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Guarding the Broken Heart

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In my studies this morning, I found myself in Proverbs 4. I'm actually studying the armor of God and I chased some thoughts that led me to the last few verses of this chapter. I wrote down some notes on my other study but then my mind settled in verse 13. The New Living Translation states it this way: Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. I can only feel my situation - and my first thought was - protect your broken heart.  I wondered if it was any different for caregivers than others. Probably not, really. We still need to guard our hearts and perhaps we need to be a bit more diligent about it than others. For me personally, the first two things that came to mind that I must protect from taking root in my heart was bitterness and unforgiveness. When my son first had the accident I began to pray that I would not grow bitter as things progressed along lines I really didn't want them to go. You know? One of my first prayers was that I would move...

And Still I Wait

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I didn't get past the olive tree - and the oil that comes when the crucible of life presses us in yesterday's devotion. But I did spend just about as much time in the final verse of Psalm 52 as I did in verse 8. In verse 9, the phrase that captured my attention is this: I will wait for your mercies.  I thought about that for a while. What's it like to wait - for His mercies? I immediately thought about the scripture that says, His mercies are new every morning. The funny thing to me about that is that there is no "morning" to God- it's always today. The sun doesn't set - there's no darkness in Him. So I looked up the scripture. Of course, it's in Lamentations 3:22-23. The New Living Translation worded it this way: the unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies,  we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day.  There's a lot to think about in these two verses. I alread...

Living in His House

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The last few mornings in my study time, I've been hanging out in Psalms 50 to about 55. I just keep reading them over and over because there's so much in them. This morning, I was reading in the New Living Translation. I read Psalm 52 over and over. David had been betrayed by Doeg the Edomite, so he had some not-so-nice words for him at the first of the psalm. As caregivers, we can be betrayed by friends - and even family we were counting on for support. Sometimes, it can feel like life itself has betrayed us and left us to deal with the un-normal lifestyle  of caregiving. We've all experienced betrayal on some level. Just like David, we get frustrated, hurt, even angry. Our faith doesn't keep these things from happening- it just helps us navigate through them easier.... mostly. :-) I'd like to focus on the end of the psalm today, though. The last two verses hold some solid truths we can embrace. In verse eight, David states But I am like a green olive tree th...

Yet Still...

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There is a lot going on - but what caregiver do you know who doesn't  have a lot going on? lol. Every day is full, just some are fuller than others. But let me say this - my days are full, but it's not all bad. It's not all hard. It's not all insurmountable and all  the odds are not  stacked against us. Most of them are, but not all. (smile!) If you've read any of my blogs at all, you know my thoughts are 900 a minute, or more. If you are new to my writings and musings, you'll get used to it eventually. As usual, my thoughts are full.I love the verse in Psalm 94:19. The KJV translates it as in the multitude of thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul. The NASB says When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul. Some versions use the term worry, cares of my heart, and even doubt. I don't really care what we call it - whatever name we want to give to it His comfort is still our delight. He is still our joy. And I wi...

Fly Away!

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I have always loved the psalms. Most people find them comforting. On one hand, I do too. But that's not what draws me back again and again. I like the raw emotions, the honesty and the accuracy of them. Yesterday, I was reading Psalm 55. David says in verse 2 that he is restless  and he moans noisily . Later in verse 4, he says his heart is severely pained . I so appreciate his candid approach to his feelings and emotions. I too have felt all of these. Sometimes the cares of caregiving seem to press in on all sides. David describes so many of these feelings like being pressed, fear and trembling, and being overwhelmed. In the church circles I used to run with these honest feelings had no room for expression and yet here they are mentioned in the Bible by none other than David, the man after God's own heart.  Emotions and feelings must not be outlawed by God. He can embrace us in such a precious way when we are being crushed in teh crucible of life. The reason I was in Ps...

Beauty Among the Thorns

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The last couple of weeks have been an emotional journey for me. I'll spare you the details (you're welcome!), but suffice it to say I've had more on top of more emotionally charging situations to work through. As if caregiving wasn't a rough enough journey on the emotions as it is, right? What I have learned though, is that if I look - I can find beauty. Sometimes it's in the oddest places. Like this beautiful yellow flower. It's in the backyard where I stay. I'm sure most would label it a weed, and it'll soon be dug up and tossed out. Which is really sad because if my research is correct,  it's a type of thistle with a plethora of health benefits. But it's often labeled a weed. Of course, the flower is what caught my eye, but as I looked further I saw all the thorns. If we look for it, we can find beauty among the thorns. Isn't it too easy to get distracted by the thorns and forget all about the beautiful flower that's unfolded bef...

My Polite Journal

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This morning I took some time to pour my heart out in my journal. My heart has been heavy for some time now. There are many things going on - but I'll spare you the details. (You're welcome!) If you haven't tried journaling, it can be a good strategy for stress relief. It's a safe place to let it all hang out!  I had stopped for a while but this year I have picked it back up. Let me just say that I put more than my woes in my journal. I usually end with a prayer - or I write what God is showing me, what I am learning - and all those deep philosophical questions that rarely have answers. It's a polite catch-all for my sundry, sometimes crazy thoughts. As I finished up the entry this morning, I ended with a couple of statements which became the first two lines of this poem: Lord, hold me and hide me Let me know You are beside me As life's turbulent tides Roll over and over me -  Comfort me - pull me close and help me see There's more to life...