I'm spending a lot of time in Psalm 119 as I am finishing up another devotional. There are so many verses that stand out to me, but I stopped to read verse 107 over and over. The psalmist says, I am severely afflicted , give me life according to Your word! I really wondered what was going on at the time for David to use the phrase "severely afflicted," but obviously, it was something big to him.  It made me think back over life, and the times I felt I was severely afflicted. Caregiving is definitely one of those seasons. Most days are okay. We make adjustments. We learn our new normal , which is a far cry from what it used to be. We mourn over the loss of our BC (before caregiving) lives. We suck it up and learn to give it to Him so we don't get sucked into the emotional abyss. But it's still difficult.  I think I like the two extremes in this verse. Maybe that's what caught my attention. David says he felt severely afflicted, but he's also asking God to ...

  I've decided there are just some things that come with caregiving. Things that are frustrating... like able-bodied people taking handicap parking spots. It's also frustrating to see everyone use the access buttoned door to go in and out of a building that has two other doors... but they want to use the button - lol. Does it really make it that much easier for them  to get in and out? I think not. Just frustrating. Today, when I got home from Chris's workout at the 34 Project, the delivery driver had set his supplies on the ramp. Now, there is a whole patio there, but they had to put it on the ramp - I'm sure somehow it was easier for them than using just a little common sense and putting it to one side.  First, I got so mad. I just don't get it! Then I decided to flip the script. I made a purposeful choice. I will not think about their stupidity or carelessness (however you want to classify that!); instead, I will be thankful that all of his supplies for this mont...

 Yes, I know how to spell. I'm the head of the grammar police! lol - I meant to say dessert,  meaning the sweet things you eat after a meal, and sometimes before! I wasn't trying to say desert , the very dry land form where not much lives.  The desert is dry for everyone. It's hot. It's uncomfortable. But dessert is not usually meant to be dry. It's supposed to be sweet, delicious, and enjoyable. But sometimes, for caregivers, even the sweet spots of life can seem difficult and dry. While everyone else is enjoying their piece of pie, we are sitting out. Alone. Hiding our emotions so they don't know that even the sweet can be bitter. BC (before caregiving), we didn't have to miss family functions or worry about accessibility. There are so many factors that go into each and every decision we make. We are "on" 24/7, even when we try to sleep. But I do think that we learn to savor those quiet moments. The moments when something nice happens. And it doe...

  What do Job, Jonah, and Joseph have in common, other than their names starting with J? I've been thinking about these three men and how they endured their circumstances. All three of them found themselves trapped by life circumstances. I don't want to disqualify Jonah, even though he did it to himself by choosing to deliberately and rebelliously disobey God. Why not toss Jonah out of this respectable group of men? Seriously. He was in the dark, dank, belly of the whale because he disobeyed. That doesn't even hold a candle to the other two, who continued to seek and serve God even when their “perfect” worlds fell apart. I didn't choose these three because of their integrity or grit. I've been thinking about how God met them . Job lost all his riches, the wealth he had stored up, and the good reputation that went with it. Soon after, he lost his health. He was so sick, his close friends didn't even recognize him when they came to check on him. Then, they sat wit...

 Ever have the kind of day when everything seems to be running along nicely, and then something happens? It doesn't even have to be anything big, but it takes you into the depths of darkness with no warning at all. In those moments, it can feel like life swallowed you whole. It's like instant despair, whether you identify the trigger or not! As this happened to me yesterday - totally out of the blue, btw - I thought. Man, that happened fast and outta nowhere! I just kept trying to sort through those crazy emotions. As I thought about the helpless feelings of being swallowed whole by life, my mind went to Jonah. He is one of my favorite characters. He was swallowed whole by a fish or whale that God had prepared just for the filthy backslider. LOL. I thought about how dark it must have been in the belly of the whale. How alone he must have felt. How hopelessness and helplessness must have surrounded his soul as he literally faced the possibility and probability of death. When lif...

