But First I'll Have Coffee

For quite some time now I've said I have attention deficit problems. I'm a very high strung, energetic, gotta-keep-going type of person. So much so that more than one doctor wants to medicate me to help me "settle down." I kindly refuse as I don't think I need to be like everyone else. There's nothing wrong with having loads of energy in my opinion. However, it does come with some areas that have to be dealt with or they get out of hand. One of these is dealing with distractions, partly because everything can be a distraction.

A friend and I were talking about distractions over the weekend and so my thoughts have been on this topic this week. As an individual, everything is distracting. I can go in the kitchen for something specific but make coffee because that sounds good and then totally forget why I went in there to begin with. On my way to the bathroom I can stop to fold laundry, check the mail or do any number of other things that grab my attention along the way. And cleaning house is a nightmare because I start in one place and end up doing 12 other things.

Caregiving can be its own distraction from life. It commands and deserves the bulk of our time. There's nothing wrong with that at all, it's just a fact that it is time consuming. For many of us who are full-time caregivers we have to do double everything. For those who are part-time caregivers, it still takes large portions of time. We have to be creative in how we get other things done sometimes because a chunk of our day is spent tending to other's needs. That's not a problem - this is when we look the most like Him!

The challenge is in keeping our eyes focused on God and His kingdom in the midst of caregiving. For me, at first it was really hard to even think about the Kingdom of God and how it related to life after caregiving. So much appeared to be less applicable than it was BC (before caregiving). But this is not true. Everything in the Kingdom of God that was true and pertinent BC is just as applicable as a caregiver. Actually, that is what brings me peace many days. That's realizing that His kingdom did not change one iota when my life situation was rearranged. Everything He promised me BC was and is still mine after. His love did not weaken and His purpose for me did not change. I've had some adapting to do - but not one of His promises have changed - caregiving did not distract God and it should not distract me.

Proverbs 4: 25-27 says this: Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. (NLT) It can be so difficult to focus while taking care of another whole person. We can quickly be overcome by daily tasks that quite frankly have to be completed.

Over the last few weeks, I've purposefully been taking time to refocus on Him and the Word. No matter how cluttered and crazy my world has been, I've taken a few minutes each day to refocus on Him; and it's made a huge difference. I'd like to encourage you today to take just 5 minutes to slow down, put aside everything in your mind, let your task list wait and meditate on His love or anything else that didn't change when you became a caregiver.

Today I'm going to turn my thoughts to all the things that did not change with my situation. His love. His patience. His longing for me. The hope of salvation. The truth that He is my righteousness. I'll be meditating on these types of things today - as a matter of fact I might just start a list of the things that did not change. And then - I'll rest in His unchanging love. Will you turn off the distractions for a day and join me?

All I Have

This morning as I picked up my Bible, I noticed my notepad and pen were holding a place in Exodus 34. That's where I'd left off last time I used this particular Bible. One of my favorite verses (I have lots of them) is in this chapter.

Verse 14 in the New Living Translation says You must worship no other gods, but only the Lord, for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship to you. I remember when I first discovered this scripture, I meditated on it for weeks and then held it close to my heart. It was so refreshing to see God in that light - as someone who is passionately chasing after us and longing for a close relationship. He still is that God, no matter what life may have thrown our way.

I continued reading and got stuck in verse 20. The last part says No one is allowed to appear before Me without a gift. I kind of stumbled on that scripture as I feel like I don't really have a gift to offer Him. I mean seriously, what could I possibly have to present to the King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords?

My mind went through a list of what I could offer. Money? Time? Anything I give Him has to be abstract since I can't physically offer Him an offering. Micah must have had similar questions when he penned:

Should we bow before God with offerings of yearling calves?

Should we offer Him thousands of rams and tens of thousands of rivers of oil?

Would that please the Lord?

Should we sacrifice our firstborn children to pay for the sins of our souls?

Would that make Him glad?

But then he answers his own questions with this:

No, O people, the Lord already told you what is good

and this is what He requires:

to do what is right

to love mercy

to walk humbly with our God.

Micah 6:7-8

I sit here empty handed feeling like I don't have anything to bring to God. I can't even do the normal religious stuff like teach a Sunday School class or lead a song service for Him. But is that really the types of things He wants? I think ultimately, He just wants our hearts. Whether we are a caregiver, a CEO, a daycare worker, teacher, or a fast food server He still wants the same thing from us. whether we are a millionaire, a pauper or somewhere in between He still wants the same thing from us. He wants our hearts. So when I think I don't have anything to offer Him - I actually have exactly what He wants: my whole heart dedicated to relationship with Him. I can do that from any position in life.

Today I will meditate on how He persistently and relentlessly pursues our hearts. I'll think about ways I can give Him more of my heart - maybe even pray He sheds some light on areas where I've held back from Him because I didn't feel I had anything to offer. I'll turn my thoughts to what it looks like to fully surrender everything to Him once again. Today I will give up myself to Him once again and I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Still Seeking

Over the weekend, I heard a phrase in a song, "You are perfect in all of Your ways." I knew it was a scripture but couldn't remember where it was located.  This morning I looked it up and it is in Deuteronomy 32 at the beginning of the Song of Moses.

