Daily Devotions for Caregivers

Sorry I missed a day and I'm running late. To say my plate is full  would be an understatement - but I know my fellow-caregivers understand that. Just today I've dealt with a home health nurse and a case manager. It was all routine but all before noon, really? I finally got to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee (okay so it's my third pot - hey I was up late!), grabbed my Bible and just started reading. I was actually preparing for a lesson I'm going to teach tonight but something caught my heart. In 2 Timothy 2, Paul told Timothy this, God's truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are His." I just stopped when I read that. My thoughts went to my new normal life. Most of you are all too familiar with the daily grind. But the other day I was talking to a friend about the not-so-daily part meaning the emotions  that can be a struggle. We discussed the depression, anger and frustration that can lie just ...

I've always been open and honest about my feelings and how I have dealt with caregiving. I usually at least try to clean it up a bit before I spill it out on the page for the world to see though. Maybe a "thank you" is in order! (Just kidding - lighten up!) It seems I've found a way to deal with caregiving at least a little more gracefully than when I started the journey. There are daily struggles, as you all know, and numerous battles along the way. Caregiving isn't for the faint in heart. We give up our dreams, our goals, our jobs, other relationships, and our lives to serve the one we love. On one hand, it's the obvious choice and it seems easy; and on the other hand it's the most difficult job in the world. One of my biggest struggles personally was giving up ministry. I had goals and dreams and passions that seemed to fall by the wayside as I stepped into the role of caregiving. Over time, I've seen God stir some of those up and even though ...

Sorry to be MIA of late - I had my plate full last week as my mom was staying with me for a few days. She has some sort of dementia and requires lots of TLC right now so it was my pleasure to have her stay with me. However, it meant that my plate, which was already full, was piled just a little fuller. So I did what I could to keep my head above water.....so I went missing. Over the last few weeks, my mind and heart have been busy processing stuff. Life, really. And as usual, there are tons of things going through my head and heart all at the same time. When I wake up in the morning it seems like my head is already going a hundred miles an hour, and maybe more! I have no idea what the series of thoughts were that brought me to the passage in Daniel, but I'm sure it was a logical sequence. I opened my Bible to Daniel 3, verse 17. This is where Daniel's three friends were facing the fiery furnace. It's their statement - their dedication to the fire that piqued my intere...

I've never been one who enjoyed pain. I am a rather sporty individual and usually pain will make me fight harder, run further, and press on a little more diligently. After becoming a caregiver, I pretty much continued that trend as I found life to be engulfed in pain. Quite literally, everything hurts . Losses loom in my view every day. I "lost" my son, at least who he was, I lost my life as it became consumed by caregiving, lost my dreams since they were no longer possible, and the list could go on and on as you well know. I struggled to find ways to work, and go on and have succeeded. But not without daily soul pain. I want to tell myself to get over it.  But it is so looming there's nowhere to go to get away. It's constantly pressing in like it is trying to suffocate me. Honestly, some days it wins. Other days I figure out how to get out from under the pressure just enough to function. It's the only way to survive the intensity and enormity of this se...

One of the difficulties of being a full-time caregiver is that life continues around you. It can seem like everyone else's life gets to continue while yours stopped. One example for me, is with my daughter. I figure for her, not only did she lose her brother in this accident, she also lost her mother to caregiving. So at least once a year, my daughter and I head out of town to have some time together. This was that weekend, and of course, we had a wonderful time together! But then, I still have to come home to the harsh reality of the day-to-day. As I'm trying to roll out of bed this morning to get the day going, I open my Bible to Psalm 34, no reason really, that's just where it opened to. But I'm glad it did because I gleaned enough to get me through today as I try to get back into the swing of things and catch up with caregiving tasks and work. There are several things that stuck out in the psalm, so we may break it down over the week. The first part of the p...

There are many aspects about caregiving that are just flat out difficult. It's not for the fainthearted or weak, that's for sure! :-) Each day can have its own challenges that only caregivers understand. But one thing that I feel is a prevalent battle is the social isolation. My social life  is virtually non-existent. And for those who can get out some - it's an understatement to say it's way different from BC (before caregiving). I can only share how I feel, and maybe it's just me, but I can feel like an insignificant bump on the face of the earth. Not only do I not have a social life, but I feel like I am more of a burden on society than a contributor. There are times I have to stay completely off social media because it can trigger a battle with depression. BC I was a goer. I loved to travel, I loved to go. I was always hiking, exploring, driving new roads and finding new adventures wherever I was. For me, when I see people posting pictures of their latest...

