Daily Devotions for Caregivers

As I was going about my early morning routine of making coffee, bolusing and changing my son etc. I just felt heavy. Over the last few weeks I've been toying with the idea of getting rid of stuff... my house is so full. I do think this is a factor. I simply have too much to keep up with. As I walked through the apartment with one eye open (this is BC - before coffee), I thought of how I need to just go through and get rid of stuff. Lots of stuff. As I walked through my living room, my medal rack caught my eye and I though about how I carry as little as possible with me when I run. I strip down to shorts and a light t-shirt, put my phone in an arm band to keep my hands free, and wear a small runner's belt to hold my keys. I do not wear long pants even when it's cold. And if it is chilly out, I still wear as little as possible because I don't want anything  to weight me down. With a big sigh, I wondered if I got rid of stuff in my life that was weighing me down, c...

As usual, my mind kicked into high gear as soon as my alarm went off this  morning. I've got so much to do! On one hand, that's a good thing because I don't tend to push the snooze as many times when my mind starts running through today's to-do list before I get one eye open. On the other hand it's very tiring. I will freely admit I am an over-thinker. I either have hundreds of questions to ask before a statement is finished, or I've worked through 101 scenarios in my mind of what could occur, knowing most likely none of them will! I do the same thing with caregiving and daily life. As I'm going through my list of gotta do's today, and some get-to-do's too, I realize there really is a lot more than just caregiving on my plate. As I mentioned earlier this week, the aide quit so I've not had any help in the daily chore arena for about 2 weeks - and there's no aide in site. I never thought of myself as a juggler, just not that coordinate...

One of the things we face as caregivers is this deep sense of being alone. For me, sometimes it's not as bad; but I can even feel vastly alone even in a crowd. Our lives are just different and it causes gaps that can't always be made up just by being with others. The feeling can often come and go, but there are times where it feels like it just swallows me whole. Last night was one of those times. I really am not sure I have the words to adequately express what it feels like because it's a lot more than just feeling lonely. I feel totally alone in this world, on my own, and unlike everyone else. Even among caregivers our situations are so unique we can still feel alone. This was still on my mind when I woke up this morning and opened my Bible for morning devotions. I wasn't looking for anything in particular and my Bible opened at John 14 so I started reading this passage that has been a long time favorite. Firstly, I love Thomas, even though the church has given ...

You know how everyone talks about how they dread Mondays? I guess it's because they go "back" to work and have to change up from a more relaxed, weekend schedule. I'm finding though that for the caregiver, Mondays are not much different than other days. We don't get weekends off.  When Saturday and Sunday roll around, we still have the exact same things to do that have to be done other days of the week. Bathing, transferring, feeding, laundry - none of those stop on Saturday to wait until we are "ready" to go back to work  come Monday. But yesterday did become a little more complicated for me. The aide who hadn't been here in 2 weeks quit. Now that will  mess up your Monday especially if you had errands planned. This last minute change-up and lots of work to do for my jobs along with just all the general chores piled high on my plate early in the morning and tried to pull me in under a deluge of anxiety and crazy thoughts. I literally had so many...

I have to admit this morning that my emotions are all over the place. I'll spare you the details and just say there's a lot going on. We've discussed before that we are not exempt from the rest of life just because we are caregivers. So suffice it to say - I'm on overload....as usual. Yesterday as I started realizing how much was going on around me, my head started spinning with thoughts. I've admitted before I'm an over-thinker. Someone makes one statement and I've worked through 900 scenarios in my head that could possibly happen. Sometimes it's annoying. :-) So with lots and lots of different things making my head swirl, I heard my heart cry out to Him last night. In my mind I'm standing before Him with hands outstretched just waiting for some sort of answer. There's not really one answer that will make everything better and I think I just needed to be reminded that He hears my heart. I just needed to know it one more time. As caregive...

