In Focus

This morning I was thinking about some of the people in the Bible who went through rough times. Honestly, it's those who endured hard places that earn the respect of believers, right? We never look at someone Bible character or not and think oh, they have never faced any difficulties - I respect them so much.  lol. It's the fact that people walk through life's stuff with their faith intact that earns our admiration and respect. I like to read biographies and autobiographies - but it's the things the main character endures that make the story inspirational and interesting.

I thought back about David and how when Samuel the prophet came to anoint "one of Jesse's sons" as king - no one remembered to go get David from tending the sheep. He had the choice of focusing on rejection - but he didn't make that his focus.

Then, I thought about Daniel, not just in the lion's den. He was taken captive as a young lad and lived nearly his entire life as a slave in a foreign land. He could have focused on his captivity. He could have focused on the oppression. But he didn't. He remained faithful to God even without godly guidance from others.

I've been thinking about Ruth a lot and have shared some thoughts about her in an earlier blog. She came to mind again this morning. We often think about the end of the story and how Boaz redeemed her and she became one of the four women mentioned in the lineage of Christ. But we forget she lost her husband at an early age before she had any kids. She was a widow and must have endured an enormous amount of grief. She stayed with her deceased husband's mother and traveled with her to a distant land. She could have focused on her own grief and sorrow. But she did not.

Over the last couple of years, we've all seen unprecedented sorrow and grief. We're still enduring a pandemic and the added stress. As if caregivers didn't have enough daily stress already! Right? :-)

But we still have a choice of what to focus on. Even on our darker days when chores necessary for our loved one's care weigh us down, we can choose our focus. Like these and other heroes of the faith - we can look past our circumstances and see Him. We can pray like Daniel, sing like David, and be as committed as Ruth even in the midst of our struggles. God honors that.

Today, I will shift my focus from my situation to His situation! I'll lift my eyes to Him - my help, the sustainer of my soul, my comforter, and ever-present King. I'll look past whatever is on my plate to the One who provides, shelters, cares, and continues to love me in the midst of life's struggles and storms. I will thank Him for being right here - right now. Will you join me in enjoying His presence today?

No Room in the Inn

 Do you ever just feel out of step with the rest of the world? I'm not really sure what everyone uses to measure "normal" but I think our caregiving lives don't fit the mold. :-) Most of the time, I'm good with it - I know we walk a very different walk. However, I also know that the baby boomer generation is busy taking care of our parents, so it's a bigger thing than most think. Honestly, I'm not sure about everyone else - but I am sure about me. And I feel out of step with pretty much the rest of the world.

When you are a caregiver:

• Simple things are not simple.
• Doable things are not doable.
• Basic activities of life are more complicated.

I know you understand. In one way, the pandemic has been a huge help. It's so much easier to order groceries and household supplies now. I am thankful for that since just going to the store can be a huge deal. One cough from my son and the trip is off! lol (Yes, I'm a bit overprotective like that!)

With the holidays approaching, my sisters and I were discussing our family's Christmas get-together. One of my sisters has a single step going into her house so it's easy to get Chris' chair inside. My other sister has a series of steps. The last time I went out there, several of the guys grabbed Chris and his chair and toted him inside. It worked, even though my blood pressure went up! lol

It's obviously not feasible for everyone to build a ramp for their house, right? I've even found a few businesses that didn't have access for chairs. Like when we were ordering flowers for my aunt's funeral - the flower shop in a small rural town literally had no way for me to get Chris' chair inside. I stood outside and waited as others went in to arrange her flowers.

I wonder if this feeling is anything like what Mary and Joseph were feeling as they went from inn to inn finding nowhere to stay. Of course, their circumstances were a bit more demanding. :-) I can just stay home, they didn't have that option. How many places did they try before settling into the barn? It had to wear on their emotions - especially Mary's! She was going to give birth and had no place to rest.

One thing I'm thankful for is that God always welcomes me. His door is open for the caregiver - no ramp needed. I don't have to worry about not being able to "get in" to see Him. His ear is listening for our faintest cries for help. He is right here. Right now. I never have to wait outside for Him like I did at the flower shop. I can bring my son - chair and all - right into His presence where I can find grace to help in time of need.

Today, I will be thankful that He is ever-present - and that He doesn't always wait for me to get to Him - instead, He's right here. He never runs out of room, never denies access. I love Him for that. He hears the words I cannot form and sees the tears before they fall. He's that close - that accepting. So, when I don't feel quite "normal" today - I'll look to Him. Will you join me?

The Final Transition: A Caregiver’s Guide to Death

 

It’s impossible to predict the exact moment of death, but there are signs that the end is looming just around the corner. From a loss of appetite to labored breathing, most people exhibit a few behaviors that indicate the time to say goodbye is now. As difficult as it is to consider, as a caregiver, you must learn to recognize the portents of passing and help make the final transition as reassuring as possible for both you and your loved one. Here are some tips to help prepare you for this difficult but natural transition.

