Daily Devotions for Caregivers

I am resolved that there are just some things I will never understand. The last three weeks have been very rough. Two friends have died and gone on to their eternal reward, my son's botched surgery, near death and hospital stay and Thanksgiving without family have all taken a toll on my emotions. Last night I was reading a post by someone whose son suffered a brain injury just a few weeks ago and he's making a remarkable recovery. I'm very happy for the family. But I have all these whys ? Why does one recover and get to go on with life and another doesn't? this just added to my frustrations and perplexities. I saw phrases that kind of made me mad. People say God is good.   And then they say God was with him.  Those phrases we tend to only use when things go our way or when we get what we wanted. Are they saying God wasn't with my son? I know they don't mean it - but since I didn't get the same wonderful results is God not  good? Was he not  with Chris ...

If you were asked to describe caregiving in one word, what would it be? I thought of this earlier and found it difficult to nail down. Caregiving is challenging - but also rewarding. It's difficult - but easy to choose when we follow our heart's love. It can be confusing yet simple. Caregiving can be hectic - but peaceful. Peaceful? I'm not sure I would use that word to describe what we do everyday. Would you? Initially, I started this conversation in my head when I was reading 2 Thessalonians 3:16. I was doing a little online devotion with a FaceBook group this morning and my eyes scanned across it. I was talking about praying scriptures and was running through several of them in Thessalonians. I have a bunch of scriptures marked - underlined and a "p" beside it so I can pull them out and pray them when appropriate. The one thing is that I call them "generic" meaning they work at any time for just about any person or situation. While I was teachin...

This morning as promised, I stayed in Mark 4. I've been thinking about what I read a lot since yesterday's devotional. I am wondering if caregiving isn't its own little world. And of course each caregiver and their situation is another unique world. Think about the caregivers you know and their situation has its own definitive circumstances. No two situations are exactly alike. One one hand, we're quick to compare and contrast our situations with others. Yet on the other hand, there's no way to compare what each of us go through with another. We each deal with our own storm the best we can. The cool thing is that God's word doesn't change to match our situation - but it is applicable for each of us. The first 24 verses of Mark 4 contains teachings of Jesus. He was discussing and describing the Kingdom of God. He talked about a farmer planting seed on different types of soil and how the seed (the message) responded in those situations. Then in verse 26 ...

There are so many areas caregivers can struggle with. We can experience bouts with fear, discouragement, depression, frustration, weariness, loss and deal with what I've learned is a living grief. We may feel helpless, hopeless or alone. And for me I went through a period of time when my faith was totally redefined. On any given day we may have to work through any combination of emotions. And all of this is on top of what we have to do physically. I think it's safe to say we are busy - inside and out.  For me, my emotions can be churning around inside like a roller coaster while on the outside I'm working my full time job, doing laundry, prepping meals, or helping my son with some type of therapy. I'm out of breath just thinking about it! How do we slow down? How do caregivers find some sort of peace - inside or out? Is there even time for that? It's easy for someone on the outside to tell us we need to take a break. But rarely do they also offer to do anythin...

Solomon was right when he penned, It's the little foxes that spoil the vine. As caregivers we have lots and lots of "big" things that make our days more difficult than "normal" people's. And honestly, most days I have finally learned how to have a handle on those. It took awhile to find a new "normal" and adjust to a lifestyle that is anything BUT normal. But we are caregivers - we assess, adjust, and advance - on a daily, hourly or minute by minute bases as needed. It's little things like this lady, who did have a handicap sticker by the way, who parked just a little bit too far in the loading area. It was just enough that I had to lift my son's chair up and over to get him on the lift. I may or may not have said a bad word or two while I was trying to decide what to do. I thought about waiting until she came back out so I could giver her a piece of my mind.  But I was afraid I might just punch her first. We were tired, ready to go h...

My son is non-verbal which can make it difficult sometimes to figure out what he is wanting or why he is uncomfortable. I usually say I'm pretty good at playing "guess and check" where I guess what to fix and then see if that's what makes him happy. It seems like I'm right most of the time but of course I never really know. Sometimes I wish he could just tell me he needs some Tylenol; or that he's ready to go lie down. But he can't. I've had to figure out his silent signals and interpret what he needs or desires. On one hand, it seems like we've been working on that for some time - but actually it sort of came naturally. Probably because we are connected at the heart. I think when it comes to communicating with God as our caregiver it can be similar, not that we can't tell Him what we need, but that sometimes we  don't really know  what we need. He can interpret our silent pleas for help. Along the journey there have been times I'...

One of the things I do that drives other people simply mad is needing a scripture for almost everything. But as we know from life in general, as well as caregiving, there's not always a scripture to match a particular situation. When I am afraid, I can run to Psalms and find passages to help calm my fears. If I come up on financial struggles, I can find scriptures pertaining to God as our provider. Even when I am sick, I can run to our standard group of healing scriptures. And if I don't find immediate relief in any of these circumstances, finding a scripture or passage that is related helps give me something to stand on. Even when the tasks associated with caregiving become overwhelming I have a set of Psalms handy to remind me where to take a heavy or burdened heart - right back to Him. But it can be difficult to find a scripture that pertains to everything - caregiving or not. There are tons of little things that we don't talk about but that can nag at us. I'...

