Daily Devotions for Caregivers

 Do you remember that little song we used to sing in church as small kids? "Deep and wide, deep and wide, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide." Even though it didn't directly mention God's love, grace, hope, or anything else, we connected it to God. I was thinking about that little song this morning as I was praying and trying to give Him my day.  Instead of singing about His grace, I was thinking about my life and how it seems to be so deep and wide  at times. And then, just when things look up or seem to be a tiny bit better - everything becomes deeper and wider until my life seems like a chasm before me. Like a tourist staring at the Grand Canyon I stand and star into the deepness and wonder if it will ever make any sense at all. Who knows. What I do know is this - that as my life situations and caregiving responsibilities seem to grow deeper and wider - so grows His grace. My "stuff" won't ever be deeper or wider than His grace or compassion...

  One of the things we do most mornings as soon as I get Chris up is to watch some sort of ministry video on YouTube. I figure there is nothing wrong with Christopher's spirit man - he needs to be fed too! I rotate through a few I know that he liked before the accident and a couple of my favorites. Over the weekend we were watching a video of one of our must-watch preachers and it seriously upset me. He was talking about David and how he lost his son Absalom. The scripture reference was in 2 Samuel where Absalom was killed and David went into deep mourning. He was mourning so deeply he had laid aside his responsibilities. The preacher was trying to be encouraging by saying that David missed enjoying the victory his army just had because he was "too busy" mourning.  I have to say the preaching was not erroneous - but I still got very upset. I began talking to my TV. It was his son for crying out loud I said. Then I said, he lost his son! He is allowed to grieve! I realize ...

 This has been an unusually difficult week filled with some super highs and super lows. My son is making progress - amazing progress, especially for 15+ years post TBI. That's the good stuff! On the other end of the emotional spectrum - the wheel pretty much just fell off our handicap van. I'll be paying more than the van is worth to get it fixed. Lol. It was certainly one of those caregiver nightmares - but man, it could have been a lot worse and I saw God's hand at work even in the middle of the mess.  I didn't need the distraction, quite honestly. I mean seriously, I can distract myself quite easily and do so all day most days. But as I was praying about how in the world I'm going to come up with the money to fix the van and get us back rolling - I thought about how easy it is to see the storm.  Faith is not in a physical form. We can't see, touch, or feel it. It takes faith to know that we have faith. We also cannot physically see or hear God. That takes fai...

I wonder if the caregiver heart is the fullest place on earth. We carry so much every single day. Our emotions and thoughts can literally be all over the place all day long. We made this choice because our hearts were full of love for our loved ones. And most of us had no idea of what the journey would actually entail - we started in blind faith, knowing God would walk it with us. Whatever "it" would look like. Here I sit over 15 years later with no end in sight realizing there is no way I could have imagined this journey. Yet it was plotted in the heart of God before it even began. He planned on being there with me every sleepless night, every ER visit, every time I was certain my son was going to take his last breath. His plan to was to be there with me, for me, and to carry me as needed. I know how heavy my heart can be - but God remains.  I know how confusing my own heart's emotions can be - but God doesn't get confused. I know how afraid my heart can be - but God...

 God is so patient with us. I run to Him so often, I often wonder if He silently shakes His head as I approach for the millionth time. In a day. There have been those times when I've been angry with God. (It's okay to say it - it's not like He doesn't know anyway, right?) In my frustration, I've said out loud - I am not going to pray or talk to You anymore. That usually lasts for a few minutes. It really doesn't take long and as soon as something happens there I go running right back to Him. Even those times I really, really, really, wanted to just give up - I found myself running back to Him. I'd picture myself packaging up all my faith and tossing it aside, but never could quite let go. The inability to just give up and walk away has been very frustrating at times. But I am so glad that God understands my frustrations with faith and trusting Him in the middle of life's storms. He is patiently waiting for me each time I come running whether it was in pr...

 I'm sitting here thinking of all the tasks I need to do today and I'm wondering how I'm ever going to get all of it done. Well, I know there is no possible way to get it all  done. My plan is to figure out a strategy that will help me get the most possible done.  Do you ever feel like you need to unwind ? I'm wound so tight and it's still early in the morning. I know my fellow caregivers understand! There's no way to take this day except a piece at a time - or a peace at a time. Lol. Here's the cool part, though. God gets it! He completely understands my overwhelm and my need to unwind while staying focused and accomplishing so many daily tasks. I have to take just a moment to allow my imagination to picture God watching the approximately 8 billion people on earth right now - that's not even taking into account all the billions that have already come through time, or those who are yet to arrive in time. But He knows us all - and yet He is still intimate...