  Every day we have to make decisions that not only affect us, but that affect our loved ones. I think it's very difficult to make decisions for our loved ones. Decisions are a huge part of the caregiver's every day life, though. We can't just ignore things and hope they work out. We have to consider all sides, maybe do some research, and then make the best decision we can with the information we have. All through the Bible, heroes emerge who had to make decisions. And many times, it's their decisions that make them our heroes. David chose to take on Goliath and trusted God for the victory. Joseph chose to fight off temptation and ended up in prison because of it. Daniel chose to pray even when it became against the king's law to do so. He ended up in a den of hungry lions made powerless by the hand of God. Nehemiah chose to keep building the wall around beloved Jerusalem, even though he was being fought tooth and nail. (There's an old saying for you!) Rahab (th...

 Jehoshaphat found himself in a pickle. He was surrounded by his enemies and in 2 Chronicles 20:3, it says Jehoshaphat feared ... Wait. God let them put that in the Bible? It wasn't condemned or stricken from the record? This leader-warrior was afraid, and it wasn't a sin. Interesting. Maybe it's the next part of verse 3 that stands out even more. Yes, Jehoshaphat was told that the multitude of armies was heading his way. He understood what that meant and he understood that it was bigger than him. It was only fitting that he was afraid. He wasn't prideful. He didn't run! But he did take appropriate action.  Jehoshaphat was afraid, so he set himself to seek the Lord. He also proclaimed a fast throughout the land as they all turned to seek God and ask for help from the Lord. I wish I could say that my responses to troubling news are as spiritually responsible and healthy as Jehoshaphat's. But if I'm honest (and I'm usually honest!), that's not always m...

 I recently did a series on Nehemiah, and I plan on writing a study guide eventually. We'll see how soon that happens. Lol. One of the things that stood out to me was Nehemiah's determination. He had real grit. He had a lot going on. Nehemiah had to convince the people to help, then organize them into groups, and oversee the work to ensure it was done correctly. He was a great leader. It didn't seem quite fair to me that while he was working and providing leadership, people were constantly plotting against the project. His enemies, who hated Jerusalem for some reason, worked just as diligently as Nehemiah did. But they were opposing the progress. What a vicious cycle! Nehemiah gives us a glimpse of his overall strategy during this time, though. IN chapter 4, verse 14, he tells the people to do three things: Do not be afraid. Remember the Lord. Fight  As caregivers, there are days when it feels like everything is pressing against us. We can feel like Paul when he said, fight...

 Loss comes in many forms, and caregivers have their fair share of it. Sometimes, we are caring for a loved one who is slowly slipping away, and no longer the person they used to be. It's a slow, agonizing journey to lose someone a piece at a time.  For others, maybe the loss was sudden, but we continue to work through it day after day, never quite recovering, but always reaching back for "normal."  Many caregivers lose their lifestyle, and some their freedom. It's definitely not the life we dreamed we'd be living, right? We didn't plan it. It wasn't our goal to be right here right now. Yet here we are, clinging to hope day after day. It would be easy to sit down and list our losses; there are a lot of them, for sure! But this week, I decided to turn that around. I started thinking about some things we cannot lose. For instance, no one can take our salvation from us. Jesus bought and paid for our redemption, whether we ever realize it or not - and it canno...

 I've spent a lot of time in Psalm 119 lately as I'm working on part two of the  Command Your Morning  devotional. This psalm has always been one of my favorites, as I see how open and honest David is with his feelings and emotions. I also love how David loves the word and expresses his adoration for anything God has to say on any matter. This week, I was working on verses 81 to 88, when I noticed something. David was pouring out his heart before God. Even though his final conclusions on every matter is to hope in the word, he states how he really feels. For example: My soul faints (v.81) My eyes fail (v. 82) Help me! (v. 86) But I also love how he keeps coming back to the word and declaring how he is going to continue trusting God. If you think about it, isn't that what we do every single day?  We pray for relief. We ask for patience, wisdom, and strength. But we keep coming back to God over and over again. I laugh now, but there have been some moments on this careg...

