didn't come easy for me. Maybe I just figured I didn't have anything to lose; or perhaps I just got too tired to filter everything any more. Who knows? I've been open and honest with God for a lot longer since I figured He already knows what I really think , so why would I try to hide my emotions or thoughts from Him? But being open with people has been another story. I have trust issues for sure - and I'm not denying that. Actually, this openness that I am just discovering is som...

I love reading the Psalms and particularly enjoy the ones written by David. He seems so open and honest with his feelings and doesn't typically hold anything back. David doesn't worry about what everyone else might think about him, he just lays it all out there. Sometimes it can seem like he goes from one emotional extreme to another all in one psalm. That's something many caregivers are very familiar with. Each day can bring a wide range of emotional challenges and changes until we start to think we are losing it for sure. But we are in good company it seems. In Psalm 31, David makes a lot of "I" statements. In the first few verses, David is declaring his trust in God. He says some things like: I have taken refuge (in You) I commit my spirit (into Your hands) I trust in the Lord I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness These are some very powerful declarations and worth grabbing a hold of in our own lives. They are perspective changing  de...

Before my caregiving days I functioned in many roles in the church. As a youth pastor I taught the young people scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 - that the Lord has good plans for them - for health and a future. Sometimes on the other side of caregiving, or even during life's strongest trials scriptures like this one can become muddled. If God has good plans for me, why is this happening? His intentions for us never  change. My mind goes back to the Children of Israel. God told them in Leviticus 22:33 that He brought them out of Egypt to be their God . And He said in Exodus 34:14 that He is a jealous God. The New Living Translation interpreted this verse to say He is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.  God's desire to have a relationship with His people has never changed; and is not likely to make a sharp turn over 2000 years later! God performed mighty miracles to bring His children out of Egypt's bondage. But it was not an easy road after that - they ...

Sometimes it bothers me when I hear complaints about it being Monday. It seems to me that on many levels the caregiver's days are all the same. There's not much relief on the weekends and our chores remain the same for the most part with maybe some small changes. I don't think that a day is necessarily bad or good just because of its position in the week. Even in our crazy not-so-normal lives our attitude can go a long way in making a day "good" or "bad." We cannot always change anything about our circumstances and we cannot always find ways to lighten the load - but we can always change our attitude and make the best out of what we have. We all have days that are better than others but some days seem to bring a lot more of a struggle. What are we supposed to do on those days? Typically my thoughts run to the scriptures when I am overwhelmed, and particularly the psalms. Sometimes what seems like the simplest phrase can bring healing and restoration. T...

Sometimes I hate it when people tell me "you're so strong." It's not because I don't like to be complimented, but more that I really don't feel "so strong." I also feel like the statement is left hanging like they meant to say "you're so strong compared to...." what? It's like in the back of their minds they think they couldn't handle caregiving. In reality none of us probably set it as our life goal; but it was handed to us and we adjust the best we can; and they would too. We are all very adaptable. Maybe it bothers me because I feel anything but strong - I feel so weak. The caregiving journey has helped me to see and deal with my weaknesses. There's nothing like the caregiving role to reveal all those weak areas. Even though I feel very vulnerable and weak, I have learned how to rest in His strength. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul was asking God to take away his "thorn in the flesh." There has been much argumen...

Have you ever had someone tell you that because your loved one wasn't healed you lacked faith? Sadly enough, I have. Yet if we look at all our Bible heroes we'll see that we admire them because of the trials they endured. Each of them give us a picture of how to trust God in adversity; and how to keep faith during intense testing and trials. Adversity is actually the true test of faith. It's in the midst of the trial that we find out just how much we trust God. Can we trust Him when our lives are less than perfect? The caregiver's life is definitely "less than perfect" if we compare it to others. For some of it caregiving can mean that we are locked up in our own little cave unable to get out and about. For others, there may be some getting out - but there's not quite the freedom we see in the rest of the world. Caregiving can complicate everything on a variety of levels. We can't use the struggles of caregiving to measure our lives. We also cannot u...

