Daily Devotions for Caregivers

Today is one of those days. My prayer this morning has been "set a watch over my lips, Oh God!" I'm stressed out beyond belief. My fellow caregivers understand. Everything has piled up and it takes very little to feel like you're falling off the edge into an abyss of emotions and struggling with depression. I love caregiving for both my son and my aunt, but there are those days when it seems overwhelming and it's not one particular thing you can put your finger on. My humanness shows and my cape is missing. lol Things pile up. We get tired. We feel lost, cut off from the rest of the world and like no one understands where we are or what we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. This morning I was praying for the Lord to guard my heart and my lips. I looked up the scripture and found it in Psalm 141:3. The New Living says it this way: Take control of what I say, Lord and keep my lips sealed.  I backed up to read the previous two verses. David was calling ...

Are you providing care for a senior loved one who lives in a different city or state? When you’re a long distance caretaker, it can be stressful not knowing whether your loved one is safe when you’re away. But if your loved one has a network of neighbors and friends to help you out, it can make life a little easier for you both. Here are some ways you can get to know these neighbors when you live out of town: Send an Introduction Card   If you want to get to know your loved one’s neighbors, a simple card or handwritten note can be a warm way of introducing yourself. People love getting cards and positive pieces of mail. You can provide your contact information and some information about your loved one in the card, if you feel comfortable doing so. For neighbors that have already proven themselves to be helpful to your loved one, consider sending a thank you note or a little gift card to show your gratitude for their assistance. Don’t forget to keep these people ...

Yesterday, a post by a friend got me to thinking. (That's not unusual, and it's very easy to do.) They stated how they are dealing with a serious condition and how lonely they were feeling. As their condition had progressed and they were sent home from the hospital, visitors waned until they were left all alone to deal with their own emotions and thoughts. Not only do those in these situations have to sort through such a wide range of emotional changes, fears, thoughts, and decisions - on top of all that they are left to deal with the loneliness of being forgotten. Those on the outside don't always see it that way. They would quickly say, Oh, you're not  forgotten. I think  of you all the time. I pray  for you daily. But this doesn't erase or dilute the sinking alone-ness that the ill or caregivers deal with. Reading her post reminded me of the day I was informed of my son's wreck. I had to fly from Chicago where I was living to Shreveport, LA where he had...

Ever have One of those days?  That's a funny thing to ask a caregiver since every day is pretty much  one of those. Our best days and altered-normals are what some might consider Mondays every day. We can live on such an emotional edge that the slightest seemingly smallest thing can tip us over the edge. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with us - it's the nature of the situation. Dealing with the broad range of emotions can cause great conflict because religion can be condemning. But what are we supposed to do with that? I guess I am thinking along these lines because this has been one of those weeks. An already tough spot has been majorly complicated by taking on the added responsibility of caring for my aunt. While dealing with our elderly loved ones who can no longer use the logical processes to reason can be difficult it's not going too badly. But I won't lie - I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. I can't ever quite keep up. Working as in job...

Yesterday I celebrated having Chris home for 8 years. While I celebrated I thought a lot about all the different things we've been through over this last decade. I didn't express it, but it took a lot just to get to that point 8 years ago. I'd gotten rid of almost everything and was headed to the mission field when I got the call he'd been in a wreck. There were times I felt like such a failure because I couldn't just "take him home." I'd been living with families for several years focusing on ministry. I felt like I had failed him by not providing that even though he and my daughter were both adults. When Chris got accepted into rehab in OKC, they wouldn't take him until I established a home so he'd have a place to go on discharge. When we moved him from New Orleans to Oklahoma, I started staying with some of my daughter's friends who generously gave me a place to stay while he was in the nursing home. Now it was time to get a place ...

