Better Set That Watch!

Today is one of those days. My prayer this morning has been "set a watch over my lips, Oh God!" I'm stressed out beyond belief. My fellow caregivers understand. Everything has piled up and it takes very little to feel like you're falling off the edge into an abyss of emotions and struggling with depression.

I love caregiving for both my son and my aunt, but there are those days when it seems overwhelming and it's not one particular thing you can put your finger on. My humanness shows and my cape is missing. lol

Things pile up. We get tired. We feel lost, cut off from the rest of the world and like no one understands where we are or what we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

This morning I was praying for the Lord to guard my heart and my lips. I looked up the scripture and found it in Psalm 141:3. The New Living says it this way: Take control of what I say, Lord and keep my lips sealed. I backed up to read the previous two verses. David was calling out to God and spoke my heart. He prayed O Lord, I am calling to you. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to You for help! Boy, do I feel that one on this day. Lord - please hurry - I need You to come to my rescue!

As you read the rest of this psalm, David is asking God to save him from his enemies. In verse 8 he says, don't let them kill me! David feared for his life and perhaps I cannot relate to that. But I can relate to feeling like my emotional life has been sapped, drained and left for dead.

When I can't feel anymore - I can run to Him. As David said in this psalm, I look to you for help... You are my refuge. No matter what this day or any day brings, I know I have a refuge, I know my help comes from the Lord. I will trust. And hope He sets that guard over this heart of mine as well as my lips.

Today, I'm going to allow Him to work on my heart. I'll trust Him for the peace that passes understanding that He promised. My heart will continue to lean into Him and wait on Him. And I'll pray like David in this psalm that He accepts my prayer as an incense offered up to Him because I trust in Him. And I will trust Him for one more day. Just for today. Will you join me?

For Long-Distance Caretakers, Neighbors Can Be a Lifeline to Loved Ones in Need

Are you providing care for a senior loved one who lives in a different city or state? When you’re a long distance caretaker, it can be stressful not knowing whether your loved one is safe when you’re away. But if your loved one has a network of neighbors and friends to help you out, it can make life a little easier for you both. Here are some ways you can get to know these neighbors when you live out of town:

Send an Introduction Card  

If you want to get to know your loved one’s neighbors, a simple card or handwritten note can be a warm way of introducing yourself. People love getting cards and positive pieces of mail. You can provide your contact information and some information about your loved one in the card, if you feel comfortable doing so. For neighbors that have already proven themselves to be helpful to your loved one, consider sending a thank you note or a little gift card to show your gratitude for their assistance. Don’t forget to keep these people on your mailing lists for holidays to further build a warm, caring connection.

Find an Organization to Help   

When you don’t live nearby, it can be really tricky to try and get to know your loved one’s neighbors. Luckily, there are local organizations that can help you and your loved one make these important connections. In Denver, organizations such as A Little Help, are connecting seniors to neighbors who can offer assistance, friendship and caring when they need it most. These programs also reach out to younger generations, connecting seniors to high schoolers and middle schoolers who can assist their elderly neighbors with tasks around the home. You can do a quick web search to see if there is a similar program in your loved one’s area.

Make Some Phone Calls

If you can get contact information, why not give your loved one’s neighbors a call to introduce yourself? You can let their neighbors know that you are available if needed and ask them for resources that could help your loved in the area. Even if you don’t make an intro phone call, having the contact information for people living near your loved one is a smart move. You never know when you may need to reach out to get help checking in on your loved one or helping them with a difficult task.  You can also keep a list of emergency numbers in case you need to help your loved one from afar.

Use Social Media 

It’s easier than ever to connect with family and friends with the growing popularity of social media. You can connect with the neighbors of your loved one through social media to make contacting them an easy task. There are even social media sites dedicated to specific neighborhoods. Sites including NextDoor are specifically tailored to encourage communication between neighbors and neighborhoods. Once you’re logged in, you can even look up people on a map to see who lives around your loved one. There are benefits of social media for seniors as well, so connect your loved one, too.

Say “Hello” During Visits 

Being the primary caretaker for your senior family member most likely means a couple of visits from time to time. When you’re in town, try to make some time to get to know the neighbors in person. Pick up some baked goods or bottles of wine and make some house calls to say “hello” and connect with people living in the area. Or, if your loved one feels up to it, host a little house party for the neighbors. All you need is a couple of hours of conversation and some light refreshments to get to know your loved one’s neighbors a little better.

For seniors living alone, having a network of neighbors and friends can be a real lifesaver. By taking the time to get to know the people around them, you can give them this helpful network while giving yourself peace of mind when you are far away.

by Claire Wentz

Photo Credit: Pixabay

So Easily Forgotten

Yesterday, a post by a friend got me to thinking. (That's not unusual, and it's very easy to do.) They stated how they are dealing with a serious condition and how lonely they were feeling. As their condition had progressed and they were sent home from the hospital, visitors waned until they were left all alone to deal with their own emotions and thoughts. Not only do those in these situations have to sort through such a wide range of emotional changes, fears, thoughts, and decisions - on top of all that they are left to deal with the loneliness of being forgotten.

Those on the outside don't always see it that way. They would quickly say, Oh, you're not forgotten. I think of you all the time. I pray for you daily. But this doesn't erase or dilute the sinking alone-ness that the ill or caregivers deal with.

Reading her post reminded me of the day I was informed of my son's wreck. I had to fly from Chicago where I was living to Shreveport, LA where he had been medi-flighted earlier that day. When I finally got there after an all-day ordeal, the ICU waiting room was still full of people. For the three weeks he was in ICU there was a constant flow of people in and out. Once we moved into an isolation room on the regular floor, visitors became fewer. Then even less came when we finally transitioned to a nursing home 4 months later.

After we finally made it "home" (which had to be recreated since I'd been headed to the mission field) there was no one. As if we were fine now. Today, even when we are in the hospital there are few visitors if any at all. It's like everyone thinks you are okay now that the initial crisis or initial diagnosis is over. But that's not really the truth. Caregivers live in crisis mode, we just adjusted - nothing went away.

Since God knows everything, we can assume He knew we would have those times when we feel forgotten, forsaken and all alone. Those times just come as caregivers. It's easy to feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders because we sort of do - on behalf of another.

The scripture, When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me is nestled in an interesting passage. I'm going to assume for clarity's sake that he's speaking of when his parents pass away. He precedes the thought with do not hide Your face from me, do not turn Your servant away in anger, You have been my help. Do not leave me or forsake me. What a plea for God's ever abiding presence to remain. Then the acknowledgment that even if his parents forsake him, he knows God has him. He follows it all with teach me Your way O Lord.

I then turned my thoughts to this verse in Isaiah 49:15 God asks the prophet, Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? The obvious answer is no. It's not natural to forget or neglect a child. But God follows the question, which He didn't ask just to receive information with Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. What a promise!!