I know I've shared before that when my son was first injured I honestly thought that at any moment God was going to come riding on a white horse right into the ICU waiting area and swoop us all away. After 3 plus weeks in ICU and over 4 months total at the hospital I kinda started to figure out that was not going to happen. Yeah, I'm a slow learner! lol I still believe that God does not cause  these things to happen, but I also believe he does allow  life to bring them. However, I also believe that He does not waste them. What I mean by that is that while we are in any of life's situations - He's going to use it. 1 Peter 5:10 says this: After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.  Honestly, I'm not rejoicing over that when I first read it. I'd rather it said that God is going to look down and see us suffering and come riding in and p...

Caregiving has a way of lulling us into complacency. There's so many things that are the same as yesterday, things that don't change or go away.  Just my morning routine consists of getting Chris up, stripping his bed, starting his laundry, taking out his trash, pureeing his breakfast and feeding him. It's the same every single morning and then other routines take over after that. All of these mini-routines build up into one huge day of doing the same things over and over. For me, even runs to the urgent care or ER are routine any more. I know just what needs to be in the bag and I can throw it all together and be out of the door in a matter of minutes! Even though the caregiver's schedule is hectic even at its most peaceful times, it has a way of lulling us into complacency. We know what to expect and when to expect it and basically nothing surprises us anymore. There's not a lot of spontaneity in the caregiver's life because there's a whole series of e...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about David and how he ran out to kill the giant, Goliath. I also thought about Benaiah, who ran  into a pit on a snowy day to kill a lion. (1 Chronicles 11: 22) As I was thinking about these valiant warriors and how they faced their greatest fears head on I thought of the caregiver who has to face things on a daily basis. It's more like all of life is a giant ; or at least feels that way sometimes. David only faced Goliath one time, Daniel was thrown into the lion's den only once, the three Hebrew children faced only one fiery furnace and Jesus only went to the cross one time. But lately it feels like everyday has its own series of giants to be taken out. I'm not making light of these Bible heroes as we understand they all had situations that were difficult to bear, but sometimes we major on just one victory without realizing that they had other obstacles in their life and dealt with situations every day too. Daniel was a captive, ...

Be anxious for nothing.  That's what Paul told the believers in Philippians 4:6. Obviously they didn't have a handicap van and people parking in the way of the lift in a clearly marked restricted area! (People wrongfully taking handicap spots is one of my pet peeves btw.) As a caregiver you know how anxious life can be at times, or all the times sometimes. Surely Paul would rethink these instructions were he here today, or maybe he wouldn't.  Every single day there are constant opportunities to be anxious, sometimes it even feels like we are living anxious. If we do not guard ourselves we can be one huge bundle of anxious as we walk through the day. And it can take the smallest thing to cause us to explode. One of the strategies I use for dealing with anxious thoughts is to turn them into prayers. Sometimes, when I remember, I turn them into thankful prayers. Then not only do I have peace in my heart, but His peace invades it as well. And when I give Him these crazy, ...

Something as simple as a flower can be a bright spot in a day. When we walk through the park behind our apartments, we often find wild flowers growing sporadically along the side of the trail. It's been my practice for many years to simply enjoy this random beauty and allow it to lighten my heart. If that's the only reason God made wild flowers, then I am thankful. He usually has a reason or purpose for just about everything, we just don't always discover it right off. This morning I was reading through a psalm that I grew up knowing. My mom read it to me when I was scared or troubled. As an adult I read it to my children as well. Psalm 91 I believe has been misinterpreted over the years to mean that nothing  is going to happen to us if we stay hidden in Him. On one hand, I agree with the concept - our soul (being)  is safe in Him. It is safe from any type of harm. Our body on the other hand, is susceptible to life. As I was reading this familiar passage I paused to t...

As if caregiving by itself was not enough of a reminder of the fragility of life, there are plenty of new ones. Just Saturday I learned of three deaths. One was a long time family friend who actually named my daughter, another was a Facebook friend who brightened every day with humor, and the other was a local sportscaster tragically killed in an accident. These all left huge holes in my heart and reminded me that we cannot take a single day with our loved ones for granted. As a caregiver, every day can be lived in pain - sometimes it's like everything hurts and even the small things are magnified. But when it's big things like watching your mom in the beginning stages of dementia or losing a close friend, it can be more difficult to handle. Times are tough and emotions are high when you are a caregiver. Many days it takes everything we've got just to keep ourselves together to perform all the associated duties. Let one little (or big) unexpected thing happen and it c...

