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One Big Question

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Caregiving has a way of knocking you around a bit. Even when things are going good it can seem like the littlest things suck the wind out of you.I've spent my days wondering where God was, if He could help me. So, this morning while reading in Jeremiah, I found this question. It caught my attention because I've asked it and I've seen it in scriptures a couple of other places. The one big question is this: Where is God? I've looked at this question in scriptures before. My first study involved Gideon in Judges 6 and the children of Israel in Exodus 17. I noticed they both  asked the same question. When Gideon asked it during the encounter with the angel he got the response go in this your strength. It was like the question was right and approved of. But when the children of Israel asked where is God  in Exodus 17 (also mentioned in Psalm 95), it was considered testing the Lord. Same question - totally different response from God. So, this morning I was surprised to

Ups and Downs

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I've discovered that caregiving is a long series of ups and downs. Some battles are won and others are lost. The real battle is dealing with the emotions during the downs. I also know these hills and valleys can come in waves right after one another often in just a day, or an afternoon. It's crazy. So, what are we to do when it starts looking like we've lost a few of them right in a row? Firstly, as caregivers, we know there is no quit.  No time for that for sure. So we just keep putting one foot in front of the other as we wipe our eyes. There isn't a good place to stop and life ain't gonna wait for us to get it together now is it? It's just the way it is, and we must accept it. Or do we? I'm thinking there's a balance between dealing with the hand life deals us each day, hour, or moment and trying to keep our heads above water. For me, I have to deal realistically with whatever my son will do in a given day without drowning. It may just be me. Th

A Worthy Break

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It's a little past 10 in the morning and already I feel like my day is wasting away out of my control. There are so many things on my to-do list it's overwhelming. It's so easy to feel like there's just no way to get ahead. Maybe it's just me... We live in a very busy society but for caregivers, it can see our tasks are lined up in a never-ending line. Some days I am very excited to get to half the things I need to get done. Other days, I force myself to be happy with the 2 or 3 finished tasks. Caregiving itself provides us with ample tasks each day. For me, this means transfers, preparing food, feeding my son at meals,  doing range of motion exercises, standing him, bathing, and various other daily tasks. Of course, there's also all the daily chores like laundry, dishes, and cleaning. And then if you work from home... you see where I'm going? There really  is a lot to do each day. Overwhelming doesn't even seem to cover the description, does it? T

All in a Day's Work

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I so enjoyed Psalm 31 yesterday so I decided to swim around in it again today for my morning devotions today. Actually, I have an outline now for a devotional called 30 Days in Psalm 31.   Hopefully, it won't take me long to get it together. There's just so much in this one little psalm. It's got all the right elements trust, raw emotions, rejection, social isolation, fear, prayer, declarations, and faith. Does it seem like to you that we can vacillate so easily from faith to fear and back again? For caregivers, it's all in a day's work. One minute we're on top of the world feeling like we've got it all together and the next, we are in the bottom, alone, grieving, and afraid. I think it may just be me until I read a psalm like this where the psalmist lays it all out too. One second he's declaring I will trust in the Lord and the next he's sobbing my eyes are wasting away with grief.  How often do we face days like that? I know I trust God, there&

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

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Time intrigues me and I have studied it a lot. Quantum physics fascinates me although I must say I don't understand it. I'm a very casual student of it. Casual in that I don't dive too deep into it at all - but I still find it fascinating. I actually try to avoid the subject because I can get deep into it and lose hours of my day. lol. But during my private devotions this morning, there it was again. In Daniel 2, the king requested an interpretation to a dream and God gave the dream and interpretation to Daniel. Since it was a life or death situation, Daniel and his friends were praising God for deliverance when Daniel said, And He changes the times and the seasons  (v.21 NKJV). I was like times ? When did it become plural? I was also reminded of a phrase I had seen in the psalms and found it in Psalm 31. David says my times are in Your hands in Psalm 31:15. Personally, this is a statement of trust - saying to God that whatever comes while I am walking this journey th

Personal Journal Pages

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There is so much on my heart this morning, I thought I'd just share my personal journal with you today. March 28, 2019 So many stories I've heard of late of lives changes by tragedy. A girl injured in a wreck another child died in as they were T-boned by a truck. Her injuries are similar to Chris'. Last night a local boy with a broken back while on a dirt bike ride. I relive my days in the ICU waiting room. All those emotions of fearing the unknown rehearse themselves once again... the scenes running through my mind...  I pray for the families with an understanding of their life-altering situation. Life will never be the same even if their child gets "better." I think now of hope - & true faith - trusting Him in the midst - not just as a way out or a way to avoid bad things.  I pray His grace sustains their souls and that they run to Him in the storm instead of away from Him. I pray they learn more about Him in a more intimate way. It's almost

Search Again

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I love the Psalms. Maybe it's the way David and the other psalmists are so open and honest with their feelings. They say things we are taught not to say. Their openness and vulnerability help remind me that God doesn't get mad at us when we speak our mind. He may shake His head a bit or roll His eyes, lol. But He gets us. It's Psalm 103:14 that tells us, He remembers we are but dust (or flesh).   He knows us - He knows our frailty. He understands our humanness, even in the midst of caregiving. I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing our weaknesses to Him - telling Him how we feel. It's not like He doesn't know if we don't tell Him. Sometimes, though, I wonder how my babbling could make sense to Him. But then I remind myself that He understood it before  I said it. That's right. Psalm 139:4 says You know what I am going to say even before I say it.   That lets me know he knows my heart's intent and the words are not as important.