We can feel so easily forgotten, forsaken and like we are having to forge through caregiving on our own. But He sees. He knows. He will never forget or forsake. He draws near and answers our unspoken prayers, fears, cares and cries with a simple I am here. 

Today, I will meditate on His nearness, whether I feel Him or not. I'll turn my thoughts away from the crowds who left to the One who stays. I'll be thankful for that and trust Him just for today. Will you join me?

When Everything is Broken

Ever have One of those days? That's a funny thing to ask a caregiver since every day is pretty much one of those. Our best days and altered-normals are what some might consider Mondays every day. We can live on such an emotional edge that the slightest seemingly smallest thing can tip us over the edge. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with us - it's the nature of the situation. Dealing with the broad range of emotions can cause great conflict because religion can be condemning. But what are we supposed to do with that?

I guess I am thinking along these lines because this has been one of those weeks. An already tough spot has been majorly complicated by taking on the added responsibility of caring for my aunt. While dealing with our elderly loved ones who can no longer use the logical processes to reason can be difficult it's not going too badly. But I won't lie - I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. I can't ever quite keep up. Working as in job-wise needs to be done between 4 and 7 AM or it's not going to happen most days. The struggle is real. lol

Then this week the lift in the van malfunctioned and my sweet release - my rusty now not-so-trusty treadmill is not working. I was like is everything broken? My life already feels broke, now even the small things I counted on for escape are broke. Well, I'm not going to be beat that easily. I've been running my mile every morning in small circles around my backyard. My neighbors are certain I'm crazy now if there ever was a question about it. lol

Sometimes when the small things we forget we count on get broken it can leave us feeling emotionally stranded. I'm broke. My van is broke. My treadmill is broke. My bank account is broke. My life is broke. Everything is broke.

But it's not. One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Timothy 2:19. The foundation of God stands sure having this seal: He knows those who are His. He ain't broke, ain't gonna be broke and has never been broken. Not by my horrible attitudes or my situation. He is the only constant we can rely on and He knows.

He knows and sees when our lives look broken, and He knows when we come to Him in that broken state and bring our heart bathed in our own tears before Him. He draws near to the brokenhearted. Perhaps that is to help carry a load that both are fully aware cannot be carried alone.

So, today when everything feels broke - I will rejoice that He still knows my name! I will meditate on the fact that Him knowing I am His will never be broken. It's sealed in eternity. His love will never be broken although His heart may break for us. I will rejoice today that His love for me will never wane, weaken or break. He loves with an everlasting love. And with that truth tucked deep into my broken heart - I will trust Him for today. Will you join me?

Already in the Boat

Yesterday I celebrated having Chris home for 8 years. While I celebrated I thought a lot about all the different things we've been through over this last decade. I didn't express it, but it took a lot just to get to that point 8 years ago.

I'd gotten rid of almost everything and was headed to the mission field when I got the call he'd been in a wreck. There were times I felt like such a failure because I couldn't just "take him home." I'd been living with families for several years focusing on ministry. I felt like I had failed him by not providing that even though he and my daughter were both adults.

When Chris got accepted into rehab in OKC, they wouldn't take him until I established a home so he'd have a place to go on discharge. When we moved him from New Orleans to Oklahoma, I started staying with some of my daughter's friends who generously gave me a place to stay while he was in the nursing home. Now it was time to get a place of my own... again.

The shorter version is - I got a small, single-bedroom apartment right before he went to rehab for 3 weeks. You know how the caregiving journey is - lots of ups and lots of downs with some interesting spots in between. It's full of opportunities to give up, give in or die of exhaustion. lol

This week as I was studying my Bible, I found myself in Mark 4. The last part of the chapter is talking about when a storm came up and Jesus commanded it to be still as they were going to the other side. 8-10 years ago I couldn't tell you what this "side" might look like. I was a mess and still continue to suffer from the traumatic experience. But there are those times when Jesus speaks peace to my soul. They are invaluable. But that's not what stood out in the story this time.

In verse 35, Jesus told His disciples, let's cross to the other side. Then in the NLT it says, He was already in the boat. I have meditated on that ever since I saw it again for the first time last week. He was already in the boat. Before they loaded up, before they launched, before they started across, before the storm hit, before they got to the other side. He was in the boat and ready for the bumpy journey.

To say caregiving is a bumpy journey is an understatement, as you well know. But wherever each of us finds ourselves today - He's already there and ready to take it on for us. He's pumped up and rested up enough to speak peace to any storm that might arise.

Today, I will thank Him that I do not have to walk this all alone. My thoughts will be on how He purposes for us to go to the other side - victorious through whatever life might throw. I'll meditate on His faithful provision, His unmeasurable peace, and His constant watch over my soul. And I'll trust Him for just one more trip across this day. Will you join me?



From time to time I'd like to give you the opportunity to give to Dove's Fire Ministries if God leads you to do so. You can donate at this link if you feel led. Dove's Fire Ministries.

Just Ask Job

I've had a lot on my mind lately, almost as much as I have on my plate! lol. Things are moving along with my aunt's placement in assisted living, but boy is it moving slowly. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with her as she is such a blessing. But boy do I get unwound so easily. It seems the extra stress has heightened my emotions, and I miss Chris even more of late.

Many caregivers deal with living grief. For me, I miss my son - although he is technically still here. Same with my mom who has dementia and is in a nursing home. the grief can be overwhelming at times.

This week, as I was grieving and crying as I poured out my heart to Him, I thought of Job's grief. In Job, we learn that he lost everything but in that moment of deepest grief, he went straight to God with it in worship. Presenting that deep wound of the heart before God is such an act of intimate worship.

Sometimes, the church culture can make us feel like we can come - but don't bring our grief. It's not acceptable. But God wants us to bring it all to Him - the good, the bad and the ugly. He wants to be so intimately connected with us that He shares in our joys and sorrows, our triumphs and losses, our ups and our downs.

As Job laid it all out before God, there was a part of him that could only be touched by the crushing. It's in those moments when we are at a loss for words that He can touch a part of us not easily accessible. There are some deep recesses of our heart that are only reached through the crushing life brings.

I encourage you today in the pain, stress, grief or distress - take it to Him instead of keeping it hidden from Him. He wants to reach in and be a part of your life. Even when you feel shunned and separated from the rest of the world. The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) He is near. He is intimate.

Today, I am taking all of me to His heart. I'm laying it all down at His feet and waiting on Him to touch the deepest recesses of my heart. Will you join me?

Excitement By the Wayside

Yesterday while I was out on my run I found this discarded chest of drawers. It was outside the fence at an apartment complex, just next to a dumpster. I took a picture and sent it to my daughter and asked yeah or nay. We decided it was a yes, so I brought it home.