Have you ever had a plate full of life and thought you couldn't handle any more just to have one more thing piled on top? Of course you have, you're a caregiver! That's the story of our lives - of our days, day after day! While our days can seem routine and mundane at times, it's those unwelcomed surprises that keep us on our toes!  You know the drill, you finally made a coffee date with your friend, but the aide doesn't show. Or you're down to almost no supplies, but the shipment got delayed. Maybe you actually have a couple of hours to chill in the afternoon, but the nurse calls and needs to schedule a visit. We could go on and on. And on and on. Am I right? While the world sees our lives as boring and not interesting, we know how important it is to never let down our guard and stay aware and engaged. That's what wears us out sometimes. Our plates are full. No doubt. The good thing is that God's specialty is full plates! 1 Peter 5:9 reminds us to bring...

 I don't know about you, but at first, caregiving felt like the end of my life. It definitely brought about a lot of changes in my lifestyle. "A lot" is an understatement. Literally everything  in my life changed that day. It just took it awhile to sink in. It was also very difficult to adapt to a fluid, constantly changing situation. But here we are over 15 years later - still adapting in fluid circumstances. Lol. We just never know what a day will bring do we? Caregiving was the end of my freedom, traveling, vision, plans, and life as I knew it. But my relationship with God didn't end - and that's the important part. I will admit that God and I were on rocky terms there for awhile. I knew He didn't cause  the tragedy or circumstances. But He didn't do anything to stop them from happening either. That led to major trust issues between me and God. (Did I say that out loud?)  It's okay to admit when we don't trust Him or feel like that trust has bee...

 I think one of the things I love most about God is that He is not afraid of our circumstances. Nowhere in the Bible will you find an inkling of a suggestion that God doesn't sit near the caregiver. Actually, our favorite Bible stories are those that demonstrate how God is with  those who go through difficult times. I have this list of Bible characters running through my head right now as I think about how present God is in and out of times of trouble. When David stood before Goliath, God didn't opt out! As far as we know, David didn't pray and ask God for guidance or confirmation about going out to face the giant. He just went - and God didn't leave David hanging. He went with David out on that field to take down the mighty Goliath. But what if David had asked? How would God have answered? Idk. Gideon was reluctant to obey God. He had to have multiple confirmations, including two fleeces he put out before God. I guess having an angel appear to him suddenly in his dark ...

Caregiving can generate a lot of questions. They usually start with "why" and get deeper and wider as we progress through the stages of caregiving. My questions grew as I found myself deeper and deeper in the caregiver's cave. Eventually, we may even ask where is God?. Early on I found my theology and idealogy on faith were erroneous. God patiently worked with me to reshape both and deepen my trust in Him. I love that about God! He doesn't leave us when things get tough. He remains when we ask the hard questions. God doesn't avoid us like He's not sure how to deal with our pain or grief. He's always got just what we need. It's up to us to decide to look for it. This morning, I was thinking about Jonah a lot. He deliberately disobeyed God. He even got frustrated with God and voiced how he was feeling - even though it was certainly not balanced out with God's peace, love, or mercy. God didn't strike Jonah dead, and fortunately, He hasn't stri...

 During my personal devotions this morning, I found myself reading the last three verses of 2 Thessalonians over and over. Paul penned, may the Lord of peace Himself always give you His peace no matter what happens. No matter what happens. Hmmm. Paul wrote most of his letters from a prison cell. When someone has blood on their testimony, it gives their words just a little more weight. Paul wasn't sitting in a plush palace and singing about God's provision and prosperity - although there's nothing wrong with that. It does have a disconnect with those who struggle, though. Where Paul was and what he was going through put a little more punch behind his words. If anyone could have said that God's grace and peace had run out, was insufficient, or lacked in any way - it could have been Paul. In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul goes through a long list of stuff he'd endured. He was beaten, jailed unjustly, shipwrecked, and stoned only to be left for dead. That's what I mean by ...