Perspectives

It's so easy to focus on the craziness and hardships of caregiving, isn't it? Well, to be fair, it's all right there in our faces, and it's hard to see around them sometimes. Together, I'm sure we could make quite the exhaustive list that would include social isolation, loneliness, exhaustion, sleeplessness, financial struggles, living grief, and more. I'm pretty sure I've touched on all of these at some point in our devotions for caregivers. 

We know we're not going to wake up in the morning, and everything is going to just be alright. Of course, that's assuming we slept at all last night. Lol.  Something at some time has rocked our world, and we make the choice of caregiving. Some say it's a sacrificial choice; I say it was the only choice for me. But however we got here - wherever here is - here we are! Now to survive. We all have our strategies and tips for surviving caregiving. Some are conservative, and some are probably a bit bizarre for those who don't understand how ravaging caregiving can be on emotions and mental health. But so far, we can rejoice that we've made it to today's here, right?

A post by a friend on Facebook this morning was all it took to help me reshape my attitude for today. She said, "God only created good days, therefore, I replaced my childish prayer with... "Lord, help me to see the good in the day you provided. That made me think of Psalm 118:24. This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. Now, if we are honest, and we are in this blog, all days don't feel like they are created equal. And even the best of days can change on a dime if our loved one was to fall or become ill. It changes everything. That's why I own a laptop that I can drop in a bag and carry with me for emergencies.

But in the middle of our hectic and actively overflowing caregiving lives, God brings us peace. He still makes the day, and He still walks through the nights. Some days, we may have to try a little harder and look a little deeper, but there are good things that are God things in every day. When we become the seeker, we will find Him in our day-to-days. Every single time.

Today, I purpose to look for His hand in my day-to-days. I'll take some time for reflection on how far He's brought us already and trust that He's still got me as I forge into new days ahead. I will shift my perspective and diligently look for His hand at work in me, for me, and through me. I will be thankful for this day - and all He does IS good - that He has made and allowed me to live. I'll take a deep breath and thank Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

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Blessings?

 

There are many blessings along life's highway, am I right? As caregivers, each day can bring many blessings, and as I'm learning to look for things to be thankful for, no matter how small they may seem, blessings abound around me. It's funny how we find "new" things when our perspective changes. But some days are harder than others. And sometimes, blessings bring along a bit of trouble. A new car comes with the obligation of making a payment, maintenance requirements, tags, and insurance. A new house comes with a mortgage and upkeep. 

Recently, my son was able to get a SmartVest, which is a percussion vest that vibrates to "beat" against his chest and break up junk in his lungs. It was such a blessing. It seems to truly help keep him clearer from day to day. But, of course, it came at a cost. Not money, but time. He is to wear it twice a day and let it do its thing for 20 minutes each time. I was so happy to get it, then realized the time commitment involved. I've adjusted and worked it right into our daily schedules. But I was overwhelmed for a little while by "just one more thing" that I had to try and squeeze into our heavily scheduled days.

It's so easy to find ourselves in a state of overwhelm, even with the good things that happen. It's great to find physical therapy professionals that will help, but then there is the huge chunk of time it takes. It seems crazy, doesn't it? We are so thankful and so overwhelmed. Oh, the emotional dichotomy. So extreme. So raw. So real. I'm so glad that His shoulders are broad enough to carry it all, no matter how crazy our emotions or lives are. Nothing is too heavy for Him, and He never tells us that He won't help. 

Today, I will continue to thank Him for the blessings as I pray for wisdom to arrange them into my days. I'll remind myself that He's carrying them for me, and He's carrying me too! My meditation will be on how present He is to help, whether I need tears wiped away or a heavy burden transferred from one place to the next. I'll grab a snack instead of lunch and trust that He's got me covered before and behind with enough grace for today. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

Through the Desert, Through the Rain He Remains

 

Those long nights can take a toll, can't they? For me, I've figured out that when Chris is doing well, I do well. But when he's not - I kinda lose it. I find myself grasping for His grace like a person without air gasps for breath. I can feel so needy, so helpless, and so vulnerable in those times. But I must say that every time God has come through. He has carried me when I thought there was no way to take another step. Why? Because He is faithful. The way things are going does not affect His faithfulness.

This morning, I was thinking about the whiney children of Israel. They complained about everything. It's not that they didn't have things to complain about - it's just that they chose to complain and whine about everything. They said that they wished they could have stayed in Egypt - at least they knew what to expect as slaves, right? Bondage brought with it a set of expected experiences. They knew they'd be mistreated. They knew they'd be overworked and abused. But the wilderness? Who knows what can happen there? Sometimes we become more comfortable with our bondages than progress since we know what to expect. As God leads us out of those bondages, we are in a position of trusting Him, period. 

