He Is Faith-Full

My devotions this morning ended up in 2 Thessalonians 3:3. This verse starts with a basic truth stated very simply: The Lord is faithful. Just that statement took my mind to 2 Timothy 2:13 that says this: If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

I cannot say I have always been "faithful" on this caregiving journey. It has a way at chipping away at the false definitions of faith that are fostered by some of today's erroneous teachings. I can say my faith has been completely redefined.

But on the CG journey I have felt like I lost faith. I've cussed, ranted and raved about things I have not liked on this journey. I've felt like God wasn't there. Many a night I've stood in my son's room, or in the hallway in the wee hours of the morning and looked toward the heavens and cried out, where are You now? I need you here! as I tried to get my son's fever to break or was contemplating a midnight run to the ER.

But when the morning comes and the sun rises yet again - just as He put it in place all those years ago - I realize He walked through the long dark night with me. Even though I felt totally faith-less; He was faith-full. I believe it was Hudson Taylor that said when we feel like we don't have any faith - it's okay because God is still full of faith or faith-full for us.He has all the faith we need.

Today I am going to meditate on His faithfulness. I'm going to purposefully turn my mind away from my feelings of faithlessness - and focus on the truth that He is always faithful - there's no lack and there is no gap! With my thoughts and heart I will embrace His faithfulness and I will willingly let it carry me through today. Will you join me?

Only One Word

I've always been intrigued by the story of Job in the Bible. When I was younger I didn't really get it; but as life unfolded it made more sense. And even though I would never even try to compare my situation to the hardship Job endured, I feel like in a small way I can relate to some of Job's experience. I have been known to look at people with open mouth and a blank stare when they compare themselves to Job and all they have is something like a broken fingernail or a flat tire. Ever hear one of those stories? Their car broke down or something and they are claiming they understand Job. And I'm like, really?

I'd have to say a caregiver's life is not nearly on the scale of what Job went through but it does help bring some understanding. Sadly, I'll never be able to say I didn't "sin with my mouth" during my journey of faith, but I can say I've always come back around to trusting God. Maybe that's the important part....

Here's what I was thinking about Job this morning. I skimmed through some of the discourse between he and his friends and still find ignorance amazing. Poor Job. Here he was having lost literally everything and now his friends are grieving him more by telling him it's all his fault because he had to have sinned somehow. I will say on this caregiving journey I had feelings that God must be punishing me and that there was some way I had displeased Him or He would not have allowed it to happen. Of course, as I read through all our Bible heroes I realized we all face something.

So I don't know how long Job was bullied by his friends and kept denying he'd done something wrong, but what I noted is that when God spoke - He said not one word about it. He didn't tell them Job was cool and his friends were crazy. When He finally spoke up He asked them Where were you?  I love chapter 38 as God describes HIS account of creation and how He set the boundaries for the waters of the earth and told "their proud waves" they could only come so far! These last chapters of Job are powerful as God and Job interact with God asking the questions and Job having no answers.

Then at the very end of chapter 42 God instructs Job's friends to go offer a sacrifice and have Job pray for them. How humbling that must have been for them after all they put Job through. And verse 8 sums it all up- God says to the friends: My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer on your behalf. I will not treat you as you deserve, for you have not been right in what you said about me, as my servant Job was. (NLT)

All that talking they did and God told them they were wrong in what they said about Him, and Job was right. That's all Job got - just that little phrase. But it was one word from God! And it was enough. By looking at God's answer to Job and his friends, I have to think Job was so confident in his relationship with God that he never questioned it. He knew he was righteous no matter what life hurled at him.

Today I am going to meditate on how God's righteousness is enough to cover me during the trial. My thoughts will be on how my righteousness is in Christ and there is nothing in heaven or in earth that can remove it from me. And I'm going to confidently rest in Him today. Will you join me?

When in Doubt

When I woke up this morning I was having lots of trouble adjusting my attitude. I'm sure that's foreign to many of you - but after a night of tossing and turning it just happens. When sleep evades me - attitudes abound.

Did you ever just doubt it all? I doubt He loves me, doubt He cares for me, doubt He is with me, doubt He protects me... and the list goes on and on. My mind goes fast so in a matter of seconds I can have every area "covered" in doubt and frustration.

My thoughts run along lines like if He loves me and truly cares for me why has this happened to me? Is this what He really thinks about me and my son? I'm sure I'm the only one who has these little switches that get flipped and then a barrage of questions are hurled out all at one time. It seems worse during times of illness whether it is me or my son.

This morning I got my son bolused and situated and then brought my coffee to my recliner kicked my feet up and started trying to sort through all these questions. For some reason, I'd like to think God led me to it - I thought of the old hymn The Anchor Holds. It remains a favorite in my family. I thought in particular of the part that says:

The anchor holds

though the ship is battered

The anchor holds

though the sails are torn

I have fallen on my knees

As I've faced the raging seas

The anchor holds

in spite of the storm...

