Relationships

 Relationships can be difficult for caregivers to navigate. Sometimes, there just isn't time for social interaction. Other times it is due to how we are perceived. Planning social activities can be quite a chore too. And no matter how well you plan, there can be one of those "somethings" that comes up last minute, causing others to perceive us as unreliable or inconsistent. It's okay that they don't get us, though. They don't have to. But for me, sometimes, it's super frustrating to try to make plans with so many possible "unknowns" in the air. Maybe as a culture, we miss the goal of relationships.

A relationship always has a start date. I became friends with my BFF when I was 8. There is a day I met her and we've been friends now for over 50 years. (Man, that makes me sound old... but she's older than me so there's that... lol) We didn't set an "end date" for our relationship, because it's an ongoing occurrence. We have walked with each other through all the crazy twists and turns life can throw at us. 

While making new relationships is different as a caregiver, and really different for the whole world right now because of Covid, the process is still the same. We just sort of grow into it. There are those people who you just connect with and become fast friends with, like my friend Mary. The day we met it was an instant connection, and we've just grown since then.

What in the world is my point?

Knowing God is about relationship, note rote. It's about walking through time together and learning more about each other all along the way. Of course, God has the advantage there since He already knows! lol. But there's not an endpoint we are trying to reach. The goal is a continued relationship - even after time. Our goal is to just keep walking with Him, talking with Him, fellowshipping with Him, until the end of time - then we will just do it forever. On our end, it means we just keep learning more about Him. On His end - it means He is always there with us and for us, like parallel lines with no end. (Former math teacher here.)

Today, I will welcome Him into my day as I would a friend. I'll purposefully look for Him in each situation - because He's there. I'll thank Him for desiring a perpetual relationship with us and for never abandoning us when life gets tough or complicated. Throughout the day, I'll stop and acknowledge His presence and thank Him for being right here - wherever "here" is. And I will trust Him to be with me, strengthen me, and even carry me as needed today. Will you join me?

Today's FBLive on relationships:

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The Journey Thus Far

Do you have a lot on your caregiving plate today? Maybe you have more than one platefuls to deal with today or even this morning. Too bad there isn't just a big checklist where we can check off items that are done when they are done. What a sense of accomplishment that would be - exhilarating and liberating! Well, we can at least imagine, can't we?

I think it's more cyclical, and we are never really done.

As I was letting my mind wander yesterday, I started thinking it sounded a lot like whining. I hate whining. It can be so easy to do though. It's kinda hard to distinguish when we are airing out our frustrations in a healthy way and when it turns to whining, don't you think? I'm certain that yesterday - I was whining.

When I first started this caregiving journey and brought Chris home from rehab, I really didn't know what I was going to do other than trust God for the journey. I spent some time crying (and whining) to God about the life I lost and the fear I felt. But I found some inspirational quotes online and one that stuck out to me was this: Tears will get you sympathy, hard work will get you success. I decided right then and there that I wanted to spend more time rolling up my sleeves than moping and crying. 

Today, I don't want to talk about how hard it is - we all get that. So, instead, I want to talk about what God has done. I started shifting my focus off my circumstances to what God has said and done. It's a spirit-lifter for sure! Here are a few things I let wander through my mind - I hope you find them as encouraging as I have.

• God has never abandoned me. He is with me constantly - even when I sleep.
• He continues to provide - I have not missed a meal or had my lights shut off once!
• His word has encouraged me and strengthened me for the journey.
• He really is my best friend. 
• I can trust Him.
• God has given me His strength when I knew I did not have it on my own.
• He has carried me sometimes...a lot of times.
• God gives me HIS peace - which is a lot better than mine!
• I know my heart is safe in His.

Today, I will focus on all He has done instead of how I feel. My meditations will be of all the ways He has strengthened me and carried me through this journey so far - and I'll thank Him for not stopping today. I'll turn my thoughts to how much He cares for me as I care for my loved one. I'll thank Him for this journey - because I would have never known Him this way without it. Will you join me?

One More Breath

 

Do you ever get overwhelmed? Are you ever lonely? Does the social isolation ever get to you? (Who am I talking to? lol) Today is one of those days that it feels like everything is caving in on me. I'm behind at work because of caregiving duties. Chris still isn't up and it's nearly noon. I'm just now getting to write this morning's devotion, and I'm sitting here shaking my head thinking that I'll never catch up today. I'll never get it all done today. But I feel that way almost every day. lol.

Most nights when I start getting ready for bed, I'm certainly at my end. I have learned to focus on all the things I did accomplish during my waking hours, rather than all I failed to get done. And then, for 5 or 6 hours I try to rest. There's just no way to get it all done. I keep thinking I'll get caught up with housework, cooking, work, and all the other things I need to do. Once I get organized it'll be easy sailing. Then I wake up and realize it's probably never going to happen. lol.