So, this morning, in my devotions, I started thinking of His faithfulness. I thought of the whiney Children of Israel and how He didn't leave them, even though they were ungrateful and cranky. And while I certainly can't say that I've never been cranky or ungrateful, I do rest in the calm assurance that He won't leave me here in my life's wilderness, either. That's a comforting thought. 

Yesterday, as Chris started having asthma difficulties, I had a thought that brought me to His continued faithfulness. I thought, my song hasn't changed over all these years - because it's about Him, not me. He stays with us and is faithful during good times and bad. He is faithful in the desert and in the falling rain. He remains faithful during times of joy and times of weeping. He never tells us He "can't handle" us or our situation. He remains.

Today, I will be thankful for God's continued grace, faithfulness, and presence in my life. I'll remind myself that He's never packed up His bags and said He couldn't handle any situation. My meditation will be on His faithfulness and how I can't do anything to make Him be unfaithful. His faithfulness doesn't fluctuate with circumstances - it's just who He is, and He's got me. So, I will trust His faithfulness for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

Seek and Ye Shall Find

 Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to strategize ways of dealing with stress. It's something we all deal with, especially caregivers. I'm walking and exercising more, which helps the body get rid of stress and it helps improve sleep to some degree. But I've also been working on training my thoughts. I've been working on purposefully finding things to be thankful for. At first, it was a bit difficult because let's face it, caregiving is hard work. 

This morning, I was plugging Chris into a nebulizer for a breathing treatment as he had an asthma attack yesterday afternoon after we'd been out for a little bit. As I was doing his treatment and his tube feeding, I didn't even really think about it; this "thought" just rolled up out of me. I thought, thank you, Lord, for carrying us through the long night. My own thankfulness surprised me! Lol. I realized at that moment that it's getting easier and easier to be thankful, even for the little stuff.

Jesus said seek, and ye shall find. Obviously, if He said it, then it's true. But it's also true on many levels. If we seek Him - we'll find Him. If we seek rejection- we'll find rejection. If we seek truth - we'll find truth. And if we seek things to be thankful for - we'll find things to be thankful for. When I started the quest of determining to grow thankfulness, I didn't realize what would happen. I knew it would help my overall attitude, and changing my perspective has certainly done that. And for that - I'm thankful. (Haha - see what I did there?) - smile.

My point is, I think, that when we truly start looking (seeking) for things to be thankful for - even in the difficulties of caregiving, we'll find so many ways He walks into our daily lives to support and help us. Being thankful may not change our circumstances, but it changes us.

Today, I will continue to seek things to thank Him for. As I go about my day, I'll look for all the hidden blessings that I may have missed by complaining so much. (I know I'm the only one who does that.) I'll shift my focus from my problems to my provider, from my hurts to my healer, from my needs to my nurturer. Man, He really is everything for us, isn't He? For that, I will be thankful. Will you join me?

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

Mismatched Ends

 

Do you ever feel like you're running around all day working hard to try and get the proverbial ends to meet? It can definitely feel like it's a circus around here sometimes as I juggle to keep everything moving as it should. But when those "ends' do meet - it seems like they are mismatched. Every day has a list of all the things that need to be done, plus unexpected add-ons. It certainly feels like things keep spinning around and around. 

What do you do on those days when everything feels out of control? I have a few personal strategies, like stopping and making lists. I'll sip an extra cup of coffee or tea and make a list so I can more easily focus on those items that have to be done and let other tasks wait until tomorrow if they can. But while I'm sipping, I'm also praying. I ask God for wisdom in all my dealings. I include everything too. I ask the Lord for help handling my clients and managing work tasks. I ask Him to help me arrange my day, so I'm most productive. I even ask Him what I need to write in these devotionals and what I need to share on my Facebook Live devotions. I really don't leave any concerns out. Why? Because I know He cares about every little detail. Honestly, I can't imagine that, but I know He does.

This morning, I was reading God's own account of creation in Job 38-41. I love that passage! In Job 39:1, the Lord continues with Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Have you watched as the wild deer were born? Do you know how many months they carry their young? Are you aware of the time of their delivery? (NLT) As I read through these few verses, I thought, God doesn't miss a thing! If He watches over the wild goats and deer, He must watch over us too! He sees all my mismatched ends and He knows my struggle to try and get them to meet.