 Is the end near?

 One of the first signs the body is shutting down is a loss of appetite, according to senior caregiving specialists at Caring.com. This may be accompanied by excessive fatigue and increased physical weakness. A dying person may be unable to change their position in the bed. Disorientation and labored breathing are also common; listen for Cheyne-Stokes respirations, which is abnormal breathing characterized by increasingly deeper breaths and a gradual shallowing of respirations. In the hours leading up to death, a person’s hands and feet may become swollen and their extremities feel cool to the touch. One of the final physical changes that happen before death is a loss of blood circulation that results in uniformly pale skin and mottled veins.

 Wishes respected

 While the process of death is one that is heart-wrenching to experience from the outside, it’s important to respect your loved one’s wishes. For instance, if their final desire was to pass peacefully at home, let them do so no matter how emotionally painful it may be.

 Soothing surroundings

 Your loved one may not be able to express their thoughts and feelings at any given moment but, rest assured, he or she is aware -- on some level  -- of their surroundings. You can make their passing as peaceful as possible by ensuring you have the equipment you need to properly provide end-of-life care. This may include a hospital bed, bedpan, IV equipment, oxygen or dialysis equipment, and accessories that improve mobility.

 How to say goodbye

 If you have the privilege of being by your loved one’s side in his or her final moments, consider yourself lucky. Many people never get the chance to say goodbye or offer comfort to their mom, dad, brother, sister, or child as they pass. Hospicenet.org asserts that you should not be afraid to hold your loved one’s hand or offer other physical touch. If there have been any hostilities in the past, it’s time to offer forgiveness. If your loved one is religious, reassure them that they are moving into their creator’s embrace. The most important thing you can do is to simply be there, even if they don’t know it.

 What to expect when it happens

 At the moment of true death, your loved one’s muscles will relax completely. This includes those responsible for preventing bladder or bowel leakage. Since there is still air in the lungs, the deceased may make moaning, sighing, or groaning sounds if disturbed. This may last for several days and you may, in fact, hear noises from the body during the funeral. If your loved one has a DNR order and has been under the care of a physician, contact their doctor or funeral home for assistance.

 Dealing with grief

 It’s never easy to say goodbye to someone you love. Grief takes time. It’s natural to feel periods of intense anger and frustration. One thing that can help, though, is giving yourself something positive to focus on. For instance, ZenBusiness can help you create a nonprofit in your loved one’s honor, and that has the benefit of keeping you busy while also helping the community and showing respect for the departed.

 Death is inevitable for all of us. And it’s the ones left behind that suffer when a loved one takes their final breath. While they may not even be aware of what’s happening, you can keep them comfortable until the very end. Honor your friend or family member by keeping a keen eye, creating a calm environment, and saying goodbye with nothing but love in your heart.

 

Image via Pixabay

Overlooked

 

As caregivers, we have a lot in common. But it's impossible to evenly compare our situations. Among caregivers, circumstances can vary greatly and no two situations are the same, even though they may be somewhat similar. Some of us care for elderly parents, others for our children. You may provide care for a sibling, an aunt, or someone else you care for deeply. 

Some of our loved ones are total care, others can do a few things on their own. Some of us live in the home with our loved ones, others are long-distance caregivers. Any way you slice it, we are providing care for someone we value. 

One thing we may share though is feelings of being overlooked. It can be hard to find where we fit in our communities, our families, even our churches. Our lives look much different when compared to the rest of the world and we experience different levels of "normal" in our day-to-day. We adjust to the new normals of caregiving, though, don't we? But we can't really expect others to understand. Even if they get it in part - until caregiving is experienced, they won't truly understand. 

We can feel abandoned by life. We may feel discarded, or overlooked. You know that feeling you had as a child and everyone was choosing teams and you were standing there hoping you wouldn't be the last one called? Maybe that's just me! :-) The feelings of being overlooked by the masses can be similar. We are standing here - feeling invisible. Yet, we desperately need someone to say - I see you.

When God found Hagar, she said He was the God who sees. She felt acknowledged. Can I say today that I need God to see me? I need Him to hear me. And I know He does. When the world is not sure what to do with us - and they ignore us, walk past us, or treat us as if we are invisible... God says  I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I love you. We are not overlooked - passed by - ignored- by God.

Today, I will remind myself that He is present. My meditation will be on the truth that He sees, hears, feels me and wants to be with me right in the middle of my situation. Caregiving doesn't scare Him away! :-) Instead, He draws near. And when we feel most invisible, He comes even closer until our souls unite and almost look like one. He's that close. So I will acknowledge Him today - I won't treat HIM as though He is invisible, even though I cannot physically see Him. I will thank Him for choosing to walk this lonely journey with me - and for carrying me when I cannot take another step. Will you join me in His lap today?

