I'm not sure what I'm dealing with more today - aloneness or grief. Some days I can shuck my emotions down to one or the other. Other days it just seems to suck me into a downward spiral that can be difficult to recover from. This week is Chris' birthday. He'll be 35. I get stuck wondering where he might have gone, what he'd be doing IF.  The if's are a time and emotion sucker because they really are meaningless. I can't change what could have or would have happened. I can only deal with what is on my plate today. Jesus mentioned that in Matthew 6:34. He said, do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Caregivers can get sucked into the downward spiral by measuring and comparing everyone else's life with their own. The caregiver's fog can overtake us when we don't stay focused on the present. Or even if we get too lost in the present. Taking a good look in His word or spending ...

This morning I was reading in Ephesians 6 about the armor of God. In verse 11, Paul tells the believers to put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm.  As I read through his brief descriptions of the armor and the benefits, I thought how applicable it is to us as believers and caregivers. I think it's safe to say we live in the thick of the battle - furnace walkers. The fire is always reaching toward us. Every day can be a battle. Sometimes, every second of the day is spent trying to catch our breath. Breathe. As I read over the familiar pieces I realized how relevant each piece is to our struggles. Also, at the front of my mind was the truth that we are not disqualified from wearing the armor just because we are caregivers. As a matter of truth, we were not stripped of any of our promises when caregiving came along. We are still just as much of a believer and still covered by His righteousness and filled up with Him as we ever were. Actually, sometime...

Come let us worship and bow down... let us kneel before the Lord our God our maker. For He is our God.  I think it's always time to worship. Job is of course, our great example. In the last part of chapter 1, a then a fourth messenger arrived with yet more bad news. You know the saying, just when you think it couldn't get any worse.  No matter how difficult the days of the caregiver can be - it really can get worse. (God forbid!!) Job's response to bad news getting worse was to shave his head as a sign of mourning and fell to the ground and worshipped.  The heading in one of my Bibles says, Job's Testing.  Well, our friend Job who endured much hardship passed his test - his response was perfect. Verse 22 of chapter 1 says in all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.  I wish I could say that in my trial I didn't sin by blaming God. I cannot. I've often wondered why. What did I do wrong? Where did I not trust Him? etc. In those midnight hours when Chris w...

After a couple of weeks, I was comfortable in the ICU waiting room. There was a certain sense of community there as we were all there for our loved ones. It was a horrible place really. I wouldn't leave because a doctor might bring word out about Chris at any time. Whoever had been there the longest sort of ruled their roost and I was the designated sleeper in a particular recliner. I recall sleeping and waking up hoping it was all a dream. But it wasn't. Somehow I kept thinking God was going to come riding through on His white horse and rescue me. But He didn't. And thus, began my walk of redefining faith. God never promised He'd rescue us out of life's fiery trials, but He did promise He'd walk through them with us. He said He'd never abandon us, never leave us. In Isaiah 43, God tells the prophet I have called you by name, you are mine.  I like that I am His and not one thing life can throw at me changes that. Think about that for a second. My kids ca...

In the natural, I'm a runner. I started running way back when Chris was first in the hospital. I am slower and fatter - but I still love it. It's a large part of how I manage my health both mentally and physically. Usually, a good run clears my mind and gets me back on track. One of my favorite songs to listen to while I'm running is "I'm running - running after You - You've  become my heart's desire." I think about running to Him both of us with arms open wide - and I can run for miles. Proverbs 18:10 reminds us that we can run to Him, and I use "run" loosely. The name of the Lord is a strong fortress, the godly run to Him and are safe. As I thought on this scripture this morning and how often I have to run to Him for safety, I thought of an old hymn: A Mighty Fortress is Our God. So I looked up the lyrics. It's old English so it's a bit hard to understand. So, I'll focus on just the last verse since it's the one that sto...

Do you ever feel like life has sort of passed you by? I talked about how I sometimes feel politely ignored  in another post. Maybe you feel like you drew the proverbial short stick. Maybe it's just me - but I had so many dreams and plans that were jerked out from under me with that one phone call. It can feel like no one really understands what we are going through, not that they are expected to. The caregiver's cave becomes an alone place - but a safe place for us. I was thinking along these lines this morning and a verse came to mind. It took me a few minutes to find it as it's not really a super familiar one, to me anyway. It's in Exodus12:40-42. The New Living Translation reads this way:   The people of Israel had lived in Egypt for 430 years. In fact, it was on the last day  of the 430th year that all the Lord's forces left the land. This night has been reserved  by the Lord to bring his people out of the land of Egypt... What stood out to me was that...

Profoundly painful. Disorienting. Emotionally devastating. Those are just some of the ways elderly people describe what it’s like to lose a spouse. Helping a senior cope with such a loss can be extraordinarily difficult. For those who have never had the experience, it’s impossible to appreciate how different losing a spouse is from losing a parent , a sibling or close friend. The bereaved person may experience confusion, indecision , or a total lack of motivation. Suddenly bereft of a helpmate and lifetime partner, they need help but may not know how to ask for it. So what can you do? Listen unconditionally One of the greatest kindnesses you can perform is to listen . Listen unconditionally and with empathy. Sometimes, encouraging a grieving individual just to talk about their spouse and letting them know you’re there to listen can be therapeutic. Simply allowing a loved one to share thoughts or vent pent-up emotions can be a valuable service. But it does require patience and ...