There are so many areas caregivers can struggle with. We can experience bouts with fear, discouragement, depression, frustration, weariness, loss and deal with what I've learned is a living grief. We may feel helpless, hopeless or alone. And for me I went through a period of time when my faith was totally redefined. On any given day we may have to work through any combination of emotions. And all of this is on top of what we have to do physically. I think it's safe to say we are busy - inside and out.  For me, my emotions can be churning around inside like a roller coaster while on the outside I'm working my full time job, doing laundry, prepping meals, or helping my son with some type of therapy. I'm out of breath just thinking about it! How do we slow down? How do caregivers find some sort of peace - inside or out? Is there even time for that? It's easy for someone on the outside to tell us we need to take a break. But rarely do they also offer to do anythin...

Today is one of those days where I woke up and my thoughts were running away with me. Seriously, my thoughts are all over the place. When I first got up, something someone said yesterday started running around in my head and it went mentally viral from there. I work for an SEO company - we work on websites. Its founder is a believer and a group of us meet online to pray for the company and all the employees. During that meeting yesterday, someone told me that God would restore   these years to me.   I know the guy meant well, but even as my heart can agree my head can't grasp that thought. My biggest question is How? I have become very familiar with the story of Job and everyone gets all excited at the end of the story about how God restored his fortunes (I had none of those before my story began! lol), and Job had 10 more kids! Yippee!! I'm not overlooking or lessening the work God did in Job's heart and I understand the story had a good ending. But Job didn't ...

Over the weekend, I spent most of my study time reading in Daniel. For this week, he's my favorite Bible character, and I continue to learn from reading about his faith in the midst of his life's trial. Like caregivers, his trial didn't miraculously go away one day; it was a lifelong journey. Actually, the 12 chapters this book contains cover a lifetime of over 70 years. Sometimes we tend to read through it in a matter of a few minutes without realizing the time element. 70 years he was in captivity. He lost his family, his country and his life to become the servant of a king. While there is the good side of things - we can't minimize the losses he went through. He was young when he was carried away to Babylon but we see him develop into a man of God in the midst of extreme circumstances. I literally lived in the ICU waiting room for 3 weeks before my son was moved to the floor of the hospital and during that time I prayed that whatever the outcome would be - I wo...

It seemed as though Philippians 2 was written just for me this morning even though Paul penned it years ago to Christians in very different circumstances. I found a few nuggets to think about today, and a couple of them stung just a bit. I ended up thinking about verse 1 a lot more than the others because these can be very real questions for the caregiver. The NLT reads Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? any fellowship together in the Spirit?  And Paul goes on to talk to the believers at Philippi asking them why they are not getting along. While my focus isn't on getting along with other believers, I did think about these questions as a caregiver. Obviously, believing in Him hasn't kept difficult times from visiting. Knowing Him didn't "protect" us from being caregivers, and it didn't keep us from having to face some very difficult situations in life. Just think about Job - his faith didn't protect him fro...

This morning my devotions led me to the gospel of John and I found myself reading through familiar chapters. I've always enjoyed 14-17, they are mostly Jesus' words and each verse seems to be so rich. But today I landed in chapter 15, verse 26. The New Living Translation interpreted it this way:  But I will send you the Counselor - the Spirit of Truth. He will come to you from the Father and will tell you all about me.  My Bible has a footnote on "Counselor" which elaborates a bit. It says: or Comforter, or Encourager, or Advocate, Greek Paraclete.  Today - this made my day! There are two things that stuck out to me, first of all that Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth which to me means when I embrace Him I embrace truth. I won't be looking for words that just make me feel good, half-truths or anything but  truth as I seek Him. The second thing is that there are so many interpretations of the Greek word, Paraclete.  Holy Spirit is sent to us, but He also...

Does it ever seem like you are just truckin' along and everything is going great when BAM! Seemingly, out of nowhere your thoughts start running away with you? Maybe it's just me, but that totally happened to me this morning. I got in my recliner, coffee in hand, Bible in lap, all ready to read a bit. I'm cruising through the Psalms and hit chapter 81.  In verse 11, God has noted that His people are not listening to Him. They stubbornly pursue their own desires.  And by 14 He says if they would  listen to Him - He would subdue their enemies. That's when my mind went nuts on me. My initial response was something like - so if I get myself together and really pursue God - really listen to Him He sill subdue MY enemy?  My greatest enemy in my thinking is a brain injury. Well, if God could "subdue" that - my life would be so much easier. And from there I got mad once again because I don't figure God's going to swoop in and take the TBI away. But as ...