The last few days we've been looking at three men of faith: Job, Noah, and Daniel. These are three of my Bible heroes along with many others. But these three men are mentioned together in Ezekiel 14. Twice, the Lord told Ezekiel that if Noah, Daniel and Job were in the land they would be delivered through righteousness. They couldn't "delver" anyone else, but they would be saved if the land was destroyed. I have spent much time pondering why He listed these three men. What happened to Abraham, the friend of God ? What about David, the man after God's own heart? Why not Moses, the one with whom God spoke face to face as a man speaks to his friend ? What made Job, Noah and Daniel's stories so unique that God said these three men could deliver their own soul by their righteousness? Their situations were not similar, neither were their trials. Actually, all three faced difficult adversities of very different types. Like the caregiver has to do many times, they ...

All of our Bible heroes faced some type of adversity. The stories about how they overcame or endured that adversity is what makes them our hero, isn't it? Noah is among those listed in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11. The writer reminds us that was warned by God about things not yet seen.  Noah took a huge leap of faith to obey God and began building the ark. He faced his own circumstances and lived in a generation of people who did not believe him. As far as we can tell no one helped him build the ark and no one stood with him. According to Genesis 6, Noah lived in a very wicked generation; he most likely lived in a very lonely place. The caregiver can live in a lonely place too. In many ways, even if we are able to get out some there are times of isolation. When we do have the joy of getting out it can look so much different than others. For me, it means dealing with my son in his chair. In some settings, that can be isolating enough - no one knows what to do with us; so they d...

I can't even begin to imagine what Job went through. If you go back and read the first chapters of Job you'll see how he lost his children, his wealth and sustenance, his possessions and even his health. Sometimes I read Job when I think I can't handle anymore. Early on in my caregiving journey (and sometimes even now) I feel a great sense of loss. I had rid myself of my possessions and was headed to the mission field when my son was involved in the accident. When he was going to be released to "go home" I had nowhere to take him. Add that to losing who he was and I dealt with a heavy sense of loss for a long time. I compensated for the losses I felt by buying anything I wanted. I'd see a movie, a book or a piece of furniture I liked and I'd buy it. It took me some time to realize I was making purchases and other allowances in my life to try and make up for the great loss I felt. I say that to say only on a very small scale can I begin to understand the ...

When I first brought my son home I could not transport him by myself. Due to the head injury, he was very stiff and  sometimes wouldn't bend once you got his stood up. This made it difficult to get him in a vehicle. Add to that the fact that I was inexperienced at transfers and let's just say we stayed home a lot! Eventually, I was able to get a handicap van and we enjoyed a brief amount of freedom. It was short-lived as the van is very old and needs a lot of work. Presently it sits in a parking spot outside my apartment. I'm pretty much stranded. You might say I am a captive in my own house for the most part. I do have the option of public transportation and use it a couple of times a week. Even though I sometimes feel like a captive in my own house, it's nothing compared to what others like Daniel have gone through. In the first chapter of Daniel we find the story of the captivity of a great number of Israelites. He found himself in great adversity. He was: Held ...

Jesus spoke some powerful words in John 14:27. He was instructing His disciples about what to do after His departure. He explained that Holy Spirit would come and help them. I'm not sure the disciples were quite ready to live life without His up-close-and-personal presence. We all enjoy those times when God's presence is almost tangible. It's the times we can't  feel, hear or sense His presence that are the toughest. Jesus offered these words for His disciples and for us: Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. Even today He offers us a peace beyond our understanding. The caregiver's world is oftentimes anything but  peaceful! There are so many  needs...  and so many questions like "How am I going to handle______?" I'm sure you can fill in the blank with any number of things like finances, transportation, or other decisions that sometimes have t...