The more I thought about this discarded piece, the more excited I became. Lots of thoughts ran through my head about how to fix it up. I could strip it down and restain it, or paint it as it is. Finally, I decided to strip it down and paint it cream. The indentions and knobs will be green and then my daughter can do her fancy artwork and paint some vining leaves along the edges. In my head - it's beautiful! I can't wait!

Then, I started thinking about where I'm going to put this beautiful piece once I've redone it a bit. I got so excited thinking of all the places it will fit right in.

On a personal note, this morning I was down. I'm tired. No, exhausted. No, fatigued... which is worse? That's what I am. lol.I'm stressed out over numerous things... Depression was trying to swallow me up when I looked out my patio door this morning and saw this chest.

You know what? God is more excited about His plans for us than we can imagine.

When I look at this discarded chest, I don't see it as such. I see the potential. I see all the places I can use it - all the ways I can enjoy it. When He looks at us, He doesn't see a discarded piece either. He is so excited about having us in His house. Just like I am thinking of all the places I can put this chest and all the ways I can use it and all the ways I can enjoy it - that's how He thinks of us.

He is filled with excitement about what is to come even if we feel discarded by the wayside. He's making plans on where to put us in His house. And He can't wait to enjoy us.

Today, I'm going to turn my thoughts to how overjoyed He is when He looks at us. My meditations will be on His excitement about what is to come. I won't consider my short-sightedness. I'll think about His wonderful plans for me. My focus will not be on my feelings of loneliness, despair or exhaustion. Instead, I'll think on His hope and plans for a good future for me. And I'll just rest right there  - will you join me?

Where Words Don't Live

I'm a word-smith, a writer, a poet, a psalmist. But there are times like the last few days where I have no words. While caregiving is a blessing and rewarding, it can also be taxing and weighty. That is where I've been until this weekend.

I've read the passage in Genesis 16 lots of times. Hagar was overwhelmed by God seeing her situation. I don't think I got it until now. My thoughts have been more along the lines of yeah, that's great but I already know God sees... what's the big deal? I need Him to do.

Over the weekend it all just got to me and it felt like the load was too heavy to deal with. As I was taking the dog out for a walk I put some music in my earbuds and used the few minutes for a bit of an escape. I don't recall the song, but it talked about God seeing us and feeling the weight of our load. And in that moment, I knew that I knew that I knew - He felt me.

Now I've felt Him a lot. I often sense His presence - but this was more Him sensing my presence and my situation. It seemed like He was walking through me - in the deepest recesses of my heart and being. He was so deep inside me that I had no words. And it was okay with me.

Suddenly, it was okay for Him to see me. It felt like He could really see me - all of me - and He was okay with it and so was I. He sensed my burden - and even though I came back into the house carrying the same load I went out with - it was better because I shared it with Him.

What are you carrying today? He really does want to share the load with you. Let down your guard for one minute and let Him see you - the real you. He can handle it - and so can you. He can see the parts of you that there are no words to share. While nothing may change immediately, knowing He is walking through the deepest, darkest parts of my being gave me light and strength.

Today, I'm going to meditate on taking it all to Him again. I'm going to try to be okay without words, and I'll think about how He knows my thoughts and words before they are formed - just like He knew me before I was formed. I'll trust Him for one more day - in that place with no words. Will you join me?

A Realist's Faith

I'm not sure we can deal with any situation, caregiving or otherwise until we acknowledge it. We can try to confess it away, quote scriptures over it all day, and pray - I do this a lot. It doesn't always change the situation. I have no doubt that God heals and will continue to perform miracles. But until He does - we must deal with the situations that are right in our face.
It's not faithless to face our situation head on each day. There is no way to be a caregiver and ignore what we are going through as our actions or inactions directly affect other persons. A realist can stand in faith too because faith is not exactly what we've made it out to be all these years.

I have a very well-meaning relative who is always telling Chris to "get outta that chair" so he can go fishing. It breaks my heart. The first time he said it, I said, "they have handicap fishing spots if you want to take him fishing." I got no response. The last time he said it, I just let it go as my heart shattered into a million pieces. I love my son just like he is. Would I be overjoyed if he took off walking or starting talking or moving anything? Absolutely. But I love him just like he is too. I sing "You are so Beautiful" to him pretty much every day, two or three times a day.

God never looks at us and says, I sure wish you'd get better so I could fellowship with you. I know He doesn't. He loves us just like we are - even though He sees far better things for us. He puts no requirements on us - He just says come. He wipes my tears. He picks me up. He loves me - even when I'm dirty by my own doing. He takes us just like we are with no hesitation, no questions, no shaking of His head in disgust.

Today, I will meditate on how He loves me just like I am, with all my imperfections. My thoughts will be on how He longs to be with me so much He'll come to me if I can't walk, He speaks to me when I can't talk and He holds me when I can't hold Him. I'll think about how much He loves us as the crazy messed up caregivers we can be! lol And I'll thank Him for loving me right where I am, just as I am as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

When the Load Gets Heavy

Ever have one of those mornings where you wake up tired. Oh yeah, that's pretty much every morning for caregivers! lol. Well, yesterday I was tired and then I woke up this morning too tired. Or two tired. Or through tired. Taking care of two extras is taking its toll, but we just hang in don't we? It's really not all that bad - but I always thought I pretty much had my hands full with Chris - and now with my aunt here and needing care, it makes what I had seem less complicated and like a relief. Funny how our perspectives can change, huh?

So I opened my Bible this morning to prepare for the online devotion I do for a Facebook group and found a nugget to help me get through this day. Just today. That's all I'm trying to deal with one day at a time. My aunt keeps asking questions about this or that - as she is anticipating a move to an assisted living facility. My answer is always - let's just take care of this first and we'll figure the rest out as we go. It's odd how we change isn't it? I'm the one who has to have the plan all laid out -everything in order, then allow for flexibility. But right now it is literally one step at a time, one day at a time one thing at a time.

I picked up the Bible closest to the computer this morning and it fell open to Psalm 145. Initially, I was going to just talk about the first 10 verses, they are so good. Then I decided I had time and went for the last 11 verses too. That's when I found verse 14. The NLT says it this way The Lord helps the fallen and lifts up those bent beneath their loads. I said out loud - I'm grabbing this one for today!

We are making it - and we will make it - and we will get all this done - but at times I feel the weight of the load. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just a thing. You know? At the appointment with the assisted living facility yesterday they said it could take at least 90 days to get it all cleared and all the paperwork done. I tried not to show any expression, but I was like what??? And to add to that - she has to pass this little test first - and I'm not sure if she can. With the future being unsure and not having any kind of timeline I can start bending beneath the load.

I'll take that as good news! Why? Because when I'm "bent beneath the load," I'm in the perfect position for Him to lift me up. Sometimes we start to think we are self-sufficient and fail to remember we live by and through His grace. Feeling the weight of the load is the perfect opportunity to trust Him more.