As I was starting to organize my day and get my thoughts together this morning, my mind kept returning to a familiar scripture. Us church-kids memorized it as children and it serves as a constant reminder that He ain't done with us yet. Paul writes to the church at Philippi, And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.  (Philippians 1:6 NLT) I don't know about you, but I was pretty sure when that since I am a caregiver, He had given up on working on me. The day my son had the wreck I lost my life, my goals and my dreams - the ones I thought for sure He  had given me. Literally everything  in my life changed as I moved into the caregiver role. I thought for sure I was exempt from Kingdom responsibility and the basic requirements  laid out and understood by being a church kid. But I was wrong. As the life of caregiver leveled out and the emotions set...

Solomon was right when he penned, It's the little foxes that spoil the vine. As caregivers we have lots and lots of "big" things that make our days more difficult than "normal" people's. And honestly, most days I have finally learned how to have a handle on those. It took awhile to find a new "normal" and adjust to a lifestyle that is anything BUT normal. But we are caregivers - we assess, adjust, and advance - on a daily, hourly or minute by minute bases as needed. It's little things like this lady, who did have a handicap sticker by the way, who parked just a little bit too far in the loading area. It was just enough that I had to lift my son's chair up and over to get him on the lift. I may or may not have said a bad word or two while I was trying to decide what to do. I thought about waiting until she came back out so I could giver her a piece of my mind.  But I was afraid I might just punch her first. We were tired, ready to go h...

Over the weekend, I was looking at the lives of Joseph and Daniel two extraordinary men in the Bible. The two have a lot in common such as interpreting dreams, great wisdom from God, and they were both in captivity. I was writing down some notes on these two when I realized something different about the two of them. They both had to come to the place where they forgave. Daniel and Joseph were held captive against their wills. In Joseph's case, he had to forgive his brothers for betraying him first of all. Then he had to forgive Potiphar's wife for lying on him and putting him in prison for something he didn't do. He was kind of a double captive. Nonetheless, he had to come to a place to forgive. For me, I chose to forgive the young man driving the vehicle who caused the wreck that injured my son. At first it was easier really. Then over time it became difficult and was just a choice, but not a true action of my heart. I've had times I was angry with him. He got to...

This photo is from an obstacle race I did a couple years ago. It doesn't show it, but I had climbed up on a wall of hay bales. If you notice, I'm covered in mud because I'd just come through the deep, thick mud pit. Then I reached the very tall wall built solely out of large bales of hay. I climbed to the top and felt like I'd won even though I had a few feet left to go. Why did I feel so victorious? Because I had come through  lots of obstacles already. I knew I was nearing the end and was going to get a finisher's medal. At that point in time, I was a conqueror!  I had beat all the obstacles but just needed to walk across the finish line. What made me feel like a winner? I certainly wasn't, and never will be, the first person across the finish line. I was literally on top of the world  because of what I had just come through. This morning in my devotions, I stopped to think about a scripture I came across in Proverbs. The New Living Translation put cha...

This morning as I was trying to focus during my devotions and prayer, my head was going 900 miles per hour. That's not much of an exaggeration, either. I was running through my mental list of all I have to get done as well as the roadblocks I know of, like not getting all of my son's supplies this month and tying to figure out when and how to go make those purchases. As caregivers, we already have so much on our plate on any given day and these seemingly "little" problems can be huge. So my mind is going over finances and our schedule to see how to fit these additional items in, plus having to figure out how to work with less time available for the afternoon.. My mind was racing through all these tasks and chores when I heard myself heave a huge sigh. I felt so overwhelmed. Of course I'm overwhelmed, I'm a caregiver, lol! It's not imagined - there really is a lot going on and there are no easy tasks. Lately I've found I go to bed tired - and wake...

