Trust is an Action Word

 

chris standing by me

It's funny how normal things can just leap out at you, isn't it? I make my living by writing for clients. I provide lots of web content which is mostly blog posts. My clients are from a wide variety of industries, so I get a lot of experience. One of the blogs I maintain for one of my clients has some issues. I sent him an email and explained what had happened and that I would get his new posts up for him and fix the issues on last week's posts. When I got his reply this morning, it jumped out at me.

He simply said, No worries. You always take care of me. I have worked with this client for more than a year but I got this boost of confidence directly from his confidence and trust in me. It seemed like I could literally feel his trust. And of course, that got me thinking! :-)

Can I have that same trust in God? What if I looked at my circumstances, then looked at Him and said, No worries. You always take care of me. And then, I just didn't worry about it anymore.

As caregivers, we often have to do that don't we? There are things beyond our capacity to understand or control. We have to give each day to Him and then remind ourselves that He has always taken care of us, and He's not going to stop doing it now. My client didn't just tell me he trusted me. He could have just said - No worries, I trust you. But he said you've always taken care of me. I easily read trust between the lines. I felt his action.

Today, I am going to meditate on what trusting God really looks like. Trust is a verb, and I want to take action on trusting Him. That means leaving things in His hands instead of taking them out and trying to figure them out myself. I'll remind myself that up until this point - God has always taken care of me - and He hasn't run out of grace or patience. He will continue taking care of me as I continue to trust Him to do so. My thoughts and actions will go toward fully trusting Him with every aspect of my life (caregiving included!) today. Will you join me?

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A Crippled Soul

 

Chris giving me "the look"

I'm still exploring the Bible's caregivers that we took a brief look at yesterday. Today, I focused on Mephibosheth and David. In 2 Samuel 9, David was looking for somebody - anybody from Saul's family. He said he wanted to "show them the kindness of God" (v.3) because of his friendship with Jonathan.

Ziba, a servant of Saul's household was brought before David and told the king that there was one of Jonathan's sons remaining. He also explained that Mephibosheth was "disabled in both feet." (NASB) David's next question is awesome to me - he simply said, "Where is he?" He didn't ask Ziba to "define 'disabled'." He didn't ask if he could walk some, or how much help Mephibosheth needed. He simply said, "Where is he?"

It doesn't appear that King David was inquisitive about any of the caregiving details. He didn't seem to consider how much care Mephibosheth needed, if he needed a chair, or had any other special care instructions. He just asked where Mephibosheth was, then he sent messengers to get him from Lo-debar.

When Mephibosheth came in before the king, he prostrated himself. David simply called him by name. "Mephibosheth." Then he explained that he was restoring all of Saul's household to Mephibosheth - everything that was his by birthright. David also gave him a "place" at his table with no regard for Mephibostheth's physical disabilities. That's true acceptance. No questions. No prodding. Just pure acceptance and rightful placement regardless of abilities or disabilities. David didn't even seem to question if he would be getting anything out of the deal. Many people devalue the disabled because they "can't give back." But David valued Mephibosheth for who he was - not for what he could do or not do. 

Now, I know you're thinking about how great a caregiver David was - but I'm looking at Mephibosheth. While I relate to David as a caregiver - I relate to Mephibosheth because of my inabilities. Sometimes, many times, I feel crippled in my soul. My emotions are all over the place. I have so much trouble focusing, etc. I feel broken, unwanted, and alone. I'm sure Mephibosheth had felt all those as his family was all gone. Yet here he found himself before the king...being restored, being made whole in soul, being cared for - all because of who David knew and the relationship he had had with Mephibosheth's father.

Here I stand before my God and King. I'm broken and alone. But the King - because of Christ - is restoring and making me whole - simply because of our joint relationship with Christ. Wow.

Today, I refuse to look at the brokenness life can bring - the toll caregiving can take. Instead, I will look at God who restores my soul and makes me whole through the cross of Christ. I'll thank Him that he knows I am disabled in my walk sometimes - yet He still sends for me and gives me a place at His table! And today - I'll just sit at His table and be thankful for one more day with Him - will you join me?

Bible Caregivers

 

Aunt Polly and me in the car

As the year draws to an end and I start setting new goals for the upcoming year, I spent time this morning praying and thinking about this blog in particular. I feel like I have failed you, my fellow caregivers, by not being more consistent in posting. That's one thing on my list - to post consistently! I'm working on a time each week where I can set down with coffee or tea in hand and write a week's worth at a time. I prefer writing them every morning, but logistically that doesn't always work out. :-) 

So, I was thinking about taking topics and expanding them out. That led me down a series of thoughts about the caregivers in the Bible. While I've just started compiling a list I came up with these few off the top of my head:

  • Abraham and Isaac
  • David and Mephibosheth
  • Hagar and Ishmael
  • Joseph and his dad and brothers
I thought, man, those are some great ones to start with! These are some of our favorite Bible heroes, but we don't often think of them as "caregivers," do we? Yet each of them cared for another person in one way or another. Maybe their situations were very different than ours. But then, each of our situations is very different anyway! Some of us care for aging parents, but I have many caregiver friends who care for special needs children and special needs adults.