Today, I will remind myself that He is not only carrying the load - He's carrying me. I'll thank Him for lifting me up and setting my feet on solid ground. And with that, I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

There's Always a Way

I'm still doing double duty with my Aunt Polly staying here. We are looking at an assisted living facility today and all are hoping it's best for her and works out. Until she can find one and get all moved we are making it. I won't lie - it's difficult. I'm trying to think of a stronger word than that... lol

It's funny how you can handle more even when you are certain you can't add one more thing. Humans are resilient like that, aren't we? I am learning more about leaning in to Him more for strength if nothing else. He gives wisdom to face each day.

I'm reminded of Proverbs 2:6 that says the Lord gives wisdom, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. There's no addendum there stating caregivers are the exception. He didn't say - the Lord gives wisdom to everyone except caregivers. My Bible doesn't read, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding except for caregivers - I got nothin. This indicates to me that car can also ask God for wisdom. He will give us wisdom to know how to love those we are caring for. He'll give wisdom for us to handle each situation. And there is still knowledge and understanding in His mouth - in His word for the weary caregiver's soul.

He doesn't limit our access to Him, make exclusions to His promises or keep His presence from us. He pours out His life on us - sustains us and even carries us through the most difficult of days. He sits with us through those long nights. He rescues our soul from depression that tries to close in around us. He always provides a way. And for this - I am thankful.

Today, I'm going to think about that old song that says every promise in the book is mine. Because it is. He doesn't promise the lack of problems in life - but He does promise an ever-abiding presence. He does promise He'll walk with us and in us. He promised His peace for the mind stayed on Him. Today, I'll take Him up on all that! I'll rest in Him and thank Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Dwelling Places

Yesterday, we a talked about how God is our dwelling place. He has been since Adam and will be until the end of time. But right after I posted it, I had another thought. Immediately I went to Psalm 84:1 which says, how lovely are your dwelling places O Lord. My head and my heart went wild!

Guess where His dwelling place is? It's us. No exclusions - anyone who makes Him welcome - He'll abide with. I think it's awesome that He planned it that way from the beginning. Before He said, "Let there be light" He had planned the way for us to get back to Him. I love it, it's like He fixed what was broken before it even broke. That's an intense desire to be with us, don't you think?

As caregivers, it often seems like people don't want to be around us. It's not just because we are caregivers, but sometimes it can make them uncomfortable. They may want to help, but are not sure how to do so. They may want to talk, but are unsure of what to say. I don't know about you, but I still like the same things I liked before caregiving. We still like having coffee, eating with friends and hanging out. It may look different, it may be more difficult to arrange meetings, but we still need it. For me, it's sparse, but every now and then it happens and it's sweet when it does.

God is always available to us. I see no exclusionary statements in Psalm 84:1. He didn't say he wanted to dwell among everyone except caregivers. There's no note in Psalm 84 that all His dwelling places are lovely and none of them are caregivers. Actually, he is near the brokenhearted according to Psalm 34:18. He is also close to those who trust Him and a strong refuge to those who trust in Him. (Nahum 1:7) If He makes any "exceptions" then he draws closer to the caregiver, carries the burdens we allow Him to and carries us when we can't take another step.

If there were any exceptions they'd be for us - more grace, more mercy, more peace, more provision, more of His presence to make each day. He is our dwelling place, and we are His dwelling place - so intertwined we are inseparable. I love that image of being in Him and He in us. I love it that we are not left out or abandoned because He doesn't know what to do with us like it feels people do.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He is my dwelling place - and I am His. I'm going to relish the thought that he desires to be with me. My thoughts will be on getting close to Him and staying there. I'll let Him pull me in a little bit closer, a little bit tighter; and I'll let Him hold me. Will you join me?

All Generations

It was a full Mother's Day here. My daughter and SIL helped me load up Chris and my aunt to go be with my mom for MD. Talk about a sight! We got Aunt Polly in one car and loaded Chris and his chair in the other. I teased about having a mobile nursing home. lol But it was worth it to see my mom and her sister together. We also got some 4-generation pictures I may share later.

After we got home last night, my aunt and I discussed some of the hard decisions she and I are having to make. It's such a delicate subject, but so a part of caregiving. I'm glad to have her input, but I'm not sure we can do it like she wants. We will see.

I was pretty stressed out - but I think I'm also learning a lot about life, faith, caregiving and myself with this new perspective on caregiving. After we talked awhile, I reminded her of Psalm 90:1 where Moses wrote, Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations. The four generations represented at the celebration today all trust Him. It thrills my heart to see the younger ones continuing in ministry - they are the 14th generation of ministry in our family. God has been our dwelling place - He is now our dwelling place and He will continue to be our dwelling place as future generations continue to know and trust Him.

While that ministered to me a lot, it also got me to thinking. (I know - that really surprises you, right? lol) Moses wrote this psalm. Moses came on the scene in the first parts of Exodus. There had been many generations already who knew and trusted God. Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jakob, Joseph..... when Moses wrote it though, I wonder if he had a clue that here in 2018 we'd be reading it with many thousands of generations between us...and we're still acknowledging Him as our dwelling place. When we say "He has been our dwelling place in all generations" we cover a LOT more territory than when Moses first wrote it.

I look at the oldest family member, Aunt Polly at 85 (don't tell her I told you her age), and the youngest at the reunion yesterday, my great-niece Emma at nearly 2 and I think - throughout all our generations He continues to be our dwelling place. We've been through so many things like all the other families out there, but He continues to carry, shelter, protect and provide.

Today I will just be grateful that He didn't jump out when I hit the scene. I'll thank Him that He didn't look at my double-caregiving situation and say He'd reached His limit. He continues to carry, to hold, to protect and provide. He is still my dwelling place - and He isn't going to change that. He presented Himself to the world as a hiding place and a shelter before He ever said, "Let there be light." That just blows my mind. And I'll just let it as I crawl up next to His heart today - and dwell in Him as I trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?

Boxed In

There are lots of reasons for caregivers to be tired. Sometimes, we stay tired. It takes all our strength to keep putting one foot in front of another to make a day. Lately, I've had times it feels like it takes everything I've got to just to breathe.  I kinda hope I'm all alone on that - and kinda hope someone understands at the same time.

In the photo with me is my dear Aunt Polly. She's been living in a home provided by a wonderful ministry that takes care of widows. However, at this point, her care needs have exceeded the scope of their capacity. I went to pick her up last week. She's staying with me until "we" whoever that is, can figure out a plan for her care. What an honor it is to be trusted with both her and my son's care. My heart is full - but so are my hands!

