Checklists

 I don't know about you, but checklists help run my days. The problem is that sometimes I have two or three or more checklists that I'm working off of. Sometimes, it gets totally out of hand, so I combine them all into one big checklist and start marking off items as I go. However, most days, there just aren't enough items marked off. This morning, I made a different list mentally. I started thinking about what I could cut from today's to-do list. 

For caregivers, there are so many things that have to be done in a day. When each day involves the care of another person, the list of nonnegotiable gets long. It can be overwhelming, at best. Debilitating at worst. Sometimes I sit, sip coffee, and just stare at the list of things I need to do - the thing is that my to-do list doesn't have all the must-dos on it. I don't write range of motion, laundry, preparing tube feedings, standing frame time, etc., on the list because they are given. So, no wonder not many things are marked off my list at the end of the day. I'm busy doing the essentials of caregiving. Yesterday, I finally squeezed in a shower at about 3 pm. Lol. Hey - it's not on the list, and there were more pressing things that had to be done. It happens. I'm just happy I finally got one! Lol.

Whew! No wonder we are tired, right? 

I'm so glad that God doesn't have a checklist. And I'm really glad that He doesn't look at it and try to decide what might need to go or be put off until tomorrow. He left His grace wide open with no boundaries. His love knows no end. His mercy is new for our benefit with every new day. His presence in the middle of caregiving is beautiful. I'm glad He doesn't look at these things and wonder what can be put off until tomorrow. He just keeps them all open all the time. That's good - because I need them all, I need Him desperately - all the time.

I think today, I'll change my checklist up a bit. Here are my new checklist items to focus on:

• Trust God.
• Pray about it (whatever "it" is) first.
• Remember His mercy.
• Fall into His sustaining grace.
• Ask Him first.
• Read that scripture one more time.
• Remember, He is here.
• Be thankful.

There. I think that simplifies all my lists and will help guide each decision I need to make today.

So, today, I will choose to trust Him with it all. I'll pour all that I've been carrying out at His feet and ask for His grace to help me sort it all out. My heart will be thankful for all He has done so far, and I'll use what He's done as a reminder that He's still doing on my behalf. I'll be thankful that He hasn't left, thrown up His hands, or thrown in the towel. My meditations will be on His faithfulness. I'll remind myself that I am on His checklist today - so I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

A Faith-Full God

 This morning, during my personal devotions, I was looking something up when my eye briefly saw a phrase from 2 Timothy. It's indented, so it sort of stood out on the page, but my eyes rolled over If we are faithless, He remains faithful. I don't know about you - but I know about me, and sometimes I feel like I'm lifeless and faithless. The crucible of life seems to press our souls out of us sometimes. Maybe it's the day-after-day strain of caring for our loved ones. Weariness doesn't creep in - it's taken up residence. Lol.

So, when this scripture skipped across my attention, it made me start thinking. I know I have faith. I know you have faith. We are still seeking Him, after all. So there must be a glimmer of faith that keeps us running toward the cross. But sometimes, I feel totally wasted and faithless. This scripture helps remind me that when I feel like my faith bucket is empty, His bucket is still full.  When I feel the weakest, He is still the strongest. And the best part - is He is so willing to share!

The old-school religious systems I grew up under indirectly taught me that if bad things happened, it was because I had no faith. They wanted me to believe that bad things could be confessed away if you had faith. So I found myself condemning and judging myself when my son had his wreck. I thought I had no faith at all. But that was one of the first things being his caregiver taught me. Faith doesn't prevent bad things from happening - it is what sustains us through them. 

I find great comfort in knowing that God's got enough faith for both of us. In those moments when I feel weak and faith-less, I can turn to a God who is consistently faith-full. He will not leave me. He will not look the other way. Somehow when I remind myself of all He is - it helps me gain the strength to continue trusting Him. Yet, while I find myself wavering back and forth, sorting through emotions, and trying to figure it all out on my own - He remains constant, present, attentive to my deepest silent cries for help, and faithful to answer even the ones I don't know enough about to voice in prayer.