I read the whole chapter a time or two and went back to meditate on the phrase for a bit. I closed my eyes and thought about how perfect God is and how right and just every decision He makes is. When I opened my eyes, they fell on a scripture on the opposite page - I had marked it sometime ago. It is in chapter 30, verse 4.

Though you are at the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will go and find you and bring you back again. 

I thought about that for awhile and read it in context. Moses is encouraging the Children of Israel to return to the Lord. He is calling them to come back to Him with their whole heart and seek Him fully. But this verse to me is God reaching for them. He continues to seek a relationship with His people no matter what their situation is. Just because we became caregivers doesn't mean He has abandoned His pursuit of relationship. Actually, He is still seeking.

Exodus 34:14 in the New Living Translation reminds us that God is a God who is passionate about His relationship with us. He is always seeking for our heart because He actually wants to be with us. He longs for us to have two-way conversation, not just us asking for things in what we call prayer. He longs to have an intimate connection with us.

I'll be the first to admit I've had trouble in this arena particularly since my son's accident. I felt like God had abandoned me. Even though I needed His touch even more, it became difficult for me to seek Him. But He was still seeking me. He is relentless in His pursuit of our hearts. He doesn't stop desiring to be with us when life gets difficult or ugly. He doesn't walk away wringing His hands like many of our friends have done. When they are not really sure what to do with us or our situation, He is still waiting on us to come to Him. To be accepted. To be cared for. To be loved. Being with us - is His very heartbeat. And so He waits.....and seeks....

These scriptures were recorded by Moses who was leading the Children of Israel through the wilderness. They were argumentative, faithless, complaining and just plain ugly sometimes. Yet God continues to communicate His love for them and His desire to be with them. He feels the same way about us - whether life is beautiful or not, whether we have it all together or not, whether we feel faithful or faithless, whether we are waiting on Him or not - He is waiting on us, longing for us to come to Him.

Today I am going to turn my thoughts to how much He wants to be with me - no matter what life looks like. I will stop all the crazy thoughts in my head today and focus on being with Him. I'll pour out my heart before Him and wait for Him to pour His heart into mine. My meditations will be on his love and pursuit of me. I'll think about how He waits for me to come to Him. And I will wait on Him today. Will you join me?

Who knew that was there?

Over the years I've come to enjoy the Psalms and find myself reading there a lot. I'm not sure why they are so intriguing to me, but I seem to enjoy them more and more. This morning I found myself in Psalm 77 which is one of my go-to passages, but this morning I saw something totally new.

I'm reading along and stopping at key scriptures I've learned to rely on, and I hit verse 16. It's like I've never read it before. Maybe I stop too many times at verse 11 which I run to frequently, but verses 16-20 just stood out to me this morning.

In verse 16, the Psalmist, who happens to be Asaph, describes how the Red Sea felt as Moses and the Children of Israel approached on their exodus from Egypt. The scripture says the Red Sea trembled and quaked to its very depths. I love nature and its response to God, and I know in Psalm 19 it speaks of how nature's voice is constantly declaring God's glory. But I never thought about how the Red Sea trembled once it was in God's line of sight. One look and the huge sea began to roll back and make way for His people.

If you read on down to verse 19, you'll find what really grabbed my heart this morning. It says Your road led through the sea, Your pathway through the mighty waters -- a pathway no one knew was there. Moses had just led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and the first thing that happens is they run smack dab into the Red Sea and Pharaoh's armies are closing in on them from behind. It was not a good place to be in - if you look at it from their point of view. But God had a different point of view.

He did not look at the Red Sea and think, "Oh no!" He looked at the Red Sea, man's road block, and saw a path no one knew was there. He just led His people on through like a flock of sheep.

As caregivers, we can run up on lots of road blocks and from our point of view many times we can feel boxed in. But God has a different point of view. He does not see us boxed in. Even if we are overwhelmed and retreat to the caregiver's cave and try to hide - He sees it differently. We may feel we are shivering and reeling from life's battering, but He sees the opportunity to tuck us in tightly to His heart and hold us close. He always has a path to the other side. It may be hidden under a sea, but it's there. All we have to do is follow His direction instead of our own.

Our lives can be so hectic - even on the calmer days. I used to get all bent out of shape when something didn't go as planned. (Okay so sometimes I still do....) But I'm finding that there are these hidden pathways that can lead to something brand new. That's what God does - He makes a way - no, He sees and makes a way where there doesn't appear to be one. His pathway is already there - we just have to discover it.

Today I will turn my thoughts to how God has hidden pathways I just don't see yet. I'll rest in Him and trust Him to lead me through life's obstacles even when I can't see. My meditations will be on His provision, His power and His pathways, and I will pursue them instead of my own. Will you join me?

Nothing Changes - And That's a Good Thing!

There have been several major changes in my life over the last week or so. Some were small changes while others were large; some I've chosen and others have been forced on me.