In the complexity of the situation and the overwhelming emotions, stress, and thinking, I've reached a conclusion that may seem unrelated. I want to live outside this box. Of course, I'm not talking about changing the "box" life's situations have put me in. What I mean is I don't want to be self-consumed with the things I deal with. It's so easy to do - and it's even fair. As caregivers, we have TONS on our plate. It can so easily become all about me.

Being given, or forced into, this situation lol - has me thinking. It's too easy to become self-absorbed with what's on our plate. In one way, it's natural. But I want to see past my box. Somehow, I want to touch other's lives with the gospel of peace. We can still be the light. There is always someone watching. In my deep contemplations, I've decided to find ways to minister to others. I refuse to be boxed in.

Obviously, I can't "go" to the mission field like my heart's desires were to do, but I can find ways to reach outside my box. I invited my neighbor over for coffee and forged a friendship with her. I really want to make baskets and take them to ICU waiting rooms. I'll fill them with items that we often don't have there like toothbrushes, small hand lotions, q-tips, snacks, etc. That's something that's been on my heart for a long time. It's time to do it - because I refuse to focus on myself. I want to focus on Him and His children. I'm going to live outside this box - even though I'm boxed in.

Today, I'm going to thank Him for my box. Seriously. I'm going to be thankful that I know Him in a capacity I might have never known had life never placed me in this box. I'll thank Him for His mercy, His grace to make it, His patience with me and then I'll thank Him again for being patient with me! lol I'll nestle right up next to His heart and listen for His breath as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

He Speaks

I was looking for a particular scripture this morning. I knew it said that nothing was impossible with God, and I knew it was in Jeremiah. Well, I found it but it didn't use the exact words I thought it did. It was okay though since I found a small treasure there I want to share with you today.

In Jeremiah 32, the prophet has been imprisoned for saying God's words. The kind didn't like that Jeremiah prophesied his doom because of an unrepentant heart. So he locked Jeremiah up in the prison. It can be easy for us to "lock up" words God speaks when we don't like them or if they don't agree or support our own theologies. That's an important truth I might expound on in some other writings, but what I want to focus on is found in verse 6.

Jeremiah 32:6 NLT says this: at that time God sent me a message. God came to Jeremiah and gave him some specific instructions. What stood out to me was that Jeremiah is in prison through no fault of his own, and God spoke. I can't say for sure what types of possibilities were going through the prophet's mind, but I'm sure the future didn't look too pleasant to him. there were a lot of really bad and really good outcomes possible. But God did not regard his situation as done. He didn't see Jeremiah too far gone, He didn't give up on the situation or judge by the circumstances. He reached down and spoke to Jeremiah right where He was.

This morning, I was greatly comforted by this passage. God really does see us. He knows our situation. He doesn't judge our hearts by the circumstances we have found ourselves in. He doesn't restrain His voice or restrict His promises because caregiving is beyond his sphere of influence. Nope! He reaches right into the very heart of the matter and He speaks.

That puts it back on us to not be so encumbered by our situations that we cannot hear Him. Hey, it can happen. Caregiving requires a lot out of us - no one doubts that. But it doesn't have to make our ears dull when it comes to hearing the gentle voice of God speak into our hearts.

Today, I'll be listening intently for His voice to speak into my "prison" cell. Maybe it's only those areas of my life and heart that I've locked up and away to keep them safe from life. My meditations will be on any closed in areas I'm protecting - and how I can turn my ear to His heart once again. I'll listen for Him to speak as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?


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Faith-Full

I was completely refreshed this morning while reading in Lamentations. In church circles this Old Testament book isn't referred to very much. Jeremiah wrote it as he was in a deep state of grief over the captivity of his nation and people. He most likely shed many tears as he processed through the painful losses he watched. We don't often talk about grief or pain in Christian circles as those who experience and endure such things are considered faithless or substandard. It might be spoken out loud with words, but it is frequently communicated by actions and indirectly.

Many caregivers deal with some level of grief on a day to day basis. Jeremiah often called the "weeping prophet" gave in to his grief with tears and writing. In chapter 3 his prayer is: remember my affliction and y wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.  He is open and honest about how he feels - his memories weighed down his soul. I relate. Memories can be a wonderful blessing and soul agonizing at the same time.

Jeremiah goes on in verse 21 to say: this I call to mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. they are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. It's so good to remember He is faithful. Whether we are faithless, or full of faith- He stays at the always full of faith mark!

Jeremiah goes on to say, the Lord is my portion, therefore I have hope in Him." I for one am so thankful that He is my portion and He never gets tired of me and says - enough. One time I had a mentor who told me that people "couldn't handle" a lot of me. It didn't really hurt my feelings until later when I realized what she meant. lol.. I'm a bit slow sometimes. Father God never tells me that He doesn't have the patience to deal with me or my issues. He never says it's just too much for Him. Never has He said He was at the capacity of cares He could carry for a day... I will place my hope in Him - the One who carries it all - who carries us all and I will trust in Him.

Today, I will put all my efforts into trusting in His strength and not my own. I will rest in His faithful love and mercy and trust Him to carry me and all my "stuff" for one more day. Will you join me?

Immovable

My devotions this morning were centered on Psalm 125:1-2. This song of ascent states Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever.

I read, then re-read these two verses. When we trust in Him - not ourselves, not our situations or abilities, we are immovable. It's taken me a long time to come back to saying this really - but I trust Him.

When my son was first injured I was angry with God for allowing it to happen. Afterall, I was headed to Africa so I was trusting Him to take care of my kids. The trip was abruptly halted with a phone call that Saturday morning in November 2008, and I no longer trusted Him. In my mind, He should have protected my son, or at least offered a sudden healing. When neither happened, I sunk down into despair. It's taken me a long time to be able to trust again. It's been a process.

First, I had to realize my feelings were normal for the situation. Then there was the process of working through them. But there are days when the process has to be worked back through, often over and over again....

I can now say that I trust Him again, even in the situation, and even though the situation hasn't changed. It's taken me 10 years to get here. My faith-er background taught me, perhaps indirectly, that I trusted Him so "bad things" wouldn't happen. But now I have to say I trust Him in every situation - good and bad. To some, it may sound like I've backslid concerning faith. But nothing is further from the truth.

We've talked about our Bible heroes many times and the fact that it was the stuff they went through and came out trusting Him that makes them a hero of the faith - not the lack of obstacles, but the going through, around, over, under or over in spite of adverse circumstances. We talk about Joseph a lot in Christian circles and refer to his years in the prison, but we pass over the many growing up years spent as a slave first. We discuss God's power to restore all that was taken from Job - without facing the truth that he first walked through losing everything. There is no restoration without loss. There can be no healing without sickness, no provision without lack and no relief without pain. It's all about going through. It's about trusting Him in the midst of life's storms.