Today, I will remind myself of what a faithful God He is. I'll take a few minutes to look back on how He has sustained my soul through the rocky and emotional caregiving journey. My meditation will be on His consistent presence and determined diligence to walk through time with me. I'll be grateful for His presence and soul-sustaining peace as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

I closed my bookstore to save the expense - but I'm in the process of moving the books all over to my Amazon bookshelf. I added a few Kindle books last night, with more to come. Check out my Amazon bookstore.

When the Day Runs Out

 

Do you ever get to the end of the day and realize how much you left undone? I am only one caregiver, but I imagine if I could just sit and talk with other caregivers, many of us, most likely most of us, have way too many responsibilities and chores to fit inside a 24-hour day. Maybe we could do more if we skipped sleep, which I've thought about a LOT, but just get too fuzzy-minded to do much after 11 or midnight. Lol.

No matter what our caregiving story details look like, it can keep us busy. We live life on our toes, so to speak because we never know what kind of day-interrupters are going to occur. For the most part, I know in the morning that there is no way I can realistically get to every item on my to-do list. However, I just keep trying. The problem is that when I lay down at night, most nights, I feel like a failure. That's because I have my focus on what didn't get done instead of what did get done. Never mind that I totally cared for another whole adult human who is full care. That mostly means I do everything double - 2 baths, dressed two people, cooked for and fed 2 people, took two people to the living room, back to bed, did laundry for two people, etc. Basically, double everything we do for ourselves, and that sucks a big portion of our day away. Not to mention all the other things like work that must be done every day. It's too easy to feel defeated - if we focus on that.

However, if we can focus on what we did get done - maybe it'll help us keep our heads up.

Isn't that the same with our walk of faith? It's easy to condemn ourselves for the lack we see or our shortcomings. And if we only focus on what we can't or didn't do - we'll be defeated from the get-go. But if we shift our focus to Him and what He has done for us, it is a game changer. 

I see my lack and failures, but I focus on His sufficient grace. My shortcomings and inadequacies stare me in the face, but I choose to focus on His mercy. I know better than anyone the things I do wrong. If I focus on them, I will be defeated before I ever get started. But if I focus on the victories Christ has already accomplished for me - I can gain the strength to face another day. 

By shifting my focus off of myself and onto His righteousness, salvation, keeping power, peace, unending love, and undeniable goodness - I receive strength to make it to the end of the day. Then, when the day runs out, and I see I have run short, I can still rejoice that He saw me through another caregiving day. Can't we honestly say that we've made it through every tough day so far - by His strength? 

Today, I'll remind myself that He has seen my soul through every difficult caregiving day so far. My meditations will be on how trustworthy He is, how faithful He is, and how gracious He is to carry me as needed - without complaining a bit! I'll think about how often I feel His strong yet gentle arms undergird my heart and wipe away the tears of the day as He stands me back up on my feet and fills me with peace and strength to go on. I know I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

I closed my bookstore to save the expense - but I'm in the process of moving the books all over to my Amazon bookshelf. I added a few Kindle books last night, with more to come. Check out my Amazon bookstore.

m

Grace for Extremes

  I love how God's grace never changes. When Paul found himself in difficult circumstances, he asked God three times for relief. (2 Corinthians 12) A breif look back at chapter 11 lets us know some of the trials Paul had faced. Caregiving's hard, but I haven't been in a shipwreck! Caregiving is tough, but I've never been beaten with rods. Caregiving is difficult, but I've never been robbed. Looking through his list somehow takes the sting out of my own. However, Paul was never where we are either. Which is actually good news. It means when God told him that His grace was sufficient for his crazy circumstances and difficultites - we can apply it to ours as well. No matter what we face God's grace can match it! I love that.

As caregivers our thoughts and emotions can be all over the place in a matter of seconds. It's not unusual to have extreme joy followed by extreme sorrow, followed by extreme anxiety, and end up in peace. This cyclical activity can go on and on and on. Lol. God's grace is able to keep up with our extremes, and even stay ahead of it sometimes - and that's saying a lot!

