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Showing posts from February, 2019

Walking Alongside

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 Once a year my daughter and I escape for a mother-daughter weekend away. We started the tradition 5 years ago on her birthday weekend. This year was our 6th trip and it was more of a caregiver's getaway since we now share caregiving responsibilities under one roof. It' always a great time and I learned so much on this trip. On Saturday, we walked the 5k together. The first year we did it was a bit difficult for me because I usually run races. But every year she's done this one I have let her set the pace. This year's race was awesome! We visit, laugh, cut up and just relax, so it's a great time. I thought about how much I enjoy just walking it with her - it's more than just getting the race done - it's the doing it together  that makes it memorable. There really is something special about walking alongside someone else on their journey. Maybe it's just more rewarding when you make it about someone else's journey instead of your own.  Your jo...

Always Behind

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Just a few weeks ago, my son's case manager came by. She started asking how long each task took and how many times a day it had to be completed. As the list grew longer, I started feeling overwhelmed. I had no idea it takes about 5 hours out of the day just to prepare his food and feed him. I also didn't realize how time-consuming transfers were. I mean, we've got it down to an art and it's MUCH easier than when I first brought him home. But still, an hour or more a day just to keep him dry and move him around? Then there was laundry, talking to various health professionals throughout the week, and tons of other things we didn't even get on her list. I was tired just thinking about it. I'm starting to wonder if part of the caregiving journey is this feeling of being always behind.  No matter what all I DO get accomplished in a day, I feel like I left at least as much undone. It's a daily thing. Maybe I am the only one - but I suspect not. Feelings of b...

When In Doubt

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This week I saw and retweeted a tweet from John Piper. The tweet contained the scripture from Matthew 14:30-31. Beginning to sink Peter cried out, Lord save me! Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? John Piper then added this note: this saving hand went out to doubt, not faith. Thus He keeps His own. I think I retweeted it because it really touched my heart. There is a sect of the religious world that try to make us feel like we have no faith if we don't see our loved ones healed. Early on this was a real struggle for me and I battled with some things I'd been taught about faith and my situation. At one point I thought I was doomed. But once I was able to redefine faith - I found it to be what would carry me through the years of caregiving. In this verse, Jesus didn't reach out to the "faith-filled" Peter. He reached out for him in his weakest, most faithless moment and even asked...

The Unexpected

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I'm an organized person, really. I like structure, a schedule, and to know what is happening next. Too bad caregiving doesn't accommodate that. Ever. Each day there are tons of certainties. Obviously, I will feed, dress, transfer, and care for my son. But there are all these other forces that interrupt my new normal. This weekend it was the flu. Chris nor I had it - but my granddaughter tested positive for both A & B flu. Who does that, seriously? That and the cold weather caused me to cancel a race I had planned for me and Chris. When I signed up, the forecast was sunny and 54 - perfect for taking Chris to the race. But the high temperatures continued to drop throughout the week until it was cloudy and barely in the low 40s. Not good for those who are fragile. So I canceled. Again. It's times like these that I feel the losses most. I feel inconsistent and that goes against every fiber of my being. In my heart, I am a pleaser and I cannot stand to let people down....

Foundational Truth

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Is it just me or does it feel like the world is warring against the soul constantly? Lately, I've stayed off Facebook because of the hostile environment it can be. For the first few years of my caregiving journey, it was my entertainment and social outlet. It's changed a lot - and so have I so I avoid it most of the time. I was thinking of the things we see go across there and the media this morning and it made me thankful for my caregiver's cave. I can hide away and not see the horrible state the world is in. In my devotions this morning, I was reading 2 Timothy 3 about the last days.  It describes where we are to a T. But while I was reading through there, my eyes landed on a verse I had marked on the other side of my Bible page. It's chapter 2, verse 13. It says this If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. I was glad I "found" it as it allowed my mind to travel a different avenue. I thought about this foundational truth - H...