Did you ever shop at an outlet mall and find great deals on clothing marked slightly irregular ? Usually they function just as well as other items, but some little something was missing, or didn't look exactly like most. To say the caregiver's life is slightly irregular  is perhaps a great understatement, but our lives, our norm - is very different from the rest of the world. Everything we do centers around what's best for someone else and we shape our days around their needs. Virtually everything we do is different from our daily chores, eating schedules, bathing routines to outings (if we can do them). Many caregivers can do some normal  things - but there's so much more planning that goes into some of life's simplest chores. Just going to the grocery store can require lots more work for a caregiver. You may have to deal with equipment, take certain supplies, load and unload a chair into a handicap van, or you may be unable to go at all. Life's simplest ch...

There's an old country song I thought of this morning. It goes something like some days are diamonds, some days are stones some days the bad times won't leave me alone.  Ever have one of those days? Ever have a series of those days? It's funny (odd - not haha) that one day I can be so depressed and down and the next wake up ready to take on the world once again. It may be the fact that as caregivers there's not really any other choice so we suck it up and keep moving forward. I've often wondered if I was spiritually schizophrenic since I can have it all together one second and totally lose it the next. (I'm sure I'm the only one who has EVER felt this way!) One second I'm totally resting and trusting in Him - and the next I'm so angry with God and have tons of questions I'm hurling at Him. God is so patient with me.  He really is big enough to carry us - to carry me along with all my baggage. My stuff  will never be bigger than Him - even i...

Let me just get this out there - I'm no Job!  I've been thinking about him a lot and how his response to trouble when it comes is very much NOT like mine. I whine a lot more than he does and honestly, praise doesn't come that easy. Oh, I finally get there - but I always seem to take the long way around. When Job's trouble started he went straight to his knees; and when it got even more complicated He worshiped. I did not.  He seemed so at peace  with his life whether he could physically see God's blessings or was standing there stripped bare. Job said we need to take both good and bad from the hand of the Lord. And he said that when things were bad. For a long time now I've noticed that people tend to say "God is good" only when things go their way. You know, they get a raise, their loved one escapes a horrific wreck, a kid graduates from college, or someone gets healed. Why is it we don't hear that when someone gets fired, a loved one is inj...

Nothing new around here. I woke up this morning with my mind going 900 miles an hour. It seems there's been so much going on. But of course, that's nothing new for the caregiver, right? Today I have a new aide - just for Fridays. His other one comes the other three days of the week on schedule all the time - but for some reason can't seem to show up on Fridays consistently. It's one of  the frustrations we have to endure from time to time. Why can't people just do their jobs? It would be so beneficial. But with a new aide that as to be "certified" to do my son's range of motion which means another nurse visit; it complicates my morning schedule. Again. But this is the new normal. So this morning I got up and reached for my Bible and thumbed through a few pages looking for a morsel that would carry me through the day. I ended up back at a familiar psalm. It's one I've clung to for years and don't plan on moving away from anytime soon...

This week I've been trying to make arrangements for my upcoming trip. This is the fourth year for my daughter and I to take a weekend away. Sometimes it's so difficult to get out for a day or two. Of course, this planning is on top of all the normal daily stuff I have to do. I had the weekend all lined out and at the last minute, the sitter for Friday cancelled on me. I was just shy of frantic, a little bit desperate and had to fight off depression's tightening grip. Times like those start my mind going in a whirlwind. I felt like I was inconveniencing everyone. I'm not a person who likes to ask for help often, and most of the time I'd just as soon do it myself. But I can't sit and get out both! lol It's the curse of independence - sometimes good and sometimes bad. First of all, I hate to ask for help, but you know there are always people who say Call me if you need anything.  But they really don't mean it. Well, they seem to mean it until you ca...