Do you ever have down days? I know I do. They are just times that emotions seem hard to pull up. Some of us may cry or scream for relief. God's grace is enough to meet us in the lowest moments. 

Do you ever have super-hero days? I do sometimes. I find myself taking the situation or the day by the horns and wrestling it down. Then I turn around and say, hand me my cape. Lol. It's a silly analogy, but there are a few times when we advocate for our loved one and win, or we finally get a breakthrough in finances, or something, anything, goes right for a change. We can get just as caught up in that moment as we can in the lower moments. But God's got grace for that too.

 His grace is enough to raise us up when we feel like we are on the absolute bottom. But it's also grace enough to sustain us when we kick into "I can do it on my own" mode. Even if we don't realize it, His grace is there to sustain us - because we'll soon realize we ain't all that. That's when we need His grace.

Today, I will be thankful that His grace is sufficient for the eb and flow of caregiving emotions. I'm particularly grateful that His grace never leaves us high and dry, no matter what. My thoughts will be on His abundant, endless, extreme grace that He designed to perfectly fit my situation today. Whether I feel like I've lost it all or won it all - I'll remind myself that His grace is enough for my extremes, so I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

I closed my bookstore to save the expense - but I'm in the process of moving the books all over to my Amazon bookshelf. I added a few Kindle books last night, with more to come. Check out my Amazon boookstore.

Who's Listening?

 Caregiving can be a constant "rough spot" in our lives. But on our journeys, there are other dynamics that come into play. As caregivers, we learn rather quickly to be problem solvers. It's just part of the job. Sometimes we get supplies, sometimes we don't. We learn to navigate difficult systems and fight various battles that shouldn't even be necessary to provide for our loved ones. Even something as simple as filling a prescription can become a circus. Sigh.

These things were running through my mind this morning as I was sorting through some of the recent changes occurring in our lives. I want to throw my hands up and quit. But of course, it's a fleeting thought as I catch my breath and go back in for round two, or three, or four...

For a second, I wondered if God heard me. Frustrations mound, and I run out of answers, and even though I know He hears me - I still ask Him if He does. Lol. My thoughts turn into prayers, and I ask God, do you even hear me? Are you still in control? And I reassure myself that He is still in control and still my provider. Maybe I should write a psalm. :-)

The psalmists seem to have a similar problem and emotions that run along the same lines. Sometimes, the writer was sure that God heard their prayers.

• I cried to God with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill. (Psalm 3:4)
• ...For the Lord heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication and will receive my prayer. (Pslam6:8,9)
• I have called on You, for you will hear me. (Pslam 17:6)
• I called on God in my distress and He heard me out of His holy temple. (Psalm 18:6)
• He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither has He hid His face from him, but when he cried unto Him, He heard. (Psalm 22:24)

Other times, like me, the psalmist seemed to wonder if God heard him at all.

• Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to thee...(Psalm 28:2)
• Consider and hear me, O Lord my God. (Psalm 13:3)
• Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! (Psalm 27:7)
• Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me! (Psalm 30:10)

As I was crying out to God this morning and asking Him if He could even hear me - I felt such a calm, soothing peace come over me. If the psalmist can ask these types of questions and God let them write it in the Bible - it must be okay for me to pray it too. But these verses help remind me that He does hear. He is still in control. He is still my provider. I especially like Pslam 22:24 - He doesn't despise our situation. He is not put off by our "affliction" - He won't hide from us - instead, He hears us when we cry to Him.

Today, I will remind myself that God is listening. He gets it. He sees the journey and does not walk away. Instead, He walks alongside, encouraging, strengthening, and loving us. My meditation will be on how He walks with me - and His soul smiles as He sees ours still reaching for Him. So, I believe I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Allowed to Grieve

Last week, I was preparing for one of my video sessions, and I found myself in 2 Kings 4. This is the story of the woman that Elisha prayed for. He prayed she would have a son as a way of blessing her for all she had done to help him. The son grew up, then one day he was in the field and grabbed his head and fell to the ground, then died later that day. Today, we would assume something like an aneurysm. 