It doesn't seem to matter to God how much I doubt and pout - He always has an answer. Immediately my mind went to Paul's shipwreck in Acts 27. He basically told them I told you not to take this journey to start with and this damage wouldn't have occurred then he says keep up the courage and he told that to them two or three times more. 

I figure since they were warned by God to NOT go on the journey and went anyway - and God gave them courage to deal with the situation- He can give us courage too. We are here by no fault of our own. These guys barely made it from the boat to land. Many of them floated on whatever pieces they could find. I feel that way sometimes; like I'm clinging to anything solid I can find. Just let me make it to land.....just for today.

So then another scripture comes to mind. Someone shared it with me the other day and I've read it about every day since. It's from the Message Bible and it says this:

Don't for a minute let this Book of the Revelation be out of mind.

Ponder and meditate on it day and night,

making sure you practice everything written in in.

Then you'll get where you are going;

then you'll succeed.

Haven't I commanded you?

Strength! Courage!

Don't be timid, don't get discouraged.

God, your God is with you every step of the way.

I have to say that caregivers in general are not a timid breed. We've taken life by the horns and bulled our way through. We can be some pretty tough critters when we need to be. But we do get discouraged, tired, weary and worn. We have to reach out there and fight for all sorts of things as we advocate for our loved ones. Today we can also take something else - Let's take courage. 

God hasn't abandoned us. He hasn't forgotten us. He is still with us. Faith is knowing that when we definitely don't feel it.

Today I will encourage myself with these scriptures and I will turn my thoughts to the fact that He is with me every step of the way. I don't get to skip any steps - and they may all feel like they are uphill... but He has not left my side. I'm going to grab hold of what little bit of faith I feel I have left and trust Him for one more day's worth of strength and courage. Will you join me?

Faith, Hope and Depends

As a caregiver, there are just some things about which we cannot speak. We silently feel each other's pain and have an understanding of what a normal day may look like. We wipe up drool, pick up spilled (or spit out) food, and perform tasks we cannot speak about to protect the dignity of our loved ones. But we all could share some crazy stories if we were alone! Are you nodding your head?  Even though we don't speak about it, we understand.

We really do seem to live in an alternate world from everyone else. On a daily basis we deal with all the normal  stuff - and then our own set of what's normal. That might mean we have learned how to bolus a feeding through a tube, check 02 levels, take blood pressure, give a bed bath and change depends. But even though what we do daily looks a lot different from the rest of the world's normal day - spiritually we are no different at all.

This morning I was reading Proverbs 17:3 that says: The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart. On one hand I'd have to say that caregivers basically live in the furnace. And on the other hand, I still have to say we live in the furnace! (smile) Life is always trying, even on the best of days we deal with our own set of struggles. But God has no different requirements for us than anyone else. We don't get a get out of jail free card. There are no exemptions - He's still working in us to make us into His image.

Sometimes I find this frustrating - other times it's comforting. Why do we have to deal with all of this, and still let Him work out issues on faith, trust, and hope? Don't we deserve a break? And on the other hand, it's a comfort to know that He did not abandon us - but still has the same requirements and expectations He always had for our spirit man.

So even when we are up to our elbows in... whatever we are dealing with - He still is working in us. He still is turning up the fire to refine our faith. He is still working His good will and pleasure in us. His Holy Spirit is still in us - strengthening us - and building the relationship between us and Him. I'm not sure why, but that actually gives me hope and comfort.

Today I will look at the fiery furnace differently. My thoughts will be on how He uses it to refine me into His image and I will meditate on how He continues to mold me and work with me even in this situation. I'll think about His unchanging love, mercy, and faithfulness. I will let His spirit comfort me today as I move closer to Him in my heart. And I will rest - in the midst of the fire and depends....I chose to trust His care of me. Will you join me?

When You Can't See

I had the opportunity to take Chris and go speak at a lady's group over the weekend. My talk started and ended with Hebrews 11. So yesterday I sat down to reread the chapter and verse 7 caught my attention. It basically says that Noah did all the things God told him to by faith. And he did those things without understanding or seeing the details.

Prior to the flood, there had been no rain but a mist came up from the earth to water the ground. (Genesis 2:6) So Noah didn't even know what rain looked  or felt like. He also had never seen anything like an ark. But he went forward in faith even though he hadn't seen what God was talking about.

As a caregiver I've found that at times it's just difficult to see. Prior to this I had very little knowledge of what caregiving was and certainly had no idea how it played out in a life. But caregiving itself also made it difficult for me to see what God was doing in and with my life. Many times we just move forward without seeing the path before us. For me, I have to assume that the rest of my life looks like this.

Noah continued to follow God and obey His commands even though he had no idea of how it was going to play out in real life. That's all we can do too. Noah also had no idea of what to expect during or after the flood. He just kept following. Even though the flood ended and they eventually crawled out of the ark, they came out to a new world and they still had to rebuild everything. Noah didn't step out of the ark to a brand new city that was already built just waiting for his family to inhabit. They survived the flood - but there was still lots of work to do. They literally had to start rebuilding everything all over again.