In the Womb

 One of the things I deal with as a caregiver is being alone. This becomes emotionally complicated by so many weird little details. For instance, I almost had a date this weekend! (For real.) But they canceled because they got too busy. I was a little bit relieved, to be honest. But I'd already gone to the expense and effort of hiring a sitter. I'll probably take myself out! lol

But it left me feeling emotionally drained and alone. I took it a lot harder than I thought. Feelings of aloneness swept over me and I thought about how even my old friends don't want to hang out with me. You see, time is my love language. So the fact that my friend "didn't have time" spoke volumes to me about how unimportant I was in the scheme of things. 

As I sorted through my emotions, a familiar scripture came to mind. It's in Psalm 139. David says You watched me form in the womb. But It was like I could see God watching over a baby forming in the womb. I watched you as you formed in the womb. He watched us form. He knew the second the tissue gained a heartbeat. He knows when we took our first breath as we fought to be - and He will see our last breath when we escape this world to be with Him forever. That's intimacy.

All of a sudden, I had a reprieve from the loneliness that had engulfed me just a few minutes before. I knew that a God who watches us so intently as we form in the womb was not going to abandon me to the aloneness of caregiving. His choice is to walk with us through time and He's not looking for an opt-out button to escape!

Today, I will remind myself that He is right here. He won't leave - because He doesn't want to - He wants to be present with me in the midst of it all. I'll rejoice because I know He desires to be near - and isn't going to abandon me for busy-ness. I'll meditate on His faithfulness today. Will you join me?

All the Elements

 This morning in my devotions I found myself in Psalm 57. It's a passage very familiar to me and dear to my heart. When I was sick with a mystery illness back in 1986-7, I read this psalm over and over as I literally held onto it for dear life. It's got all the elements: prayer, praise, despair, faith, and declarations.

This particular psalm is written by David, the same David who ran toward Goliath and declared that God would deliver the giant into his hands that very day. But now, he's running from a mad man, Saul. David is hiding in a cave. That's a far cry from chasing down a giant, right?

He's open and honest about his distress. In verses four and six he says, 

• I am surrounded!
• My enemies have set a trap for me!
• I am weary.

Man, can I relate to that! Many times I feel surrounded by enemies like fear and doubt. It takes a lot of courage and strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The cool thing about David though, is that he always brings in faith. In verses two, three, and seven he says:

• God will send help.
• My God will send His unfailing love and faithfulness.
• He will fulfill His purpose for me.
• My heart is confident in You!

It's kind of like his own little pep talk. Have you ever had one of those? :-) Mixed in these few verses, as was his custom - he takes time for praise. In two verses, five and 11, David praises God by saying, Be exalted O God above the heavens, May Your glory shine over all the earth. David was also a man of action and he said in the first couple of verses: I look to You for protection! And I cry out to God Most High.

I'm telling you, this psalm has it all! Since I've been meditating on declarations over the last few weeks, you know I have to pull those out of this psalm too. David makes four powerful declarations. Even though he is in distress, he is surrounded by his enemies, he's hiding in a cave for fear of his life. He still declares in the midst of his struggles:

• I will hide in the shadow of Your wings...
• I will awaken the dawn with my song...
• I will thank You O Lord...
• I will sing...

And that's where I'll leave you today. What are your declarations today? Can you look your "enemies" (doubt, fear, etc) in the face and declare - Today I will hide in Your shadow O Lord...all day long. Today, Lord I will sing to you, I will thank You, Lord. 

How Long?

Do you ever feel like you've reached the end of what you can do? It may stem from pure exhaustion, but it feels like it's a "that's it" moment. It feels like God doesn't hear. It feels like He has moved away. There are just those times of overwhelm. Or maybe it's just me. I do think that the psalmist was feeling these types of emotions when he penned Psalm 13.

It's not clear what type(s) of circumstances David was facing, but his emotions are clear. His soul is crying out for God to intervene. In the New Living Translation, Psalm 13 reads this way:

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?

How long will you look the other way?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,

with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"

Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

I will sing to the Lord because He has been good to me. 

I love the way that David emptied out his soul before God with transparency and his honest, raw, and real emotions. But he didn't leave it at that. He usually makes his declarations. He laid it all out there- and then said what he was going to do. In this psalm, he said he would trust, rejoice, and sing even though he was feeling down, forsaken, and on the brink of defeat. 

As I was thinking about this psalm and my own feelings were running crazy in my head, I started with David's declarations and then penned this poem.

But I will trust in Your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because You have rescued me.

I will sing of Your goodness...

Those are my declarations

I will sing from my cave

The pit will hear my heart cry out

to the God who hears.

I will rejoice in His goodness

and when the enemy surrounds,

I'll sing from behind the fears.

I will trust God in the pain

and when my heart is overwhelmed

I'll cling to Him through the tears.

For He is still my God

in the good and the bad

I know at my cry He comes near.

Today, I'll make these declarations once again. I will trust, I will rejoice, I will sing. I'm finding declarations to provide a powerful shift in my attitude. (And I need help with that!) Just saying them out loud helps me refocus on Him and His mercy and grace. Will you join me today in declaring our trust in Him once again?