I was studying this morning in preparation for some online Bible courses I'm starting to write and I found myself in Jeremiah 2 and this part of the second verse jumped off the page and into my heart. God is speaking to His people and says: I remember.....your following after Me in the wilderness, through a land not sown. Now most of us did not plan as a child to grow up and be a caregiver. It's a strange land for most of us when we find ourselves there.It's an unknown land and we didn't spend time directly cultivating the skills we would need. I mean really, who knew we would need to know how to do some of these things? Not only did we not really plan  on being a caregiver in most instances, it can be a lonely and dry place. We eventually find a new normal and learn to function and work with what we have; but loneliness and social isolation are definitely areas we find ourselves having to deal with. It can be a real-life wilderness. And that's why this verse ...

There are many aspects to caregiving and some of them are beautiful like having the opportunity to love a person beyond what they can "give back." Another touching point is being able to offer such intimate, loving care. I tell my son that I am grateful I get to take care of him - I'm glad he's mine. But as we all know, it is a tough job and we can face frustrating circumstances every single day. They can range from dealing with medical professionals who are not listening to us, aides that do not show up or don't do their jobs, to supplies that do not come on time and even the fact that at times our loved ones don't respond in the way we wish they would. On those types of days or during those types of hours, it's easy to wonder what's the point?  I'm not pondering the point of caregiving as much as the point of our faith. This question was answered for me this morning as I opened my Bible to the first chapter of 1 Peter where actually, he is ...

One thing common to caregivers is the feeling of alone-ness. For me, it's somewhat different than just feeling lonely. It's more intense, more enduring and the social isolation can chip away until it feels like there's nothing left. This morning I opened my Bible to see what I could find that might fix the draining feelings of being alone, My mind went first to Hebrews 13:5 where the writer is reminding the readers that God promised to never leave or forsake  us. But since I always like to read verses in their context, I backed up a few verses and my attention focused on verse 3. Verse 3 instructs the reader to remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them;  and the verse ends up telling them the "why" behind the instruction -   you yourselves also are in the body. It struck me as rather odd that the writer of Hebrews was having to remind the body of Christ that they were to visit the prisoners. I found it odd because they were in the midst of great gr...

My devotions this morning ended up in 2 Thessalonians 3:3. This verse starts with a basic truth stated very simply: The Lord is faithful. Just that statement took my mind to 2 Timothy 2:13 that says this: If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. I cannot say I have always been "faithful" on this caregiving journey. It has a way at chipping away at the false definitions of faith that are fostered by some of today's erroneous teachings. I can say my faith has been completely redefined. But on the CG journey I have felt like I lost faith. I've cussed, ranted and raved about things I have not liked on this journey. I've felt like God wasn't there. Many a night I've stood in my son's room, or in the hallway in the wee hours of the morning and looked toward the heavens and cried out, where are You now? I need you here!  as I tried to get my son's fever to break or was contemplating a midnight run to the ER. But when t...

Yesterday after I wrote the devotion, I couldn't shake Job from my mind. I kept thinking about the last few verses of the book and how quickly it smoothed his "life" over with what seems to be a he lived happily ever after. God restored Job's health and wealth and he went on to have more children. I thought about that for awhile. Just because he had 10 more kids doesn't mean he didn't miss his first set of kids. These 10 didn't make up  for the loss of his first children. He had still raised them and loved them and his memories of them were still in tact. On my caregiving journey I have good days and bad days. I have pictures of my son BC (before crash). Some days when I see them, they tear at my heart. I remember how he was and see him as he is. Other days, I enjoy the memories we made and honestly wouldn't trade for having had the opportunity to make them. Most days I miss him too much to express with words. Even though it's different now -...

I've always been intrigued by the story of Job in the Bible. When I was younger I didn't really get  it; but as life unfolded it made more sense. And even though I would never even try to compare my situation to the hardship Job endured, I feel like in a small way I can relate to some of Job's experience. I have been known to look at people with open mouth and a blank stare when they compare themselves to Job and all they have is something like a broken fingernail or a flat tire. Ever hear one of those stories? Their car broke down or something and they are claiming they understand Job. And I'm like, really? I'd have to say a caregiver's life is not nearly on the scale of what Job went through but it does help bring some understanding. Sadly, I'll never  be able to say I didn't "sin with my mouth" during my journey of faith, but I can say I've always come back around to trusting God. Maybe that's the important part.... Here's ...