So I have this mental picture of Noah standing outside the ark, looking from side to side at another new world. He may have felt unsure of where and how to start over. He might have wondered what in the world they were going to do. So where did he start? He built an altar and declared that God was still his God!

When I first began caregiving to say it was a new world would be an understatement! We do adjust to new normals but I'm not sure that it ever actually gets easy. Sometimes it feels like the old movie Groundhog Day where one day just repeats itself over and over and over.... It can also feel like exiting the ark into a new world is an everyday occurrence. It's okay - we can build an altar in our heart - every day if we need to; and declare that He is still our God. No matter what the world looks like, how empty or bare it appears, or how often we feel we have to start over, we can start each day with the truth that He will always be God. Our situation does not influence His standing as the remaining King.

Today I am building an altar in my heart and declaring that through the storm - He is still my God. I'll embrace this day acknowledging that whatever I face can't and won't dethrone the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. My thoughts will be on His eternal kingdom and reign as I hand Him my heart one more time. Will you join me in celebrating His Kingship today?

More Than What Meets the Eye

Yesterday I talked about the flowers along the trail and it made me want to get back out there and get a few pictures. So when the aide got here I went out just to enjoy running the trail and stopping to get pictures. I found this solitary flower along the way.

I think it grabbed my attention because just a while back there were rows and rows of flowers and this one was standing there all alone. My mind went off on its own rabbit trail when I saw it.

My first thought was how it was alone with no other flowers around it to add or detract from its beauty. But then I thought about all that it takes for this single plant to survive. Maybe that small cluster of flowers thinks its all alone in this small, but harsh wilderness; but there is a more than what meets the eye.

Many elements come together for this little flower. The leaves use the process of photosynthesis to keep the flower alive and the stem helps it stand tall so the sun and leaves can do their work. And there is an entire root system underground supporting this little guy and supplying it nutrients just so it can bloom, just so I can enjoy its beauty while I am out on a run! And besides all that there is the process of pollination going on to make sure this and other flowers have what is needed to survive. Nature has multiple systems going on that help keep this flower alive and beautiful.

Sometimes the caregiver can feel all alone and deserted. All the other flowers are enjoying each other's company in a different location but this one just stands here. Social isolation is one of the most crucial areas the caregiver has to deal with and it's real. We find our lives redefined by our social activities or the lack thereof and it can be a very lonely place.

When we look at this plant, we don't see the harsh, cold spring it endured. We don't see the dry spells it lived through during the hot summer. And we don't see how it lays over in the strong Oklahoma winds or how it endured the last tornado. And we can't see the entire system God has in place just to make it shine.

When God looks at us though - He knows. He knows about those long sleepless nights, the loneliness we endure, our fears, and all the other things that we fight day in and day out as we care for our loved ones. And He sees the beauty of the flower the troubles have produced. I couldn't see anything this flower endured - I only saw its beauty today. That's how He sees us. The flower has no idea how beautiful it is or that it made me stop and smile today - but it did.

My meditation today will be on how He gives us beauty for ashes. I'll turn my thoughts to how He loves us and how He sees beauty in us even when we feel like we are dry and living in the midst of a wilderness. I'll think about how His heart smiles when He looks at us...because he sees us blooming, beautiful and standing tall in faith. Will you join me?

A Door of Hope

The first couple of chapters of Exodus contains two things that I have found very interesting. In the first chapter  I found it interesting that the midwives were directly blessed by God for disobeying Pharaoh. Verse 21 state that they feared God and He established households for them.  Even though it was a very tough time for them and their people, they continued to trust and fear the Lord rather than caving in to man's evil commands.

In chapter 2 we read about the birth of Moses and how his mother protected him until he was found by Pharaoh's daughter in a basket in the Nile. Those who are familiar with scripture know that as the story unfolds, Moses becomes the deliverer who God uses to take His children out of Egypt's bondage and into the promised land. This time of great adversity became a door of hope for the Children of Israel.

The caregiver's life can be filled with adversity and some days every breath can be a struggle. But there's a scripture in Hosea 2:15 that says the valley of achor will be a door of hope. "Achor" means pain or trouble. Sometimes when we are facing another day of caregiving we can't see the hope that lies beyond our present circumstances. And there are times when we are so busy with caregiving that we forget there is anything else out there. But adversity gives way to hope.

For me personally, I was able to become a writer after becoming a caregiver. When my son was injured I began looking for work I could do online because I knew he was going to need care for the long haul. It was an area I would have never explored before. Over the last couple of years I also completed a Master's degree. I would not have taken the time to do that had I not been in this situation. While those things do not make the caregiving go away - they give me hope that I can make a living for us without compromising the care of my son.

Adversity has a way of bringing out the best and the worst of us! If we can take a deep breath, manage our attitude, and move forward with grace there is hope. Moses didn't look like a leader lying in that basket floating in the Nile. The midwives were not trying to change a nation, they just desired to honor God. The times of adversity that they faced were painful and trying at best - just like caregiving. But the adversity gave way to hope for an entire nation of people.