So, today, I'll give Him all the mismatched pieces of my caregiving life. I'll include everything from disposable bed pads to wheelchairs, feeding tubes, nebulizers, and standing frames! He sees each part, and He can help me juggle them all. And at the same time, He gives me His peace and calm in the midst of it all. I believe I'll lean in a little closer and trust Him with one more day. Will you join me?

They Don't Know

 

I've been asked a few times about writing our story. A couple of things have kept me from taking it too seriously, though. Firstly, when I start thinking back to the very beginning in November of 2008, it seems so huge. I wouldn't know how to condense it all into a readable form. Secondly, there isn't a traditional "happy ending." Honestly, no one has lived happily ever after, yet. So, since the story has nowhere to go, I choose not to undertake the task. I might in the future, who knows.

This morning, I read the first couple of verses in Psalm 3. Twice, David says, "many are they." He said there were "many" troubling him and that there were "many" who didn't think God would help him navigate his circumstances. Have you ever felt that way? I know the overwhelm of caregiving is often insurmountable, or so it seems. But here we are. Right? There's busy - then there's caregiving busy. Two different things, really. Caregiving busy is pretty much double everyone else's busy, would you agree?

However, after David expresses the many things against him - he starts verse three with "But You, O Lord...." He turned all the many into a single statement of trust. As caregivers, we can have a lot of manys to navigate every day too. I know you have a list that looks something similar to mine and it includes figuring out how to dress, feed, transfer, do physical therapy, get to doctor appointments, etc for a whole other person, plus meeting your own needs and those of your family. That's a lot of manys that seem to be pressing in every single day. I didn't even mention all the financial, social, family, and work pressures that we must address from day to day.

Here's the thing - others may say or think what they want - but they don't know. Those manys pressing in on us are often hurtful words of others who don't have a clue. I just love it when someone tells me I need a break. (Please read the sarcasm indicated!) Or they tell me I need to get out, see the world, and experience new things. They don't know. 

It's okay, though, because they also don't know about the thread of grace that weaves throughout the days and nights of caregiving. They don't know how much we lean on God for strength, direction, help, security, and more, right? When David said many are saying this or that - they didn't know that David was trusting God to be his shield, the lifter of his head, his glory, and the One who was listening intently to his heart's cry.

Today, I'll remind myself that lots of people just don't know - but God does. He knows the silent tears we shed and all the emotions, feelings, and unexpressed words behind them. He knows our hearts - and why we choose to love our loved ones by providing their care. He knows - what they don't know. That is quite alright with me since He's the one doing all the carrying. I'll take a deep breath, relax, and rest in His arms for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

What To-Do About To-Do Lists

 I don't know about anyone else, but it sure seems like my to-do list(s) are growing lately. Is this happening to you? I'm tied up until noon, pretty much just getting Chris's food ready for the day. I've been feeding him a blenderized diet for some time now. As beneficial as it is, it is also time-consuming. I did figure out to do all his tube feedings for the day in the morning, then I'm not making meals all day long. I guess it is more efficient. Who knows? Lol.

Of course, food prep is mixed in with getting him bathed, dressed, up, and in the living room. I think I eat breakfast in there somewhere. Oh yeah, and do the FaceBook Live devotions and write this devotion. Whew! I'm tired now just thinking about all that.

Then comes the afternoon, which is filled with Chris' therapy. We do the standing frame, range of motion, and all sorts of exercises. No wonder I feel like I can't get any "real" work done, right? Lol. I also have a long list of places I need to call, like getting the van serviced, changing my cell phone carrier, and scheduling a fireplace cleaning for the fall. But all of those cost money, right? Which means I need to work. Oh my - I think my head is spinning. Does anyone relate? I know many of you may have far more on your plate than I do, and I am so sorry.

Does it ever feel like your to-do list just keeps growing, but your to-done list doesn't? I remind myself nightly to keep from saying things like, "I didn't get anything done today." I DID get things done - even though I have lots remaining on my to-do list. In the natural, it's easy to feel like a failure. But we much reach deep into our spirit man and remind ourselves that we are victors. Every day we survive caregiving makes us winners!

Today is a good day to take a deep breath, pour another cup of coffee or tea, and remind ourselves of who we are in Him. Caregiving doesn't define us - it's what we do. He defines and describes us as children of the King, believers, sons and daughters, Kingdom dwellers, and those worth the blood of His dear son. That shifts the perspective a little, doesn't it? 

Today, while I try once again to whittle away at this growing to-do list, I will remind myself of the Kingdom I belong to. I'll ask God to remind me who I am to Him. My meditations will be on His undying love for me (is that possible? YES!), of His never-ending and always-reaching grace, and I will choose to rest in Him, even while I am working. Will you join me?

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!