I've had a lot on my mind lately, almost as much as I have on my plate! lol. Things are moving along with my aunt's placement in assisted living, but boy is it moving slowly. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with her as she is such a blessing. But boy do I get unwound so easily. It seems the extra stress has heightened my emotions, and I miss Chris even more of late. Many caregivers deal with living grief. For me, I miss my son - although he is technically still here. Same with my mom who has dementia and is in a nursing home. the grief can be overwhelming at times. This week, as I was grieving and crying as I poured out my heart to Him, I thought of Job's grief. In Job, we learn that he lost everything but in that moment of deepest grief, he went straight to God with it in worship. Presenting that deep wound of the heart before God is such an act of intimate worship. Sometimes, the church culture can make us feel like we can come - but don't bring our gr...

Yesterday while I was out on my run I found this discarded chest of drawers. It was outside the fence at an apartment complex, just next to a dumpster. I took a picture and sent it to my daughter and asked yeah or nay. We decided it was a yes, so I brought it home. The more I thought about this discarded piece, the more excited I became. Lots of thoughts ran through my head about how to fix it up. I could strip it down and restain it, or paint it as it is. Finally, I decided to strip it down and paint it cream. The indentions and knobs will be green and then my daughter can do her fancy artwork and paint some vining leaves along the edges. In my head - it's beautiful! I can't wait! Then, I started thinking about where I'm going to put this beautiful piece once I've redone it a bit. I got so excited thinking of all the places it will fit right in. On a personal note, this morning I was down. I'm tired. No, exhausted. No, fatigued... which is worse? That's...

I'm a word-smith, a writer, a poet, a psalmist. But there are times like the last few days where I have no words. While caregiving is a blessing and rewarding, it can also be taxing and weighty. That is where I've been until this weekend. I've read the passage in Genesis 16 lots of times. Hagar was overwhelmed by God seeing  her situation. I don't think I got it until now. My thoughts have been more along the lines of yeah, that's great but I already know God sees... what's the big deal? I need Him to do. Over the weekend it all just got to me and it felt like the load was too heavy to deal with. As I was taking the dog out for a walk I put some music in my earbuds and used the few minutes for a bit of an escape. I don't recall the song, but it talked about God seeing us and feeling the weight of our load. And in that moment, I knew that I knew that I knew - He felt me. Now I've felt Him a lot. I often sense His presence - but this was more Him s...

I'm not sure we can deal with any situation, caregiving or otherwise until we acknowledge it. We can try to confess it away, quote scriptures over it all day, and pray - I do this a lot. It doesn't always change the situation. I have no doubt that God heals and will continue to perform miracles. But until He does - we must deal with the situations that are right in our face. It's not faithless to face our situation head on each day. There is no way to be a caregiver and ignore what we are going through as our actions or inactions directly affect other persons. A realist can stand in faith too because faith is not exactly what we've made it out to be all these years. I have a very well-meaning relative who is always telling Chris to "get outta that chair" so he can go fishing. It breaks my heart. The first time he said it, I said, "they have handicap fishing spots if you want to take him fishing." I got no response. The last time he said it, I ju...

Ever have one of those mornings where you wake up tired. Oh yeah, that's pretty much every morning for caregivers! lol. Well, yesterday I was tired and then I woke up this morning too tired. Or two tired. Or through tired. Taking care of two extras is taking its toll, but we just hang in don't we? It's really not all that bad - but I always thought I pretty much had my hands full with Chris - and now with my aunt here and needing care, it makes what I had seem less complicated and like a relief. Funny how our perspectives can change, huh? So I opened my Bible this morning to prepare for the online devotion I do for a Facebook group and found a nugget to help me get through this day. Just today. That's all I'm trying to deal with one day at a time. My aunt keeps asking questions about this or that - as she is anticipating a move to an assisted living facility. My answer is always - let's just take care of this first and we'll figure the rest out as we go....