Today, I will remind myself of His faithfulness and how worthy He is of my trust. My meditations will be on how He has not given up on me or left me alone in my situation. I'll think about how He walks with me and waits for me to look to Him for provision, peace, comfort and love. I'll lean into Him just a little closer today as I trust Him one more time for one more day. Will you join me?

He's Got This!

This morning my Bible seemed to fall open to Psalm 121 which is, of course, one of my favorites like all the others. It brings me a calm assurance that He is with me, He won't faint, He will keep me no matter what life may throw at me today. Each verse for me bears a promise I can hold on to.

I will life up my eyes to the hills, where shall my help come from?
Obviously, our help isn't in the mountains or the hills. One version reads "does my help come from there?" It does not. Maybe David was surveying the mountains around Jerusalem as he was asking for help and strength to face whatever might be present or next. He answers his own question in verse two.

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
This is a statement of faith. God is my help. Period. And since He created and sustains heaven and earth - He's big enough to walk through this situation with me - carrying me - helping me. I will keep my eyes on Him!

He will not allow your foot to slip; he who keeps you will not slumber or sleep.
He sustains me. I do not sustain myself. He will keep me from slipping, from falling beneath the load of caregiving, from the onslaught of my own emotions. He does not sleep on the job, won't doze off while I'm talking to Him, and is awake and attentive to my needs. He keeps me.

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
I am not in charge of keeping me. He is. He will hold me, comfort me, and keep me intact spiritually, emotionally and physically. He is my shade - the protector of my right hand - signifying my "power." He provides my strength and provides protection for it by shading it from the heat. It's only up to me to stay under that shade where I am safe and secure.

The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.
I understand He protects us from the sun - the heat of the day which can dry us out. It can bear down on us and cause us to become dehydrated - exactly why we need to stay refreshed in His Spirit and the word. He keeps us from being dried out and getting blown away by the "heat" life turns up from time to time. But the moon? Who needs protection from the moon? I do. It is in those night seasons that the pain intensifies. It's those long nights when the fevers go high and my faith falls short. A long, lonely, dark night can sap the soul's strength. But He protects us from being smitten during the night seasons.

The Lord will protect you from evil; He will keep your soul.
God keeps the "forever" parts of us. The body may fail, but He keeps the soul - the part that makes us uniquely us. He keeps the part of us that lives on when the body dies, it's a forever protection. Talk about being "covered" by insurance! He's got us - nothing, absolutely nothing can get to our innermost being as long as we stay hidden in His heart. He protects the part of us that matters the most and nothing can harm our spirit. We are in Him.

The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.
He's got this. He's got us. On the days, hours, minutes or the few seconds we may feel like we have it all together and under control - He's got us. On those days, weeks, months and years we feel like life is falling apart around us or going on without us - He's got us. Regardless of how we feel, He's got us. Forever.

Today, I will meditate on this psalm and the truths it contains. I will rest in Him just a little easier knowing He's got me covered day and night, He's guarding my heart and my soul, He is my shade and He watches over me purposefully intent on keeping me and presenting me before Himself spotless and pure. I will yield to Him today and trust that He's got this. He's got me! Will you join me?

Never Crossed His Mind

This morning as I got up and started doing my early morning caregiving tasks I had a part of a song stuck in my head. It was playing over and over. The phrase, there is no God like Jehovah! is part of the song, "Days of Elijah." It was going over and over in my head so I started thinking about that. After I got Chris changed and bolused I looked up a couple of scriptures.

In Isaiah 45 and 46 there are several verses that use the phrase there is no other God besides our Lord. As I read through the verses I thought about how there isn't any god like our God. As caregivers it can feel like we are thrown away by society or that there is no place for us in normalcy. But God never tosses us away. He chooses to walk through the dark days and nights with us. He's there for us when things go smoothly and times are bright too - He never leaves us. Actually, He doesn't even think about leaving us in our pain. The thought never crossed His mind. I let my thoughts settle right there for a minute.

He's not hanging around until He finds something better to do. He isn't walking through our very hectic lives on a contingency basis - if everything works out, or if we do this or that. He has moved right on in. Our pain doesn't frighten Him away. He isn't scared of our griefs or sorrows. People sometimes (if at all) may visit for a little bit to ease their own guilt for not wanting to be part of our lives, but He is not. He chooses to walk right in to our crazy caregiving caves and parks right there for the duration.

Have you ever had someone visit and you could tell they were counting the seconds until they could leave? Our situations can make people uncomfortable since they are not sure what to say or do. I get that, for real. They don't understand that it's quite alright to just sit there with us. Sometimes that's enough. He is not uncomfortable with us. He gladly sits in silence. His presence alone brings healing and hope to our hearts.

Today, I am going to set my mind on the fact that He is here and not looking for a way of escape. My heart is strangely comforted by the thought that He has no reason or desire to leave us emotionally stranded. I'll embrace that comfort today and I'll embrace Him today. My thoughts will be on His presence and His desire to walk this through with us. My meditations will be on His forever abiding presence indwelling us as believers. There's no ticket to punch to get off this ride! I'm going to rejoice that He wants to ride it with me and delights in carrying me when I need it. And with that I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

In and Among

I was preparing for the morning devotions I do for a Facebook group I am a "pastor" for and found this gem this morning. Actually, I was looking for the verses in 2 Corinthians 7 where Paul said he and his team had conflict outside and fears within. But I didn't make it all the way down to that verse before I found a gem.

As I usually do, I started reading at the top of the page as I like things in context. But verse 16 in chapter 6 got my attention. It is a quote of a promise found in the Old Testament where God says, I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they will be my people.

What stands out to me is the phrase I will live in them and walk among them. we understand He lives in us and is with us, but for some reason as I read this familiar passage it stood out. I took comfort in the fact that He willingly lives inside me as well as walking through life with me. I'm not facing anything alone, or by myself.

As my eyes ran back over this phrase several times it brought comfort to my soul somehow. He didn't put us here in time and turn His back or walk away. Instead, He chooses to walk with us through each day no matter what we face. He never says the fire is too hot for his tastes. He doesn't ask me how I'm going to handle it as He makes an escape. He rests in me. He walks with me.

Today, I will be meditating on the truth that He is with me come what may. He abides inside my being, and He's got no plans of moving out! I'll rest in the truth that He is here to stay as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

You'll Never Know

You'll never know when I look at my son and tears well up in my eyes.
You'll never know when I am overcome with grief over what was, what is, and what will never be.
But He does.

You'll never know how I have paced the floor in the midnight hour wondering... questioning.
You may never know how I've yelled and cussed at God - then ran into His arms.
But He does.

You'll never know the fear of getting older and not knowing who can take my spot.
You may not ever know how I trust God for each day, each moment and each breath.
But He does.

You'll never know of the times He has carried me, walked with me, dragged me through.
You may not realize my strength comes only from Him.
But He does.