The grief-stricken mother hurridly began journeying to see Elisha. She Gehazi, Elisha's servant, that all was well, even though her heart had to have been shattered into a million pieces. Once she reached the man of God, she crumbled to the ground before him and lay at his feet. Gehazi tried to push her away. But Elisha recognized greif. He saw that her heart was broken, even though she had no words. Before she could even finish telling him what had happened, he took action and started Gehazi on the journey to the dead boy, on his behalf. Ultimately, the boy was raised from the dead! Of course, that's the good stuff, but it's not what stuck in my head.

Elisha told Gehazi to leave her alone because he could tell that something was troubling her greatly. (NLT) What got me was that he allowed her to greive. Gehazi wanted her to stop. Not that he's a bad guy yet (but will be in the next chapter!), but there are many people, platforms, and places where grief is not allowed. I think on some level, all caregivers deal with grief, and sadly, our religious culture doesn't know what to do with it. 

While we all deal with grief in different ways, it is essential that it is dealt with. If that means a good cry for you - do it guilt-free! Maybe you're more the type who can work your grief out with a punching bag, or going on a long run, or talking to a counselor or someone you trust. Journaling is often useful for managing feelings of grief. It is not condemned in scriptures, and just because you're grieving doesn't show a lack of faith or trust. It's a normal human response. It is important to not live in grief, but it does need to be allowed and processed. 

I think we see David processing greif many times throughout the Psalms, such as when he lost his son, Absalom. Psalms 3 was written while he was running from his own son, and Psalm 9 was written after his son died. Those are well worth the read. I like verse 12 which says For he who avenges murder cares for the helpless. He does not ignore those who cry to Him for help. (NLT) I love that God doesn't ignore our deepest cries for help - those cries that come up out of our souls, from a broken heart. He hears them and accepts them.

Today, I will take some time to pour out my grief before Him. I'll open up my heart and let the pain leak out into His heart. I will purposefully let Him comfort me and hold my heart in His hands. I'll trust Him completely with today, will you join me?

Story Dynamics

 

As caregivers, we have a few things in common. We care for a loved one. Our days are filled with caregiving tasks. The list could go on and on. Even though we have caregiving as common ground, no two stories have the same dynamics. They vary in many ways. Our loved ones may be in different age groups. Personally, I care for my 39-year-old son. But previously, I cared for him and my 89-year-old aunt. Yes, at the same time. Can you say, "full plate?"

Some of us are caring for loved ones who are naturally aging. While others are watching our loved one's mind slowly drift away. Perhaps some caregivers, such as me, became caregivers due to a tragic accident. Others may be caring for a child that was born with birth defects.

Besides who we care for, the way we care for them may differ. Some are still walkie-talkies and very ambulatory. Others are bedridden and need total assistance with ADLs. Still others are somewhere in between. They can do some things for themselves, but not all. 

Caregivers often have help available, whether it's through a paid agency or family members who step up to help. Then some of us have literally zero help, and all the caregiving responsibilities rest on our shoulders. If there are finances available, perhaps some have paid help. It varies.

We could go on to talk about all the differences, such as food prep, laundry, feeding, daily care, socialization, or the lack thereof. Each of our stories is different, with various dynamics coming into play. But no matter what our story dynamics look like in real life - we all have one thing in common. 

We must trust God every day.

I'll share my Facebook live from this morning at the end. I talk about questions. No matter what the question is - the answer is trust God. No matter what our caregiving situations and dynamics look (or feel) like, the answer is still trust God. Honestly, I've searched for other answers and have come up blank and empty outside of Him! 

Today, I am determined that no matter what the situation looks like, I will trust God! I can trust Him with my deepest, most troublesome worries. I can also trust Him with the silly stuff that nags at my mental health day after day. He is trustworthy. I am resolved that today is the best day to trust Him, so that's what I am going to do. Will you join me?