My Uncle Calvin always said to "follow peace." I was thinking of that this morning when I got up and my mind was a whirlwind of questions, planning and just getting ready to face another very busy day. (Ha - like that's something new, right?) My first thought was of the scripture when Jesus was in the boat with His disciples and He stood up and said to the storm, "Peace, be still." I was longing for Him to speak those words to my heart this morning. On my way to finding that passage, I found myself in Matthew 19. In verse 16 the story of the rich, young ruler begins. I found it interesting so I camped there for a bit. Now, those who know me, know I am the Question Queen . I have a question for just about everything. It can be rewarding sometimes - and a burden other times. I hadn't realized how many questions were in this passage. The young ruler starts by asking Jesus what he needed to do  to obtain eternal life. Jesus answered him with a question -...

This morning is no different than most mornings really. Juggling work and caregiving basically means I have two full-time jobs. So all these tasks are running around in my mind as I'm trying to organize my day. There is bathing, wound care, cooking, pureeing, juicing, feeding, therapy, and tons of things to do for my son, as you well know. Add to that thoughts about when it is the nurse is coming and should I keep this or that appointment, when is he going to get Jevity (yes - we are playing that game again!) etc. Then on the work front, I need some extra money for a trip my daughter and I have planned for next weekend so I need to pick up a couple extra projects.... more time involved. Juggling who gets work done first (after my full-time job commitment).... should I even try to sleep? lol Welcome to Grand Central Station of the Busy Mind. I'm dedicated to getting back to my morning devotions though, so this morning I opened my Bible to where I left off yesterday morning...

It seems as if I've suffered a derailment of late and I'm struggling to get back on track. With my leg being injured I've had to have lots of help over the last three weeks as I haven't been able to transfer Chris by myself. My friend stayed a few days and my daughter stayed last week to help me out. On the weekends, people have been in and out to help get Chris up or lay him down. Needless to say, it's been a bit hectic, but I'm determined to be back up and going today and hopefully the knee will be nice. This morning after I got my coffee and sat down I opened my Bible for my devotions and found this piece of paper tucked in Psalm 73. I use two or three Bibles regularly and didn't have a clue what this list of scriptures was in reference to, so I started at the top and read through them one by one looking for a common thread. By the time I got to the last one on the list I was totally encouraged. I still don't have a clue as to why I started this...

As caregivers there can be many things that concern us, especially early on. When I first started the caregiving journey, I'd been jerked out of a "normal" life and dealt with a lot of confusion and fear about job, family, life, and simple day-to-day survival. Over time, some of those fears subsided as I found a new normal - for caregiving - as normal as that can be. All along the way, I saw God provide. I learned to work online honing old skills and learning new ones. When I first brought my son home I was riddled with fear every single time I had to transfer him. I'd literally get sick to my stomach when it was time to get him up or put him in bed. My primary concern was dropping him or hurting him in some way. There's been fear nearly every time something changed. Lots of questions about if I'm doing the right thing here or making the right choice there. I'm sure you are nodding your heads in recognition. We've all been there; and sometimes st...

This morning I was reading in Psalm 91. It's been a favorite of mine for years even though I can't grasp it's full meaning. We see the psalmist talking about staying in the shelter and the shadow of the Almighty. And then he goes directly into his own declaration. I have a vivid imagination, and I'm a writer. So these two verses illicit quite the scene in my mind's eye. As a writer, an inspiring thought goes through my mind and I grab pen and paper to try and capture it. You never know where a thought will lead you - to a devotion, a song, a book! My active imagination sees David in full armor, of course, as he has a thought and runs to "jot down" these words of inspiration: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. And then I see him set back and let those words sink into his heart as he meditates on them for a few seconds only to jump up and boldly declare: I will say to the Lord, "My r...

My thoughts are all over the place this morning and I'm trying to reel them back in and keep them balanced. I'm sure I'm the only one who ever has to do that, right? Cargiving is not for the weak of heart, that's for sure! But today it's not having the heart to carry on - it's the battlefield of the mind that is the problem. In my heart, there's no question. The stamina is there and no choices need to be made at this point. But my head has to deal with the day-to-day struggles of caregiving. There are so many things going on around me right now that just set me off the edge with tons of questions. Some are simple, like why? I wonder why this ever had to happen. Why my son was ripped away. Why my shattered heart can't heal. Why the grief doesn't go away. Why my life was boxed up and seemingly put on hold. I've said before it's not the actual caregiving that is the difficult part, it's the heart issues, the living grief and the beat...