It's been everything from taking Chris to races with me instead of hiring a sitter, to more responsibilities at work to my biological father passing away. At the same time, I've been making some personal changes as well. I've been de-cluttering my house, started actually working on a couple of my projects (and making progress!!), and changing up my schedule a bit so I can give myself a break - sort of. That's a lot for a Type A! :-)

This morning, I was sipping my coffee and thinking about how the landscape of my life has been changing and how I'm trying to be more comfortable with it. But then I started thinking about the things that don't change. The second I became a caregiver, my whole life changed drastically. But some things literally can't change - and those are the important things.

My status in the Kingdom of God doesn't change one iota. I am forever a child of the King. No matter what I do, don't do, or what life wants to throw at me that cannot and will not be changed. His love is never ending, never changing and cannot be destroyed by any power on earth, above or below. The truth is going to stand for all eternity as the truth. It will not be altered by time, or eternity. His word will not change to accommodate my situation - it will not fade or waver in the storms of life.
He will always be with me. He does not say enough! and pack it all up and take it home. Nothing I can do will make Him deny me; He cannot deny Himself 2 Timothy 2:13. 

So in the topsy-turvey life of caregiving where one day you have an aide - and one day you don't; one month you get supplies - and the next you don't; one minute you have a friend the next you're all alone, it's good to know that there is a solid foundation to build your life on that will not falter, will not change and will not decay over time.

Today I will be meditating on the one Constant in my life - my God. I will turn my thoughts to how He is my foundation and I'll build everything in life on Him and I'll be careful not to switch that process around backwards. I will keep my mind on how His love and care for me never changes - just like my love and care for my son doesn't change. I'll focus on these immoveables in my life: His love, care and presence. And I will rest in Him while I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

No Day Off

Today is a holiday, and for the US it's a wonderful day of celebration. Most of the real world has the day off. There won't be any financial transactions, no mail delivered and most places are closed for the day. But there are no days off  for the caregiver. If you are fortunate enough to have an aide, they will probably have the day off too. And they should have the opportunity to relax and spend time with family and friends. But our day doesn't change much - there are no days off.

When we get up and around this morning, it's highly likely it will look pretty much like any other day. That's not a complaint - it's a statement of fact. As I was thinking about the holiday this morning and trying to decide if I wanted to attempt anything outside our box, I thought of one particular scripture.

Isaiah 40:28 says this: Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the Everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. Not only does He never get tired, Psalm 121:4 says He who watches over Israel never tires nor sleeps. Basically, God never gets a "day off"!

At the same time, He is constantly pouring His strength out to us - those of us who are weary will gain new strength. If you read further in Isaiah 40, it says He offers strength to the weak and He gives power to those who are worn out. (NLT) Some days, I wake up worn out. (Maybe it's just me!)

So while the world enjoys a day off today (and rightly so) I'm going to be running to Him for strength.

Today I will turn all my thoughts and affections toward Him. I will rest in Him and allow Him to pour His strength and power into me. My thoughts will be on how He carries me and He doesn't get tired of it. I'll turn my heart to thanksgiving for His ever abiding presence, His patience and His gentle touch in a rough-around-the-edges kind of life. And I will purposefully thank Him today for never giving up on me, for always being present and for giving me strength for one more day. Will you join me?

So Far So Good

Yesterday I lost a family member and somehow I think grieving losses like that are maybe not "more difficult" as a caregiver, but more complicated. If that makes sense.

Many caregivers, myself included, live with what is called a living grief. That basically means we grieve the loss of our loved one - but they didn't die. They are here - but they are not here. It's a grief that doesn't allow for any closure and it's ongoing. Then when you add any more grief on top of that - it's a very heavy load to carry. Fortunately, I know the Lord and I can take all my cares to Him and drop them off! (I know, that's not KJV!)

This morning I was sitting, drinking coffee and staring at the wall as it was all sinking in. I thought about not doing a devotion - I needed on myself. lol. I opened up an email and saw this scripture which was exactly what I needed to hear today. It's 1 Samuel 7:12. Samuel has just become judge in Israel and the Children of Israel had just torn down all the idols and returned to the Lord with a whole heart.

The Philistines approached and were hoping for a quick slaughter. But God had other ideas. Now Samuel was a judge and a prophet, but he did not know natural warfare. He could not lead the charge. God knew this - but I believe He saw the hearts of the people turning wholly to Him, and He applauded. Only to the Philistines it sounded like thunder and they got all confused. In the confusion, God and the Israelites wiped them out that day!

Then comes verse 12. Samuel sets up a large stone and named it "Ebenezer" which means stone of help. And then he said, up to this point - God has helped us. That just clicked with me this morning. Up to this point in my life, God has been my help. And as I face another day of caregiving and a season of grieving - He will still be my help.

My loose translation of that is so far - so good!  God has been my help, He is my help and He will continue being my help. Now that I can hold on to for today as I turn my heart wholly to Him and do the real work - resting in Him.

Today I will remind myself of God's ever abiding presence. I will acknowledge His help throughout my journey and use it to remind myself that He's still here for the rest of the journey as well. So far God has helped me - and He has no other intentions just because my world got rocked again. My thoughts will be on how I can rest in Him and how I can let Him be my help, my source, my everything. And just like all the other days - I'll trust Him. I'll wait for Him. I'll rest in Him. Will you join me?