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Showing posts from January, 2019

For His Glory

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Did you ever stop to think about what brings God glory? It's been the theme of my thoughts this morning. I've been working on setting goals and making progress in different areas of my life and I came to the conclusion that bringing Him glory is what it's all about. I look at my caregiver's life. I think about my random, sometimes angry or frustrated thoughts. But it really comes down to bringing Him glory. Am I living life (as abnormal as it may be) in a way that glorifies Him? This my ultimate goal. As I was pondering these things this morning, I thought of a familiar, maybe a little too used scripture about Jabez. Books have been written from the one mention he gets in scripture. But that verse was on my mind during my prayers this morning. It says ....his mother named him Jabez saying, Because I bore him with pain. Now Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your right hand would be with me, a...

A Tight Grip

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This morning I just feel creative - or maybe it's more of a need to just create. I'm not really sure what it is, but I felt like breathing some life into an old blog I used to keep. I started From the Furnace just as a place to put my emotions. It let me put them there and walk away. As time went on I stopped for one reason or another. But today I was talking about the grip of grief and just needed to get some things out. Sometimes, caregiving comes with a living grief.  It doesn't go away and it is very real. I've been carrying it for a few days now. I grieve because I haven't heard my son's voice in 10 years. I grieve because I see his friends marrying and having families. I grieve over the loss day after day. Grief seems to have a tight grip on my heart - so tight sometimes I am not sure I can breathe. I've never been quite sure about what to do with the living grief. Some condemn it as a lack of faith. But I think it's quite the opposite. Espe...

Sound Like a Warrior?

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I'm presently working on a project about David - the worshipper and the warrior. I am learning so much!. He's one of my favorite Bible characters, and I've always enjoyed the psalms. As I was reading through so many of the psalms this morning, I found several verses that made me stop and scratch my head and wonder. First, remember that David has slain giants. He walked right up to Goliath and prophesied he was going to take off his head. Then he did it. He ran from Saul, raised up armies, and fought and won many battles. But here is this verse in Psalm 6:7 (NLT) where he says, I am worn out from sobbing. Every night I drench my bed; my pillow is wet from weeping. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of my enemies. That doesn't sound like "warrior talk" to me. Yet, we know David was a mighty warrior. The caregiver carries a huge load day in and day out, with very little relief. Our vision - and view of life can so easily become bl...

Surrounded

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There were times when David felt as if he was surrounded by his enemies. In the third psalm, he says I have so many enemies. In Psalm 17, he mentions his deadly enemies that surround. One thing I appreciate about David is that he acknowledges his enemies. He doesn't try to act like they don't exist. He doesn't try to imagine they are gone. And, he doesn't try to "faith" his way out of his circumstances. What he does do, though, is declare the truth in the midst of his surroundings. David had real, physical enemies with flesh and blood and oftentimes in his writings he mentions the words his enemy uses against him. He always refutes it with what God says about him. I like that. David may share how he is being overcome by the deep waters of tribulation, but he always counters it with a declaration about God and a but I'm still swimming statement. As much as David felt like his enemies surrounded him, he also notes God surrounds him. He wasn't confu...

Change of Focus

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Caregiving is no easy road by itself and it gets overly complicated when life happens. Recently I've dealt with sickness, deaths of those I loved and life decisions on top of caregiving. As if caregiving itself isn't hard enough, right? (smile) It's pretty easy for us to get overloaded and overwhelmed as we pretty much live in that state. The "right answer" is of course to find a spot in your day to be still and know I am God. (Psalm 46:10) We know that - but it can be difficult in the midst of all we need to do. Sometimes, we must find that spot within our heart, even if we cannot physically find a place to be still and quiet. That's where I seem to be right now. This morning though I thought of Psalm 103. David seems to be talking to himself when he says, Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. One version says all that I am praise the Lord, everything in me praise His holy name.  I'm not quite sure if he's ma...

Stll Standing

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During my private devotions this morning, I read the "Sermon on the Mount." Jesus spent a lot of time teaching the disciples and these three chapters in Matthew cover a lot of territory. There were several selah moments where I paused and thought. But it was the final few verses that captured my attention. Jesus tells the story of the two houses. One is built on the rock and one is built on sand. In the end, it was the one built on the rock that stood. But that wasn't the focus of my thoughts. Matthew 7:25 describes what the house went through on its way to standing. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwater rise, and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it's built on the rock. Of course, the other house didn't stand because it was constructed on a shaky foundation. My focus this morning wasn't so much on the foundation. We understand the words to that old song, On Christ the solid rock I stand.. all o...

He Knows....

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Each caregiving journey is different. The emotions of caring for your child are very different than those of caring for an aging loved one. I can't say either one is "easier" than the other - just very different although tasks may be similar. But when caring for the elderly we begin to see life in a different light. Is it that we suddenly feel our own human frailty? Maybe we question our upcoming final days. Thoughts can send emotions reeling. As I was visiting with my son's nurse this morning we looked at some pictures of my mom and aunt. These were taken at our family Christmas get together and it's likely the last time they will see each other on this side of eternity. I smile when I think of how they will reunite in their new bodies on the other side.  But then I sadden to think we must lose them both here first. My thoughts were along these lines and my own humanness and frailty this morning as well as all I am dealing with as a multi-generational careg...

Tired of Being Weary? or Weary of Being Tired?

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Days like today help me be more reflective. It's a crazy day - crazier than normal in our multi-generational home setting. Between sick people and sleepless nights, it can be difficult to focus and be productive at morning's light. It makes me wish there was a "pause" button so I could take a breath and gather myself and my thoughts. But, we all know that's not going to happen. On these kinds of days, caregiving seems merciless as tasks demand to be done whether we are in the mood, have any energy or not. When I feel fatigued (mentally, physically, emotionally) I always think of the familiar scripture in Isaiah 40. Verse 28 reminds us: D o you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.   I'm guessing weary and tired  are two different things here. I appreciate that distinction because I think for me, tired is the state of the body and weary is the state of the soul. Bo...

Never Let Go

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This was a trying week, which basically means there was nothing unusual about it. As caregivers, our emotions can be all over the place. This week brought sickness, depression, fatigue, and tons of other difficulties to deal with. Not only does being sick mess up our day-to-day routines, but it also wreaks havoc on our bodies and emotions. For many of us, our emotions stay on edge as it is, and even small things topple us into the "emotional abyss." It can take days to climb out of if we can get out at all. Oftentimes, we don't even realize our emotions are stretched to the max. Hindsight is 20/20 and I have learned over my caregiving years that it's okay to stop. It's okay to cry. (I don't think it does any good - but it does let you know your emotional cup is full and running over.) It's okay to say - that's all I can do today.  And it is absolutely okay to tell others, no. It is also absolutely okay to ask for help.  That is often the most diffi...