Today I am reminded just how hectic the life of a caregiver can be. We might ought to apply for a juggling gig with all the things we have to do some days. We have to make and keep doctor appointments, work with aides and therapists, order supplies, stock supplies, pick up medications from the pharmacy; and that's all on top of the "normal" daily chores that have to be done like bathing, feeding, cooking, pureeing foods and just taking care of another whole adult body. Add to that some of the "normal" activities like babysitting grand-kids or shopping for groceries and you can have a pretty hectic rat race going on. Thankfully even though our days are typically full, they are not always all that busy and full. Change is a constant friend. Psalm 46 describes some physical changes in the earth like mountains moving and shaking, and the earth being removed. Even though our physical world is not undergoing changes that drastic, as caregivers we live in a changing ...

David wrote the first 7 verses of Psalm 32 in first person. He is speaking to God, acknowledging his faults and thanking God for forgiveness. In verse 7, the psalmist makes this statement: You are my hiding place, You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. This he finishes off with a "Selah!" Which simply signals the reader to stop, reflect on what was just said and take a moment to think about its depth. Even though verse 7 is a powerful reminder that God is with us, providing shelter and singing over us even in the storms of life - it's the next verse that catches my eye. In verse 8 there is a total switch and God is responding to David. He says: I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. God says He will instruct us, teach us and counsel us.  We don't have to wander through life like we are trying to find our way out of a deep, dark forest. He ...

I have read story after story by caregivers who feel like they are carrying the responsibility all alone; and in too many cases, they are. Caregiving can be a lonely walk. Not only are there limitations when it comes to outings, friends don't really know what to do with your new lifestyle either. They don't realize that your likes and dislikes didn't change when you became a caregiver. Did you like playing cards or going to movies before caregiving? Then it is likely that you still do. But sometimes those outings are no longer practical and in some cases they are not possible. You are the same person but your social scene may have changed. This can add to the loneliness that many caregivers experience. The good news is that even when you feel all alone - you are not. I find myself returning to a favorite passage in Isaiah 43. It says something like this: When you pass through the waters I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. Whe...

In 1 Peter 4:11, the apostle tells the reader that when we serve we are to do so with the strength  which God supplies. He also says that the final outcome of serving others is to see God glorified.When I first became a caregiver I could not see how God could possibly be glorified . After all, I was headed to the mission field to work for Him. I dealt with a lot of frustration when my "life" as I knew it was disrupted by caregiving. Our illusion has been that the only way to serve God  is to work in "the church." If you don't teach Sunday School, lead worship or preach surely you are not serving Him. Caring for our loved ones is a demonstration of the love of Christ to the rest of the world. John 15:13 quotes Jesus as saying, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." We as caregivers offer a true picture of faith, love and compassion. In many instances, the caregiver has sacrificed their own lives in order to pr...

1 Peter 2:23 tells us that when Jesus suffered He did so without "uttering threats." I take it that He didn't yell back at His accusers or tormentors. He didn't tell them what He could do to them; and He suffered in silence. I can honestly say that I have not  done that! I've said some pretty harsh things through this furnace and particularly during those really long nights. The load can become so heavy for caregivers that we speak from our pain or frustration. Many times, we don't really  mean what we say - but in many cases, they are things that should never be uttered. Jesus, our example, did not speak out of turn, out of pain, and offered no complaint. He simply entrusted Himself to Him who judges righteously.  Caregivers deal with constant pain and grief in many cases. If we follow the example our leader gave us - we are constantly presenting our pain and our situation to our Father. And we must let Him judge. Those who are on the outside of the Caregiv...

Life brings us a series of trials. Caregivers are not exempt from trials, tribulations and troubles. We don't get a we don't get a break from life just because we are in a caregiving role. Along with taking care of another whole person, we still deal with friendships, breakups, deaths of loved ones, births, marriages and all the incidents that go with life in general. There is no exemption ticket  that protects us from the rest of life just because we are a caregiver. And I'm finding that eventually, we adjust. Most trials will pass in time; or at least settle down enough for us to handle it. The things we end up facing in life have no impact on eternity. It may be rough and tough here in the present, but our inheritance in Him is not tainted or destroyed because of the sometimes lengthy trials we must face. 1 Peter 1:3-4 tells us that we obtain an inheritance that is imperishable, and undefiled and will not fade away.  It is being reserved in heaven  for us. It's not...