Any way you slice it, caregiving isn't an easy task. There are so many emotions involved from any angle. When we care for parents or other elderly family members there's a role reversal that takes an emotional toll. Caring for adult children who are "supposed" to grow up and move out has a totally different weight. And caring for a child with disabilities has emotional challenges of a totally different nature. So we can look at each of the caregivers in the Bible and glean something from their experiences, right?

Abraham laid his son (promise, future, hope) on the altar. That'll preach. Hagar was distraught worrying about Ishmael's survival. We have likely each faced this emotional challenge on one level or another as we've advocated on their behalf. Joseph sent for his dad and family and provided for them during a difficult famine. And David had Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son who has disabled, come to his palace so he could care for him. I'm sure he provided staff to take care of Mephibosheth, but nonetheless, Mephibosheth lived in the palace under David's protective hand.

Each of these characters shows us a picture of strength, faith, courage, hope, and trust in God. Those are things we can hold on to and use to encourage ourselves as we face difficult and not-quite-as-difficult days. One thing we can be sure of is that God is the caregiver for us all. That's foundational - and worth building on.

Today, I will meditate on God's care for my soul. I will think about these caregivers (and others) from the Bible and consider how they each leaned on God for their soul's survival. I'll lean my heart a little closer to His today as I trust Him for direction for myself and my caregivee. Will you join me?

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The Great CoverUp

 

Chris and myself standing together

Each day brings a whole range of emotions for a caregiver. I don't want to brag but I can go from the epitome of cheer to the pits of despair in a matter of just a couple of seconds! I can be having a great day and happy to be alive and see a photo of one of Chris' friends on Facebook - and sadness overwhelms me as I wonder where he'd be and what he'd be doing if the wreck hadn't happened. Sometimes, good things cause sadness. Another example is when he makes progress. It's so exciting! But it's sad too that I am rejoicing that he took one step when it should be other things like getting married or pursuing his career in music. It's easy to paint over those emotions, isn't it?

Lately, I've discovered that I really enjoy painting. I've tried watercolor and like it. But I've done more with acrylics. There is something therapeutic about mixing colors and creating. I like some of my final products and I like some less. lol. But I never worry about making a mistake because I can just paint over it and start again. As I was thinking about a painting idea this morning that I really want to try, I thought I can't really mess it up  - I can paint over it.

In reality, I can paint over it. But the texture of what was will remain. It's just covered up. 

Sometimes, our emotions can be like the covered-over "mess-ups." We paint on a pretty smile to greet our loved ones, but underneath we know our hearts are still broken. Maybe we paint on a joyful attitude while we know our insides are still crying out. It's all still there - we just covered it up.

Here's the thing. God knows. And the best part is that He understands. He can look past our covered-up emotions and tears and see our true hearts. He sees and understands all the emotions mixed up together to make one new color of our lives. And He still extends His peace, love, and grace. He can see past whatever we used to cover over our emotions and feelings - He still knows what is underneath. And that's the part of us He wants to touch.

Today, I will think about how deeply He sees into my heart. I'm glad He does. I don't have to cover up anything - He knows it all and He still loves me and still wants to be with me. I'll be thankful today that He doesn't toss us to the side or say we "have too much baggage" for Him. Instead, He pulls up a seat beside us and just sits. I'll thank Him today for just being; for just being right here for whatever I face or feel. I'm just going to sit with Him today - because He's here. Will you join me?

four of my acrylic paintings

The Adjustables!

 

me writing in my journal

As I was getting around early this morning, my mind was already racing through today. What will it look like? How will it all unfold? I am not expecting the aide to come today even though he is scheduled to be here. But after all, it is Christmas Eve. I'm so sure he's not coming that I already did all of Chris' laundry. lol

As I was thinking of the things I would have done today if he did come, I made mental adjustments. Some things I can still accomplish, I'll just have to do them differently. Other things will just have to wait. The story of our lives, right? 

While making the mental adjustments I thought, It's okay - I'm adjustable. Then, I thought of a few fellow caregivers and how often we must make adjustments. We are flexible - otherwise, we'd break for sure. It seems like sometimes every day is a series of well-timed (and sometimes ill-timed) adjustments. Maybe The Adjustables should be a new line of superheroes! Oh wait - we are! lol

We make adjustments daily based on our loved one's needs. They need more sleep - or less sleep. Call the doctor to work in an appointment. Supplies don't come as planned - make a new order to pay for them ourselves. Aids don't show - stay on schedule and cut the extras. Grocery order messed up - change the menu! lol 

Then there are the things we don't talk about much. Like how we get everyone ready to head out the door, but have to stop for that "emergency" change. Or how many times have we had to cancel last minute because something wasn't just right with our loved ones? We adjust and move on more times than others know. They don't see the tears behind closed doors. They don't see the loneliness eating away at our hearts. Others do not really know what to do with us, do they? Yet we persist and continue to move forward trusting Him one step at a time. 

