There is a Place

It’s funny how some days I wake up and words just roll out of my heart and onto paper yet other days I sit and stare at a blank screen and have no clue what to write. Part of me feels that way too like I’m too tired to have emotions right now. I could easily spend the day staring at the wall drinking coffee. But alas, that’s not going to happen! Too many things are needed in a day. Such is the caregiver’s world, right?

We talk about how busy we are as caregivers and I hesitate using the word “busy.” It has the connotation that what’s being done is not important. Remember when you were in school and you knew the teacher had given you an assignment as busy-work so you’d stay busy so she could do something else? Our work is certainly not that! But the whole world is busy like that.

For caregivers, and many non-caregivers too, there are so many tasks that have to be done in a day, it’s overwhelming. Plus, many of us work either at a traditional job or online and have additional requirements and tasks to complete in a day. Does it sometimes feel so pressing you can’t even breathe? I know it does for me. I get up in the morning and the list of things I have to accomplish start running through my head.

Today, for me, it looks something like this: finish the four articles for client 1, Chris has to have range of motion today – don’t forget, watching the grands for a couple hours while my daughter is out, another client just sent an urgent task needing to be done by noon, oh yeah, appointment with a possible cleaning lady at 1, yikes! I’ve got to get my room clean, so she doesn’t see it like this…. And that’s how it begins and often how it ends too most days.

But even in the midst of the crazy-busy thoughts, there is a place I can go. If only for a few minutes I can quiet down my anxious thoughts, I can find peace. When I settle myself down and whisper, Lord, I love You. It’s like He sweeps me off my feet again and fills me with supernatural, non-comprehendible peace. And I love it! He never fails to meet me where I am, and He’s not afraid to come into my cra-cray world and scoop me up and provide grace for the moment.

Today, I will purpose to quiet my soul before Him and rest in Him. My meditations will be on how He carries me through these wild-and-crazy days, time after time. I’ll be thankful for His sustaining grace and for how He seemingly miraculously gives this busy heart and mind His peace. I’ll rest in that today and be grateful that He chose to walk this journey through time with me. Will you join me?

Twice Found

So, yesterday we looked at Genesis 16 and how Hagar had been run out by Sarai and God found her by the brook. As the story goes, he sent her back to Abraham’s household. I personally think she had a few attitudes to deal with. Time passes. Ishmael is born. Isaac is born. Now we have round two. Ishmael scoffed at Isaac and mother hen Sarah gets upset and runs Hagar and her teenage son out once again.

This time, Hagar thinks she and her son are going to die. She cannot bear the sight of it and goes where he can’t see and cries. How many times have I done that? I try to encourage my son and then retreat to my room to bear it all out to God. Even as He heard the cries of Hagar rise before Him, I’m sure He hears our cries too.

As Hagar is distraught once again, and not sure what to do – God heard the voice of the lad. (Genesis 21:17) But the angel called to Hagar. He asked her what was wrong as He had heard the voice of her son. Here she is in another situation where she’s not sure what to do. Her life of luxury (in that day) is gone and she can’t go back this time. She is no doubt confused, forsaken, alone, and has no one to turn to. She can’t just go home. There’s no home to go to.

God opened her eyes, showed her where water was so they could both live and she began to thrive again. He met her where she was once again. In chapter 16, it says He found her, and here she is in a troubled spot once again and God shows up for her again. He didn’t say, you’ve been in this before, I got nothing. He had no condemnation, He didn’t ignore her for asking too often. He didn’t tell her she had used all her “tickets” up. Instead, He finds her again – and offers compassion and grace.

I’ve often wondered if God gets tired of my complaints and whining? Does He get tired of my situation like people do? Does He get frustrated at the ongoing battles caregiving can present? Because you know, there’s always something – even on the best of days! Lol. The answer is no. He does not become weary or tired. (Isaiah 40:28) Like Hagar – He just keeps finding us because He keeps searching for us. He doesn’t shun us when life doesn’t make sense anymore. He looks for us instead and lifts us up and out.

Today, I will be thankful that God doesn’t abandon us in the tight spots. I’ll be grateful that He keeps looking for us and finding us day after day. My meditation will be on the peace it brings to my heart knowing He’s always right here – looking, seeing, and hearing our hearts. I’ll rest in that thought as I trust Him just for today. Will you join me?

The Finding

I love reading the Word. Hebrews 4:14 says it’s alive, and active. I find that true as I can read passages I know I’ve read many times before and see something brand new in it. Such is the case this morning. This year I wanted to read the Bible straight through again as I haven’t done that in a while. I found myself in chapter 16 of Genesis reading and re-reading the story of Hagar. I’ve shared many pieces of this chapter in this devotional over the years. But I saw something else today that spoke to my heart.