I'm still doing double duty with my Aunt Polly staying here. We are looking at an assisted living facility today and all are hoping it's best for her and works out. Until she can find one and get all moved we are making it. I won't lie - it's difficult. I'm trying to think of a stronger word than that... lol It's funny how you can handle more even when you are certain you can't add one more thing. Humans are resilient like that, aren't we? I am learning more about leaning in to Him more for strength if nothing else. He gives wisdom to face each day. I'm reminded of Proverbs 2:6 that says the Lord gives wisdom, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. There's no addendum there stating caregivers are the exception. He didn't say - the Lord gives wisdom to everyone except caregivers.  My Bible doesn't read, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding except for caregivers - I got nothin. This indicates to me that car ...

Yesterday, we a talked about how God is our dwelling place. He has been since Adam and will be until the end of time. But right after I posted it, I had another thought. Immediately I went to Psalm 84:1 which says, how lovely are your dwelling places O Lord.  My head and my heart went wild! Guess where His dwelling place is? It's us. No exclusions - anyone who makes Him welcome - He'll abide  with. I think it's awesome that He planned it that way from the beginning. Before He said, "Let there be light" He had planned the way for us to get back to Him. I love it, it's like He fixed what was broken before it even broke. That's an intense desire to be with us, don't you think? As caregivers, it often seems like people don't want to be around us. It's not just because we are caregivers, but sometimes it can make them uncomfortable. They may want to help, but are not sure how to do so. They may want to talk, but are unsure of what to say. I do...

It was a full Mother's Day here. My daughter and SIL helped me load up Chris and my aunt to go be with my mom for MD. Talk about a sight! We got Aunt Polly in one car and loaded Chris and his chair in the other. I teased about having a mobile nursing home. lol But it was worth it to see my mom and her sister together. We also got some 4-generation pictures I may share later. After we got home last night, my aunt and I discussed some of the hard decisions she and I are having to make. It's such a delicate subject, but so a part of caregiving. I'm glad to have her input, but I'm not sure we can do it like she wants. We will see. I was pretty stressed out - but I think I'm also learning a lot about life, faith, caregiving and myself with this new perspective on caregiving. After we talked awhile, I reminded her of Psalm 90:1 where Moses wrote, Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations.  The four generations represented at the celebration today all...

There are lots of reasons for caregivers to be tired. Sometimes, we stay tired. It takes all our strength to keep putting one foot in front of another to make a day. Lately, I've had times it feels like it takes everything I've got to just to breathe.  I kinda hope I'm all alone on that - and kinda hope someone understands at the same time. In the photo with me is my dear Aunt Polly. She's been living in a home provided by a wonderful ministry that takes care of widows. However, at this point, her care needs have exceeded the scope of their capacity. I went to pick her up last week. She's staying with me until "we" whoever that is, can figure out a plan for her care. What an honor it is to be trusted with both her and my son's care. My heart is full - but so are my hands! In the complexity of the situation and the overwhelming emotions, stress, and thinking, I've reached a conclusion that may seem unrelated. I want to live outside this box. O...

I was looking for a particular scripture this morning. I knew it said that nothing was impossible with God, and I knew it was in Jeremiah. Well, I found it but it didn't use the exact words I thought it did. It was okay though since I found a small treasure there I want to share with you today. In Jeremiah 32, the prophet has been imprisoned for saying God's words. The kind didn't like that Jeremiah prophesied his doom because of an unrepentant heart. So he locked Jeremiah up in the prison. It can be easy for us to "lock up" words God speaks when we don't like them or if they don't agree or support our own theologies. That's an important truth I might expound on in some other writings, but what I want to focus on is found in verse 6. Jeremiah 32:6 NLT says this: at that time God sent me a message.  God came to Jeremiah and gave him some specific instructions. What stood out to me was that Jeremiah is in prison through no fault of his own, and God...

