Daily Devotions for Caregivers

I just want to admit up front that emotionally I can be all over the place. That's nothing new, really. But with the impending move, it seems to me like it's a little bit worse. In case I forgot to fill you in, we are moving! My daughter and SIL are buying a huge house so we can all move in. They are going to help me with Chris and I'll help them with kids and day-to-day stuff as well. We are all excited and I believe it's a good move. As I anticipate change though, my thoughts and emotions go from extreme excitement to sheer terror. Eventually, I adjust and change is not usually as rough as I thought - but I'm all over the place until I adjust and settle in. Extremes are not all that uncommon for caregivers, especially on some days. Maybe it's just me but I can be booking along having a great day and a memory or a photo or almost anything can spark raw emotions. Not to brag or anything, but I can go from chipper and happy to calm and weepy in under 10 sec...

I'm starting the process of moving my mini-nursing home. That's a huge task for sure and a bit overwhelming. But I was looking through my house at things I can get rid of and wondering why if it's so easy to discard or donate things why I kept them in the first place. When I got to my room, I stood and looked at my bookcase. It is special for a few reasons. First, it was my grandfather's bookcase and used to house all of his Bible study aids and books. Secondly, it holds my book collection. Most of them are from generals in the kingdom of God - most of which have gone on to their reward. I stopped and looked at the section that contains books from the years I studied the revivals. My thoughts ran around for a while from revival to revival I studied back in the day. Those were BC days (before caregiving). I took a deep look inside myself and asked if my quest for revival and thirst for Him stopped at caregiving. Immediately, I felt my heart soften as my soul cried ...

Sorry for my absence. To say I am a bit overwhelmed is well, a huge understatement. I just thought my son kept me busy, add my aunt in the mix and things like aides not showing up AGAIN, and I barely have time to breathe. I remind myself to do so often though. lol One of the things I never question is the power of prayer. If you've read along you know I harp on faith a lot - the fact that it is really what carries us through adversity rather than helping us avoid them. Prayer has been redefined similarly on this journey. It's not just a way to get what I want  as much as sometimes I wish it was. I was thinking about prayer, what it is, and what it is not this morning. Even though I have purposefully separated myself from God on occasion as I tried to deal with frustration, trusting Him, the lack of answers, and the heat of the battle - There is nothing dark enough or deep enough to separate our prayers from His ears. Then the trouble becomes why it seems He doesn't ...

This morning I woke up with a phrase on my mind. It was simply, trust the process.  Yesterday's thoughts about Moses and how God delivered and led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and to the promised land one step at a time were racing through my mind.  I thought of how they crossed the Red Sea, needed water and He provided, needed food and He provided and numerous other victories they had along the way. Jericho also came to mind and I realized they battled on so many levels and in so many arenas to get to their destination. But then I was a bit perplexed as I wondered what in the world would be my destination. I'm not going anywhere. Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting still and life is passing me by and I withdraw further into the caregiver's cave where it is at least perceived as safe. But I don't want to stay there - not really. And it's at that moment determination arises once again and I resolve to find ways to live outside the box life has tried ...

Sorry for my absence, but my son was in the hospital most of last week. Just part of the journey, right? But it sure does stir up a wide range of emotions. I'm not sure if the social isolation or the battle for the soul is more difficult. By the soul, I mean the mind, will, and emotions.  It sometimes feels like life has taken me captive and sentenced me to life without parole. The caregiver can struggle with so many things on an emotional level as the tasks of taking care of loved ones wears away at our heart. We do what we do because we love them - but that doesn't mean it's easy. Jesus died for us because He loves us - but that didn't make the cross a pleasant journey. Maybe I am only speaking for myself, but my emotions can be all over the place from one second to another. Fears and doubts try to chip away at faith leaving my heart and mind in shreds. Oftentimes, I feel like a prison caught between my faith and the reality of the day-to-day. As it all closes i...

This morning as I bent over my son's hospital bed to kiss his forehead, I whispered, I want you to feel safe and loved.  Many times, our loved ones are so vulnerable and unable to protect themselves. As a mother and a caregiver, I have such a sense of needing to also be advocate and protector. My son cannot speak for himself, I have looked at some camps designed specifically for brain injury victims - they look wonderful. But I cannot stay with my son. Since he cannot speak, he would not be able to tell me if there was anyone hurting him in any way. I just can't take him. When I get respite for him I take him to a nursing home where my sister works. I also know several of the staff so I feel he is better watched over. Those who need caregiving are often the most vulnerable among us. I just wanted my son to be assured I was here to protect him and to ensure his safety. Specifically, I wanted him to know he is loved. He seems so alone sometimes even though I am with him alw...

This photo may not look like much to you, but it means a lot to me. See the path that has been beaten along the outer edge? I've done that over the last few weeks. My treadmill malfunctioned and I was on a running streak (still am) and didn't want to give in. I measured the distance around my tiny backyard and it's .01 mile. That means running around it 100 times is a mile. I made it a tiny bit longer by adding the patio in the mix. It may look like a silly path but I call it my "circle of determination." I am on a fitness journey here. As caregivers, our own health often gets laid to the side because of all the duties we need to complete each day. The reality is, even though I hate  for people to remind me of it, that we have to be healthy for our loved ones, if not for ourselves. As much as I want to care for my loved ones, I also want to feel good while I do it as much as possible. So I laced up my running shoes and started putting some miles in - then my t...