Today, I will focus on how God adjusts to meet my needs. I'll meditate on how when I need to cry - He holds me. When I am joyous, He rejoices with me. When I don't know what to do, He continues to guide and walk alongside me. He gets us! And He is the great Adjustable - as He moves in response to our needs. That brings comfort today. Enough comfort that I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

News Flash: You ARE a Worship Leader

 


What does worship have to do with caregiving? Hand with me a few minutes - and I'll explain. The church has long considered a "worship leader" the one who stands on the stage and leads in song. But really, that's just a song leader - not necessarily a worship leader. And sadly, over the last few years it's become more about the show than about worship. For many, it's about manipulating the crowd's actions than it has been about touching the heart of God. 

I've long held that worship isn't about music at all. At best music may be an expression of worship, but it's not worship. True worship is sacrificing our desires for His. Think of Abraham. He laid Isaac on the altar, fully knowing that his son was the embodiment of God's promise to him. That was an act of worship. There was no music playing. No offering taken. No instruments or choir humming in the background. It was raw and real worship - obedience to God over emotions, promises, desires, and wants.

As far as we know, Moses didn't play an instrument. But we have a picture of him as a worship leader in Exodus 33. Verses eight through 11 says, whenever Moses went out to the Tent of Meeting, all the people would get up and stand in their tent entrances. They would all watch Moses until he disappeared inside. As he went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and hover at the entrance while the Lord spoke with Moses. Then all the people would stand and bow low at their tent entrances. Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses, face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. Aftward, Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him, Joshua son of Nun, stayed behind in the Tent of Meeting. - Now that's a picture of leading worship. No music, no offering, no padded pews!

What does that have to do with us as caregivers? I'm so glad you asked!

As I was praying yesterday, I was asking God about some things a friend had said to me. I asked Him about worship. I reminded Him (tongue in cheek here....) that I used to be a "worship leader." And told Him that those days were long gone. But He overwhelmed me with an image that played in my head and touched my heart.

When we as caregivers run to Him with our concerns - and when we are in the depth of pain that only caregivers carry and understand - and we bring that pain to Him again and again - that is a pure act of worship. 

  • Running to Him with our cares = worship.
  • Letting our crying hearts pour it all out before Him = worship.
  • Coming to Him for help with a heavy load = worship.
  • Bringing it all and pouring it all out at His feet, again and again, = worship.
  • Being mad at life (and Him sometimes too) - yet returning to Him, again and again, = worship.
  • Being still when we are unsure of what to do - and waiting for His answer = worship.
The picture in my imagination was of me coming back to Him again and again, in the pain. In the confusion. In the anger. In the good times and the bad. That running back to Him and seeking His help, His word, His peace. Is worship because it all equates to putting Him first.

So, as believing caregivers - we are worship leaders. Everyone who is watching sees our situations. Even if they don't fully comprehend what we carry - they see us carrying it to Him over and over again. They see our selfless acts and our intense need and desire for Him in the midst of it all. That is "worship leading."

Today, I will turn my focus to Him once again. I will lean in to hear His heart for today. I'll think about worship beyond just a song we sing as I lift my heart to place it in His and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Trust Me...

 


Transfers are a way of life - part of the normal day-to-day for many caregivers. My son is total care, that means numerous times over the day I move him from place to place. He can bear weight, pivot a bit, and use his muscles to sit, but still needs max assistance for safety's sake. When I first brought him home over a decade ago, I was terrified. Although he only got up for an hour a day back then, I would get sick to my stomach when it was time to transfer him from the bed to the chair and vice versa. Needless to say - I'm long over those fears. :-) 

This morning I had him up on the side of the bed ready to get into his chair. He was having a bit of difficulty and his eyes were acting up - allergies or something. I leaned in. Placed my arms under his and gently said, "trust me." He totally relaxed as I lifted him and placed him safely in his wheelchair.

But at that moment, it was as though I heard God say the same thing to me. Trust Me.

Sometimes I feel strong. But many times I feel weak and vulnerable. Life can be crippling - even if it's emotionally and not physically. Like Chris, some days I feel strong and ready to do all I can. Other days, I feel limp inside and unable to stand on my own. It's in those moments, though, when God leans in close and whispers, trust Me. 

Just like Chris chose to trust my care of him this morning, I find that I must trust God. He has me. He understands my emotions, my crazy thoughts, and me! He is fully capable of taking on anything and everything I face today as a caregiver. He is strong enough to get me where I need to be without incident - when I trust Him.

Today, I will trust Him for everything. When He leans in close to help, I will surrender in total trust and confidence that He's got me. Will you join me?


Big Shoulders

  One thing that I absolutely love about God is that He has big shoulders. He can handle anything I need to give to Him to carry. God's ...