I was completely refreshed this morning while reading in Lamentations. In church circles this Old Testament book isn't referred to very much. Jeremiah wrote it as he was in a deep state of grief over the captivity of his nation and people. He most likely shed many tears as he processed through the painful losses he watched. We don't often talk about grief or pain in Christian circles as those who experience and endure such things are considered faithless or substandard. It might be spoken out loud with words, but it is frequently communicated by actions and indirectly. Many caregivers deal with some level of grief on a day to day basis. Jeremiah often called the "weeping prophet" gave in to his grief with tears and writing. In chapter 3 his prayer is:  remember my affliction and y wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.   He is open and honest about how he feels - his memories weighed down his soul. I relate...

My devotions this morning were centered on Psalm 125:1-2. This song of ascent states Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever. I read, then re-read these two verses. When we trust in Him - not ourselves, not our situations or abilities, we are immovable. It's taken me a long time to come back to saying this really - but I trust Him. When my son was first injured I was angry with God for allowing it to happen. Afterall, I was headed to Africa so I was trusting Him to take care of my kids. The trip was abruptly halted with a phone call that Saturday morning in November 2008, and I no longer trusted Him. In my mind, He should have  protected my son, or at least offered a sudden healing. When neither happened, I sunk down into despair. It's taken me a long time to be able to trust again. It's been a process. First, I ha...

This morning my Bible seemed to fall open to Psalm 121 which is, of course, one of my favorites like all the others. It brings me a calm assurance that He is with me, He won't faint, He will keep me no matter what life may throw at me today. Each verse for me bears a promise I can hold on to. I will life up my eyes to the hills, where shall my help come from? Obviously, our help isn't in the mountains or the hills. One version reads "does my help come from there?" It does not. Maybe David was surveying the mountains around Jerusalem as he was asking for help and strength to face whatever might be present or next. He answers his own question in verse two. My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. This is a statement of faith. God is my help. Period. And since He created and sustains heaven and earth - He's big enough to walk through this situation with me - carrying me - helping me. I will keep my eyes on Him! He will not allow your foot to ...

This morning as I got up and started doing my early morning caregiving tasks I had a part of a song stuck in my head. It was playing over and over. The phrase, there is no God like Jehovah!  is part of the song, "Days of Elijah." It was going over and over in my head so I started thinking about that. After I got Chris changed and bolused I looked up a couple of scriptures. In Isaiah 45 and 46 there are several verses that use the phrase there is no other God  besides our Lord. As I read through the verses I thought about how there isn't any god like our God. As caregivers it can feel like we are thrown away by society or that there is no place for us in normalcy. But God never tosses us away. He chooses  to walk through the dark days and nights with us. He's there for us when things go smoothly and times are bright too - He never leaves us. Actually, He doesn't even think  about leaving us in our pain. The thought never crossed His mind. I let my thoughts sett...

I was preparing for the morning devotions I do for a Facebook group I am a "pastor" for and found this gem this morning. Actually, I was looking for the verses in 2 Corinthians 7 where Paul said he and his team had conflict outside and fears within. But I didn't make it all the way down to that verse before I found a gem. As I usually do, I started reading at the top of the page as I like things in context. But verse 16 in chapter 6 got my attention. It is a quote of a promise found in the Old Testament where God says, I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they will be my people. What stands out to me is the phrase I will live in them and walk among them.  we understand He lives in us and is with us, but for some reason as I read this familiar passage it stood out. I took comfort in the fact that He willingly lives inside me as well as walking through life with me. I'm not facing anything alone, or by myself. As my eyes ran back over...

You'll never know when I look at my son and tears well up in my eyes. You'll never know when I am overcome with grief over what was, what is, and what will never be. But He does. You'll never know how I have paced the floor in the midnight hour wondering... questioning. You may never know how I've yelled and cussed at God - then ran into His arms. But He does. You'll never know the fear of getting older and not knowing who can take my spot. You may not ever know how I trust God for each day, each moment and each breath. But He does. You'll never know of the times He has carried me, walked with me, dragged me through. You may not realize my strength comes only from Him. But He does. You may never know the day-to-day grief over the loss of a son - who is gone - but still here. You may not ever know how my heart aches and is overcome with grief. But He does. You may never know how one foot just keeps getting put in front of another. You may...

