Posts

Back of the Cave

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 It's no secret that caregiving is as much an emotional journey as anything else. It's easy to live on the proverbial edge when you never know how or when things are going to change on a dime. Your loved one may spike a sudden unexplained fever. They may get a sore or fall. Maybe they just have an unusually rough day. Any number of things can happen at any given time. These can weigh on the soul and have us running for the back of the cave. People may not get it at all, especially if they haven't experienced caregiving. Sometimes, it seems they just want us to return to normal , but that is not going to happen. We end up with new normals, new experiences, and new friends (hopefully), but normal isn't even discernable anymore. Social isolation is just one emotional problem we have to navigate. There's not much help for it either, which is why it's easy to become comfortable in the back of the cave. Hey, at least it's safe there, right? It's no wonder that...

Fingerprints on the Soul

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  As I was typing the closing to yesterday's devotion, I penned a phrase about how God leaves fingerprints on our souls. It literally went across my screen and grabbed my attention. I'd not thought of it before, but it became my meditation throughout the whole day yesterday. I began to go through several stories in the Bible where people were changed through an encounter with God - even though their situations didn't change. I started with Hannah. In I Samuel, she was grieving over not being able to have children. She poured out her broken heart before God. It must have been a heart-wrenching scene, because Eli, the high priest at the time, thought she was drunk. She explained to him that she wasn't drunk, but that her heart was broken and she needed God to answer.  Now get this. God did not answer immediately. Later, once they returned home to their routine, Hannah would become pregnant as she had requested that day. But in that moment, nothing changed. There was absol...

It's Just Everything

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 Caregiving is a wild ride, no matter how you slice it. We could probably make a Top 10 list of all the "things" that wear on us, and each of our lists would be different. Our personal lists would probably change from day to day. Or hour to hour. Lol.  What's on your top 10? I think number 1 for me would be the emotional part, the living grief. And maybe number 2 would be the financial struggles - which are complicated by number 1. But ask later, and I may have a totally different jumping-off spot. This fictional list is created by the day-to-days of caregiving. The items change with the ebb and flow of caregiving and they are based on our emotional state, our mental state, and tons of other things that may be happening at the time. It's not just one thing, or even two or three things about caregiving that wear on our souls, it's just everything.  Here's the good thing, God doesn't have a limit on the number of things we bring to Him. Nothing is off limits...

Those Fickle Emotions!

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 It's no secret that I love David and I love the Psalms. One of the "best" things I learned from the Psalms was that it's okay to tell God anything, everything! David didn't hold back. He talked about being angry with God, upset with his circumstances, and many other heart-wrenching emotions. Whatever David was working through at the time was what reached God's ears.  God never told David, "You shouldn't say things like that." He did reprimand David for being honest about his feelings and emotions.  This morning, I found an instance in 1 Chronicles 13 and 14 that describes one of these instances. In chapter 13, David is doing what he thought was an honorable thing and bringing the Ark of God back to where it belonged. What David failed to do was make sure that the Ark was transported according to how God had told them to do it long ago. It was NEVER supposed to be pulled by oxen - only carried by Levites.  The oxen stumbled and Uzzah reached out ...

The Fight For Sanity

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 Caregiving has a way of wearing on you. It's sometimes physical, but a lot of times it's the emotional side that gets to us. When I realized that I was dealing with what is called, "living grief" I allowed myself to grieve. We can lose a lot when we become caregivers, including who our loved ones were and our lifestyles. I had to come to grips with the fact that I lost my son in that wreck in November of 2008. Yet he didn't die. He's still here, but the son I knew is long gone. No matter how our caregiving is packaged - there's a lot to deal with. This morning as I was reading 1 Chronicles 11 I came across the story of Benaiah again. There are literally three verses about him in the entire Bible. He was one of David's Mighty Men and a great warrior. In verse 22, it says that Benaiah chased a lion into a pit. Why would anyone do that to start with? But then it says that even though it was snowy and slippery in the pit - he killed the lion. Smh.  Let me...

The Caregiver's Tapestry

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  Some of the older artisan arts and craftsmanship have become rare in our modern, digital-focused world. But some of them do still exist. Have you ever had the privilege of seeing a handmade tapestry? If you have, you know how beautiful a well-crafted piece can be. And if you've seen the front, you may have looked at the back which tells a whole different story.  The front of a tapestry, or even an embroidered work, provides a beautiful image that is soothing to the eyes. The back looks like a bunch of chicken scratch. There's no sense to the image and the threads seem to go in every-which direction. It doesn't make sense. However, it is necessary to create the desired image on the viewable front of the tapestry. Sometimes our lives can feel like the back of the tapestry that doesn't make sense, looks confusing, and leaves you scratching your head. But others see the front of our caregiving tapestry. It presents a beautifully woven image of love, care, hope, and faith....

Just a Caretaker

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 Jesse sent David to check on his brothers and take them some food. He just wanted to hear that his sons were surviving the war. David, so unassuming, arrives on the scene to find that Goliath has stalled the war out with his threats and challenges. The Israelites, including David's brothers, were frozen in fear and unsure what to do. David started asking all the right questions. Who is this uncircumcised Philistine?  The next thing you know, David's getting ready to go take down the giant. He never stated anything otherwise. In fact, he told King Saul that he had killed a lion and bear on occasion when they threatened his sheep. Now that's a caretaker. David didn't see Goliath as more than anything threatening to harm what was his. But David's brother, Eliab, felt differently. He asked David, openly, on purpose, and just to try to demean and discourage him (in his own sight and in others), where are those little sheep you take care of? David didn't bat an eye, ...