You may never know the day-to-day grief over the loss of a son - who is gone - but still here.
You may not ever know how my heart aches and is overcome with grief.
But He does.

You may never know how one foot just keeps getting put in front of another.
You may not realize how painful it is to feed, change, provide care for a once independent adult child.
But He does.

You may never know the load of the caregiver, and how often I stumble underneath the weight.
You may never know the lonely road I must walk and I now embrace.
But He does.

You may never know how one memory can spark pleasure and depression in one fell swoop.
You might not realize how deep the hole depression digs and how hard it is to climb out.
But He does.

You'll never know of the nights I cry myself to sleep or lie awake.
You may never know how hard it is to do for my son the things he used to do for himself.
But He does.

You'll never know how a simple thing can send emotions off the edge.
You may never know how the "normal" things others enjoy can bring a sense of sadness and grief.
But He does.

You'll never know how my heart hurts and rejoices at each step of progress.
You may not know the difficulty of helping him take one little step, one more bite and knowing it's not enough.
But He does.

You'll never know how my heart cries out in the midst of the storm.
You may not know how I want to bring Him glory in the fire.
But He does.

You'll never know how difficult the battle against bitterness can be.
You may never know how tiring the struggle between faith and fear is.
But He does.

You may never know the nitty gritty details of my days.
You'll never know the depth of my faith and trust.
But He does.

In the Cave

Do you ever feel like you live in a cave? I do. the rest of the world has no idea it seems and it's easier for the most part to just stay tucked away. But you know what's awesome about that? God can reach us in our caves no matter how far back we try to stay. His love and mercy can touch our hearts no matter what.

I've been thinking about how to just quiet myself down a bit and hear Him more clearly. When you live in a cave it's surprising how loud your own thoughts can be. If we are not purposeful, they can drown out His voice. But trust me, He will still speak.

I've turned my thoughts to tuning in to Him more and closing out all the other voices. I think about Daniel who was taken captive and held against his will in a foreign land. He was forced to serve pagan kings. Yet he still heard and worshipped God.

Then there was Joseph. We talk about him being in prison all those years and forget that he was sold into slavery first. He spent many years as a slave. He was most likely mistreated, held against his will and served many masters. All that happened before he ever got to the false accusation and prison. But he still heard God.

I am determined to hear God in my cave. His voice can reach through life's bondages and touch our hearts still today. Psalm 46:10 says Be still and know I am God. And that's my plan for today. It's funny how sometimes it's not all the other voices drowning Him out, it's our own thoughts.

Today, I will take the time to quiet myself before Him and purposefully listen for His voice. The funny thing is - in the cave - His voice can reverberate until it fills the whole thing. I will quiet my soul no matter what it looks like or feels like. And I will wait for Him. Will you join me?

Long Way Around

I may take the long way around, but I always wind up back in His lap. I'm just so easily distracted. I can't blame that on caregiving either, I've been that way all my life. I have tons of energy for some reason (even with only one adrenal gland) and my mind is always on "go." It can lead me down wrong paths if I don't keep a constant guard on it.

I love Proverbs and it often has wisdom regarding not letting the heart, mouth and mind run off on their own. Wisdom tells us to guard all three of these things. That's what helps keep us on the straight and narrow. Proverbs is always a good reminder for me to get everything back in check.

This morning, I was in chapter 3. We are probably most familiar with verses 5 and 6 which say Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. But I found a little nugget before I got to those favorites.

In verse three, Solomon says this Do not let kindness and truth leave you. So I thought about that for awhile. Kindness is of course, important as it is outside of ourselves - it's how we treat others. No matter what we think about others, their personalities, jobs, choices or preferences in life - we should be kind. Even if they are NOT kind - we should pursue peace  - and be kind anyway. Kindness is an outward expression and affects others directly.

Then there is truth. I think it's more of an inward thing. We need to cling to truth - about others, ourselves and God. This time we live in it seems like people prefer to speak, live and believe lies far more than embracing truth. Solomon tells us here to not let truth leave us - to hold on to the truth with our hearts. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth and the life. We should hold on to Him first of all, embrace Him, cling to Him.

Then there's this. Since we are to embrace the truth, don't we need to believe what He said about us? Even when we don't feel it? Especially when we don't feel it! He calls us righteous, blessed, and beloved. I don't always feel it - but I need to always believe it.

He says we are His. He says we are highly favored. He says we can have an abundant life in Him - even from the caregiver's cave! And that's what I am going to choose to believe and cling to today.

Today, I will embrace the truth He says about me. I will shut down any lie that comes at me to try and convince me otherwise. My meditations will be on what HE says about me, not what I think about myself. I'll embrace the truth as I trust Him to carry me for one more day. Will you join me?

Forgotten Ones

 It's a horrible feeling to feel like you have been forgotten. In some ways, I can justify it to myself. I think about how young Chris was when his accident happened, and how young his friends were. It's difficult to visit with someone who doesn't visit back, I get that. I try to get it out of my mind that he has needed familiar voices to help remember things...but those voices don't come. Instead, there is silence. I've learned to dismiss it as everyone being so young and not having the life experience to deal.

Then I have my own feelings of being forgotten to deal with. Friends I thought I had have disappeared with no way to make new ones. I've actually resolved myself to online relationships. I'm okay with that. It makes it much easier to stay comfortable in my caregiver's cave. That one we are drawn to so often because of the social isolation. I mean, really, if there's no one there when I think I need someone, it's much easier to go to the back of the cave than deal with the rejection.

But then there is another level of those feelings of being forgotten. It feels like God has forgotten us. I know the drill. It starts with the word says..... but knowing that doesn't really ease the pain. I guess what eats at me is seeing others "get better" and I'm very happy for them. Honestly. But it's so easy to attribute the good things that happen in life to God (ie when we get what we wanted), and the bad things that happen to the devil (translated - the things we don't like or want).

I guess my question is this. When someone else says God healed or is healing their son's brain injury - then "God is so good" where does that leave me? God has not chosen to heal my son. Does that mean God isn't good? Or maybe it's just that He loves them better than me. For whatever reason, God let the wreck happen. For whatever reasons, sickness happens. For whatever reasons illnesses and death happen.

I feel forgotten. Looked over. Like God doesn't really interfere with life. But you know what, I am not alone.  Turns out I'm in some pretty good company. Job 19:14 says my family is gone and my close friends have forgotten me. Been there, done that. Right now family is more present, but there were some days in between when I was all alone.

In Psalm 42:9, David cries out, O God my rock, why have You forgotten me? Must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies? In Psalm 77:9 the psalmist asks, Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He slammed the door on His compassion? It's not just David though, in Isaiah 49:19, the prophet says, Yet Jerusalem says, the Lord has deserted us, the Lord has forgotten us.

