Digging Deep

 I don't want to get up. That was what was running through my mind this morning. My morning routine is to get up and make coffee. While the coffee is making, it's the perfect time to change Chris, turn him in the bed, and give him a little water in his tube to start the day. Then, I grab my coffee and my Bible and go sit up in my bed. By the time I finish my coffee and devotions, it's time to hit the ground running. But this morning, I just didn't want to. But then I remembered, oh yeah, I have to do everything. 

Ever felt that way?

Sometimes, my biggest struggle is between taking care of Chris and getting all his stretches, standing, dressing, feeding, etc., in for a day - and trying to get work done for my clients. It can be draining and I always feel like I have to choose one or the other. This morning, it was just too much. So, I sipped some more coffee and prayed. (That's a novel idea!)

I asked God for wisdom on all sides. I asked Him to guide me into the most productive paths. I asked Him to help me. Well, it wasn't long until I was up and going and before I knew it, I had Chris bolused, my breakfast eaten and a second cup of coffee in hand. Here I sit. Feeling like the day is falling into place around me. Wow. How does God do that? 

Somehow, when we roll our cares over on Him (that's scriptural - 1 Peter 5:7) the things that matter begin to align. But I had to dig deep to get there. You know what I mean? There are times when I run to Him and I'm like - okay God, here's all my stuff - help me sort it out! Then there are other times when I try to sort and sort to no avail. Finally, I have the grand idea to take it all to Him. Lol. Anyone relate?

You know what the coolest part is? It doesn't matter if I run to Him as soon as something crosses my mind or emotions, or I wait until I am crushed under the load. God always answers. He fills me up so I can make another day. His peace overwhelms my overwhelmed heart. It's almost like He pushes a button that turns overwhelm off - just so I can think, and breathe.

Today, I will continue to remind myself to roll all my cares over to Him - even if it means digging deep into my soul. And even if it means doing it over and over again until it sticks. I'll let Him care for me (be my caregiver) today. And I'll trust His loving, patient care for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

This Journey We're On

 Sometimes, it can be good to take some time to reflect on our journey. This week marks the 14th year since my son's tragic wreck. I try to fight back the memories of the nightmare that unfolded over those first few days, weeks, and months, but they tend to flow freely. As the memories play like a slide show in my head, I look for all the gentle reminders that God is on the journey too. The chaplain at Shreveport hospital who took time to encourage me and pray for us day after day, the nursing home that actually let me stay in the room with him for the six months he was there, and countless other ways God has provided for us and shown He was in the mix.

Even though our caregiving journeys are different, God is the common thread that runs through them all. We could probably share stories for hours about times we thought we'd "lose it." But in those midnight hours of the soul, somehow, God was able to reach past our circumstances to rescue our hearts. I don't know about you - but He's done it over and over and over again for me.

What's even more amazing to me is that even when I feel on the brink of despair and I really want to throw in the proverbial towel, He somehow steps in and rights all my wrong thoughts and emotions. Our journeys are all different, but God has handled us all with grace, mercy, and His unending love. I remember the day I realized that absolutely nothing in the Kingdom of God changed when my son's friend pulled out in front of that truck on November 8, 2008. Not one iota of anything God had ever said, not one word in the Bible got dropped because my world was ripped out from under me. And that was where I began the journey to redefining and rebuilding faith.

We've all had many losses on the caregiving journey, but God wasn't one of them. We can feel alone, forgotten, abandoned, and even left for dead (so to speak). But when we gather the strength to look up, we will see Him with His outstretched hand, ready to pull us in for a soul-embrace we'll never forget.

Today, I'll turn my thoughts from my journey to His constant care. My meditations will be shifted to His grace that is sufficient for today, and it is given specifically to "help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) I'll remind myself of those days I know He carried me when my strength was gone. I'll just lean into Him a little more this morning, hoping to get close enough to hear His heart still beating for me. Will you join me?

Download this ebook for free: 101 Gift Ideas for Caregivers. 

The Abandoned Soul

Does it ever feel like everyone has abandoned you? It seems that they adjust to your new caregiving "normal" and then just go on with their lives, and you are not a part of it. Sometimes, not often, I get a little help, but I feel like my son was abandoned. His friends all got to go on with their lives - and they should have, but he's left alone and only dances through their memories from time to time.

These are some of the things running through my mind yesterday as we met with yet another therapist who doesn't see my son as worth their time. I should be used to it by now, right? In those moments, I feel abandoned and weak. As I was driving away, tears filling my eyes, I glanced at him through the rearview mirror. I thought he's still my son. He doesn't look, act, or move like he used to, and I miss that! But he's still in there, and I refuse to give up.

In that moment, it was like I got a sense that God looks at us that way sometimes too. When life leaves us crippled emotionally and drained physically. He looks at us with so much love and compassion and says, she (or he) is still mine. People may walk in and out of our lives, but God continues to tend to our abandoned souls.