Our struggles are making us stronger in faith whether we recognize it or not. Just like the butterfly's wings are strong enough to fly because of the fight to get out of the cocoon, our faith becomes strong as we fight to face each day. And faith gives way to hope; and there is no shame in hope.

Today I will meditate on His faith-full-ness when my faith feels so small. I will turn my thoughts to the good things that have happened since I became a caregiver. I will look at my adversity as a doorway for hope and allow it to enter my heart and life to bring about grace and change. Will you join me?

Less than Perfect

Have you ever had someone tell you that because your loved one wasn't healed you lacked faith? Sadly enough, I have. Yet if we look at all our Bible heroes we'll see that we admire them because of the trials they endured. Each of them give us a picture of how to trust God in adversity; and how to keep faith during intense testing and trials. Adversity is actually the true test of faith. It's in the midst of the trial that we find out just how much we trust God. Can we trust Him when our lives are less than perfect?

The caregiver's life is definitely "less than perfect" if we compare it to others. For some of it caregiving can mean that we are locked up in our own little cave unable to get out and about. For others, there may be some getting out - but there's not quite the freedom we see in the rest of the world. Caregiving can complicate everything on a variety of levels. We can't use the struggles of caregiving to measure our lives. We also cannot use the pleasures of caregiving as an accurate measure of life or faith.

This morning I was thinking about Moses and how he followed the Lord's leading to bring the Children of Israel out of Egypt's bondage. He led the "great escape" and they were free from Pharaoh's grip. But their rejoicing was short lived because they ran smooth into the Red Sea; and Pharaoh's army was closing in behind them.

Just because Moses ran into the Red Sea doesn't mean they were going the wrong direction.

The Red Sea was not a sign that Moses had done anything wrong or made a wrong turn along the way. It simply became an opportunity to trust God more. Moses and the Children of Israel were in a position for God to show Himself strong on their behalf. Caregiving can be a struggle; but it is not a sign of faithlessness or weakness; just an opportunity to trust Him more. It gives us the opportunity to see Him work directly in our lives.

When my son was first injured I thought for sure I'd done something wrong to end up in the situation. But we cannot use struggles and trials to measure ourselves or our lives. Every Bible hero faced something. It shaped them into the hero of faith we admire and enjoy studying today. When we face a Red Sea or an impasse in our lives it's not time to condemn ourselves and wonder what we did wrong; it's just a time to learn to trust Him more.

Today I will meditate on His sustaining mercy. I will think about how He doesn't abandon me when I face a "Red Sea" in my life; but He instructs me and goes with me through the struggles. Today I will thank Him for His wisdom, peace, direction and ever-abiding presence even in the trials. Will you join me?

Committed to the Journey

The last few days we've been looking at three men of faith: Job, Noah, and Daniel. These are three of my Bible heroes along with many others. But these three men are mentioned together in Ezekiel 14. Twice, the Lord told Ezekiel that if Noah, Daniel and Job were in the land they would be delivered through righteousness. They couldn't "delver" anyone else, but they would be saved if the land was destroyed. I have spent much time pondering why He listed these three men.

What happened to Abraham, the friend of God? What about David, the man after God's own heart? Why not Moses, the one with whom God spoke face to face as a man speaks to his friend? What made Job, Noah and Daniel's stories so unique that God said these three men could deliver their own soul by their righteousness? Their situations were not similar, neither were their trials. Actually, all three faced difficult adversities of very different types. Like the caregiver has to do many times, they faced them alone.

Daniel stood by faith while he was a captive in a foreign land, Noah stood by faith in a wicked generation, and Job stood alone in the face of losing everything. No one could do it for them; and no one can carry your load for you either. Oh it's nice when someone comes to walk alongside you and it really helps to have friends or family along for the ride. But no one can do the caregiving for you. Like these three men of faith we must live what we know - we must live by faith whether we do it alone, or if others are with us on this journey.

We must be committed to the journey. The three men listed here in Ezekiel were committed to the journey of faith and they didn't let life's trials detour them. We as caregivers must be adamant about our journey of faith as well. I've found that it's not so much that I am keeping the faith; but rather it's faith that's keeping me. Our job as caregivers is a difficult one no matter what particulars we deal with each day. But we must keep putting one foot in front of the other, walking by faith. Sometimes we cannot see exactly where we are going and there certainly is no end in sight; but by faith we continue to seek God's direction for each day and simply walk it out like Job, Noah and Daniel. They did not let go - they continued to trust even in adversity.

I admire the tenacity of these three men; and I want to model it in my own life. They rocked their world because of their faith; and we can too.

Today I will meditate on what my faith means to me. I will turn my thoughts to how I can determine to trust Him more for each step I must take today. And I will thank Him that He is with me as I am committed to this journey of faith. Will you join me?