Do you ever feel like you live in a cave? I do. the rest of the world has no idea it seems and it's easier for the most part to just stay tucked away. But you know what's awesome about that? God can reach us in our caves no matter how far back we try to stay. His love and mercy can touch our hearts no matter what. I've been thinking about how to just quiet myself down a bit and hear Him more clearly. When you live in a cave it's surprising how loud your own thoughts can be. If we are not purposeful, they can drown out His voice. But trust me, He will still speak. I've turned my thoughts to tuning in to Him more and closing out all the other voices. I think about Daniel who was taken captive and held against his will in a foreign land. He was forced to serve pagan kings. Yet he still heard and worshipped God. Then there was Joseph. We talk about him being in prison all those years and forget that he was sold into slavery first. He spent many years as a slave....

I may take the long way around, but I always wind up back in His lap. I'm just so easily distracted. I can't blame that on caregiving either, I've been that way all my life. I have tons of energy for some reason (even with only one adrenal gland) and my mind is always on "go." It can lead me down wrong paths if I don't keep a constant guard on it. I love Proverbs and it often has wisdom regarding not letting the heart, mouth and mind run off on their own. Wisdom tells us to guard all three of these things. That's what helps keep us on the straight and narrow. Proverbs is always a good reminder for me to get everything back in check. This morning, I was in chapter 3. We are probably most familiar with verses 5 and 6 which say Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. But I found a little nugget before I got to those favorites. In verse three, Solomon says...

 It's a horrible feeling to feel like you have been forgotten. In some ways, I can justify it to myself. I think about how young Chris was when his accident happened, and how young his friends were. It's difficult to visit with someone who doesn't visit back, I get that. I try to get it out of my mind that he has needed familiar voices to help remember things...but those voices don't come. Instead, there is silence. I've learned to dismiss it as everyone being so young and not having the life experience to deal. Then I have my own feelings of being forgotten to deal with. Friends I thought I had have disappeared with no way to make new ones. I've actually resolved myself to online relationships. I'm okay with that. It makes it much easier to stay comfortable in my caregiver's cave. That one we are drawn to so often because of the social isolation. I mean, really, if there's no one there when I think I need someone, it's much easier to go to t...

Life can change on a dime. I have no idea where that expression comes from, but I know it's true. This weekend I was made aware of some major changes coming my way. It's just life, right? I found out a long time ago as I'm sure you did too, life doesn't stop for caregivers. We just have to keep on caregiving and take on anything else life throws our way. Seems like there oughta be a "hold" button somewhere. I don't need it for long typically, but just a give me a second to catch my breath button would be nice. So my heart and mind were full as I got up and started getting around. I usually get Chris' bolus together, start my coffee and then while it is making I take care of him. My mind was going through all the things I need to handle today, my work schedule and many other things. As usual, my thoughts became my prayers as I mentally walked through my responsibilities. I sighed. Then I made a choice. I decided to be content with life right where...

We have a humbling job in caregiving. We don't often talk about some of the baser things we have to deal with. It's obviously not acceptable on a social level, and seriously, how would those sorts of things work into a conversation? lol When most people see us, we're all cleaned up, dressed up and presentable. There are very few people who see us up walking the floor at night, carrying out the odorous trash bags, ordering incontinence supplies and all the little nitty-gritty things that go into just one of our days. I've yet to have anyone take me up on walking through a day with me from start to finish. Finish? What's that?  We truly want to protect the dignity of our loved ones, so there are some things, they  may never know. It can be very humbling to take care of a whole person. It's also an honor, but when I am taking care of some of the more personal stuff, my thoughts can go crazy. Here I am doing this, and I thought I was called to the mission field....