After a very busy weekend away, I sat down with my coffee this morning and opened my Bible. The Bible I've been using is still packed in my bag, so I grabbed the closest one and it fell open to Isaiah 26. I read through the entire chapter but my eyes and my mind went back and settled on  verse 3. My mom taught me this verse as a child. It says: You will keep him in perfect peace all who trust You. I grew up with the old King James Bible being the "only" Bible and it states the last portion as whose mind is stayed on thee.  The verse has significance to me because my mother had what was called a "complete nervous breakdown" just after I was born. She spent months in a mental hospital all drugged up and endured the maximum number of shock treatments. That was the treatment of choice back in the early 60s. So I grew up listening to her quote this scripture as part of her testimony of how God had brought her out and healed her; and I learned to meditate on scriptu...

There can be different roles we play as caregivers. For me, I am a sole caregiver for my son and get few breaks. But on a totally different level I am in the beginning stages of caregiving (just offering assistance presently) for my parents who are aging. No matter what specific role we play as a caregiver it can be overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. This morning I was just feeling tired; too tired to start the day. I thought of the verse in Psalm 55 where the psalmist says Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. But then my next thought was No, I'm too tired to fly away! (smile) - I know you relate. Evidently when David penned this psalm he was under a lot of pressure from his enemies. And according to verse 12 even his friends had begun to fight with him. The shift is friendships was one of the biggest shockers of becoming a caregiver. Our BC (before caregiving) friends are not always able to handle the changes we need to make. And some are j...

In Job's lament found in chapter three, he made a statement that faith-ers have used against him for years. He said: the thing I greatly feared has come upon me. (KJV) As a caregiver there can be many fears that we have to deal with. Our fears might lead to questions like: What if I can't provide for my loved one? What if I get sick and can't take care of him/her? What happens to my loved one once I am gone? These are all valid fears and are running around somewhere in the back of our minds most of the time. Because they are not imminently upon us we don't have to think about them too often; but they are still there. Another fear that I have had is that I would become bitter through the ordeal. It's been one of my most frequent concerns and the center of many prayers that the Lord would help me in my quest to prevent bitterness from setting in. Caregiving can take a toll on you - but it's the rest of life (which we are not exempt from) that can t...

Over the last year I had some of my own health problems and was even in the hospital for a few days. It was amazing how many people stepped up to help with my son during that time. You know all too well how miserable it can be to not feel well. It brings a wide range of emotions that are difficult to deal with and you can feel so inadequate. My daughter stepped right up to the plate and others drove in from out of town to give her a hand. And then of course, once I was better they were all gone! (smile) During one visit to the doctor's office she prescribed me some meds for high blood pressure. (Go figure, right?) And she said that they would be good for me since they also helped calm down anxiety. I laughed and said, "You think I'm anxious?" I have always been high strung and being a caregiver hasn't replaced or changed any of that. Actually, I started running as a way to deal with the stress of caregiving and am now training for another marathon. You'd thi...

Sometimes the caregiver is left floundering on their own and sometimes there are organizations or individuals who help them out. There are programs to help pay for aides and supplies that are very beneficial for helping us stay sane. When I have an aide it means I get out a little more to run, or run errands and that is good. There are nurses who come periodically to check my son out and see that he is healthy and being taken care of. Family members often sit with my son so that I can do things I enjoy or escape for a weekend. I am very appreciative of this "village" that helps me out from time to time. However, I learned a long time back when this caregiving journey first began that my help comes from the Lord.  I had no idea of the the types of situations and decisions I would be facing on a daily basis back then, but I knew if I was going to survive I would have to look at Him for my help. I began to meditate on Psalm 121 while we were still living in the ICU waiting roo...

Have you ever twisted a dish rag to wring all the water out of it? Have you ever felt like    a wrung out dish rag that's had all the water rung out of it? That describes my last day or two for sure and unfortunately describes the caregiver at the end of all too many days. We talk a lot about the numerous tasks we have to do everyday and how adding one more no matter how small thing can tip the whole boat. Sometimes it tips us physically other times it can tip us emotionally. Either one can be detrimental. But you know what? Because we are caregivers - we just keep going, and going, and going. My already busy days got messed up by a minor wrist injury that occurred during my taekwondo session last week. Why does it take an act of God and congress to make a doctor's appointment and grab a quick xray? A busy day gets more hurried finding sitters and making arrangements to take care of these little extras . Eventually, I sat down with a cup of coffee and a big "Whew!" ...

As if the life of a caregiver didn't have enough daily ups and downs, it can seem like life just feels the need to throw a few more circumstances at us sometimes. Yesterday, my day had so many ups and downs my emotions were all drained out by evening. There was good: the mobility van was fixed and running. Then there was bad: now the lift is broke. Of course I had cancelled our ride arrangements for the next two days since I was getting the van back. So we are stuck at home again for a little bit. But such is a day. Needless to say, today I feel the need to heed the words of Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. It is difficult to be still when your thoughts are running all around in your head. So I am sipping my second cup of coffee and trying to get my head and my heart to slow down and take this day one second at a time instead of in a whole lump all at once. I found myself in Psalm 143 during my devotions as I was trying to calm myself down to face the day. The psalm...