In verse 7, after Sarah has sent her away, it says, the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water….I read that two or three times. Then, I wrote in my journal that if He found her – He must have been looking for her.

We know Sarah is her mistress and she’s lived in Abraham’s household for years. But now she’s been thrust out of her norm – and is pregnant to boot. What a predicament! There’s no doubt in my mind that she is uncomfortable, upset, worried, and in a place of distress both emotionally and physically. Yet God found her right there in that spot.

I found this personally encouraging. God doesn’t avoid us when we find ourselves in rough spots, and caregivers can have plenty of those, can’t we? People often remain silent or distant, sometimes because they do care but do not know what to do with us. Others just ignore us – they aren’t trying to be “mean” they often do not know what to say or do. We can find ourselves in some very lonely spots in life. We can find ourselves in some dirty spots, some hard spots. Each day presents challenges others don’t often understand and we can feel cheated out of life’s “pleasures” like simple freedoms of running to the store or grabbing coffee with a friend.

But God can find us where we are. Hagar was sent out because she had a bad attitude. I will first admit that especially early on in my caregiving years, I have been guilty of that! But if God can seek her out even when she’s wrong – doesn’t that provide me with some hope that He will seek me out too? That He will seek you out too?

I’ve said it before but it’s worth saying again – He doesn’t abandon us when life gets difficult or ugly. When we don’t live in that “picture perfect” world, He doesn’t avoid it – He comes to find us. He walks the path of the caregiver with us. And sometimes He has to carry us too. But He is present. Psalm 46:1 comes to mind here, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Today, I’m going to be thankful that God is willing to find me right in my situation no matter how challenging it seems. My meditations will be on His willing presence in the midst of my trouble. I’ll rely on Him for the wisdom and strength to make it through this day. Will you join me?

Three Altars

This year one thing I’ve purposed to do is read the entire Bible through again. I have done this many times in years gone by. But life happens and things change and I although I’ve read, I haven’t read it through in a year in a long time. As always, different things stand out. I’m three days in, three altars have been built each day I’ve read. I noted the first two, but when there was one in today’s passage, it caused me to pause and think.

The first altar mentioned in the Bible is right after the flood. When Noah and his family exited the ark, he built an altar. God’s response to this act of worship was to make a covenant with Noah and promise to never destroy the earth again with floods.

The second altar mentioned was built by Abraham in Geneses 12:7. The Lord had spoken to him to leave his family and he headed for Canaan. Once Abraham reached the Oak of Moreh, God appeared to him and promised him that his descendants would inherit the land of Canaan. Abraham built an altar in response. He then continued to travel on to camp between Bethel and Ai. This time he built an altar with no purpose attached except to call on the name of the Lord.

It seems to me that every time these heroes of faith moved or went through, they built an altar in worship. What can we as common caregivers take away from that? First off, I’m not suggesting going out in your backyard and building an altar! Lol. But I believe an altar represents to us on this side of the New Covenant a dedicated place of worship. As caregivers, every day we “go through.” Each day we face often seemingly insurmountable odds. But we are still in the game. We are still pushing forward, still pursuing Him. That’s monumental enough to merit an altar – in our hearts.

Today, I purpose to build an altar in my heart, a dedicated place of worship to thank God for His continuing promises to me, those ones that didn’t expire when I became a caregiver. I’ll turn my thoughts and my heart toward worship today in a new way as I let my heart become the altar and my life become the sacrifice, even in the midst of the mess. I’ll be thankful I can still worship in spirit, in purity, and in truth and rejoice that life’s circumstances cannot take that away. My heart will bow before Him today as I thank Him for one more day to serve and trust Him. Will you join me?

Perspectives

I'm sure we should be happy for a new year as it symbolizes new beginnings, right? But for the caregiver, it can mean just more of the same. There's not really a new way to do a lot of the tasks we have to complete - it's day in and day out - the same ole same ole. But of course, there are always hiccups in the way so there's no way to totally settle in to a routine. As sure as you do - something will bounce around like a call to urgent care, deliveries not on time, aides not showing up... I'm sure you've got a few of your own hiccups to list!

King Solomon said it right when he said, there's nothing new under the sun. We'll just keep on doing what we do. But if we are not careful, we'll get sucked in and under. I know I have a few times over the years. If that's our perspective it doesn't take too much for the enemy to knock us out.

Let's toss another verse in the mix. Lamentations says, His mercies are new every morning. It's kind of up to us which of these we will grab for the day. While caregiving can be mundane, lonely, and overwhelming - if we change our perspective, we might make each day a bit better than the one before.