Faith Looks Different In the Furnace

Life brings us a series of trials. Caregivers are not exempt from trials, tribulations and troubles. We don't get a we don't get a break from life just because we are in a caregiving role. Along with taking care of another whole person, we still deal with friendships, breakups, deaths of loved ones, births, marriages and all the incidents that go with life in general. There is no exemption ticket that protects us from the rest of life just because we are a caregiver. And I'm finding that eventually, we adjust.

Most trials will pass in time; or at least settle down enough for us to handle it. The things we end up facing in life have no impact on eternity. It may be rough and tough here in the present, but our inheritance in Him is not tainted or destroyed because of the sometimes lengthy trials we must face. 1 Peter 1:3-4 tells us that we obtain an inheritance that is imperishable, and undefiled and will not fade away.  It is being reserved in heaven for us. It's not going to disappear, we just have to patiently endure tribulations in order to get to it. But it will be waiting in full!

Faith can look different from in the furnace. It's not so much a way to escape the trial as it is to face it.  The furnace exposes our faith. Verse 6 tells us to rejoice in our trials because they prove our faith in the same way fire purifies gold. However, gold is perishable; it will pass away eventually. Our faith is not perishable, it stands through it all making it more precious than gold.

Our faith is working for us while we are enduring our trial. Faith is what carries us through, even when we don't feel it. I was asked recently how I had kept the faith during my trials. My reply was I haven't - it has kept me. Faith is what holds us together when it seems our world is falling apart. Faith is what carries us through the flood, through the fire and over the mountain. It really doesn't matter if we can feel it or not - it's there with us and working for us. Today may be a good day for you - or you may feel like you are holding on by a thin thread of hope. Either way - or somewhere in between faith is working for you to ensure you can walk through the furnace; to make sure you get to the other side.

Faith comes down to trusting Him. Today I will meditate on how trustworthy God is. I will trust Him with my situation and hold on to the truth that He walks through the furnace with me. I will think about how faith cannot be destroyed even by the most intense of life's fires. I will trust Him. Will you join me?

I Will Remember

Did you ever feel like God isn't doing anything? Sometimes when we pray we don't see any immediate actions and it is easy to think that God isn't doing anything on our behalf. Over the last few caregiving years many times my thoughts have turned into prayers. All day I am pouring out my heart before the Lord. I'm not asking to be rescued anymore; and I'm not necessarily looking for Him to ride in on a white horse and save me. But I typically am asking for wisdom to handle the various situations caregivers must face. Sometimes I'm asking for help, strength or peace.

It seems like this is what Asaph was doing as he penned Psalm 77. He was at his wit's end, a place the caregiver lives. We mean something entirely different from the rest of the world when we say we are livin' on the edge! Even on a good day it only takes one phone call, one mishap or one small change to topple our worlds. In this psalm, Asaph pours it all out before the Lord. Asaph went so far as to say when I remember God, then I am disturbed;when I sigh,then my spirit grows faint. (v.3) In the next verse he says I am so troubled I cannot speak. I have to admit that I've had many days like that. I've been so distraught that there are not even the right words to form into a prayer. What do we do when we are so overwhelmed with the tasks of caregiving? What do we do when we don't see God doing anything on our behalf?

It seems this is precisely where Asaph was; he was praying but not seeing God at work. These are the times when we can start reminding ourselves of the things we know God has already done. Asaph spent the rest of Psalm 77 listing the things he knew God had done, simply reminding himself of how he had seen God work before. In verses 8 and 9, Asaph asks if God has ceased being compassionate and gracious. Has God forgotten His promises? Has He withdrawn His hand from my life? These are all common questions for caregivers who find their lives have turned upside down. But starting in verse 11, he starts with I will remember....

Asaph shifts his focus from his present distress and focuses on the things he has seen God do. We see this shift in verse 11 - I will remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on all Your deeds. And he then begins to list the things he knows God has done. This can be a powerful tool in the hand of a caregiver.

Today even if I don't see God doing anything specific in my life, I will meditate on the things He has done in my life. I will purposefully refocus my thoughts and heart on His ever abiding presence. My thoughts will remain on how He has given peace, walked the valleys with me, offered wisdom for decisions that have to be made. I will meditate on His love, grace and mercy that never changes toward me. Will you join me?

Waiting for the Light of Day

Long nights are one of the most difficult situations a caregiver has to face. It's 2 AM and your loved one is ill or not sleeping comfortably and you don't know what to do to help them. What a miserable place to be in! It's in those dark hours that I struggle a lot with faith. In those dark, lonely hours there is no one to reach out to and I find myself asking questions like Where are You God? Do You see us? Do You care? For many caregivers, the wee hours of the morning can be the hardest time to wait.

Nights in hospitals or just being up with your loved one can lead to sleep deprivation which has a whole host of adverse effects on the body and the mind. We can find ourselves in a perpetual state of waiting on Him. Isaiah 26:8 says we waited for you eagerly. I'm not sure "eagerly" is a word I could use to describe my manner of waiting sometimes. But then, maybe we can.