Before I was officially a "caregiver" I lived in an ICU waiting room for three weeks and then in a hospital room with my son for another 3 1/2 months. I had flown in from another state and there was no "home" to return to. One thing I noticed was the instant connection all of the people hanging out in the waiting rooms had. We shared stories, food, laughter and tears; yet we had never met before whatever trauma had brought us in. We understood each other. One event had turned our lives upside down and even though we had never met we became instantly bonded with one another. I felt like this unique experience offered a picture of how the church should act. We shared our lives for the short time we were together and all of the normal boundaries like social status, economic status and our belief systems really didn't matter. We helped each other out in any way we could. When one was down- another would comfort knowing they may need the same thing within the next ...

Did you ever feel like God isn't doing anything? Sometimes when we pray we don't see any immediate actions and it is easy to think that God isn't doing anything on our behalf. Over the last few caregiving years many times my thoughts have turned into prayers. All day I am pouring out my heart before the Lord. I'm not asking to be rescued anymore; and I'm not necessarily looking for Him to ride in on a white horse and save me. But I typically am asking for wisdom to handle the various situations caregivers must face. Sometimes I'm asking for help, strength or peace. It seems like this is what Asaph was doing as he penned Psalm 77. He was at his wit's end, a place the caregiver lives. We mean something entirely different from the rest of the world when we say we are livin' on the edge!  Even on a good day it only takes one phone call, one mishap or one small change to topple our worlds. In this psalm, Asaph pours it all out before the Lord. Asaph went so...

Long nights are one of the most difficult situations a caregiver has to face. It's 2 AM and your loved one is ill or not sleeping comfortably and you don't know what to do to help them. What a miserable place to be in! It's in those dark hours that I struggle a lot with faith. In those dark, lonely hours there is no one to reach out to and I find myself asking questions like Where are You God? Do You see us? Do You care? For many caregivers, the wee hours of the morning can be the hardest time to wait . Nights in hospitals or just being up with your loved one can lead to sleep deprivation which has a whole host of adverse effects on the body and the mind. We can find ourselves in a perpetual state of waiting on Him. Isaiah 26:8 says we waited for you eagerly.  I'm not sure "eagerly" is a word I could use to describe my manner of waiting sometimes. But then, maybe we can. If I am "waiting eagerly" it would mean that I am waiting in expectancy - kn...

Caregivers have unusual enemies. I say that because our circumstances in life offer different perspectives of the battle. We have unique concerns that others perhaps can't even understand. Day-to-day decisions can become very complicated for the caregiver and simple tasks like making meals or figuring out how to go buy groceries can be huge tasks. It can be a huge undertaking to complete the things most people don't even have to give a second thought to. For me I either have to figure out how to do things like buy groceries or supplies inside a very limited time frame while an aide is here or make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance. It's not a simple thing to just go buy a bag of groceries. And what if I'm about out of eggs and the aide doesn't show up? Let's get real with it - what if I'm out of toilet paper and today's the day I gotta get to the store; and the aide doesn't show up? While others are worrying about their jobs, which coffee to bu...

There have been many times in my life when I have turned to Psalm 27; it just has it all. David talks about trusting the Lord in a very intimate way even through some very tough situations. The psalmist is honest about his feelings and speaks of dread and fear. As he usually does, David reminds himself of Who God had been in his life and asks God to "not abandon or forsake" him. He also takes the time to ask God to teach him, lead him and protect him. One of the verses that sticks out to me today particularly is verse 5. Here David says: in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent He will hide me...  Not just any day - but the day of trouble -  God will hide us. And not hide us just anywhere - He hides us in His tabernacle; and in the secret place of His tent.  To me this speaks of intimacy. God doesn't just drop us in a cave somewhere and put His hand over the entrance so the enemy can't find us. Even though that woul...