During my devotions this morning I got a phrase stuck in my head. I as reading 1 Corinthians 1:9 and it starts with 3 simple words: God is Faithful. I spent a few minutes letting those words sink in. I look back over my brief 56 years and think about all the times BC (before caregiving) and during that He has proven His faithfulness. This phrase is used twice by Paul in this book. Here are the two verses where he uses this exact phrase: God is faithful, through whom you were called  into fellowship with His son, Jesus Christ our Lord.... There has no temptation taken you but such as man can bear; but God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted above what you are able; but with the temptation will also make a way of escape  that you may be able to endure it. It's those 3 simple words that stick out to me. In the second verse above it's interesting also that He didn't promise a way out of our temptations and struggles - but enables us to endure ...

This morning I continued reading in 1 Peter. I've been meditating on how what He has given us is eternal and wanted to continue that thought. A caregiver's life or even each day canWe  be topsy turvy with things changing on a dime, some days everything is uncertain. This makes it difficult to make plans with family, activities or any thing like that. You never know what a day will bring - we kinda learn to go with the flow and adjust as you go. I think the constant change in a caregiver's life, day, hour and second is why I'm finding these un-change-ables so intriguing. So this morning I made a short list from 1 Peter 2: 9. Here are four things that will not change for us as believers no matter what picture life paints: We are a chosen race We are a royal priesthood We are a holy nation We are His possession... For me, looking at how drastically my life changed with that phone call over 8 years ago - it gives me something solid to stand on just knowing ...

For some reason, the last few days have been particularly difficult for me. Memories flooding my mind of the way my son was BC (before the crash) just kept flowing. Sometimes I have to stay off social media to protect myself from seeing what his friends are doing. I'm happy for them, but he got cheated out of life. I'm still learning new strategies to combat depression and other crazy emotions that go along with caregiving. One of them was of course, getting back to writing my devotions down here. And that's why we are here! :-) Yesterday I made a few decisions about work and projects that gave me quite the energy boost. I sorted through the things on my plate and am removing all non-essentials. I found that when I took control  rather than feeling like I was underneath the load of it all - my energy, perspective and emotions took a huge swing in a positive position. This morning, when I woke up and reached for my Bible I was thinking I needed to read something abou...

As a caregiver it can be easy to feel sort of "cut off" from the rest of the world. Our lives usually look much different than the status quo. And even though I can get out and about more now, there was a time I referred to my life in the cave. The social isolation can be one of the most difficult side roads of caregiving. It doesn't seem to happen overnight, but slowly. One day you look up and realize not only has your world changed, but your people groups have too. Sadly, in many cases there are few people, if any, who can stand to walk alongside the caregiver. We may not get invited to social events. If we do get invites, it can be difficult or even impossible to attend. Sometimes, for me, just the thought of trying to manage my schedule so it coordinates with Chris' needs, get him dressed, fed at the right time, and loaded in the van is too overwhelming to even attempt going out. This drives the stake further in and separates me from things I used to enjoy d...

There are days when I feel like Superwoman. I get adequate hours in at work, a lot accomplished on my writing, my devotions done, goals met for Chris, housework done and maybe even get us out for a nice run. And then there are days I do not. I'm sure I'm the only caregiver who has days where I worry a lot about what I need  to get done, spend time wringing my hands, drinking coffee and staring at the wall. I'm all spaced out - I'm on overload and breathing is enough work for the day! (Am I alone?) Of course, there are also plenty of days in between where I get tasks completed, but not near what I had hoped. Those days I have to encourage myself and reaffirm the things I did  get done and just let the rest go. That's where my thoughts were when I realized - I'm not Superwoman. Not only do I not have the body build for that role, I simply can't do more than what is humanly possible. I can't do more than what is cargiving-ly possible either! I hav...

If anyone understands me I know it's you, my fellow caregivers. And thankfully, we are a forgiving bunch. I know I've been MIA for quite awhile but I'm refocused and ready to go again. I found myself totally overwhelmed by everything and just had to unplug for a bit. I'm all plugged in now and we're good. Of course, caregivers can't unplug  like others can as there are some things that simply cannot be let go. Even if we "take a break" there are some things that can't be ignored. I can cut back on my work, rearrange my daily schedule, simplify my daily processes like cooking and cleaning - but caregiving can't be "cut back" on. Each day is about the same whether we're feeling it or not. We don't get to just break from bathing, feeding, dressing, or exercising our loved one just because we're on overload. Add to that complicated situation those things that may seem simple to others like aides that don't show up ...