If I am "waiting eagerly" it would mean that I am waiting in expectancy - knowing that God is right there within reach. To wait eagerly means I am trusting Him for help. I wait for Him because I know He is going to give me the strength to make it through the longest night. He is going to give me wisdom for making decisions about my loved one; and then He'll give me peace about the decisions I've made. So even during the longest fight and darkest night I can wait eagerly on Him for help.

So what do we do while waiting for the light of day? I think the answer is found in verse 3 of this same chapter. The King James Version says -I will keep him in perfect peace - whose mind is stayed on Me.  The New American Standard translates it as The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace because he trusts in You.  Either way it is beneficial to keep our minds on Him while we wait.

I'll be the first to admit that this is not always all that easy, especially in the heat of the moment. But when I choose to keep my mind on a scripture and my heart in a prayerful mode - the going gets a little easier and peace is my reward. Sometimes it doesn't take a long night for the mind to run around in crazy circles. Most caregiving days are lived at a hectic pace. But when we slow our minds down and focus on His grace, His love, and His ever-abiding presence - peace will follow. Peace in our hearts is necessary for this journey.

Today I will meditate on the fact that He is with me and He doesn't bail ship when the going gets rough. I will turn my thoughts to His everlasting grace and never ending love for me. I will let Him carry me through this day. And I will purposefully embrace His peace and rest in Him. Will you join me?

It's Out There!

Psalm 91 used to be one of my favorite psalms, until my son was involved in an automobile accident that left him incapacitated. For a long time I found Psalm 91 very frustrating - since God did not protect my son. In another blog I openly sorted through emotions and faith. As I slowly got my bearings and tried to continue to trust the Lord again - I learned to love this passage once again; but from a totally different perspective.

I no longer see it as a cure-all and a "lucky charm" that keeps all trouble far away. It's not so much that trouble stays so far away - it's that He keeps us safe during the storm, during the trouble and through tribulation. If you will read past verse one you'll find some pretty interesting things like:

the snare of the fowler

perilous pestilence

terror by night

destruction laying wait at noonday

plagues

lions and cobras

All of that is out there! And it's not far away. It's a scary place for sure. It's not like we hide in Him for refuge and all this goes away. There's a war going on and danger lurking all around. But He keeps us in the midst of the danger. Think about verses 12-13. Yay - we can tread on lions and trample serpents. But do you know how close you'd have to be  to them to be able to do that? Think about it. 

Yes - all of that is out there. But God will keep our souls even in the darkest, most dangerous times. Our being is hidden in Him and there is nothing that can reach our soul. Verse 15 is God speaking and He says  I will be with them in trouble.  He did not say He would not let trouble happen - but that we have a place to hide to ride out the storm.

Today I will meditate on hiding in Him even though life around me is rumbling. Instead of worrying about my situation - I'll rest in Him and think about His mercies carrying me through this day. Will you join me?

Shielded from What?

In Genesis 15, God told Abraham, "I am your shield." Why would Abraham need a shield  and why would God need to announce it? It was a little rough going for Abraham at the time, so you have to wonder what he thought about this Divine declaration. It certainly didn't mean that the father of our faith was going to be exempt from adversity. The preceding chapters indicate that Abraham had been going through a tough time.

In chapter 12 he faced a severe famine and had to relocate. After he relocated, he must have experienced fear thinking that the king was going to kill him off to take his wife. Moving (chapter 13) always brings change and that's never comfortable. Then also in chapter 13 his men fought with Lot's men so intensely that they had to part ways. Lot, his nephew was then kidnapped in chapter 14 and Abraham led a small scale war to go get him back! Times were not easy when God said, I am your shield.

Actually, the fact that he even needed to be shielded at all lets us know that life was turbulent. It certainly didn't exempt him from adversity. In the next couple of chapters Sarah and Hagar are going to have a huge fight and Abraham is going to witness the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Once again scriptures demonstrate that faith does not indicate the absence of adversity or in this case, adversities. But it does show us that even in the midst of trials and tribulations God protects us. While He doesn't protect us from the trouble itself - He does protect our souls. He shields the part of us that matters most - the living part. He keeps our souls from damage during life's deepest, darkest moments. And although we are not spared from the trials themselves, we can rest in  those times knowing that He has us in His hands no matter what life throws at us.

Our soul's salvation - our spiritual well being cannot be damaged by the things life hurls at us. In Ephesians 6, Paul tells us above all - take up the shield of faith.  Faith is trusting that God has our back even in the worst of times.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He has me in the palm of His hand and I'll choose to see myself in His heart where my soul is safe from harm. Will  you join me?

Never Disqualified

I've run a few races where certain actions can disqualify you. For instance, if you are not lined up at the start line when the gun goes off - you are disqualified. One race course in OKC goes through an affluent neighborhood and if you step on the grass you get disqualified. Sometimes it can feel like we got disqualified from living our lives when we became a caregiver. For me and many others lives not only changed drastically - they changed completely. It can take years to feel like you are "living" again.