At first, I was like - see, I'm not the only one God has forgotten, or at least not the only one who ever felt that way. My feelings of loneliness, abandonment and of being looked over by God were justified. But then I'm just hanging there, with nothing to grab on to. So, I went back to see what was said next in each of these passages.

In Job 19, he describes how alone he was and how loathed he was by friends and family. (We are not always loathed - people just don't know what to do with us!) But then Job says I know my Redeemer lives. In spite of his feelings. In spite of the aloneness, he knew that he knew that he knew his Redeemer lives. He said even after my skin is destroyed - I will see Him.

In Psalm 42, David pours out how he felt forgotten by God, overcome with grief and oppressed. Sounds like what we deal with from time to time. Day to day. Minute to minute. But then, he goes on to say why are you in despair, my soul? He states he will trust in God - no matter how it feels. He will still praise God. No matter how he feels. He will still look to God for help - no matter how he feels.

Psalm 77 has been one I've gone to frequently when I don't see God doing anything. In verse 9, Asaph says God has forgotten to be gracious. But he follows it up with - (not KJV) fine then. If I don't see Him doing anything right now, I'll just remind myself of what he has done before.

I find comfort in these scriptures today. First, in that I am not the first, nor will I be the last to feel forgotten by people and God. There's no condemnation. It's just how I feel. Secondly, in the fact that in each of these instances they had a big "but." They were open and honest about how they felt - but they didn't leave it there. I feel forgotten - but my Redeemer lives! I feel alone - but I will trust. I feel like God is not doing anything - but I will remember what He's already done.

Today, I will recall all the times He has walked with me through the storm. I'll meditate on the times He walked through the fire with me, and think about the times He's had to carry me when I didn't have the strength to go on. I will declare - My Redeemer lives! No matter what I feel, what I see with my eyes or hear with my ears - He lives. And I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

Choosing Contentment

Life can change on a dime. I have no idea where that expression comes from, but I know it's true. This weekend I was made aware of some major changes coming my way. It's just life, right? I found out a long time ago as I'm sure you did too, life doesn't stop for caregivers. We just have to keep on caregiving and take on anything else life throws our way. Seems like there oughta be a "hold" button somewhere. I don't need it for long typically, but just a give me a second to catch my breath button would be nice.

So my heart and mind were full as I got up and started getting around. I usually get Chris' bolus together, start my coffee and then while it is making I take care of him. My mind was going through all the things I need to handle today, my work schedule and many other things. As usual, my thoughts became my prayers as I mentally walked through my responsibilities. I sighed. Then I made a choice.

I decided to be content with life right where I am, with what I have, with Him. The sense of peace that overcame me was amazing - I have no words to describe it really.

So, I grabbed my coffee and sat down with my Bible and turned to 1 Timothy 6:6. It's a familiar scripture and I remembered it as saying godliness with contentment is great gain. I read it a couple of times and thought about contentment. We seem to live in a world with lots of dis-contentment. We are not happy with anything, can't settle down, can't rest - restlessness abounds.

I turned my thoughts to my own situation and wondered if I could really just be content. Then I thought about what Paul had said in Philippians 4:11 - I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. And we know he wasn't always in the most pleasant circumstances.

As I continued exploring this choice of being content I realized I was sensing the peace beyond understanding that Paul mentioned earlier in Philippians 4:7. I read that scripture, then backed up to verse 6. Be anxious for nothing,  but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Those are some big superlatives right there - nothing and everything. And once again, there are no exclusionary statements. Maybe that is the key to contentment - giving it all to Him. Taking our hands off and waiting on Him. Doing what we must - and letting Him do the most. When we choose to be content, stop wrestling, stop arguing with life, stop whining (I do that a lot!), and choose to be content - He fills us up with this amazing peace. He really is wonderful - and I really am slow! lol

Today, I will make it my focus to be content in Him and with Him alone. My thoughts will be on how He amazingly fills me with peace when I bring it all to His feet and leave it there. I'll meditate on being able to do all things through Him who strengthens me. I will rest in Him, wait for Him and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

A Humble Walk

We have a humbling job in caregiving. We don't often talk about some of the baser things we have to deal with. It's obviously not acceptable on a social level, and seriously, how would those sorts of things work into a conversation? lol When most people see us, we're all cleaned up, dressed up and presentable. There are very few people who see us up walking the floor at night, carrying out the odorous trash bags, ordering incontinence supplies and all the little nitty-gritty things that go into just one of our days. I've yet to have anyone take me up on walking through a day with me from start to finish. Finish? What's that?

 We truly want to protect the dignity of our loved ones, so there are some things, they may never know. It can be very humbling to take care of a whole person. It's also an honor, but when I am taking care of some of the more personal stuff, my thoughts can go crazy. Here I am doing this, and I thought I was called to the mission field. Smh. I think about how I used to lead worship. Is this where God wants me?  I taught Bible classes (still do online). I think I was way off about what God called me to do. These are just a few of the thoughts running through my mind while doing some caregiving tasks.

Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be anywhere else. I don't want to leave my son. He is my priority mission and ministry right now. And I am okay with that. I just didn't see this coming. The future looked a lot different in my head 11 years ago. I was going to reach retirement age and travel around the world. Actually, I was scheduled to go to Africa in January '09 when the wreck occurred in November '08. It took me awhile to be "okay" with that. Again, it was humbling.

Sometimes life BC (before caregiving) or during caregiving, just doesn't make sense. We may never know the "why" behind things that happen in life. And maybe someday it will all make sense. whether or not it ever makes sense, we have lots of choices to make. I find myself making them over and over every single day it seems. Some days are it's-all-in-your-face days and I find myself choosing between anger and peace, between frustration and joy, between ranting and praying.

Lately, I've been studying about walking humbly with God. (Micah 6:8) And this morning I fell into Psalm 25:9. He leads the humble in what is right, teaching them His way. (NLT,1996) The journey really is much easier if we walk humbly before Him. While our circumstances bring about a humility, the one we choose gets us closer to Him. I can choose to rant and rave - and you guys know I do that from time to time - but it doesn't move Him near like coming before Him in humility and acknowledging, Lord, I am still Your child. I'm still Your servant. I am still a worshipper. That's when He begins to move heaven on our behalf.

Circumstances and situations may or may not change, but walking in humility before Him means we are still pliable, moldable in His hands. I still want to learn His ways, whether or not I ever understand life's struggles. I want to know more about Him period. Choosing humility will keep us teachable, and boy do I have a lot to learn!

Today, I will continue thinking about what it means to humble myself before Him, what it means to be pliable in His hand and remain teachable. I'm also going to think about ways and areas where I haven't exhibited humility - I want to address those areas because I want to be solely His. I'll concentrate on humbling myself before Him in prayer, in worship, in study, in attitude (it might be a long day.. lol). And I will humble myself to trust Him for today. Will you join me?