I know you understand how complicated emotions, living grief, and crazy thoughts can be! And God sees each and every one, and still chooses to stick around! He knows who we were BC (before caregiving). He really does get us. Those crazy emotions and unbridled thoughts don't scare Him away for even one second. Instead, He gently swoops up each tear before it escapes and treasures it - as if it is a silent plea for help. He quietly and carefully tends to the abandoned soul bringing peace, comfort, direction, grace, and love. 

Today, I will remind myself that He can carry it all for me. I'll roll every concern, no matter how big or how small, over into His lap. I'll let God take care of them for me today; I have a lot to do anyway! :-)

My thoughts will be on how His grace is sufficient for this day - and I will refuse to worry about tomorrow as I trust Him for just one more day - will you join me?

Download your copy of Poems for Caregivers for free! 

It's Complicated

 Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Lol - who am I kidding? Maybe a better question would be if you ever have a moment when you don't feel overwhelmed. There are so many elements to caregiving, it's easy to be swept away just trying to organize them. Sometimes, it can feel like there's not even room to breathe. Even now, as I am typing up this devotion, the nurse calls with questions. Lol. There's no end - and it is complicated.

Here's the good news, we don't have to figure everything out. At some point, we'll have to be content and realize some questions won't ever have an answer. We have to stay focused on our day-to-days, right? Dressing, feeding, transferring, standing, and bathing are just a few of our duties. Then, there are doctor appointments, therapy visits, and tons of other surprises. And don't forget to read your Bible every day. Sigh. Why do we feel like a failure when we can't get every single thing in every single day? We are still human, after all. It's complicated being a human.

Yet, we tend to condemn ourselves if we can't get everything in. You know what? God's not sitting up in the heavens on His golden throne holding a golden timer to see how long we read our Bibles or devotions this morning. His promises don't end if we don't read enough or pray enough by man's standards. How much would be enough anyway? He's not turning us away with our unanswered requests because we didn't pray or study for an allotted time this morning. He gets us. Even God knows life is complicated.

I am a Word person, and I do lessons on how to study the Bible. I wrote a whole devotional to help people create the habit of daily Bible reading. But our promises don't expire if we hit the ground running in the morning and there isn't any time to carve out. God won't tell us to come back later after we've read 3 chapters or prayed 5 minutes. Lol. He just bids us to come and bring our complicated, messy lives with us. Then, He gives us peace. He reminds us that His grace is enough to carry us through. He doesn't have a limit on how much He can handle - because He can handle it all, from what seems tiny and insignificant to one person to the biggest, baddest, hardest details of our complicated lives! He wants it all. He'll trade us His peace for our worries and concerns. Every.Single.Time.

Today, I will rest in His promises and trust that He knows how to navigate the crazy emotions and thoughts I work through each day. I'll trust that His peace can wiggle right through all the worries, pains, griefs, and struggles of my day. And I'll shift my focus off all the complicated messiness, and toward His peace that passes understanding. I will take a deep breath and trust Him for one more crazy day! Will you join me?

Seasons Are Temporary

 

This morning, I found myself reading in Isaiah 28. I ended up there because I was looking for something in particular, and even though I didn't find what I was looking for, I found what I needed. God's so cool like that, isn't He?

My eyes first fell on verse 29, which says in the NKJ: This also comes from the Lord of hosts, Who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance. I rolled that over in my mind and heart a few times and spent a few minutes thinking about how I'd seen His counsel in action in my own life. We've all had those times when we weren't sure what to do or where to go, and suddenly, an idea drops into our thoughts. There are many ways He provides direction for us. He may direct our steps through a passage of scripture, a trusted spiritual leader such as a pastor, a YouTube teacher, and maybe even a lowly blog writer. Lol. No matter how He chooses to deliver His counsel, it comes - but we must listen.

After I had rolled these thoughts and this verse over in my mind a few times, I looked back up and read the preceding verses. Isaiah is talking about how a farmer plows, then he stops plowing so he can sew seed. But then he stops planting seeds to wait for the harvest. After he harvests and processes his crop, the farmer starts all over again. The process does not include just plowing over and over again. It's not just sewing seeds. It's not just harvesting. To complete the process, the farmer does these actions repeatedly, but he doesn't just do one of them all the time.

I thought about the seasons of life and, specifically, caregiving. It's definitely doing the same things over and over again every day. Oh sure, there are certain aspects of the day that can be different and lots of surprises along the way - like lost supplies or emergency hospital visits. But we kind of do the same things over and over in a broad sense. In the midst of the mundane and not-so-mundane - God provides His wisdom. His counsel and guidance lead us each day as we lean in to trust Him. 

I love that He didn't abandon us when we became caregivers. He didn't unplug His grace or take back His promises. Instead, the great Caregiver of our souls extends more grace and mercy to carry us on this road. He never wrings His hands and tells us He hasn't got a clue what to do. His counsel is still wonderful, and His guidance is still excellent, no matter where we are in the caregiving processes.