As I was praying all of this out this morning, the image of how I watched my son breathe all weekend came to mind. I noticed even the most subtle change in his breath. Maybe he started breathing a little faster, or relaxed as his breathing slowed. Sometimes, when in deep sleep, he'd hold his breath. I was so in tune with each breath, I didn't miss a thing.

This morning, during my mental struggle, I realized God watches over me the same way. Just like I watched and waited for my son to take one more breath, God cheers us on as He watches over our lives. He waits for those moments when we think we cannot breathe. Silently, He cheers from the sidelines of life and eagerly awaits each sign of life, then celebrates it.

Yeah. He celebrates it. We saw that in Zephaniah yesterday. He rejoices over us with gladness and singing. But this morning, I read on in that third chapter. Verse 16 says He will gather those who sorrow. He will deal with what afflicts us. He'll gather those who feel driven out, separated from life, cut off from the rest of the world. I took a little liberty there - but the different translations say it a variety of ways.

I like verse 20. He says I will bring you back. Back to what? - back to Him!

He's leaning over heaven's railing watching us breathe and live this life. But He eagerly awaits the time He can bring us back to Him. In the meantime - He still purposefully brings us to Him. In the midst of our sorrow, pain, struggles, and separation He waits for us to wait on Him. (Isaiah 30:15) Then He brings us to Himself. That's when He gives us His peace, quiets us with His love (Zeph. 3:17), and leans in to feel us breathe one more breath.

Today, I will remind myself that God is watching us at least as intently as we watch our loved ones. He can feel us breathe. He knows when we hold our breath in pain or sorrow. And he provides exactly what we need in the moment to continue trusting Him for one more day.

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Check out my ebook store where you'll find this "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!

Behind the Clouds

 As I stepped outside this morning, I noticed the unusual coolness for this time of year. I glanced toward the sky and saw the grayish-blue clouds hovering overhead. For a few minutes, I just watched the clouds, and then I saw a break in them and a glow from the sun broke through. Even though I could not see the sun - it was hidden behind the clouds. 

Sometimes, it just helps to know it's still there. We know we'll see it again soon, right?

This past weekend became very dark for me as my son fell ill again. I opted to not run to the hospital, but to monitor his numbers closely (oxygen, heart rate, temperature) and go only if I had to. His body needs to fight off this crud he keeps getting. While I was content with my decision, it made for a long, dark weekend where I just sat and watched him breathe. Thankfully, he pulled through, and other than some extreme tiredness, he's doing well again. 

It's those dark nights that get to you though, right? The heart and mind race and go crazy with thoughts and what-ifs. But as Chris began to get better, so did my outlook and emotions. It was sort of like that sun hiding behind the clouds. God was there - but my circumstances clouded my view of Him. During the dark night, I got occasional glimpses of His light. If nothing else, they reminded me that He was still with me whether I could see or feel Him or not.

So, this morning, as I was praying and enjoying the clouds, I thought of God remaining with me and that brought encouragement. God told Joshua to be of good courage because God was with him - wherever he might go. (Joshua 1:8) Zephaniah 3:17 also reminds us that God is in our midst. This verse is one that I like best in the old KJV. It says, The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy, he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. That's a like wow! 

Thankfully, the clouds come and go, don't they? It's not always cloudy. But it's not always sunny either. But we can rest assured that God is there when we see Him clearly. He's there when His presence is so bright we have to close our spiritual eyes. But He's still right there when the clouds are in the way and we squint to try and see Him better.

Today, I will encourage my soul with these scriptures and remind myself that He is right here. I'll be thankful that He doesn't leave when it gets tough or confusing. My meditations will be on how He stays with me during the midnight hours and watches over my soul even when I sleep. In that - I will rest as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Who Planned This?

 This morning as I was getting around, I was praying for my son. I do this a lot! lol. His chronic breathing issues are troubling and the medical system seems to be tiring of us. So, I took my concerns to God. I was walking and praying and asking for wisdom to handle the situation in the best way. Of course, I was moaning, groaning, and fussing at God for "letting" this all happen. lol - I know you've never done that, but I do. 

I took a brief few minutes to think about what like might have looked like. After all, none of us planned on him having a wreck at 24. There are many such unexpected things that happen to disrupt our plans, though. Am I right?

My mind went to Job. He was wealthy and had no plans of losing all that wealth in a day. Job didn't plan on his kids all dying in a single tragic accident. He didn't plan on getting sick either. But what Job did plan was that he was going to worship and trust God in the no matter whats. Now that's a plan that cannot be interrupted.

When the first rounds of bad news hit Job's heart and ears, he tore his robe and shaved his head to signal that he was officially in a state of mourning. Then he worshipped. Wait! He worshipped and mourned at the same time? Yup. Then when He got sick on top of all of that, He still declared that he was going to continue to trust God. In chapter 13 verse 15, Job says that even if God killed him, he would just keep trusting Him. Now that's a plan that cannot be stopped.