There are many scriptures that talk about waiting on God. It seems to be a favorite theme that runs throughout the psalms. Psalm 62 is just one of the many times there is mention of waiting on Him. Actually, the first verse of this psalm begins with a declaration of My soul waits in silence for God only. Not only is the psalmist, David saying his soul is waiting for God, but he is doing so in silence.  Now I don't know about you, but it can be a rare thing for my soul  to be silent. My mouth may not be making a sound but my head and heart are going a hundred miles an hour (on a slow day!). As a caregiver it can feel like we are always in "waiting mode." Even getting up in the morning means waiting to see what the day will hold. How will our loved one respond to care today? Will the aide show up today? Will supplies arrive on time? Am I going to be able to go grab some groceries or will something preempt it? And that's all the thoughts that start running after hittin...

Yesterday my mind kept going back to a very familiar passage in Isaiah 40. As a runner, I wish this scripture could be more literal. (smile) Verse 31 says They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. (NASB) We are all waiting on God for something . Perhaps we are waiting to have peace over a situation, wisdom for a decision, answers to our questions or hope to arise in our hearts. Waiting is the hard part once we've put it out there before God. Maybe it's because we don't know when  the answer will come, or how He's going to answer us. But we can be assured, that He will answer - even if we miss  it when it comes. In the natural, we do get tired; and we do become weary. It's just part of the caregiving package. There are nights with little or no sleep, big decisions that have to be made concerning someone else's health and comfort, and en...

This morning I had a couple of scriptures on my mind as I puttered about and got my tutoring done early. The one from 1 Thessalonians 5:23 is still fresh on my mind: Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely and may your whole body, soul and spirit be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  There are only about 3 or 4 times when Paul uses the phrase God of peace. He uses it here and in Romans a couple of times. And of course, Isaiah says that He is the Prince of Peace. We have the God of peace  or the Prince of Peace  living right inside of us. Now that hits me as just a little bit funny since the caregiver's daily life can resemble just about anything but peace. I don't know if it's ever not  hectic! I would probably use just about any  word to describe daily activities - except peaceful.  While each caregiver's journey differs, my days are filled with constant activities like laundry, cooking and pureeing foods, strai...

Did you ever have a day where you felt totally overwhelmed by your situation? Maybe it's just me, but there are days when I get up and just don't feel like facing all the commotion. Caregiving isn't like just having a job - we can't call in  to work and say we are not coming. Maybe David had some sort of sense of the oppressive forces at work when he said in Psalm 17:9 that the wicked oppress me  and the deadly enemies surround me . Caregiving is an all-consuming situation. You're all-in like it or not! And for many of us there isn't a break in sight with no one to lighten the load. Now I know we can adjust to our lives and everyday is not a huge burden. But what do we do with those days where we do  feel overwhelmed? I think verse 8 has our answer. David penned: Keep me as the apple of Your eye Hide me under the shadow of Your wings... That's my heart's desire on good days and bad. I just want to know that God still sees me and that He is still...

Psalm 91 used to be one of my favorite psalms, until my son was involved in an automobile accident that left him incapacitated. For a long time I found Psalm 91 very frustrating - since God did not protect my son. In another blog I openly sorted through emotions and faith. As I slowly got my bearings and tried to continue to trust the Lord again - I learned to love this passage once again; but from a totally different perspective. I no longer see it as a cure-all and a "lucky charm" that keeps all trouble far away. It's not so much that trouble stays so far away - it's that He keeps us safe during the storm, during the trouble and through tribulation. If you will read past verse one you'll find some pretty interesting things like: the snare of the fowler perilous pestilence terror by night destruction laying wait at noonday plagues lions and cobras All of that is out there ! And it's not far away. It's a scary place for sure. It's n...