 I've come to realize that some huge pieces of our Bible stories are missing. I'm mean think about it. I can read the story of Joseph in just a few minutes. But he lived it for a lifetime, right? We have no record of how he dealt with the long, dark days in prison. Did he pray? Did he grieve? We understand grief on many levels as caregivers! Did he wonder about his brothers, or his dad? Did he think about the promise God had given him in those dreams all those years before? Did he think he was going to die? Who knows? All we know is that God gave Joseph a prophetic dream with a promise. But He forgot to fill in the middle portions. God did the same thing to Moses. He told Moses to go get the Children of Israel out of bondage. He forgot to tell Moses that he was going to be leading the crankiest, whiniest people for years across the desert.  There are tons of other stories. Like when Jesus calmed the storm for the disciples who were in the boat. Jesus did tell them to go to the...

Do you have that favorite T-shirt? You know the one. You grab it, slide it on. Then you just take a second or two to let its perfection register in your head. Ah. Perfect. It's soft. It's comfy. Yeah, that t-shirt! The other morning, I reached for a t-shirt that I wear often. As I slid it over my head I thought, man, when did this shirt become perfect? It had the perfect feel. The perfect fit. The perfect softness. It was cuddly and comfy! As I was enjoying the moment, I thought about how it sort of parallels God's comfort and peace. The more we trust Him, the more comfortable it feels to trust Him! Just like snuggling into that soft t-shirt, I can curl up in His lap, close my eyes, and search for His touch to embrace my heart. That's where are emotions heal. That's where peace comes. That's when we just melt into Him and let His heart surround ours with peace and comfort.  I've been thinking of an old song lately. Maybe you know it. Tis so sweet to trust in...

Hail? What if it's hailing? Where did that come from? These were some of my questions this morning, as I was just about to grab my personal verse of the day out of Isaiah 32. It was lovely. Verse 16 reminds us that one of the promises of being among the righteous (and we are - because of Christ!) is a fruitful field. There are no stipulations. It seems plain and simple. We are righteous through Christ, so we get to live in a fruitful field that continues to produce hope and peace. The next verse grabbed my attention, too. Verse 17 says that righteousness will continue to produce peace  and that the end result of that righteousness is quietness and assurance (hope) forever. I love that last word in that verse. Forever. We won't wake up some morning to learn that God's turned off the spout of peace or hope.  The prophet continues in verse 18 by saying that God's people will live in a peaceful place and they will have secure dwellings and quiet resting places.  I like all ...

 Caregivers often run so close to the edge that it only takes something small to cause an emotional catastrophe. Our circumstances require us to get in high gear and stay there all day (and sometimes all night) long. We get accustomed to it, as it's just part of the caregiver journey. We never know when we'll need to make a run to the ER. Supplies may or may not come on time, or they may or may not come at all. We learn to make quick adjustments as they are necessary for our survival and the care of our loved ones. Remaining in high gear all the time can wear on us, even though we may not want to admit it. Our tired bodies and souls won't let us forget it, though. One thing that is frustrating, on top of already being frustrated, is how short my fuse can be. Because there's always  something needing my immediate attention, anything that pops up sends me off the rail. Lol. I hope you don't identify! I think it's interesting that even on the best days, when things...

As caregivers, we can struggle in so many areas. Caregiving isn't prejudiced or discriminatory: it affects our whole being, through and through. But one of the most challenging battle arenas is the brain. It's in our minds that we figure out how to win or choose to lose each battle. Every day brings "enough trouble," as Jesus put it.  (Matthew 6:34) Boy, does it!  We look at our days as our new "normal," but it's anything but normal. The average non-caregiver person would not even know where to start. But, here we are tackling each thing as it comes up. And we do it all day every day all day long! And you want me to worry about my mindset? Ha! In Philippians 4:6, Paul tells the readers be anxious for nothing. Sounds good. Sounds easy. Obvoiusly Paul wasn't a caregiver. But he was sitting in a prison cell for preaching the gospel. He must have known something about anxiety!  Paul goes on to tell the Philippian church to bring everything to God in pray...