Thankfully when it comes to God and His presence caregivers are not counted out!

This morning I was reading in Psalm 24 and verse three is taken right out of Psalm 15. It says:

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His Holy Place?

The psalmist answers his own question in verse 4:He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol.

We do not get cast away because we are caregivers even if our life doesn't quite look like others.We have the same criteria as everyone else who is living and breathing on this earth: clean hands, pure heart and no idols. Even though we live on uneven ground it seems we are all the same before God. He doesn't give us a break because we are caregivers, nor does He remove His requirements for caregivers. We still have to keep our hearts pure and our hands clean. We cannot have any idols in our lives but must live lives dedicated solely to Him.

It can feel like the church DQs us - because we don't fit in their box. It can seem like life DQs us since we live much differently than most. But God does not DQ us - we have the same access to His presence as everyone else. He welcomes us to come to Him, and to rest in Him.

Today I will meditate on the truth that I am welcome in His presence - even with all my "baggage"! I'll yield my thoughts to His acceptance of me and the fact that He chooses to be with me right here in this mess!

The Tenacity to Trust

Today's Bible heroes are Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; or as we usually refer to them the three Hebrew children. They faced great adversity even at a very young age. They were first of all taken as captives and slaves into a foreign land where they were treated anyway but kindly. Of all the slaves these three and Daniel along with many others were taken to be trained as servants for the king. They were removed from their families, mutilated, lost life as they knew it and were kept as prisoners in a foreign, pagan land. But I love their faith and tenacity - two things the caregiver needs to survive the day!

In Daniel 3, the king had set up a golden idol and everyone was instructed to bow when they heard the music playing. The 3 refused to do so pledging their allegiance to God alone. The edict stated they would be thrown into a burning furnace if they did not bow to the idol set up by the king. When they did not bow the king was angry and when he questioned them they made this faith-filled statement:

O Nebuchadnezzar,we do not need to defend ourselves before you.

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace,

then God whom we serve is able to save us.

He will rescue us from your power, your majesty.

But even if He doesn't, 

your majesty can be sure we will never serve your gods

or worship the gold statue you have set up. (Daniel 3:16-18)

What I really like about this story is that they were not looking for a way out. They were not waiting for God to ride in on a white horse to save them from harm. They said He is able to save us; but even if He doesn't we are not going to bow. 

The caregiving journey has no designated length and for many there is really no end in sight. It would be wonderful if God chose to come in and bring immediate healing and restoration - no one's going to turn that down! No one's is questioning His ability to do so. But in our hearts, we must have the faith, trust and tenacity to say whether He saves us or not we will still serve Him.

Today I will meditate on how awesome God is; and how my situation does not diminish His power. I will set my heart on Him and continue to trust Him in the situation knowing that whether it changes or not - He is my God and I will serve no other.

Feeling Left Out

Because our lives are so different from the main stream, it is easy for us to feel left out. Watching others go on vacation, make a coffee run or just meet up with friends can make us feel like we're sitting on the couch while the rest of the world is enjoying itself. Social isolation is real for the caregiver as people in general just don't know quite what to do with us. "Church" presents its own set of problems in this arena.

Many of us can't attend church services or have so many obstacles to get there it's not feasible. The good thing is that we are part of the universal body of Christ. Just because we are separated from a physical church building on the corner, does not separate us from the body. We are no less a part of the true body of Christ than others. We may just need to broaden our ideas about what and who the body really is.

The body of Christ reaches beyond the church downtown, it's time inclusive. That means that we are part of the body with Paul as well as the 12 disciples. We could even say that spiritually speaking the body covers much more than just the New Testament believers. Think for a minute of the "Hall of Faith" from Hebrews 11. We have some pretty impressive family members including Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, David and Isaiah. We are not excluded from the true body of believers - we are a part.

Perhaps you say that you are just the little toe - but that little toe is important to the whole. If your little toe was removed you'd have to learn to walk again as it balances the whole body. There are small parts but no one plays a small role in the body.

Sometimes I think that caregivers and their loved ones are a test for today's church. There have been times that I felt totally ignored and like I could no longer relate to the church world today. We do not fit in the church's box so they really aren't sure what to do with us. Some churches thankfully, think outside the box and reach out with love and compassion.

The Lord looks at us in the spirit. We are a huge part - he sees us inside-out and is far more concerned about the parts of us that cannot be easily seen. He watches over our soul and sees our true heart rather than our position in the world today. He sees us as we really are. When the "world" is stripped off - what do we look like?

Today I will meditate on the fact that I am a part of the body of Christ and without me it's not complete. I'll think of God's inclusive love, compassion and acceptance just like I am - undone - but whole. I choose to rest in His acceptance today. Will you join me?

Can we just be Honest?