Today, I'll remind myself that He has wisdom for the caregiver. My prayer will be that I can handle each situation through His wisdom and counsel instead of trying to forge ahead in my own strength. I will purpose to quiet my heart and soul today, so I can hear what He has to say, as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

Ups and Downs

 

Maybe it's just "that time of year" for me, but I've struggled a lot the last few weeks. I still affectionately call it the caregiver's fog. Lol. Okay, maybe it's not-so-affectionately. I know I can share my true feelings with you guys because you get it. You understand the day-to-day grind of caregiving. The military has a saying about there being no easy day. I think we live in that reality. It's just not easy caring for another whole person, is it?

Caregiving presents many difficulties. We can find ourselves alone, so very alone on this journey. It doesn't just go away. We don't just work through it. It seems to go on and on. There are lots of ups and downs - and that can be about every 90 seconds some days. Right? (smile!) As I've been working through this emotional maze the last few days, I turned my thoughts to Daniel. Let's take a realistic look at his circumstances because as we read his story in the Bible, we tend to glamorize it.

Daniel was a youth when the life he knew was stolen from him. He was taken captive - forced into slavery. He had to learn a whole new language and culture from the viewpoint of a slave. He was rendered unable to have children. He had no hope of a legacy. The normal dreams of a young man to marry the love of his life and have children were violently removed. He could have given up. But he didn't.

We see Daniel as a young man in the first part of the book, purposing in his heart to choose God. And we see him in the middle of the book determining to run to God in prayer - even if it meant his life. Finally, we see Daniel in the latter chapters seeking God. He was reading Jeremiah's writings even after 70 years as a slave in a foreign land. He continued to seek God through all the ups and downs of his life. 

We can do that too. Giving up isn't an option anymore. We are way too far into the journey for that! :-) I think we can learn something from Daniel. He purposed - he was determined - he was consistent - and he continued reading God's word. It all starts with being purposed to pursue God no matter what dream-suckers come our way in life. Daniel had the "right" to give up - but he chose to pursue God all the way through his life's bumpy journey.

Today, I will take a stand in my heart again. I'll declare that I will trust God through the ups and downs of each moment and each day. I'll move in a little closer to His heart so I can hear Him better. And I'll trust Him with one more day in the journey. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

True Coordinates

 

Do you ever just feel like you got lost in life's shuffle? Everything, even non-caregiving stuff, can seem overwhelming at times. But we can't lay aside our caregiver responsibilities just to take care of other life needs. There's no "off" button for caregiving. Even if we get a break for a couple of hours or a day or two, we are so connected to our phones we can't relax. (Maybe it's just me.)

On a daily basis, there are just so many things to take care of, and it seems like there are more of them all the time. I'm pretty sure that's just my imagination, but I'm not totally convinced! Lol. Life just goes on, whether we agree to it or not. And our proverbial plates just seem to get piled higher and higher. It's easy to wonder if God lost sight of us. In our hearts, we know by faith that He sees all and knows all, right? But emotionally, it can sure feel like He doesn't see. Occasionally, I emerge out of the caregiver's fog and remind myself that He sees every small detail. But there's always that question, does He really?

I read a scripture this morning that helped convince me that God sees more than we give Him credit for. I've been thinking about Jonah. He prayed an awesome prayer from the belly of that whale! But it was his own bad choices that caused him to end up there. He purposefully disobeyed God's command. God said, "Go to Ninevah." So, Jonah got in a boat going in the totally opposite direction. On purpose. Determined disobedience. But the last verse of chapter 1 says that God prepared a fish. That fish swallowed Jonah.

While I find that quite amazing, there was something new I thought about as I was reading it again this morning. Somehow, God had the fish at just the right spot to catch Jonah as the fishermen were throwing him out of their boat. That's some great coordination. If you think about the whole earth, all the waters, and all the infinite places that fish and Jonah could have been, it's quite a God-like feat. The fish was right where it needed to be at the specific time it needed to be there to catch the bait, I mean Jonah. God had both the fish and Jonah's true coordinates. We miss these "tiny" miracles sometimes, don't we?

If God knew where Jonah was, even though he had rebelled and sinned, doesn't He surely know where we are? Especially if we are seeking Him and not running from Him like Jonah? As I thought about how miraculous the coordination of this event was, it brought me comfort and reminded me of God's intent gaze toward me - toward you. He knows right where we are.

Today, I'll remind myself that God can see me through the layers of caregiving. He looks past my hurts, my fears, my concerns, and even my needs - and sees me. I'll be thankful He's not preparing a fish for me - but He did prepare the cross for us. My meditations will be on His mercy, His grace, and His love for me today. I'll be thankful there are no "off" buttons or "pause" buttons on His attributes. He's always on - and He's looking at me. I will trust Him for today - will you join me?