  There have been several times in my life when I have found myself in a position to have to start over. In 1993, when I found myself in a divorce situation, I had to scrape things together and start over. I began with very little, but God always provided. As a single parent headed back to school, it was a scary place. But God did not fail me. He helped me take every step to true freedom and took care of me all along the way. Once my kids were grown, I retired from teaching and went into "full-time" ministry. It wasn't all I had hyped it up to be. Lol. A young couple asked me to stay with them as their way of supporting the ministry, while I began to work full-time as a volunteer at the church, managing many of the outreaches, writing, and publishing resources. But when the husband was deployed, the wife asked me to move out. I had nowhere to go. I ended up living upstairs in the church with very little substance. (I was a monk before it was cool.. lol jk) In a few months...

 Sometimes the days are a little bit crazy, and we can feel like our heads are spinning. Of course, there are better days where things go as planned (or real close to it). I like those smooth-running days. But lately, there have been so many more disruptions, including a not-so-quick run to the ER. Even our best days can be shrouded by grief.  I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they want to be a full-time caregiver to their loved ones when they grow up. Lol. Of course, we begin to realize with our parents that it's very likely going that way. But it's not our goal in our youth. It's something that life puts on our plates, and most of the time we accept it gracefully and try to do the best we can, with whoever we are taking care of. No one ever said caregiving was easy! Not anyone who's ever done it, anyway! lol. It's easy for our souls to become shrouded. Oswald Chambers (one of my favs!) called it the dark night of the soul. It's when the soul is ...

  Have you ever heard the saying, take one day at a time ? Me too! In fact, I've probably said it. I must say that it is good advice, in general. But as caregivers, there are some days that life hurls one thing after another like it's going for the kill shot. When we have those kinds of overwhelming days, we learn to take one breath at a time.  I don't have to explain to you how there can be so many things going on at one time. Sometimes, I feel like I am a master juggler! LOL. Put this thing off until tomorrow, so this other thing can get done today in this particular time slot. And so the chaos continues. Day after day. And of course, everything feels important - because it is. But we learn to juggle and jiggle and rearrange to get done what simply can't be missed. I'm worn out just thinking about it. Lol. Recently, the days have felt a little busier, and when that happens, it's easy to feel like we're getting sucked in and under. But our doom is NOT to be...

 Isn't it funny how sometimes we can have this mental image of God wringing His hands, just because we are? Somehow we tend to think that when something goes crazy in our days that God gets nervous. Maybe we think of Him as walking around to de-stress. Perhaps we think He has a wrinkled brow. But He doesn't. In fact, when something goes crazy in our day, He doesn't react at all. He remains calm, consistent, and present. When something goes wonky, I can have a barrage of questions, sighs, and thoughts go through my being in a matter of a couple of seconds. But God doesn't do that. He never thinks: What went wrong? What did I do now? I didn't see that coming. Boy, that was a dumb choice. Oh no! There are no sighs coming from God. No wringing of the hands. No wrinkled brow. He is calm, cool, and collected. All the time. Caregiving days can be hectic. They can be chaotic. Even our best days are on the edge of what "could" happen. We never know when one little ...

  Have you ever felt overlooked? Ignored? Unseen? I think we've all experienced on some level. One time, several years ago, my son and I visited a "church" close to our home. We were literally ignored. Not one person spoke to us, even though they walked right past us. I chose to laugh it off. But when I got a really nice form  letter from the pastor saying how nice it was for us to visit, I countered back. He wasn't there that morning, anyway. I explained that we wouldn't be coming back because we were ignored. I got some canned answer about their key people  being out of town on mission trips and such. I was actually relieved. Yep. I felt like I got to see the real heart of the church, not the mask they present. Needless to say, I was very disappointed and never have we gone back. But sometimes, rejection isn't so obvious.  Yesterday alone, we had two such circumstances. Both were very minor in nature, but went off like bombshells in my soul.  Firstly, the nu...