I thought of Joseph, who didn't plan on being betrayed by his brothers and sold off as a slave. Yet, he planned to keep his heart pure toward God in the circumstances. Daniel came to mind. His plan wasn't to get taken captive and be mutilated. But he did plan to maintain integrity with God in the midst of the years. 

Today, I plan on worshipping God in my no matter what. That's a plan that cannot be changed. I can worship Him and trust Him whether I get my way or don't. He is still God whether I get everything I ask for or nothing. His kingdom cannot be shaken by my trials. So, I will remind myself that He is still on the throne. He is still King of Kings. He still has the victory. And I declare with Job - Yet, will I trust Him. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                      

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Never Runs Out

 This morning, as I was waking up, my mind seemed to already be racing. Some of it was all the stuff I need to get done today - including those that needed to be done yesterday. I'm also dealing with a lot of emotional baggage right now. For some reason, I feel especially lonely. Like alone- alone. I hope you don't understand, but I'm pretty sure you do. As I was wiping the sleep out of my eyes, my mind was running through all this. Over and over and over.

I had to take a couple of minutes to kind of shake myself and remind myself that His peace is still right here. He doesn't have an off switch for when we are sleeping, or not paying attention. His peace remains - it never runs out. Neither does His grace, mercy, and love. They all remain, even when my mind forgets.

Then, I had this thought about how I set reminders on my phone. I have tons of them. lol. I have one for any out-of-the-normal meds for me and Chris. There's one for each of the Bible studies I do weekly. There's one to remind me to clock in M-F as Chris' PCA. Then, I set one to remind me to clock out. 

I started thinking that maybe I needed to set one to remind myself about His peace. Maybe I should set a reminder to stop and be thankful. Because when I turned my mind to thankfulness for all He has done, including not abandoning me, my heart got a little lighter and my brain's traffic slowed down. I started thanking Him for His consistent grace, peace, love, and presence in this crazy thing called life. That's when they all (grace, peace, love) all showed up. 

Well, it wasn't so much that they showed up - they've been right here with me all along. I just got distracted by all the stuff. Paul told the Roman believers that he knew they knew God and His goodness, but he wanted to remind them of it. (Romans 15:15) So, let this devotion today be your reminder that He won't run out on you. His peace doesn't have an "off" switch. We just have to remember that He's with us - no matter what.

Today, I'll meditate on His ever-abiding presence - even if I don't feel it. I'll remind myself that all He is remains and that He remains with me. He will not run out or pull the plug on His peace today! Will you join me?

Dealing with Disappointment

Maybe we have all had those moments where we were disappointed with God. I know I have had my times for sure. I always thought He was going to come riding in on His white horse and whisk me out of my stress and pain. When it didn't happen like I imagined, I often thought He'd abandoned me. Sure, He sees. Of course, He hears. But what good is it if He doesn't act?

Mary and Martha were disappointed with Jesus. They told Him that if He had been there, then Lazarus, their brother, would not have died. Jesus' reply was that He was the resurrection and the Life. Then, He demonstrated it by bringing Lazarus back from the dead. I can certainly say I've never seen Him do that! But I still believe it.

The day I realized that I was disappointed in Him, after all, He didn't come when I thought I needed Him most. It can be frustrating to feel like He's not acting on our behalf. Right now, I'm in that spot. It seems like He's not doing anything. Now, I know He's here. He's walking with me. He gives me peace - and that's all something, but it's not the one thing I think I need Him to do, right?

So how are we supposed to walk this thing out when it feels like He's not really with us? 

Maybe it starts with two things. One that Mary did and one thing that Martha did. Martha told Jesus, I believe you are the Christ, the Son of God who is come into the world. (John 11:27) She said this at the point of her greatest disappointment, in a time when clarity was gone. She was mourning the loss of her brother - and had hoped Jesus would have healed him, yet she still believed. 

The second action was taken by Mary. When they told her that Jesus had come to town - she jumped up and ran to meet Him. In the midst of her disappointment, her grief, her pain - she ran to Him anyway.

When we have disappointment, and of course, it will come, then we must declare that we still believe in Him. Declare we are still trusting Him even in the midst of the mess, the confusion, the pain, and the difficulty. And secondly, we must go meet Him - in that place of disappointment. Even when we can't see - we can look to Him. For when we loosen our grip on our own pain and disappointment, we can get a good grasp of His grace.

Today, I will look past disappointment, pain, mourning, and loss - and I'll focus my heart back on His grace. That's the grace that is going to carry me through today and every day. I'll trust Him with my whole heart, disappointments included. I'll tell Him when I cannot see, when I cannot feel, when I am not sure what to think. Then, I'll let Him carry me, see for me - and especially I'll let Him see me. Will you join me?

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Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle. My devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 is all about seeking God from the cave! Check it out!

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