Today, let's purposefully recognize His mercies are new even in our old. He sends rains of refreshing even in our drought. He pours in mercy, peace, and joy even in the harshest circumstances. It's all about perspective.

Today, I'll set my mind on the things above and try not to focus on the mundane. My thoughts will be on how His mercies are new for me today. I'll let Him carry me through the difficult times, let Him undergird me with His strength when I have none. I'll purpose to look at things differently today - will you join me?

The Day 2 Days

Ah, the end of another year. How can time go so fast and so slow at the same time? It feels both ways most of the time, doesn’t it? While we are doing our day-to-days it can seem so slow. But then you look up and realize another week is gone, and soon another month and here we are on the brink of a brand new year.

One of the things I have difficulty with is setting goals for a new year. I know we are all supposed to have New Year’s resolutions. But as caregivers, it can be difficult to plan a simple outing sometimes. Even then, one of us may be sick, or something goes wrong with a vehicle or any number of other things. For me, I never know when the doctor is coming until the day before and it’s the same with nurses and case managers. It’s hard to plan anything out very far at all. Maybe I’ll read more books this year – maybe I won’t. I definitely want to eat better and get in better shape physically. But it seems like there is obstacle after obstacle. So, no resolutions for me this year. Lol.

On the other hand, I purpose to trust Him more this year with the day-2-days. Maybe that’s a resolution and maybe it’s not. As I was working on my next devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31, which should be out in January, I found myself back in Psalm 121. I’ve clung to this psalm a lot over the last 11 years. It hit me while I was living in the ICU waiting room wondering what the future held for me and my son. I remember thinking my help doesn’t come from these doctors and nurses (no matter how good they are) – my help comes from the Lord. I wrote a simple chorus about it and it’s sort of been my theme song.

I suppose as another year approaches, it will remain my theme song. My goal any year, any day, month, week, or moment is to look to Him as my help, my strength, my go-to. That’s not likely to change anytime sooner or later. That psalm goes on to say that HE won’t let my foot slip. He doesn’t sleep – but He watches over Israel. He is our keeper; He is our shade. And best of all – He is the keeper of our souls.

So, this year, I’ll continue to trust Him to keep my soul. He watches over the part of me that cries the deepest, hurts the hardest, and longs for Him the most. Nothing can touch our soul – He keeps that part of us that makes us – US. I guess if that’s a resolution, so be it.

Today, I’ll lean into Him just a little more closely and I’ll whisper, I trust You with my soul. And I’ll listen for His reply. I purpose to stay closer to Him during this season of life than I ever have, to trust Him with more of me – to be more transparent before Him (it’s not like He doesn’t know anyway) and to rely on Him with more of me invested in the deal. Will you join me?

In the Press

At the end of each year, I usually spend some time in reflection. Even though I'm in a "down" patch emotionally right now, this year has had a lot of ups. I try to focus on those more than the downs, especially the ones that are right in my face. My goal for the coming year is to take the bigger plusses from this year and make them even larger positives next year.

As caregivers, it can be so difficult to feel like we accomplish anything. We tend to do the same things over and over. There is endless laundry, dishes, preparing meals, feeding, and more that simply have to happen every single day. Then on top of those things we have doctor's appointments, urgent care needs, or any sundry of other things we have to deal with when taking care of another whole person and all their affairs. Even though working through all the day-to-days is quite the accomplishment and we do it day after day, it can feel like we don't get anything at all done.

If we are not careful, or even if we are, it's easy to feel like we are pressed by the load we carry. In no way is it burdensome - we love our people, right? We do what we do because of that love. But there are times when it feels like it is crushing us or maybe we just don't feel like we can get ahead.

This morning, I was working on my next devotional for my online bookstore, and I found myself in Hebrews 12:2. Jesus endured the cross because of the joy set before Him. We were that joy. But in that moment, perhaps in Gethsemane when He was asking if there was any other way - the weight of all of us was resting on His soul. He gave up His will - for us. Don't we do something similar every single day?

Perhaps it's not on such a grande scale - we are not saving the world. But we do give up our desires, our hopes, our comfort, etc - for our loved ones. And we sit in the moment of each day saying Not my will, but Yours be done. We pray that for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for our caregivees.

Today, I simply want to accept the will of God for my life whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, easy or difficult, breathtaking or crushing I submit it all to Him. There is a contentment that comes - a true soul peace as we stop fighting the crushing. It's a release to say - this isn't how I had it planned out - but I will submit to You no matter what life brings. God's will doesn't change because we are caregivers - He still has good thoughts towards us. He still has good plans for us. We are still more than conquerors through him even if we are caregiving. My thoughts will be on purposefully pursuing His will in my situation and not my own... will you join me in this quest?