I like organization. But I'm beginning to think caregiving and organization are distinctly opposed to one another. No matter how much I try to organize or make a schedule to try and keep up - the further behind it seems I get. Playing "catch-up" is a daily game - and I keep losing, or so it seems. Don't get me wrong - I am SO thankful for my jobs and being able to take care of my son. It's just that it seems like I put off the thing I feel is the most important to me. God. It's not like I don't want to spend time with Him, it's just that when I get up at 5 each morning I make my coffee (real priorities here!) and bolus and change Chris. By the time I get set down to drink my first cup, there's tons of things in the forefront of my mind needing to be done, NOW! And so it begins - the circus I call a morning. The aide comes, there's errands to run. Every time I turn around it's time to feed Chris, which means pureeing another meal; or c...

This morning my devotions led me to Psalm 104. It's been a long time favorite of mine so I read through it slowly and tried to let some of it just sink in. I'm a huge nature buff - or at least was BC (before caregiving) so I love the description of nature and creation. My mind really gets going when I go through all the different ways He provides for animals - and for us. One of my favorite verses is 19, the New Living says this: You made the moon to mark the seasons and the sun knows when to set.  The sun never reaches high noon and then forgets which way to go! The things He set in order - are still working perfectly today. As a caregiver, sometimes remembering these seemingly little things helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Change is a big part of the world, of nature, of caregiving. But it's not always those things that change that bothers us - it's the things that don't.  For the most part our day-to-days don't change a lot; it's always chaotic....

As a caregiver, emotions can be all over the place. I find that one second I'm feeling okay about everything, I have a positive outlook and I am ready to take on the world. The next second for no apparent reason, I'm upset, mad at the world and ready to call it quits. On everything. One second I'm in love with God and so thankful that He continues to strengthen me to do what I need to do; the next second I'm angry with Him for letting this happen. This can all be in a matter of a few minutes, or seconds depending on the day. But you know what? None of that scares God off. As to this date, He has never thrown up His hands, said I can't deal with this anymore  and walked away. People have told me that "not everyone can handle a large dose of you." Seriously - I was told that, by my mentor. Add things like that to living a life so totally different from the rest of the world  and it's easy to have an identity crisis. One thing that caregivers have t...

In my devotions yesterday I talked about purposefully looking for a way that nature displays His glory. Well, I didn't actually get out of the house as is common for me. Between caregiving and job responsibilities who has time to get out? But I did discover something about God through nature. I was watching some videos for my classes to be come a health coach and the speaker said something about the sun. He said something to the effect of "the sun doesn't stop shining if the flower doesn't respond by opening up." That's all my high-speed mind needed to run away. I took that thought and meditated on it for some time yesterday. The sun doesn't get upset if plants don't respond by growing, blooming or bearing fruit. Day after day the sun "comes up" and does its job; but it can't make  the plants respond. I have shared openly about my anger with God when my son became injured. I didn't (and still don't) understand how God could ...

If you know me at all whether in real  life or through writing or Facebook, you know I'm an over-thinker. My mind races at 90+ miles per hour and I'm not even sure it slows down when my body sleeps. As a caregiver, this can be beneficial in that I will pursue something until I find an answer - or something that will work. Others have found it real annoying - but there's no "off" switch; or I haven't found one yet. So this morning as soon as my feet hit the floor my mind takes off with all the things I have to accomplish today. I let my son rest some over the weekend and today is back to our regular schedule of therapy and work. Thus, the 100 mile an hour race going on in my head when my alarm went off at 5 this morning. Lately, it's been racing so much when my alarm goes off I'm off to the races and there isn't as much "snoozing" as there used to be... leads to a more productive day ultimately; but also an extra afternoon nap when pos...