There are some topics that caregivers are not going to discuss with others - not even other caregivers. Our emotions can be too raw too much of the time and there's no place where the pain or grief totally stops. Many days we just suck it up and continue to care for our loved one and give no regard to our own emotions and feelings. Sometimes this is how we actually survive the difficult role we must play for another. We can get very absorbed into their care and forget about our own pain and suffering. But then there are times when it can all come crashing in on us; emotions and thoughts run through our hearts and minds like crazy. What do we do with the rushing river?

As I was reading Psalms 15 this morning one phrase really stuck out to me.

O Lord, who may abide in Your tent?

Who may dwell in Your holy hill?

He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness

And speaks truth in his heart.

Psalm 15:1,2

No matter how good or how bad our day is going or how crazy our emotions might be today - we can always speak the truth in our hearts. It's actually very important to be honest about our feelings and the things we may be dealing with. God already knows - and when we pray - we have no need to shroud the truth. By simply being honest with him about our fears, doubts, mistakes and pain - we have free entry to His presence. And that is where we are refreshed and gain the strength to face one more day of caregiving.

Why would we try to conceal the truth of what we hold in our hearts? Are we afraid He will be disappointed in us? Perhaps we feel that He will reject us if He saw it all. But He already sees it all - and loves us anyway. He has the power to walk with us in the furnace so that we are not consumed by the fire. He carries us over the stormy waters so that we are not overcome by its waves. He is the only thing that is stable in our lives - let us run to Him with all of our questions and concerns.

Today I will meditate on His ever abiding presence and rejoice that I can literally tell Him everything. He will think no less of me because I do! I'll rejoice in His acceptance today - and turn to Him in my pain and grief. Will you join me?

I'm a Refugee!

Last night as I was laying in bed reading trying to find sleep, I came across Psalm 16. I know it's been there all along, but last night several of the verses really spoke to me and my situation. I'll spend this week sharing devotions from this particular Psalm.

The first verse grabbed my attention right away. David starts out with Preserve me O God. In my mind, "preserve" translates to "save." I hear David's heartfelt cry for God to help him. I don't have to tell other caregivers how many days have begun with a similar prayer; and how many days have ended with the same prayer. It's not even that we need to be saved from our situation, but we desire our souls to be preserved in the heat of the furnace. One of my prayers throughout this whole ordeal has been for God to help me keep my faith strong. I've prayed that I would not let these trials make me bitter - but help me emerge stronger in Him. That's what I think of when I pray "preserve me O God."

The second part of the verse is a totally different type of statement. David goes on to say, for I take refuge in You. Even though he continues his thought - Lord I need you to preserve me - because I continue relying on you as my refuge. In my mind it is an intentional statement of faith. What I mean is that it surpasses time. In trying to understand how strongly David was relying on the Lord for preservation of faith and life I think it is correct to read into it a little bit more. And if not - this is my wordier version - You have always been my refuge - You are my refuge today and will always be my refuge - I run to no other - I look for no other!

Today I will meditate on God's power to save - His power to preserve our souls through faith even in the fiery trials of caregiving. And I will declare that He is my refuge; I will purposefully look to Him for strength, direction, wisdom and peace. Will you join me?

Ishmael? - That's a good name!

Growing up in the Western church I always heard about Ishmael in a negative light. He was "Abraham's mistake." It's not Ishmael's fault he was born! I've met a few people named Ishmael over the years and wondered why anyone would choose the name of a "banished vagabond" as a name for their child. Even though I understand the prophecies the Lord gave Hagar about Ishmael, I see it a little differently today.

As I awakened to start my crazy day at 5 AM like I do every day of the week, I was already tired. It's difficult to start out the day tired, but caregivers understand that things just have to be done, tired or not. My early morning thoughts were about Hagar at the well and how she was elated that God could see her and her unborn son. So I opened up my Bible to Genesis 16 and scanned through the chapter.

Hagar ended up in this position because of an injustice. Her master was Abraham and his wife, Sarah. Hagar was given to Abraham for the purpose of bearing a child to begin with. That was the goal. This was due to Sarah's impatience while waiting on the promised of God. We know two women in one house are not going to get along. Verse 4 says that Hagar looked down on Sarah because she had conceived but I have a suspicion that Sarah might have had a little jealousy herself. Anyway the two parted ways under not-so-pleasant circumstances.

Pregnant Hagar is driven away after being "treated harshly." Could it get any worse for her? Here's where it gets good. Verse 7 says now the angel of the Lord found her  by a spring of water in the wilderness. If he found her, he was looking for her! The angle sent her back (never quite understood that) but before he did, he told her to name the child Ishmael - God hears. Then in verse 13, Hagar realized that God saw her there at the well. She said, You are the God who sees.

There are three points that brought me comfort this weary morning. One was that God found Hagar - He was seeking her out. The second thing is that God hears - even though there was no mention of prayer. And the third thing is that God sees. He has found me! He hears the deepest unspoken cries of my heart! And He sees exactly where I am!

Today I will meditate on the truth that He does know me, He sees me and He hears me. Call me Ishmael!